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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.      Home login  
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 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 51
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not. Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
It's kind of silly to assume all retired people are alike and thereby would not be a good partner to someone still working.

I'm in the middle of a project right now with a retired man. He was the co-founder and CEO of a fortune 500 company in southern California. He now writes books, gives lectures and seminars, and mentors others still in the corporate environment.

He's busier than I am for sure.
 JAXDiver
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 52
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 7/16/2012 9:29:30 PM
belle.la.donna wrote:
I wouldn't. I think it is a little [presumptuous] to decide for the other person whether or not they want to date you since you aren't retired. Give them a chance. They can always say no.
I agree with her. Don't say no FOR him. allow him to make that decision for himself.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 53
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 12/12/2013 6:25:10 PM
My experience is that retired and the not retired do not mix well. I should retire at this age but really like what I do (teaching) so retirement would not fit me now. It has caused problems with "almost" relationships.

Sure would not go there again!

P
 LuvFishes
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 54
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 12/13/2013 8:46:00 PM
Gosh I don't think I would ask them... because you give the appearance of it being a weakness or turn off. Enhance the fact that your Smart, Capable and Leading a fulfilled life by being employed. Don't apologize or ask permission.

This is YOU, you GO GIRL. Your turning Lemons to Lemonades. There is nothing wrong in being a stay at home Mom and now that your divorced your truly starting over.

I had a wonderful year with a guy who is retired/ travels a lot and I would go when I could and got pampered daily. He did the shopping/cooking/cleaning and thoughtful gestures. Our problem was he had been dating for 11 yrs. and was ready to settle down, marry and be happy. I was a newbie freshly divorced, had gone on one date and wasn't looking to get involved. The problem was we were attracted to each other. Date 2 he wanted to get married and I was confused as hell I could feel the way I did. Because I knew I was not over my x husband. So I pushed him away. Finally he told me to take a year and date like crazy, get it out of my system LOL. I didn't pay the time frame too much. When he was here, we were together 24/7, when he went on trips with his family, buddies we weren't. I knew things were serious when he cut a business trip short and flew 14 hrs to see me. In fact we could take right up again if I let it but I won't. He wants to take care of me, control and that is the deal breaker. He wants me to quit working so I can be by his side. But I feel relationships take time, you must respect each other lives and it has to be mutual understanding. He is right now actively seeking a women who wants that kind of lifestyle. My coworkers think I'm crazy because he is loaded with money, status and power. I don't need those things to be happy. I don't want a man to control my life. He's proposed twice now. But it's just too much fantasy and I live in reality or would like to believe I do LOL.
 wolvesatthedoor
Joined: 5/8/2013
Msg: 55
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 12/17/2013 1:24:56 PM
^^^^There's one right here, ME! The only thing I "work" at are my hobbies, which actually cost me money, lmao. Great financial planning is the key, if you are capable of it.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 56
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 12/18/2013 7:17:27 AM
Are you kidding me?
Do you KNOW how many retired people wonder how the hell they ever found time to WORK?!

I guess that there may be freedom from the need to punch a time clock every day, but a lot of people I know do not so much retire, they simply shift occupation, or perhaps they don't need to put in 40+ hrs.
If you encounter a retired person who is sitting on his or her ass, staring at the boobtube, waiting to glom onto somebody else's life because they have none of their own, then that is someone that you should avoid,IMO.
Cindy O
 Tom_MorganWV
Joined: 12/10/2013
Msg: 57
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 12/18/2013 8:02:20 AM

My coworkers think I'm crazy because he is loaded with money, status and power. I don't need those things to be happy. I don't want a man to control my life.


Therefore, this really wasn't a "I'm working and you're not" issue.

I semi-agree with the poster above who shuns retired folks. Retired + Not Retired creates bumps in the road. Sometimes they can be navigated, sometimes not. Everybody's opinion will be colored by past experience.
 forumiteinca
Joined: 12/4/2013
Msg: 58
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 12/23/2013 7:32:12 PM
This discussion ties in with the thread about "Do people really have time to date??" If two people want to be together, they will make it happen. Just as the gal above declined the offer of marriage for her own reasons, an individual must decide for themselves what he/she wants/needs. It just seems so unfair that what one person rejects, another person would gladly take and make the necessary adjustments to make things work. But then, that's life!
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 59
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 12/24/2013 6:05:42 PM

I know guys, but here it is: male cleans house, runs errands, waters the flowers, feeds animals, preps car for the drive, pays the bills ( with both their incomes put together obviously), arranges for whomever/whatever to take care of animals/watch house/pickup newspaper/mail, etc., yes cooks for her or picks up take-out so when she arrives home from her long day can just relax and eat, talk together of the upcoming plans/vacation, be excited/happy/self-assured because everything is in place, has been taken care of. What is wrong with this picture? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!

Thought I had me one of them but he shook the hook. *sigh
If I ever catch another one he will also know how much he is loved and appreciated.
 UdeB.surprised
Joined: 12/21/2013
Msg: 60
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/8/2014 11:23:39 PM

Should we consider dating someone who we are just going to tie down from doing all the things they dreamed of in retirement?



I have written to a couple of men in the past ... not knowing they were retired like that ... and they told me that they were not interested in a lady who wasn't free to do what they were doing ... sigh.

So now I'm wondering ... do retired folks reject relationships with those of us who are not yet retired ... or may not be able to retire any time soon?


Your first question gives the impression that YOU are preventing your date from doing all the things they dreamed of?

Then you state that it's the men that need to have their dates able to do what they are doing?

Your last question:

Well I would say no.
I am semi-retired and I do what I want by myself if my date cannot.

I am sure that there are plenty of retired men that would date you
and it wouldn't stop them from doing all the things they dreamed of.
Question is, would it bother you?
Are you going to tie down someone from doing all the things they dreamed of in retirement?
Is it OK for your retired date to fulfill his dreams without you preventing him?
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 61
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/9/2014 9:48:42 AM
I don't think many women would tolerate working for several more years while their bf or husband is fishing.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 62
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/16/2014 1:24:14 AM
Retired before age 62 or 65 means they collect SS from a disability. This means they are not phyically or mentally fit, and on meds. which cause erection problems. I am too alive, healthy, mentally and physically fit and alive to put up with frustrations as that. I read profiles of men in their 50's and even under 50 that say they are retired. Now you people know what that really indicates.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 63
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/16/2014 5:44:05 AM

Retired before age 62 or 65 means they collect SS from a disability. This means they are not phyically or mentally fit, and on meds. which cause erection problems.


Perhaps many but not all. I retired at 55, after 30 years with the same company, because I could and could afford to. I do not collect SSDI nor do I take any drugs. At 175#'s and 6' tall my BMI is better than 90% of the people my age-men or women. And I have time to do what I want when I want to do it.


Now you people know what that really indicates.


Actually, now we know what that indicates to you.
 EricTheBrave
Joined: 12/31/2013
Msg: 64
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/16/2014 6:35:44 AM

Retired before age 62 or 65 means they collect SS from a disability. This means they are not phyically or mentally fit, and on meds. which cause erection problems.


Many are able financially to retire at 62 and opt to take their Social Security early. Lower payment, but longer payout and the net result is close to a wash.

If the man is a widower, he qualifies to receive his deceased wife's SS benefit at age 60, then can switch to his own at age 62.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 65
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/16/2014 8:41:59 AM
With the tons of "buyout" early retirements, "30 and out" retirements, I don't think we can now always go by the generalization that retirement prior to age 62 means disability.

And "disability" as it relates to gainful employment is a very complex issue.

It doesn't always mean that a person is in a wheelchair, housebound, on a ton of meds or incapable of any physical activity .
But again, if you conduct your evaluations of prospective dating partners according to generalizations, or one previous negative experience, don't complain that your dating pool lacks depth.
Cindy O
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 66
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/16/2014 9:04:40 AM
Retired after I turned 51 , sure do not feel disabled or incapacitated . Almost 5 years now , you all can keep working , continuing to be a productive members of the ant nest . Guess I wasn't smart enough to pick a occupation I would've had to do until I was old and decrepit .
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 67
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/16/2014 11:08:57 AM

Retired after I turned 51 , sure do not feel disabled or incapacitated . Almost 5 years now , you all can keep working , continuing to be a productive members of the ant nest . Guess I wasn't smart enough to pick a occupation I would've had to do until I was old and decrepit .


You should be an example to us all.
Retired and enjoying your golden years.
That positive attitude and sunny outlook you have on life is truly inspirational.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 68
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/16/2014 11:51:59 AM

But again, if you conduct your evaluations of prospective dating partners according to generalizations, or one previous negative experience, don't complain that your dating pool lacks depth.


Gotta agree with this!
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 69
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/16/2014 2:21:30 PM
Darn , I thought the golden years didn't start till I was 65 .
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 70
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/16/2014 4:40:26 PM
Talk about something sailing right over somebody's head...but didn't they feel the pull on their leg?
Ah well, no matter-good to have a few speak up and comment on the many exceptions to "retired before 62 means disabled".
The one thing I could see being an issue with listing oneself as retired, is that then so many people would presume availability at very short notice, or that the retired person would be "grateful" for opportunities to help someone else manage their life. presume that they would be able to quickly respond to "emergencies" -

I think that the standard of "golden years" starting at 65 is because that has been the USUAL retirement age. These days I'd say it starts when one retires or semi-retires, or even if they could retire but choose to change occupations or follow an avocation, rather than having their butts take root in a rocking chair.
Cindy O
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 71
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/16/2014 4:47:25 PM
.
do retired folks reject relationships with those of us who are not yet retired ... or may not be able to retire any time soon?


^^^^

What make u think most retired folks have nothing to do once they are retired ? ^^^^

I'm retired from the 9 to 5 job, but not life…..are u still listening.

& whether it with with a partner, or alone makes no dif for the most part….because I now have all the time to explore, travel, do hobbies etc, where when I was working full time did not…^^^^

As I am with someone now, who is still working….. & we manage very nicely in our relationship. And its call LAT relationship…as we both love Sharing with each other…and also enjoy our own ambitions…. as in our in individual freedom to pre sue nonetheless….. Life is to live & let Live….and not suffocate each other...

A loving relationship with trust,respect etc, does not need each other around 24/7, unless you are very insecure once retired…. or other phobias when that happens to you…..etc…. ……cheerio
 ALBYAK
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 72
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/17/2014 7:06:48 AM
Retired before 65 does not mean Disabled, just that some of us would rather play than work all our lives and have the means to get by without a "real" job! I still keep up all my own stuff and have a few rental homes on the side, just choose to play some of the year in Alaska and split up work and play the rest in Florida. Do not require a full time retired mate just one who can travel some; lots of vacation time, summers off teaching job, or has a mobile job part or full time. Is that to much to ask for?
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 73
The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/17/2014 8:29:45 AM

Retired before age 62 or 65 means they collect SS from a disability.


Of course the key isn't that they are retired, it's that they are collecting SS benefits before retirement age.

On average I would agree that those collecting SS benefits before age 62 are much more likely to have a disability that may result in erection problems.

But the real question is how many of those that claim they are retired collect SS? Hard to know, maybe somewhere around 50%.

So just a random sample of those that are working Vs those retired before age 62 would likely result in a higher percentage of men with ED problems in the retired group. However those retired because they don't need to work would likely be in very good financial and physical health.

What you would get is called a bimodal distribution of men that are desirable to date.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 74
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/25/2014 1:28:22 PM
I am not so sure that "retired before 65" means a man (or woman) collects disability. I have met men who were in the armed forces for 25 or 30 years....started out at 25, retired at 55. I have met men who were educators -- started out at 25 -- retired at 55 -- with full pensions.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 75
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The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 1/25/2014 3:11:24 PM
Both my partner and I were both individually financially independent by 50. We both work on and off as it suits us. No mortgages, kids to feed, etc.

The idea that not working equates to being inactive is sad...sad that some have such empty lives outside of work.

We spend as much or as little time together as comes up. We never think about it. We just do things together and sleep over a couple nights a week. Committed completely to each other but still having individual space. We're going to a social dance tonight and then might not see each other until .Tuesday. I'm watching the Grammies with my adult daughters tomorrow ...girl time...my guy would die if he had to sit there.

Anyways. Bottom line. Just go with the flow. Que sera, sera. No children to plan for...will kick the bucket in a few decades...enjoy each other part time, full time or whatever.
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