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Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 82
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Approaching women, why not?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
RE msg 73 by witching_weather:
It seems women are lucky to get approached at all, judging by all the bad experiences described here.
Actually, women get hit on a LOT. Just very rarely by guys who will care about them.

I moved about 18 months ago, and I started going to a pub, for company. There were a lot of young attractive single women who used to go there. The guys were split between older men who weren't interested anymore, married men, and young single men. The young single men all hit on the same girl, who was 18, and very naive. She used to check her mobile every 5 seconds the night after a date, and it was obvious that he wasn't calling and she wanted him to, and thought he would. She went out with a lot of them. However, these guys never chatted up any of the other women, even though they were all their own age, very attractive, and very single. After about 4 months of this, the guys and the women started talking about this girl, and the things they said were foul.

After a while, it dawned on me why they were hitting on the same girl, and none of the others. She was young, pretty, and naive, and she didn't realise that when they told her they loved her, that they were just saying it to get her into bed. The other girls had been there longer, and did. So they knew that their charming lies wouldn't be bought by the other girls.

ONE girl slept with a guy on New Years Eve, and got engaged, about a month later. Next thing we heard, she was pregnant. Considering that of all these young, attractive women, she was the only one with a boyfriend, and she was the only one pregnant, it didn't take much to figure out, that without the pregnancy, she wouldn't have had a boyfriend, let alone a fiancee.

What are these signals I keep hearing about? The ones that tell you we are interested in being approached? Am I supposed to know what they are? I must have missed that lesson in school. How can I avoid sending out 'I'm a trashy woman who's up for it' signals whilst still being approachable?
I only saw 2 women who genuinely had a regular boyfriend there: one was the landlady, who was 38 and had grandchildren. She just used to go for sex, basically, FWBs. She openly said that the men she saw were just for sex. She wouldn't even call them her boyfriend. She refused to say they had a connection, but was open that they had sex regularly.

The other was an obese young woman, who was very pretty and always smiling. We had a dance on New Years Eve. She always made a point of saying hello, and making me feel like she was treating me with respect. She would just be upfront, always smiling, and wouldn't let anything bother her. She always had a good-looking guy with her.

As I said, everyone else was single, except for the 18-year-old, who was just being used for one-night-stands.

I've seen the same over the years.

That is why I'm not against 18-year-olds dating older. The way they seem to get treated by young guys is appalling.

If I had to give an answer, then first make eye contact, and then start walking over, and just say hello. Start a conversation. If the guy is really not interested, then before you've got near him, he'll turn away and avoid eye contact so obviously that it's obvious that he won't talk to you. Otherwise, he's at least willing to talk, and that's a start. After all, every first date starts with conversation.
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 84
Approaching women, why not?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:54:44 PM

It gives me the idea that women are too incompetent most of the time to handle the responsibility or desire to go after men.

::::::::::raises hand::::::::::::::::: freely admits I suck at going after men..I know I suck and I know if I try in the end Ill back away no matter how much I like him cause I am out comfort zone.

I have had guys do the back off thing to make you come after them and I was so clueless I just thought they didnt like me anymore and moved on, they would come back and be like wth lol OOPS my bad (what they get for playing games)!
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 90
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Approaching women, why not?
Posted: 7/26/2008 12:09:56 AM
The belief that they are unlikely to understand what I am trying to communicate to them.

Actually, I did approach a girl this evening. I was standing behind then at the bar and I overheard one of the accents. So I asked her if she was English. She said no. I quickly said either English or Australian! She said guess. I said Australia... pause... I've been to Australia and I love it there. She said Good.

Proceeded to talk to her friend when she was ordering her drink and paid no more attention to me.

Ya - reinforcing the uselessness of trying to talk to people who aren't willing to understand me one day at a time!
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 91
Approaching women, why not?
Posted: 7/26/2008 2:03:06 AM
Witching Weather, it is beyond your control to change what has happened in our personal histories to stop us approaching you, and it is beyond your control to change how your fellow women treat men who approach them. Political correctness, married women out for an ego boost, the arbitrary changing of rules on a regular basis, and the primitive instinct to avoid strange groups of people are turning men who desire long term relationships off bars.

What you can do is:

1. If your choice of meeting place is going to be bars and clubs, learn to approach men.

2. Go to places where you make contact with men naturally, without either of you needing to make an approach for dating purposes. Some sorts of short evening courses and one-time seminars are pretty good for this. Working for a temp agency provides the opportunity too. Perhaps there are volunteer opportunities.

3. Use a site like PoF.
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 92
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Approaching women, why not?
Posted: 7/26/2008 3:15:29 AM
Many men, put women on a high pedestles. I used to be this way. Some call it approach anxiety.

I'm going to give an anology that might help.
If you go outside and look around and see a tree. You think, meh, it's just a tree, right?... but then when you really think about it, that tree is providing oxygen, the substance you breath, that you need to live; now this tree doesn't seem so bad, actually, it's a pretty fly tree, in fact you can do this give it a name, 'super fly tree'.

Now when you go out, do the opposite, many women around, and they all seem so unaproachable, like, oh, that woman will reject me, or that one will, or that one, and that one.... stop it. They aren't as cool as that 'super fly tree' in your front yard, at least not untill you get to know her. Then and only then, should she be able to reject you. As they say, you always miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Ok, so I'm comparing people to plants, but think about it.
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 93
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Approaching women, why not?
Posted: 7/26/2008 6:05:33 AM

Many men, put women on a high pedestles. I used to be this way. Some call it approach anxiety.

Good post Guitar dude, I like the tree analogy. I might use it sometime cuz I get into trouble comparing women to cars, they might take to the tree analogy much better lol.

As for putting women on a pedestal, I told a couple of my exes that and they took it to heart. Only problem is they never picked up on the second part that I included. They never heard the "(I put you up on a pedestal) I can peek up your skirt" lol

I also had an exe (who was tres hot btw) who I called a little princess. I also qualified that by adding ".....with a dented tiara that was damaged while sneaking under the fence to get into the AC/DC concert" lol......(cuz while she acted all prissy she did have a down and dirty side ........)
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