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 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 12
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Is it silly these days to have old fashioned standards regarding sex when dating?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I've dated someone for a year (as a virgin) and someone else for 6 months without having sex with them. The relationship ended for other reasons in both cases.

I respect women to the point where I'll need some sort of indicator that she's interested before I'll pursue such things. It can be frustrating yes and not preferable, but if I really like someone, I'd wait...

All of my experiences with relationships that became sexual are fairly odd in that the day I first kissed her, we had sex in 24 hours, whereas the ones that I've kissed but didn't have sex with right away - I've never had sex with them at all. But I think the natural progression of increasing intimacy would bring one to sex after a few months.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 14
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Is it silly these days to have old fashioned standards regarding sex when dating?
Posted: 7/24/2008 6:28:52 PM
Harley nailed it...what we think, what your date thinks, or what your neighbors think, is irrelevant. The only person who's opinion matters here is you. Period. If you are not comfortable with something, then for goodness sake don't do it. If he gets pi$$y and leaves; it's somebody you’re glad left anyway.


but understand a lot of men will not stick around a long time to have sex. Men with choice especially will not want to play that game and just find somebody else.
Screw 'em; or, in this case, don't screw 'em.


A guy who waits a long time for sex may not be old fashioned, he may just be desperate.
Here's a totally off the wall concept for you...he just might respect the woman he is with enough to value her beliefs, desires, and opinions. I know it sounds kind of wild, but that is a possibility.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not playing holier than thou; I've had sex on a first date; and I've dated for several weeks before sex. If I don't "stick around a long time" it's because our personalities don't match; not because we aren't having sex.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 16
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Is it silly these days to have old fashioned standards regarding sex when dating?
Posted: 7/24/2008 6:58:16 PM
I am very old fashioned as well - I have never put out on the first date!
You simply have to do what is right for you and hopefully you will meet nice gentlemen - who will respect every aspect of how you want to go forward in a relationship!
 KTDID78
Joined: 1/27/2007
Msg: 18
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Is it silly these days to have old fashioned standards regarding sex when dating?
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:43:18 PM
I think more of us as we come towards wanting to settle down again are being at least slightly more reserved than the past would dictate. As others have said, no one wants to stay with someone who doesn't create a little mystery and longing and is eager to put it all on the table the first go around. I think the build up of anticipation only heightens the relationship for when you are both ready.
 STH III
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 19
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Is it silly these days to have old fashioned standards regarding sex when dating?
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:44:53 PM
I think sex is a very important part of a relationship and if you wait a long time and find out you are not sexually compatible then you have wasted a lot of time and I am sure someone gets hurt. Its not like people our age are virgins and believe me when I say most of us do not disrespect women that give us sex early on. I personally want a woman that really loves sex and wants it as much as I do. If someone makes me wait very long I would be thinking she might very well be asexual or somewhat inhibited. Just my opinion.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 21
Is it silly these days to have old fashioned standards regarding sex when dating?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:30:42 PM
~OP~ I'm with you. Oddly, that is difficult for people to understand since I tend to lean to the far left on sexual issues. The reason I have a tendency to "defend" some of those who live alternative lifestyles, are OK with open-marriages/relationships, etc., is that I only live my life and I'm perfectly comfortable with the reality: not many people are happy with celibacy. I am however (when not in a long-term-monogamous relationship.) I am also with the "what works for you personally" crowd, because that's how I live. However ~ I'm a little concerned that your "old fashioned" views may be misleading you about HIV/Aids/STDs, etc. You don't have to worry if you are educated and prepared and steadfast about your health and the health of your partner. If sex scares you (due to the STD factor) ~ that's an entirely different beast than being old-fashioned. I fear old-fashioned values sometimes mask other things ~ probably not the healthiest of things, sadly. Seek information (reputable,) be tested regularly (because we are ALL at risk if we've had unprotected sex ONCE in our lifetimes), and then decide when you are ready and with whom. If the man you casually date doesn't understand this about you ~ he's not the one for you!! He wouldn't be the one for me either.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 25
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Is it silly these days to have old fashioned standards regarding sex when dating?
Posted: 7/25/2008 1:13:47 PM
It isn't silly, but it's probably harder to find someone like-minded.
 TheyCallMeMrAwesome
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 27
Is it silly these days to have old fashioned standards regarding sex when dating?
Posted: 10/11/2008 8:24:08 PM
"I miss the courting and spending time and gradual togetherness"

which is what people should expect, not sex.

I'm a waiter, I don't like it to be meaningless, I have to know as much about them as they do. I don't see it as a gift, but i don't see it as something to be tossed around lightly, I see it as saying alright, I REALLY like and trust you. for me, trust isn't given, but earned. I was raised this way, it is just who I am and i don't compromise that!
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