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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?      Home login  
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 276
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?Page 12 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
In the relationship I had, we always kissed good morning, good bye, hello, and good night.............with hugs, too............It wasn't that earth shattering romance of my younger years but there was still romance............
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 277
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/13/2011 9:01:37 PM


It seems to me that you are confusing the work place with the social/dating world. In the workplace, women are equals, to be treated with whatever respect they earn. In the social / dating world, women are still “objects to be won”. When I see an attractive woman, I desire her. Period. I want to get close to her, to see her up close, to smell her, to touch her, to feel her, to taste her. In other words, intimacy. That is the desired objective. And that attractive woman has complete control over who gets to be intimate with her. If she is truly attractive, there are many other men competing with me for that intimacy. So I have to “win her over”, and that does involve things like romance, courtship, chivalry, and more.

I disagree, ohenryx - but it's an honest disagreement.

I'm not sure any modern woman would agree to be objectified; disregarding the sexual economics of supply-and-demand, the lovely Ms. Higby in accounting is still Ms. Higby at the local bistro during her off-time. I don't think she puts her capabilities and intelligence in the closet when she pulls out that little black dress.

Ms. Higby cannot be - or, rather, in my opinion, should not be - an intelligent, rational and capable woman from 9-5 and a hot piece of tail from happy hour on till dawn. I don't see using the trappings of chivalry as a lure to intimacy as "courtship" in the traditional sense, as long as the whole of the woman is being parsed out according to the time of day.

Now, granted I'm overly intellectual; but at nearly 50, I've been around the block the scenic route, and experienced the pitfalls of relationships with both youth and beauty. And, although your explanation about the attractive woman who is truly attractive who is attractive enough to decide who will be intimate with her makes sense, it doesn't allow the woman to be any more than attractive and the goal to any more than intimate.

Which is kinda anti-chivalrous, to my way of thinking.
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 278
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/14/2011 1:49:45 PM
Not posted on here before but I've been on dating sites on and off for the last 11 years and I think sometimes the very nature of internet dating causes romance and courtship to fly out the window. Because you are removed from the person sending you emails, it gives people license to be rude - either ignoring emails or (and I've had this before) people telling you that you are too overweight to be in touch with them. It costs nothing to be polite and just send a nice "no thank you".

The other thing I've noticed is that the profiles a lot of men put on this site are very brief, no photos (or even worse a photo taken by themselves where they look very scary) and what they do write has no punctuation, causing it to not make sense. What does that say about the amount of effort you want to put into finding someone. If you can't present yourself nicely on here would you turn up to a first date in scruffy jeans? It's about respect.

I am also never sure whether to contact someone if they add me to their favourites - why don't they just get in touch and ask how you are doing?

Totally confused!
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 279
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/14/2011 7:32:08 PM
i hear you harley kat. i have been divorced for 25 years & i will not marry just to marry & divorce....
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 280
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/18/2011 5:10:02 AM
I have found that in todays world.... its a lost passion.

I personally love to be romanced and to spark a fire under my man. The want is almost as hot as the get in my book.

One thing for me - I recently met a man I could spend the rest of my waking days with ....
and I lept and said "I love you" first. I dont care if I have only known him 3 months - I said how I feel, because life is short...and you just never know if tomorrow will never come.
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 281
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/21/2011 11:29:05 PM
Yes romance seems to be dead and what is with the friends with benefits thing? A girl is a fool to be used that way I feel. People text make ups and break ups on their mobile phones and even at school they are giving blow jobs to be popular, down behind the toilets ughhh.. That is not seen as "real sex"". THe swearing is prolific amongst girls as well and it is most unattractive in my view. It is bad enough when the boys do it.
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 282
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/22/2011 12:18:02 PM
'The Good 'ol Days!!'
When a lady was a Lady...and people could actually Spell the word 'Gentleman'...!!
Now, it's
B!t@#-this and $l^t-that..
Guys want 'FWB' relationships, and women are looking for 'Bad-boys'....
then wonder why they need 4 trips to the Dentist per year..!!
But...there Are a few of us 'romantic-types' left...
Often given labels like 'Geek' or 'Nerd' but Gentlemen, nonetheless..!!

Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 283
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/22/2011 12:38:16 PM

I think sometimes the very nature of internet dating causes romance and courtship to fly out the window.
Agree. Looking back a bit on the past, when did courtship and romance fade from our lives, or is it just a myth that it ever really existed? I think after WWII the world changed a lot and divorce became more prevalent. By the 60's, many people were putting off marriage until they were older, late 20's or so. Thus there were a lot of divorcees and singles looking to date. Along came the single's bar. A meat market for sure. Went to one or two once or twice and hated it. Then there was the personal ads in newspapers. I guess that worked for some people. I know one person who met her husband that way and another who met someone with whom she had a 10 year exclusive relationship. So, it did work for some. Then internet dating came along. I think all of these things -- high divorce rate, singles bars, personal ads and online dating -- all of these things have helped to change the idea of courtship, to make people see it as old fashioned. Also, it has been affected by women having a different role in modern life, making their own money, etc., and men thinking they shouldn't have to spend their money wining and dining a woman. Buying flowers and candy.

I just think we need a different perspective on what courtship is. I think it should be both people courting each other and it should not end with the beginning of a committed relationship or marriage. I think courtship should be about being romantic and nurturing love, both people doing loving, thoughtful things for each other. And it doesn't have to cost a lot of money or even any money, depending on what the gesture is.

But I do think we have an untrue, nostalgic idea about courtship. I don't think it was all that prevalent as we tend to think it was.
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 284
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/22/2011 5:22:57 PM
VV, I agree. Methods of meeting singles has changed drastically and become more 'targeted' -- 'meat markets' and dating sites like this that are basically online stores where you can browse and read about the merchandise on display.

Especially in small towns, there usually are no dances or other social gatherings at which to meet and strike up a conversation, get to know folks and observe how they behave around others , etc. We so need that sort of outlet to come back in style, along with the habit of introducing one's single friends to others you know.

Basically, once we leave high school or post-secondary institutions, our access to dating venues drops off dramatically. And when you are middle-aged or older ... um, good luck! It can happen, but so can winning the lottery.

Romance and courtship, though? I can't comment on the experience among the younger set, but I suspect the following holds true more often than not with those in their 50's or older: Even the good ones probably feel they have 'outgrown' those starry-eyed, breathless, heart-on-the-sleeve feelings that would fuel romantic enactments. Courtship would probably be going for walks and out to dinner a few times and then taking the most direct route to the bedroom. I think it's more a matter of 'been there, done that, it's gotten old and so have I', and warm embers having replaced the fire within.

There are bound to be exceptions, but I've had a few 'meet-and-greets' after e-mailing or speaking on the phone a bit. In person, each fellow seemed sluggish or half-asleep even before either of us spoke. If there is no Prince Charming waiting for me, at least I don't want to end up with a Prince Valium.

And romance? Think I'll check that on Wikipedia (grin).
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 285
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/23/2011 12:44:39 PM
I'm with you Desert Wildflower. I'm about finished too. Finding that sweet, old fashioned man who stands on morals and treating a lady like a lady is getting to be almost impossible. I've been on 2 dates out of a dozen where the guys weren't just after the holy grail. I want to get to know someone and feel a spark from the heart, spend a little time finding out what makes his heart tick. Why can't we sit down together and get to know each other on that first "meeting". Why does it always seem to evolve into what HE wants in the sex department. Then when you tell them you want more from the relationship than just lust and want to get to know them first, they disappear into thin air. Sex is wonderful, don't get me wrong. I love sex.....ALOT! But why so fast? Is it that guys of my age are so desperate for a relationship (someone to take care of them, maybe) that they can't take the time to court me? I recently heard to be wary of the nurse/purse theory. If they are in a hurry it's because they want a "nurse" or what's in your "purse"! Is that true? God, I hope we have some guys out there that are genuinely looking for TRUE love and want to invest a little time in getting to know a girl that strikes their fancy before jumping their bones! My theory is heart/smart! My guy must have a "heart" and be able to show it to me through his conversation and caring attitude and be "smart" enough to know that the way to a LADY's heart isn't by sexual advances on the first date. Get a clue, guys! Where are all the gentlemen?
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 286
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/23/2011 1:49:59 PM
Probably a worthless addition, but let me throw something in here...

A while back in this thread, I was talking about social contracts. Not too long afterwards, I found myself amazed, bemused and astounded. This crusty old galoot was shining up his armor because he was caught off guard by the oldest coy ploy in the books:

The old "16 Going on 17" Gambit. You know the song...

"Totally unprepared am I
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared am I
Of things beyond my ken..."

Flinty, jaded and cynical, and I started to swallow it hook, line, and sinker.

After a friend shook me to my senses, I realized that it was still a Brilliant Play. It was an offer to waltz.

I bow to no one, ever... except to a woman curtseys to me. That's strange, abstract little sentence, but try to understand it.

In a world of mixed signals and unequal equals, I am absolutely LOATHE to jump through hoops for women who are looking to "hold the power." They have no power over me, and I'll set my heels like a Missouri mule. When the message is more ambiguous, I stay ambiguous; I see no need to give what I am not given, but a partnership is possible. But a woman that defers? Then, at least to me, romance and courtship are in the air. Opening doors? Walking on the streetside of the pavement? Flowers and notes?As natural as breathing in a dance where a man's role (IN THE DANCE) and a woman's role (IN THE DANCE) are defined so traditionally that there is no need for analysis of roles, moment to moment. Like a waltz, the steps are timeless, and in tandem a couple is swept up.

That being said, in retrospect it scared the hell out of me. ~grin~ I thought I had rusted that aspect of myself solid years ago. It turns out, all it was waiting for was an invitation to dance again.
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 287
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/23/2011 2:43:45 PM
^^I think we're all hoping/waiting for that invitation to dance again, even subliminally.
That sniff in the air works even on the most emotionally dead. Even ancient old crones and warlocks can still smell it and rise to the occasion..
And, if this is the case, then romance and courtship will never die. They are just waiting for the right opportunity.
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 288
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/25/2011 12:29:15 PM
I agree, if no romance then why am I here? I too am looking for romance, not instant gradification.
Joined: 6/16/2010
Msg: 289
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/26/2011 3:59:08 AM
Romance is not dead in me. I carry it along....patiently waiting to be unleashed. It's why I set sex on the back burner.... I want to know who the woman really is. My parents were married 56 thier 70's we had a pic of my mom on my dads could not miss the look in thier eyes..... :) Told my ex before I asked her to marry me....take a good look at that better be sure because that is what I want.... nothing less.
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 290
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 9/20/2011 4:42:49 PM
Yes the language and the smoking lol! THe girls giving bjs on a casual basis not to mention sex on a first date........ No wonder romance is!! Is it a bi product of equal rights and liberations... I dont know.
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 291
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 9/20/2011 4:45:50 PM
Good on you. If you feel the love then express it for sure. You may not get a response but you at least are being honest and forthright.
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 292
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 9/20/2011 4:49:12 PM
Men are men and carnal. Naturally they all want to bonk a truly attractive woman, that is how it has power and always is the manifestation of healthy genes made for breeding at the animal instinctive level. Mind you alcohol can skew perceptions and many a person has been laid under those conditions that normally would not be............
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 293
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 9/20/2011 4:51:50 PM
You are not looking for old fashioned romance on here are you...olo!
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 294
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 9/20/2011 6:19:34 PM
Well, I don't know if romance and courtship is stone-cold dead, but it's certainly evolved into a new life form! I know men and women who have and want what those old movies hinted at; I also know men and women who hook up for the physical aspects only. It's what makes the world turn 'round, I suppose. I'm still an old-school person, I suppose ... still have trouble even with texting - and just to throw a ringer in, that's how my neice's boyfriend of over a year broke it off with her one Thanksgiving. Just sent her a text message that he didn't think they were 'compatible.' Lovely, hmm? (And just made for such a HAPPY Thanksgiving dinner.)
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 295
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 9/20/2011 7:19:33 PM
My son is living proof it's not dead yet. he's 37, has two childrenfrom live in relationships, and survived a very short, very bad marriage. he finally learned. i won't say he's the most romantic guy out there, but for the pst 6 weeks he's been dating a nice woman. just dting her. no sex yet, just actually getting to know each other. I won't say he wouldn't take her up on it if she offered, but for now he's content to take things more slowly than he used to. maybe he has figured out that if you want a woman who is like a fine H avana, you don't treat her like a cheap cigarette.
Joined: 9/25/2009
Msg: 296
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 10/13/2011 4:37:15 PM
I agree, it is absolutely ridiculous the language girls use today. There is no respect for themselves or others..I recently started dating again after 6 years. The person I am dating is very romantic and old fashioned. They are also 15 years older then me, and I love everyday.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 297
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 10/13/2011 9:06:54 PM
I don't think romance is dead but sex is saturating our society and can over shadow the opportunity for romance to blossom.
Joined: 7/28/2011
Msg: 298
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 10/13/2011 9:21:24 PM

I don't think romance is dead but sex is saturating our society and can over shadow the opportunity for romance to blossom.

^^^THAT is perfectly stated
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 299
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 10/13/2011 11:37:10 PM
It was some uptight, humorless, man haters unencumbered by the thought process who killed off courtship. I remember them sporting man doos with pale faces and leftist blatherings emanating from their cake holes. Fortunately most of them left on their brooms.
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 300
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 10/18/2011 4:02:25 PM
I like practicing romance and I really believe a lot of men do too but I firmly feel that it ( the romantic gesture) has to recieved openly. So if one gives overtures of appreciation to another it can be easily forgotten or completely dismissed by someone that can't recieve a kind act from someone they want to get away from
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