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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.      Home login  
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 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 26
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not. Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Messages 46 & 47 ... That's exactly why I was thinking I have to either seek a younger partner or a partner my age who is just not retired or thinking about it.

I have friend in Ohio who just retired after 35 years working for the State of Ohio. He is an attorney and although he's retired at the age of 58, he is also now going to do some private practice. So actually, he still works ... just when he wants to. I asked him how he feels about being in a relationship with a lady who still works and he said he would love it.

Mind you though, he's not the type to want to travel and run around. On the other hand, he mentioned that if he truly gets seriously involved with a woman and he's got a good retirement income, he sees no reason for her to work full time especially if it would free her up to spend time with him when they wanted to just get away ... say for a long weekend.

*Hmmm ... maybe I need to cultivate that relationship. He was one of my best friends in high school and we're both single.
 Westlin
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 27
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 8/23/2008 1:12:30 PM
OP, I have had almost the same thing happen to me. However, I have only turned 51 recently and many, many men expect me to be retired. I really don't know what they expect me to be living on at this age--BUT, they expect me to be able to drop everything and be available at any time. Incidentally, several of the "retired" men were actually disabled and living on SSI. However, a few weren't retired, still working, but at a level where they didn't have to punch a clock, could pretty much make their own hours and they also were upset at the fact that I work. None of them offered to pay my bills though....go figure! LOL
 nikinikaia
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 28
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 8/23/2008 2:11:13 PM
Can't speak, and won't, for the retired or even semi-retired folks about what they would or wouldn't do about dating someone who isn't retired or semi-retired.

Myself, I wouldn't automatically rule out a gentleman who states in his profile that he's retired or semi-retired.

Hale, you're starting out as friends, then maybe dating - as far as I can recall, neither of those require one or the other to be attached at the hips 24/7. First things first - you've gotta get to the dating stage to even consider contemplating what happens in the next!

I'm lucky because my line of work I can pick up, go, and do from anywhere in the world that has the capabilities of connecting me to the internet. So, have puter, will go is what I'd tell 'em if they ever took the notion to ask.

And, I have packed up my puter and just went - 3 times in past 10 weeks as a matter of fact!

YIPPPEEEEE!!!!

 Wpnstroop
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 29
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 9/25/2008 11:57:45 AM
I think it's really a situational thing. I'm fortunate enough to be retired and what I have found is that most are so busy with their career that it's hard to find time together at all. I need a lot of alone time but having to make an appointment to see each other is kind of a deal breaker. I guess it depends on the person.

Bill
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 30
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 9/25/2008 12:47:05 PM
I think it will depend alot on the individual.

If you are older and retired, it may be something of an issue and you will consider how it will impact your lifestyle and whether you are comfortable with the changes that it will bring. For some it will not be a big deal... not every person wants to be with their significant other all the time.

If you are younger and financially independent, then you don't really have the option of being that picky. Being under 40 and not on the clock has alot of benefits (the ability to pursue hobbies and interests for example), but you realize quickly that it is a luxury that very, very few people actually have. While it isn't ideal for dating at that age (in that you'll have to fill your time with other things), you either learn to accept it or you'll find yourself spending alot of time single.

I would suggest that you discuss your concerns and see if they can live with them.

Wanderer
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 31
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 9/26/2008 8:12:11 AM
Well, its true I don't wear a suit much since I retired, and its also true that I wear old t-shirts, but that was also true before I retired.

I also think that lots of people who are retired are OLD. Its kind of part of the deal. I myself am OLD, but hardly act that way, and depending on what you think OLD looks like, I don't look particularly OLD either.

There are all kinds of retired people out there, and even the meaning of the word "retired" has a lot of different possible meanings. Many retired people do look and act OLD because of health, physical conditions, genetics and life history, but there are lots who don't fit that mold as well. There are even people who are really OLD, look really OLD, but still lead active and vibrant lives.

When it comes down to appearances, my own perception is that post-menopausal women suffer a lot more than do men who lead similar lifestyles, and I think this is an unfortunate genetic issue. I would hope that you take your own situation into account when you bait your hook for a younger man.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 32
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/21/2009 2:10:32 AM
I think I would prefer to date someone that was not retired even though I am. I find that retired men expect you to be free to come and go. I enjoy working on various projects during my daytime hours so this would work best for me.

thecatsmeoww
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 33
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/21/2009 7:27:48 AM
Perhaps it's like everything else between two people: depends on the people, lol! If either is rigid, and requires full time care, likely not to work. If both are able to entertain themselves, enjoy each other's company and have interests and goals which mesh, then likely it would work, eh?

The best situation of my life has been after I retired, but he had not. He was an actor, and absolutely *loved* what he did and had no intention of evah retiring. I need a good bit of alone time, so I got it, and was ready, willing and able to companion him when he arrived home. I'm also relatively flexible, so the ever changing schedule and krezzy work hours never flummoxed me. While a play was on, we often had dinner at one or two in the morning, talked till dawn, slept till noon, and had breakfast at three, lol! I'd pack him a lunch, and he'd leave for work at five or six. Between plays, schedule was more "normal," and during rehearsals, it could be either way, depending on how close to opening they were. Still, it worked very well -- *for us.*

So I think with love, and compatible personalities, sure, it can be a deal. A very good one indeed.

 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 34
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/21/2009 10:42:38 AM

The best situation of my life has been after I retired, but he had not. He was an actor, and absolutely *loved* what he did and had no intention of evah retiring. I need a good bit of alone time, so I got it, and was ready, willing and able to companion him when he arrived home.


I also need a lot alone time as well. I also have show cats that need to be groomed on a daily basis..

A neighbor of mine that has been married for 40 plus years is all of the sudden experiencing her husband's retirement. She told me the other day it is driving her completely crazy that he is underfoot all the time. I often wondered about a long long marriage and the change in dynamics when both partners all of the sudden find themselves retired.

thecatsmeoww
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 35
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/21/2009 12:05:19 PM
Why is it that you want to make the decision for the man(retired). Dont you think if he finds you a drag on his lifestyle he would have thrown you back into the pond with the other fishies. Instead of worring why not just enjoy the time that you are granted, relatonships dont have some mathematical formula that gaurantees it to be a LTR. Do you want to give up someone who cares about you because he has put in the years required to be retired.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 36
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/21/2009 1:31:17 PM
I have tried to date my fair share of retired men. It has always ended up the same. They figure that because they need more to do and can't think of what, they should phone me at work (often multiple times a day) and chat with me to kill time. They also didn't respect that while I own my own business, that I need and want time to run that business. I found it easier to just say no to a date with a retired man. I totally enjoy working. I would relate better to someone who does also. Different personalities find different partners appealing.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 37
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/21/2009 2:03:11 PM

Why is it that you want to make the decision for the man(retired). Dont you think if he finds you a drag on his lifestyle he would have thrown you back into the pond with the other fishies. Instead of worring why not just enjoy the time that you are granted, relatonships dont have some mathematical formula that gaurantees it to be a LTR. Do you want to give up someone who cares about you because he has put in the years required to be retired.


Not sure if you are talking about my neighbor here or not. However she is not about to throw away 40 plus years of marriage. They are joined at the hip. I suggested to her that perhaps she should consider an outside hobby or get him interested in one.

Otherwise I am about to smell her cooking fumes 24/7 here

thecatsmeoww
 northerndreamer
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 38
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/22/2009 3:18:43 PM
I don't date retired men. I have my own business, love it and like to work. A retired man is in a different head space and life stage. I don't plan to retire- my work is my passion. If a man retired, it suggests that his work wasn't his passion. I want somebody who can relate to what i do, who wants to hear about my work. And I want to hear about his. Having him tell me about his golf game or his hobbies would only bore me. If we both love business, we'd have much more to talk about and more in common.
 92rockin
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 39
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/22/2009 5:43:21 PM
also hard to date when your unemployed,no income,while dater can't find time for YOU. what's difference again? it like being retired EARLY,no plans. @ age 43,sucks,not eligible for sr citizen discounts.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 40
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/22/2009 9:59:01 PM
depends on the person and where you both live. i recently met a man who was preparing to retire, move to a town with retirees, yada yada. that would not appeal to me. i like a mix of ages and professions, including those retired. most of the retired/disabled people i know do the most they can for their community. in my instance my kids are between 19-22 and although not home, they demand some of my attention.

personally i would not be the one to travel all over the world in my retirement. but, some will and some will only want companions to accompany them. my ex travelled with a camera between his face and where we were going all the time. his social skills were "nil". while in scotland visiting his family and touring the countryside, i had "enough" of his frantic racing around. i walked into a field of cows and refused to come out. we stayed in the highlands another nite as a result of my passive resistance!

i travel minimally lately, but did a lot when i worked. i like to get into an area, get to know the people, feel the countryside or if a big city--find the nearest jazz and dance venues. i can only take so many pictures w/o any human interaction. likewise, in my community, i do the best i can socially and if my spouse were working, we'd just coordinate our schedules. this is a vacation area, so surrounded by jazz and dancing w/o having to travel!

if, on the other hand, i met a self -declared couch potato with no social responsiblity, we would probably not be the best match---working or not working!
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 41
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/22/2009 11:16:38 PM

I know guys, but here it is: male cleans house, runs errands, waters the flowers, feeds animals, preps car for the drive, pays the bills ( with both their incomes put together obviously), arranges for whomever/whatever to take care of animals/watch house/pickup newspaper/mail, etc., yes cooks for her or picks up take-out so when she arrives home from her long day can just relax and eat, talk together of the upcoming plans/vacation, be excited/happy/self-assured because everything is in place, has been taken care of. What is wrong with this picture? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!


WOW! Do they make men like that?????
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 42
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/23/2009 2:20:34 AM
When I met my late husband, I was working full-time and he was retired. We had a wonderful relationship. He'd take all our laundry (including linens) to the laundromat and had them wash, fold and iron everything so I wouldn't have to worry about getting it done. He kept the house immaculate and I did most of the cooking, except for when he'd grill, which he really enjoyed. Trips were taken when I was able to get time off from work.

In my current relationship, my S/O works and plans to continue working for quite a few more years. I'm on Social Security due to health problems. It isn't a problem for either of us. We want our lives to blend together and we'll make whatever adjustments are necessary to insure that we are both happy and content.

A successful relationship consists of compromising and communicating. Just because one is retired doesn't change that fact. If someone wants to constantly be on the go, traveling the globe or gallivanting around, I can see where a partner that is tied down to a job or career could cause difficulties in the relationship, and vice versa. Personally, I would rather take few trips and be with a partner I love than travel far and wide alone. But that's just me.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 43
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/23/2009 5:55:43 AM
So many people out there think that retired people sit around all day doing nothing. Me, I continue to wonder how I ever had time in life to hold down a job. I realized when I retired that working people are completely unaware of all the things they just don't do because they have to get to work. For those that want to work until they drop because they love their work, more power to you. You are paying taxes to provide me with the services I need and for that I thank you. The fact that you would not date me is of no concern at all, as you would not be available anyway, you being at the office and all.

I always think of a line from a movie that went: "Nobody on their death bed says 'I wish I had spent more time at the office!'"
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 44
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:03:45 AM


WOW! Do they make men like that?????




younowho

ya,, they do ! We live alone, and Like It


That explains my being unaware of the species!


 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 45
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:25:06 AM

ya,, they do ! We live alone, and Like It


Actually, I suspect that most of the guys like that are married to women who have a pretty good idea of what they have and work hard to hang on to him.....

But there are quite a few of us out there on the market as well. Of course, we are a bit picky, knowing as we do our own market appeal...
 Brownlady1953
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 46
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/23/2009 8:51:05 AM
It doesn't work if one is retired and the other isn't...especially if it is the man who is retired....they quickly "forget" that the working person cannot just jump up and go at the drop of a hat....and they get offended because of that.
 AlfredoDP
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 47
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 7/15/2012 10:29:40 AM
Cotter, Cotter... Do not retire; once retired, only you do is wait for dead to come.
 missmermaid4u
Joined: 6/23/2012
Msg: 48
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 7/15/2012 10:59:45 AM
don't worry about it~don't sweat the small stuff
it's about love
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 49
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 7/15/2012 11:03:30 AM

And I gots me one of ‘em!

clone an army of him please- how nice to have an attentive man in your life!
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 50
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:40:44 PM
I've never met a guy who cared an iota if an attractive woman was retired, working or never worked a day in her life. Besides, few people,retired or not, are zipping around the world hither and yon. 90% of retired people probably spend 50 weeks of the year at home.
As for not being available. Available for what exactly? Bingo in the afternoon or shuffleboard? One assumes that 'she' like 'him' would like to remain sane by having personal 'alone time' for most of the day.

My gal and I love eachother dearly but like living in our respective houses, seeing eachother perhaps 5 days a week, taking a couple of vacations together, etc.
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