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 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 7
Why did our age difference freak her out????Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Is it possible the date did not go well for other reason? Many time I had fun with someone on a spantanius meet (recently at concert, not as far to make out but we had fun together). But on first real date, we were not match.

If age is problem, of course you are right to tell her. You probably did nothing wrong.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 8
Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 12:27:38 PM
OP, you were right in telling her your age. There is nothing that you could have done differently. She seems very immature and you are blessed that she is avoiding you.


I need real help from real women.

It's really quite simple...start dating "real" women, not girls.




 cb994266
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 9
Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 12:28:08 PM
What should you do differently? Find someone your own age, for starters.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 10
Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 12:32:03 PM

Should I have told her my real age? What should I have done differently? I need real help from real women. Thanks.

Ummm, yeah. Why lie about that? It would come out eventually. She wasn't interested and I'm with others, I don't think it was merely an age issue. Forget about it, it's over. Move on.
 toomuch13
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 17
Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 12:56:58 PM
"You know I can honestly say we really did click and you know how you can just tell? It just really sucked that the age difference thing was just a huge issue for her."

Well OP, she has a point. I got involved with a 32 year old when I was 21 and it was problematic to say the least. We stayed together for seven years and "clicked." Yet I have to wonder now at 37 why a 32 year old wanted to date me at 21. The relationship was very disfunctional. If your 23 year old had my experience, she has reason to be cautious about a large age difference. If she were 30 and you were 39, nothing to discuss. As you age, age does not play such a big part. When anyone is under 30, it surely does.
 boutenuf
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 18
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Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 1:04:35 PM
I don't mean to sound mean but is was a couple of nice days of conversation and attention. Life has now returned to normal, this happens all of the time when people vacation, it seems like something at the time but actually it is more of a diversion or a fling versus anything serious.

I doubt your age had much to do with it at all, that is just the thing that stands out in your mind at this time.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 22
Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 1:18:51 PM

30 and you were 39, nothing to discuss. As you age, age does not play such a big part. When anyone is under 30, it surely does.

I agree in part. He was young 30's, I was older. HOWEVER, today, I wouldn't even consider going that route again. After 40, I became aware of a very vital reality: I'm getting older, those still in their young/mid 30s aren't where I am. By the time he would have been 40, I would have been nearing 50 ~ no thanks. A couple of years is acceptable for me, no drastic differences either way. I'm too wise to think age won't play a role after I'm 50. I can't imagine being mid-50s with someone in their young 40s ~ maybe because I'm living those years at the moment, regardless, not an option for me. I'll be alone before I step into a different time-zone for the sake of male companionship. But that's just me, others have no problem with age ~ kudos to them.
 toomuch13
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 23
Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 1:20:19 PM
"Has anyone out there on POF dated a man or woman that was significantly older or younger?"

Well, all my men have been a lot older than me. My first serious relationship at 21 with a man eleven years older. That relationship took me quite a few years to heal from due to all the drama. I was 28 when that ended and dated a guy 16 years older after him. I should have married that one, but I was too scarred from the first boyfriend. After the 16 year age diffence, at 30 I was involved with a man 20 years my senior. The next guy I dated was 14 years older than me and I was 32. My last serious boyfriend was 11 years older than me. The youngest was seven years older than me. The man I am seeing now is 46 soon to be 47.

I dated a guy ten years younger than me, but I could not get into it. He was very attractive and together, but whatever "it" is was not there for me.
 toomuch13
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 25
Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 2:48:23 PM
I did forget to mention it goes the other way too, sometimes you can be too young for a guy. I went out with this AMAZING 49 year old gentleman. I would have loved to pursue more with him, but he politely told me I was too young for him. He only wanted a woman over 45. He was right, because we are in different places in our lives. Yet...he was dreamy...
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 27
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Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:15:44 PM
Numerical age is just that. Numerical age. All it is an indicator of the odds of a person being at a certain developmental level. But that's it. It's just the odds. Despite the attempts to make everyone 'just another brick in the wall' each person is still an individual. Individuals for whatever reason develop slower or faster than others. (Think of the one room school house where children advanced at their individual rates vs. the age based system where two kids a few days apart in age with a cutoff date in between are supposed to be on totally different levels)

For an example, I worked with a couple 24 year old women when I was about 8-9 years older than them. They were just fine and more mature than a lot of women 'my own age'. Too bad they already had boyfriends. That's the way it always is it seems. Again the point is that age is an indicator of probable development.

These strict numerical age things I think have a great deal to do with the culture in the US and the over reliance on age to determine things instead of individual development. So it becomes scary to date someone who isn't the same age or very close to it. It's just an outgrowth of the same system that says you start school at age 5, can't drive until you're 16, vote at 18, drink at 21, IMO. Age is used instead of actual development so the two things get confused.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 31
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Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:39:46 PM
She may have thought age wasn't an issue but it was. Nothing you can do about that. Yes, you were right to tell her the truth. Bottom line is: she doesn't want to go with a guy nine years older than she is. Accept it and move on.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 32
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Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:40:25 PM
She may have thought age wasn't an issue but it was. Nothing you can do about that. Yes, you were right to tell her the truth. Bottom line is: she doesn't want to go with a guy nine years older than she is. Accept it and move on.
 boutenuf
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 33
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Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 5:06:14 PM
I dated a man 11 years younger and it didn't go so well, it was like having another child. I have also dated a man 17 years older...I actually believe it has to do with the maturity level of the individual.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 37
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Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 8:10:32 PM
When I was 23 I dated guys older than you (10-13 yrs older than me), however, I knew their age 5 minutes into knowing them so it wasn't a shocker later on.
Just recently I met a guy and we had a great time and the way he presented himself and talked made me think he was my age. He never corrected me when I made comments pertaining to 'our age' - I had already told him mine. I decided to go on a date with him and on the ride to dinner he told me he was 42. (12 yrs older) If I would have known that in the beginning I probably would have been fine with it but somehow finding this out later really bothered me and truly turned me off. Long story short, I was put off because I was disappointed he wasn't the age he led me to believe he was.
Maybe something similar happened with you and this girl.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 38
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Why did our age difference freak her out????
Posted: 7/22/2008 8:12:39 PM
OP - sometimes you've gotta face the music when you tell the truth. It's better you be honest up front, because if you lie and get caught, you'll hit more than sour notes. I can't say for certain why the date went downhill, after all, we're only reading YOUR version. There's always 2 sides to every story.
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