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 pageforyou
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 171
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?Page 7 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

If that was the case then explain the 'Rude Bad Boy Type' that has left a Fleet of broken hearts in his wake. I bet most guys have known one of those that had a flock of Hot Women chasing after him. Just because you don't go for them, doesn't mean there isn't a lot who do.


Most of the girls I have met who go for bad boys are sure not looking for romance, certainly not love.
No, they know they'll get and want lust and excitement, or their definition of it.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 172
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/24/2013 3:18:09 PM

BBE
If that was the case then explain the 'Rude Bad Boy Type' that has left a Fleet of broken hearts in his wake. I bet most guys have known one of those that had a flock of Hot Women chasing after him. Just because you don't go for them, doesn't mean there isn't a lot who do.



pageforyou
Most of the girls I have met who go for bad boys are sure not looking for romance, certainly not love.
No, they know they'll get and want lust and excitement, or their definition of it.


And yet I've known more 'Good girls' who thought they were the one who could tame, brand, and stick a ring in the nose of the Bad Boy, where all the rest failed. They were the ones left crying in the aftermath.

You could see "they were riding for a fall" and nothing anyone said would mean a thing at the time.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 173
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/24/2013 3:20:22 PM

If that was the case then explain the 'Rude Bad Boy Type' that has left a Fleet of broken hearts in his wake.


Sorry, I’m not familiar with that type of man, and I’m certainly not interested in dating one.

Are you looking for excuses or perhaps permission to be rude to women? Makes no sense to me.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 174
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/24/2013 3:48:46 PM

fleuron
Sorry, I’m not familiar with that type of man,


I don't know if you're being disingenuous or naive, but I think more likely the former than the later. the whole scenario has gone past IRL, to popular culture in the Movies/TV, etc. Then maybe you are that Naive and led a sheltered life, though I doubt it.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 175
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/24/2013 4:16:59 PM

I don't know if you're being disingenuous or naive, but I think more likely the former than the later. the whole scenario has gone past IRL, to popular culture in the Movies/TV, etc. Then maybe you are that Naive and led a sheltered life, though I doubt it.


Excuse me? So you’re discussing fictional characters as if they’re real?

You asked me to explain bad boys who leave behind broken hearts. I’ve never had my heart broken by a “bad boy” or dated one, so I can’t very well “explain” them.

If you think I’m lying, oh well, I won’t lose sleep over it. And I don’t know how you could possibly pretend to know what kind of life I’ve lived.

You didn’t answer my question but in light of your crappy comments, I don’t think I really care. But hey, you’ve got that “rude” thing down. And funnily enough, it doesn’t compel me to want to date you.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 176
view profile
History
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/24/2013 4:21:38 PM
OK, finally. There are some actual answers in here.

I would hope that most men know that rude behavior isn’t romantic, or do some of you need to learn how to not be offensive first? Keep bodily fluids and gases to yourself, at least until you know her much, much better….


“Romantic” COULD be taking the time to get to know a woman well enough to know what she likes, loves, and dislikes; when you know someone it’s much easier to know how to please her, eh?


For me, it's simple things like if the guy plans and cooks a dinner he knows is my favourite ( because he asked!) even when he's tired from work. Like I do for him, sometimes. : )

And, one cool hint:

If you do EVER get a date with her, why don't you just ask HER what she considers romantic?

So, we're getting closer to what 'romance' actually is. Not there yet, but it's starting to appear about a foot or so below the surface of total confusion.

Romance seems to be the earnest attempt at getting to know a woman in a polite and caring manner. To exhibit the simple charms that our ancestors had in a complex, socially varied, distracting present while seeking to know another person. And, to be who we are and allow them to be who they are.

So, let me try and pull it together. Feel free to correct me where I screwed up.

Romance is being yourself, but a polite and patient version. While doing this, pay attention to the woman. Not so close that she feels like she is under a microscope leading to confusion and reluctance. Just close enough to notice the subtle clues to what she likes. Think about these things a bit and seek to compliment and reinforce the ones that seem to be her strong points, and keep quiet about the others.

If she obviously dressed to be attractive, compliment her slightly; don't make a big deal of it, but be sure to mention it. If she dressed to be comfortable, work to make her feel that way. If she's on lunch from a hospital and wearing her scrubs, thank her for taking the time from her day to meet you. The idea is to adapt to her dress and attitude; not change who you are, just acknowledge who she is.

When she walks your way, rise a little from your chair. If she continues and grabs the other chair, let her handle it; she's perfectly capable of handling her own chair. Set back and face her. This will put her in the focus of your sight and help a lot in ignoring the other distractions that are around. However, if she hesitates or pauses, get off your lazy butt and seat her. Then get the heck back to your own chair; don't hover over her trying to see down her blouse.

Conversation should be directed toward getting to know her. Not where she works, how much she makes, how many husbands she's had, how much you have to spend to bed her, just who she is. Don't be sparse with facts about yourself, but don't vomit your life, ambitions, income, possessions, and sexual history all over the table. You want to get to know the woman there with you, not give her a history lesson on yourself.

Trinkets could be nice, but you don't know her yet so determining which are appropriate and would be appreciated could be hard. You don't know if she likes sweets, which flowers she tolerates and which ones she likes, and other things are not appropriate early in the game. Maybe a mint from the counter framed as something you thought she might like. In the desert, a bottle of water is ALWAYS appropriate. Any darn thing of tiny expense, selected to show that you were thinking about the meeting in advance, and specifically about her.

When she talks, you shut up. Listen to her. Prove you're listening by asking questions about what she said. Careful here though, don't turn it into an interrogation. Just ask her for details or a little elaboration to prove that you're actually listening to her, not the ball game on the TV over the bar.

SEX TALK IS FORBIDDEN. Flirting is not. Flirting is hard for some men, "You've got great legs" is a dumb thing to say. Instead, "That skirt looks really good on you," will set the proper tone. Sure, it's actually a belt and her butt must be sticking to the chair, but she doesn't want to hear that. So, keep it to a simple statement. "Wow, you look great today." "Cool earrings." That kind of thing. Never compliment her shoes unless she mentions them. Men looking at shoes is not a heterosexual thing.

That thing called 'chemistry' is actually attraction. That giddy, butterfly in the stomach, unable to compose coherent sentences kind of attraction. Women want this. Women want this A LOT. Think about it guys, we do to. We want to know that she is thinking about when she will see us again, when we will call, it's nice. So, attend to her.
Look her straight in the eyes; this is especially useful if you can learn to see her pupils dilate. Her pupils will dilate when you're doing something right. It's imperative to be in the shade or inside for this to work though.

Above all, be KIND. To her, the person sitting next to you, the server, parking attendants, dogs, etc. Gently shoo the fly away, don't go medieval and try to take it out with the empty chair.

Lastly, some don'ts: Keep the bodily fluids and gasses under control. A quiet burp behind a napkin can be fun, but a rousing roar during which you get half way through the alphabet will gain no points at all. If you need to fart, look for a way to leave the table. The bathroom is the proper place, but if you can't make it, go get another sugar packet...way across the room. Try not to drool no matter how far she leans over the table and how much cleavage she shows. Try not to get foam from the cappuccino on your mustache, but if you do, get it off immediately. If you don't notice it and she points it out, thank her. This could be a good opportunity to flirt (always remember the chemistry thing). No, don't say, "You can lick it off for me." Something like, "Darn, I was hoping to impress you, and blew it." See, you got her into the sentence in a non suggestive way and elicited a response. Don't stare at her chest. Yes, you can glance a lot, but be subtle about it. You want to know her, not the little mole just above the edge of her bra.

Am I getting close yet?

What? You got all that out of my comment that each woman is a unique individual? Wow.

Yep.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 177
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/24/2013 4:28:20 PM
I've seen it time and again IRL, and listened to the Girls cry about it, too.

But I'm just your latest target, and you have the Rude B!tch thing down pat. You want to throw more Barbs at me, it's like water off a Duck's back. I think you get your jollies playing the playing the B!tch in the forums. Now you can run off and complain to the Mod's I was mean to you.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 178
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/24/2013 5:00:36 PM
But I'm just your latest target, and you have the Rude B!tch thing down pat. You want to throw more Barbs at me, it's like water off a Duck's back. I think you get your jollies playing the playing the B!tch in the forums.


Actually... it's the other way around. You're the one who's busy throwing barbs. Thankfully, there are still plenty of men over 45 out there who treat women with kindness and respect---I know, because I've met one.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 179
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/24/2013 5:42:37 PM

Halcyon_Skies
Actually... it's the other way around. You're the one who's busy throwing barbs. Thankfully, there are still plenty of men over 45 out there who treat women with kindness and respect---I know, because I've met one.


And here comes the backup. Anyone who's read the forums knows how you post towards those who have ever disagreed with you. It's no secret around here you don't like me, and so, it's not surprising you're back with another cut.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 180
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/24/2013 6:04:21 PM
Freudian, you’ve obviously put a lot of thought and effort into this…that right there is fairly romantic, IMO, and your desire to really learn something about women. It’s refreshing.


Romance seems to be the earnest attempt at getting to know a woman in a polite and caring manner.

Above all, be KIND. To her, the person sitting next to you, the server, parking attendants, dogs, etc.


This works for me. I don’t know if I’ve thought about all the rest of that so intensely, maybe loosen up just a bit and have the confidence to be yourself, and be open to an exchange with her, rather than trying to carry the entire load?

Me:
What? You got all that out of my comment that each woman is a unique individual? Wow.


You:
Yep.


Well, that’s quite an imagination you’ve got there. :)

Behind-Blue-Eyes_53, I don’t know what your glitch is with me. I answered your question from my own experience, however; if you’ve seen it IRL, and listened to “girls” cry about bad boys, why did you need me to explain the phenomenon to you?

I suppose I’m a “b itch” because I don’t post wishy washy stuff like, “Oh, yes, I agree with So and So!” and actually post my opinions, which I don’t waver from, despite others’ disapproval and/or disagreement.

If you don’t like my posts, I suggest you quit reading them.
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 181
view profile
History
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/24/2013 6:05:53 PM
Not every woman dates Bad Boys.. I wonder if some of the males who are saying this are not getting dates for other reasons, other than all the good women are with bad boys. I say take a long hard look at yourself and your need to change the kind of women you are targeting.. Maybe, just maybe, these men need to look within instead of blaming others. JMHO
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 182
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/24/2013 7:32:49 PM
If you haven't figured it out yet, there's several regular forum posters that probably work for the creator of PoF. They exist solely to stimulate discussions. There are player type and jaded types. You can tell pretty easily who the jaded smart as s woman is on this thread. She loves to twist stuff around and always gets the last word. Just keep in mind that she is working for PoF and her only purpose on this thread is to stimulate conversation. In other words, ignore her.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 183
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/24/2013 8:30:32 PM
Jedi, the owner of this site pretty much hates the forums, and if he could find a way to get along without them, would. He has no interest in employing anyone to do anything, though he's forced to from time to time.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 184
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/24/2013 9:15:16 PM
Courtship? I think it is the perception of the economy that has destroyed it. In my age category, the desperate ones have lowered the bar, therefore promoting & making bad behavior acceptable.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 185
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/25/2013 7:10:23 AM
awwwshucks, here's the other bookend story. . . . In my twenties, I was entering a bookstore, and encountered a man holding the door, not for one woman, not for ten, but what looked to be a neverending stream of pre-feminist ladies delighted to let him stand there forever, evidently. I tapped him on the arm, offered to hold the door, he left with a look great relief and a profound thank you, and I let the door close on the next lady. Feminism is good for some things, lol!
 pageforyou
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 186
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/25/2013 7:10:31 AM

You just have to do what comes naturally to you, if it's being nasty and acerbic then you'll soon have the realisation of who your true friends are.


+1

I figure if you are nasty, bitter, SEXIST, overly critical and close minded on the forums, you likely are in real life.
I can see how that's "working" for you on here. Why can't you? : P
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 187
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/25/2013 7:30:04 AM

I figure if you are nasty, bitter, SEXIST, overly critical and close minded on the forums, you likely are in real life.
I can see how that's "working" for you on here. Why can't you? : P


I've said this many times but it bears repeating...

Participating in the forums allow's one the opportunity to catch a glimpse of a person's true personality/character...just by following his or her posts.


...mae
 pageforyou
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 188
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/25/2013 7:42:31 AM
And that's why I make a point of stopping by and reading ... sometimes commenting.
OF course a gander and a listen to lovely ladies like you Miss Mae ... makes it much easier to come back! : P
 Bogie_Bacall474
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 189
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/25/2013 9:59:51 AM
Words like - smart, attractive, threatens, articulate, nonsense, etc. are all open to interpretation. Opinion is just that, opinion. SOME might agree with one poster while SOME agree with the other.

And my opinion regarding romance and courtship are open to interpretation as well. What one person sees as "romantic" is not so much for another person. Communication is a wonderful thing as is common sense and common courtesy for both genders.

I also wonder where in the Rules it says that it's up to the man to be romantic and court or woo or fluff his feathers to attract a mate. Seems like women are getting off with the "I want this....but you do the work". My opinion is that BOTH should be doing the work in the romance/courtship arena.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 190
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/25/2013 10:03:52 AM
IMO courtship is what happens before a relationship, and romance is what happens after a relationship starts.

For me courtship is dating, even email and getting to know someone from online dating is the beginning of courtship. All the normal things we do to get to know a person and see how compatible we are.

Romance is more fun.


If you haven't figured it out yet, there's several regular forum posters that probably work for the creator of PoF. They exist solely to stimulate discussions. There are player type and jaded types. You can tell pretty easily who the jaded smart as s woman is on this thread. She loves to twist stuff around and always gets the last word.


I just put in my resume as a potential smart as s, and I can do sarcastic as well, anyone know how much they pay to stimulate convo? I feel like such an idiot doing this for free.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 191
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/25/2013 11:36:21 AM
No idea how much they pay, but you'll often see these posters avoid confronting each other directly. It's hilarious and predictable. I won't call anyone out, but there's a whole spectrum of personality types covered by these frequent forum posters. Jaded women, player men, analytical types, fruity always positive types, etc. What really made it obvious to me is when I noticed that these popular forum posters never come into conflict with each other and avoid commenting on each others posts. They usually avoid posting on each others threads as well.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 192
view profile
History
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/25/2013 12:56:52 PM

No idea how much they pay, but you'll often see these posters avoid confronting each other directly. It's hilarious and predictable. I won't call anyone out, but there's a whole spectrum of personality types covered by these frequent forum posters. Jaded women, player men, analytical types, fruity always positive types, etc. What really made it obvious to me is when I noticed that these popular forum posters never come into conflict with each other and avoid commenting on each others posts. They usually avoid posting on each others threads as well.

You are so correct. There are various and assorted cliques going on behind the scenes where some of these things are discussed in private e-mails, on Facebook and on a second site for Over 45's that was created back in 2005 or 2006 by some POF'ers who were banned at that time. Membership to that site is exclusive and by invitation only. Although I am no longer a part of this scenario, I was back in the early days of this site. I prefer to speak what's on my mind on any given subject irregardless of who starts and/or comments on it. I don't kowtow very well.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 193
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/25/2013 12:59:32 PM
Participating in the forums allow's one the opportunity to catch a glimpse of a person's true personality/character...just by following his or her posts.


My take is that participating in the forums allows people to discuss controversial topics and to voice opinions that would probably be avoided in the real world. I haven't met anyone from this forum, but I have met people from other message boards. Most of them turned out to be nothing like their forum personna.

You are so correct. There are various and assorted cliques going on behind the scenes where some of these things are discussed in private e-mails, on Facebook and on a second site for Over 45's that was created back in 2005 or 2006 by some POF'ers who were banned at that time. Membership to that site is exclusive and by invitation only. Although I am no longer a part of this scenario, I was back in the early days of this site. I prefer to speak what's on my mind on any given subject irregardless of who starts and/or comments on it. I don't kowtow very well.


I've seen hints that some participants gossip about other posters by email, IM, or other means. It all strikes me as being incredibly lame.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 194
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/25/2013 1:14:11 PM

You are so correct. There are various and assorted cliques going on behind the scenes where some of these things are discussed in private e-mails, on Facebook and on a second site for Over 45's that was created back in 2005 or 2006 by some POF'ers who were banned at that time. Membership to that site is exclusive and by invitation only. Although I am no longer a part of this scenario, I was back in the early days of this site. I prefer to speak what's on my mind on any given subject irregardless of who starts and/or comments on it. I don't kowtow very well.


On a few stocks they do that same sort of thing, have a club that is all about one stock, you can only get invited to the club if you appear influential, but then you are expected to always post in a positive way about the stock.

I don't know if this club exists for some members as a separate forum, but for sure people MSG back and forth about supporting each other, etc, it happens on every active forum.

In some posts I had said, if too many POF agree about a subject, that is a good indication one should go in the opposing direction in real life.

I was pointing out PoF doesn't pay people to do this. And if one is popular or not popular, it doesn't pay the bills or get you a date. Or as I like to think, money and sex makes the world go round.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 195
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 2/25/2013 1:35:58 PM

My take is that participating in the forums allows people to discuss controversial topics and to voice opinions that would probably be avoided in the real world. I haven't met anyone from this forum, but I have met people from other message boards. Most of them turned out to be nothing like their forum persona.


So true, now I now much more knowledgeable about the significance of the ick factor, critical nature of skirt length in over 50 crowd, some women date younger men, there are many sex positions people apparently didn't know about, a lot of people watch porn, pizza delivery guys get all the action, tattoos are a hot subject, interracial dating is a popular subject, internet dating favors women, short guys are angry that they are short, but 90% of everyone is angry about something.

I will grant you, it does allow people to vent, but IRL they may have put up a nice front, but this is still part of how they think. Truth to tell, I can have some dark thoughts myself, we all do from time to time. But I don't want to join the banned crowd crowd so often.

And I have learned a lot important acronyms I had no idea existed, like PDA, IRL, NSA, ONS, etc which will surely come in handy sometime or another.

But there is a strange propensity for actual controversial topics and topics that make people uncomfortable to get deleted.
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