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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 26
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?Page 2 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
Do you know there's women that get offended if you open the door for them? I've been yelled at by random women just for opening a door without saying a word.

...I don't


They get offended if you insist on paying, they get offended if you want to take any sort-of male lead at all,


...I don't, it happens so seldom in my world, I'll gladly let him take the lead for a change...and as for paying...if you insist, okay, if not.....lets flip a coin.


they get offended at things that I have no idea why they're offensive!


...Believe me, you'll know if I'm offended haha


What used to be very easy (I pay, I drive, I open the doors, etc etc) has become a mindgame aimed at us by certain females with every little action we do being scrutinized.


...By the sounds of it you've been meeting the wrong females.... I love it when they behave in a cavaliar manner, it makes me feel special.


...maeflowers
 navywave
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 27
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 1:19:50 PM
I've been wondering about that myself. They are out there. But hard to find.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 28
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:50:38 PM
For myself? I love it when a man holds the door for me to get in his car. I in turn, open his door. I think it is totally romatic should a man do things like that. I don't expect it but am totally surprised when it is done for me. Never in a million years would I ever, ever yell or pass comment on a man who treated me that way. And I simply can't understand ladies that get their knickers in a twist. Gotta wonder wth???
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 29
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 9:30:12 PM
is it possible to curse every now and then and still have romance? because i'm from brooklyn and i'm also a romantic. if the answer is no, then i am truly doomed. but i am also stubborn. i want romance, intellectual and emotional and spiritual connection, and i want passion and love. i guess i'm either greedy or a "hopeless romantic" or maybe just getting stupider with old age. but i am not giving up.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 30
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 10:35:24 PM

And you're in Canada so a lot of good that does



... Sorry bout that.


i want romance, intellectual and emotional and spiritual connection, and i want passion and love. i guess i'm either greedy or a "hopeless romantic" or maybe just getting stupider with old age. but i am not giving up


..Your not alone, I'm a hopeless romantic too, I want it all ....or is this what fairytales are made of?


...maeflowers
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 31
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 11:05:18 PM
People "date" for different reasons. The most common is to find "romantic love", which, really, is all about sexual attraction. Back in the old days, there was a different paradigm, where women "held out" for marriage, being more or less "powerless" in the market place.

With the advent of the pill, and equality of the sexes in the work place, that paradigm began to change. The "old paradigm" could only be "enforced" because most "decent" women wouldn't easily engage in sex.

In our present day and age, divorce is the norm, as is material independence. Most women are in touch with their sexuality, and with the prevalence of birth control, there's no need to be abstinent for practical reasons. As a result, sexuality is an expectation for both men and women as a normal part of dating.

The "romantic courtship" that you miss, where sexuality is withheld until it's "earned" is something that was based on an old paradigm that no longer exists. Romance now, for many people, is a celebration of cherishing one's lover, rather than trying to "earn" one's way into her pants. I think romance in the current era is more sincere, more real, and less manipulative.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Where on Earth did you come up with all that? Ok, for you maybe. But please only speak for your own personal fetish or unusual relationshps. Is there some reason a woman can't be in touch with her sexuality and meet a cool dude who knows how to start a relationship? Not some oddball who's main goal is sex sex sex? But maybe a guy who really wants a RELATIONSHIP, no I don't mean "a friend". Or maybe plan B is the ladies meet a real swinging bachelor, with private plane, house on the beach, season tickets, Cologne 10#, and an anti-spy car he races with James Bond! If settling down isn't her immediate goal, since she probably has kids at our age. But wouldn't it be cool if your mom was dating James Bond or SpiderMan?

I think the OP merely wants to know why today can't a guy flirt a little, introduce himself properly, ask her to dance or meet for lunch, get her phone number, arrange to meet on Friday nite at 6:30, go to dinner, get really drunk, and then screw her when she's passed out like we used to do.
 countrymanisgentle
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 32
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/21/2008 1:18:24 PM
Hey etj!! What a well thought out, worded, and so well put comment!!! You are such a sweetie! Here is a hug for you!

I am at times still mystified if that is the proper term to use in refering what it is or is "supposed" to be when reading, writing, and following the etiquette rules for this modern day dating dilema!

From my personal experiences and from discussions with friends and former co-workers (both male AND female) it would seem a male cannot keep from falling through the proverbial potholes of trying to be, do, and accomplish all that he feels is expected of him and from him when on a date with a prospective female.

I agree totally with Wayward: If a man meets and greets her with a nice smile and a simple handshake he is being way too forward and might be considered a little "quick to the punch". He meets a different female and decides to just smile without the handshake, he can be accused of being too unfriendly and aloof.

If he opens the car door/restaurant door for her he can be misread as " I don't need a male to do that for me, I can do it for myself". If he does not open the door for another he can be construed as being ungentlemanly or disrespectful.

In the conversation at the table, if he is very honest and open and answers all of her questions freely he can be ascertained as relating too much information too soon and this is a big turn off for her. On the other hand, if he holds back somewhat, trying to ascertain and judge what he thinks IS "too much info. for her too soon", that she might reject him for it, he gets rejected anyway because she labels him as being too uptight and not letting the conversation flow freely. He is labeled as "unfriendly and cool".

If when the server brings the check he casually says " how 'bout it being on me" as a gentlemanly gesture, he is thought of as "I wonder what he is after and what he thinks he expects of me or what I should "do" for him for paying for my share"? The other side of the coin, with someone else, if he doesn't offer to cover it all or at least pay for his share, he is thought of as a cheapskate, a moocher, and a user!

Why can't ALL, MALES AND FEMALES alike just live and let live like the dating scene used to be for a hundred years, where each person was just simply brutally honest and open with each other in all regards and aspects of the dating realm?

If he wants to be a gentleman and open the door, let him! And think nothing of it other than that he is trying to be nice and a gentleman!

If one or the other person asks a question let them answer it, giving them all the time they need to gather their thoughts for an honest and effective answer! You asked the dang question hopefully because you have qualities of honesty and sincereity and truthfully you wanted to really know the answer to learn about them.

Let him or her do that and don't jump the gun, blame, offend, or abruptly get up and walk out leaving them sitting there like a fool!! Just take it for what it is: a little piece of someone's life history that YOU NEED TO KNOW whether it is good or bad.

You are there to LEARN about each other to see and ascertain if either one of you is interested in taking it further for a date the next time IF you two should decide to meet again. Period. How can you clearly and honestly make that judgement if you don't exercise a little patience to hear them out???

If ALL would apply these very few, very simple dating etiquette "rules" if you will,
the dating scene would be much, much more of a dating and courtship concept or idea and would be far, far less complicated!
 Tinkerbell201
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 33
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/21/2008 8:10:45 PM
This might be off topic, but in reading this thread (and others), it seems to me that the online dating experience has been demoralizing for many. I am so sorry so many people have been through that experience. Makes me regret not pursuing a certain business idea I had 10+ years ago, it sure seems folks need an alternative, along with some refresher training on how to respect one another in the dating process. Maybe in my retirement years I'll revisit that idea should there still be so many wounded wings needing mending. But, for now I have a dream job and am quite content.
 Tinkerbell201
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 34
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:02:23 PM
One thing to add. I think romance/courtship is still out there, just not with this crowd. lol . My Mom has been keeping me informed on a blossoming romance between my uncle 76, a widower, and a widow (same age range). They are both from the same small village, and have been doing the courtship dance for over a year now. They have still not been intimate, but, he is going to her house nearly every night for supper, they are going out to functions together. He has told her he loves her. What they both enjoy is each others companionship. My uncle is not a complicated fellow, not wealthy or well educated, but he is smitten and charming with her. And she too is smitten. It is quite sweet.

My grandmother after my grandad died, met a man in the seniors apartment complex where they lived, she was 83 when she met him and they had a lovely love affair. She loved their drives together, their meals out, and in return he enjoyed the meals she prepared for him (similar scenario to above). They had a short but special love, they glowed when in each other company.

A good friend of mine (in her early 40s), met a guy when she was living in another country, they had only dated for 3 months b4 she returned to Canada, they maintained the long distance love affair for a year, she took a year off work and went to live with him, they are now engaged and will marry within weeks. He was a perfect gentlemen, courted her, dinners and nice wine, etc. Sure once they were a couple it was an equal set-up, and they both are successful professionals. So, long story short, romance/courtship is still alive and well so don't let all the nay-sayers and killjoys get ya' down.
 MelloDLyn
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 35
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/21/2008 10:10:32 PM
I don't know! I can't seem to find it! That is what I'm about! That is what turns me on! I would rather spend my life alone if I can't have it.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 36
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:56:18 AM
..Romance and courtship is happening all over the globe....according to viagara sales anyhow...its up 20 percent from last year.


...maeflowers
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 37
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/23/2008 11:20:25 AM

according to viagara sales anyhow...its up 20 percent from last year


After viagra only up an additional 20 percent!!!

All those commercials must be completely misleading if you only get up 20 percent more often. If you can only get it up once a month, all that trouble and expense would deliver only another 2 days or excitement per YEAR!! Hardly worth event waling down to the pharmacy for that!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 38
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/24/2008 5:52:20 PM

After viagra only up an additional 20 percent!!!

All those commercials must be completely misleading if you only get up 20 percent more often. If you can only get it up once a month, all that trouble and expense would deliver only another 2 days or excitement per YEAR!! Hardly worth event waling down to the pharmacy for that!


...cough, cough....2 days a year....well thats a little more often than some of us are getting....now I'm just saying.

...maeflowers
 countrymanisgentle
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 39
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/25/2008 2:40:20 PM
Many of the previous comments have made good sense and are pretty much true and practical. I know that before WW ll and after that it is true "most" all women were homemakers. Did some work a day to day job outside the home? Yes. But the percentage of them from about 1980 or so on back through all history was a homemaker. The man worked a "job", the wife worked her "job" of taking care of the kids and the home. That's just simply the way it was.

Romance and Courtship HAS DIED OUT all but except a little flicker of a flame!

When a decent, kind, caring, male makes the effort to contact, IM, email, phone, meet her and all he gets is the run-around from her, it's dead!

She agreed to this, she agreed to that, no one twisted her arm, she WANTED to do it. Or at least that's what she told him in communication.

Then when he expects the call she PROMISED, it never comes.

She PROMISED to email, again nothing. She agrees to a meet on the phone, and she tells him if all goes well, we'll continue the meet into A DATE. They meet, everything seems fine, and then out of the blue he gets the, " well, we're not a match, I have to cancel, you sure are nice, perhaps maybe another time, gotta go"!

So I pose the question: How is it romance and courtship is alive and well, when SO MANY FEMALES.......................KILL IT before it has a chance to go from a flicker to a flame, IF in fact it may or may not develop into that?

And YES, the PERCENTAGE of women doing this is EXTREMELY HIGH! From all the comments on POF forums from the men and from my own personal experiences,
it is at least 90 to 95%, if not higher.

YOU try it and get the response/results FROM FEMALES that they have given me.

You too will declare that it is all but dead!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 40
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/25/2008 6:14:24 PM
Because we make as much as they do these days. So why on earth would they spring for a cup of coffee? It's sad. I was romanced more as a teenager and back then minimum wage was $2.10/hr So the money obviously was not the issue.
I really do not get it.
 wishfulthinkn
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 41
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 2:53:24 AM
the other day i was reading about hybrid cars and followed a link where the author explained how much more choice we have today in cars, hundreds versus maybe 50 in the past thirty years.

maybe its the same thing with people, that we've created a culture that allows people to be more diverse than ever before, and when you get that you're bound to get more variety at both ends of the scale. and the lower end is a lot less demanding of self-discipline and restraint and might attract more folks than the opposite end.

i think one of the things we have to guard against as we age is comparing our past with the now. likely it's a losing battle.

but it does make finding people who appeal to us more of a challenge in such a mixed bag of "types". seems to me we can only set our own standards, hope that they are flexible enough to include good people, and go from there.
 virgogidget
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 42
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 4:01:28 AM
GPB 1953
I agree with every word you wrote.
I couldnt of said it any better
 mustconvert
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 43
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:12:30 AM
Romance and courtship is all what you make it. I make the guy work for the cookies( ie pie) and it takes a long time to get to the tootsie roll center. I expect my hand to be held when I go for a walk a door to be opened but I also do the things for him like looking great the minute I get up in the morning so the first thing he sees is me looking great. I tickle his back or his hair while he watches tv, I get him is food or drinks when he wants them. I expect him to bring me home my favorite treat every now and then. thats the give and take of love and romance.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 44
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:29:18 AM
I agree with the OP.
Especially in this day and age where we meet strangers online, and we go some distances to meet them without knowing their backgrounds, their families, etc.,

Taking it very slow - is preferable.

I swear admittedly like a sailor, I am also a very well educated, professional woman...but you're correct in the relaxing of how lady and a gentleman behaves.

I'm not certain my new daughter-in-law owns a bra. In the 3 years I have known her - I have yet to see her wearing one....!

Times change.
And yet...they don't.
 Nao_Namorado
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 45
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:50:15 AM
It went the way of "Equality", driven down the road to perdition by Feminist coach-drivers, going bat-outta-hell crazy to get wherever the hell they wanted that stagecoach to go.

It's madness. So y'all will have to deal with "civility" instead of a batting eyelashes at a guy who practices a set of standards originally established to regulate how knights treated each other and the fiefs they dealt with on occasion.
 Tai1
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 46
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 10:16:11 AM
Old fashion dating and romance will continue to be a victim of the electronic lifestyle if we allow it. So we should not let it by ticking to some of the old ways and find, pursue romance as we used to do
 PurpleCrayon~
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 47
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 2:40:15 PM
The old fashioned Romance and Chivalry is still very much alive and well! I know for sure. And, found right here via PoF!

Just have patience and it is literally true...when one least expects it... there it comes to be!!
 countrymanisgentle
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 48
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:25:03 PM
Well, I've got a news flash for ANY female that thinks I am going to foot the bill for a meet, a date, or a whatever if she is NOT my girl and mine only!!! I've had all the many years of the meets and NO truthfulness that I want! And all the females use me for so many things, like cards, flowers, candy, dinners, gifts, parties, vacations, and the like, that I've got a belly full!!!

You as the female would not "shell out" money for me, a FREE $30.00 dinner with all the expensive wines and this just for a meet ( a meet is just that a MEET, NOT a date) and this just on a whim: no promises made, no giving their word that they will ever see you again, OR even CALL you again; no agreements to go on a real "date".

On the point that males are accused of wanting sex by the third date or else. ( I have read postings on this sooooo many times by the women). And maybe that is true, BUT NOT BY ME! NEVER! NOT EVEN ONCE!

I'll relate what I have been shown and told by females. They are on POF one or two days and already are "seeing" someone. One or Two days! Try to IM or send them an email and IF it gets answered they say "I have already met someone and we are exclusive". They get very offended if you mention that "hey, I emailed you, wondered if you would be interested in talking and getting to know one another. I am here ".

Can't tell everyone how many times I have been told "well, I just met him and I am going to see where it goes". But they just became a member. They are brand new.

Dang, they work fast! I see no need for men to get ragged at when many, many women are doing the very same thing on such a large scale.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 49
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 11:41:26 AM
OMG you guys! I simply cannot believe a lot of the garbage I have read in this thread! If this is any guideline to go by I may just as well delete my profile here! C'mon and get real! I have met some very decent men who treated me very well. I have shared the cost of a date,realizing that the majority of men have child support payments and financially I do ok for myself in that arena. You know? It is quite simple really. You contact, chat , meet and then take it for what it is and how it goes. He buys whatever, and you buy whatever, as long as you both have a good time. Sure there are some who try to take advantage. If you have half a brain, you can figure that out. And yes, romance is alive and well with a lot of folks. I think some of us are simply too busy putting labels and time lines on dating. Third date rule being one of them. I simply like to take a man at face value and I hope he does the same with me. At our age, are we truly this tarnished, bitter, angry? God..........
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 50
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 11:48:52 AM
Great comments "moon".......

I just rather let nature takes its course, meet and greet, take turns pleasing each other in multiple ways, including paying for dates and activities, and just relax.

For me, getting on my Harley and enjoying a ride, or meeting and hiking that peak, or just a walk down a small town street talking and stopping for a drink far outweighs all the pomp and circumstance that so many think is necessary in the courtship arena.......

Just my opinion.......
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