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Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 26
Childless menPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I am jealous of friend's and neighbor's families. I always wanted a daughter especially,and feel like a failure as a man that I didn't have kids earlier in life when a few opportunities presented themselves

OP don't be jealous or envious of those with children OR feel like a failure as a man because you didn't have kids of your own.
The world NEEDS more men such as yourself to come to the rescue of soooo many single moms struggling to raise children with no father figure in sight!
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 27
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Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:45:12 PM
Trying to proclaim success or failure has nothing to do if you are sperm donor or had children. Success is living life in the direction you choose and making the most of that direction. I once wanted to have a family in my early twenties when I thought it was the right age to but my gf started cheating and that ended that. I was head over heals in love with her at the time and it shattered my idea of having kids with someone I felt passionate about so I dismissed it and never took hold on my again, opting for what things in life took my intrest.

When someone does choose parenting as a thier path, they need to be the best parent they can, showing the love and providing the most they can for those. In that circumstance those things would determine if they were a success, provideing the most possible to ones family.

Success is all relivent to the direction one chooses
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 28
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 10:42:29 PM
This thread is over a year old, for the record the op wrote to me after my post and was going to consider helping some of the kids who are lacking a male figure in their lives...he seemed really genuine and I hope things have worked out well for him

...I think maybe if an old thread is pulled from the vaults that maybe the person who did it should write the op and inform them that the thread been revived...
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 29
Childless men
Posted: 11/15/2009 8:17:56 AM
I never had kids but i spoiled the hell out of my brothers kids, al though it would have been great to have them it does not make you a bad person or less of a person for not. I am ok with it.
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 30
Childless men
Posted: 11/15/2009 5:05:15 PM
I don't think that failure is the right word... I think the words might be "selfish" and "guilt" and you are now probably reaping the consequences of your selfish life all these years. You had opporutnities but chose not to have children. You wanted a life of freedom, and thats what you CHOSE. It was your choice, and now you are regretting that you made those choices. It's not failure, its guilt of your selfish past. Sorry, but that's how I see it.

I have spoken to some friends that I know, and the man was the same. He wanted a free life and never wanted children. Now, in his late 50's, he regrets it and feels like he made the wrong choices. However he does accept it that he was selfish and has to live with the consequences and guilt. He is now married, but it is too late in life for him to have children.

Maybe you could marry a younger woman and start a family, but then keep in mind, that when your child is 20 years old... think of how old you will be and ask if that is fair on the child? Selfishness can now once again set in, and you may want a child now, but don't go having a child until you think about his/her life ahead and the consequences your older age might have on them and the impact it will have. Do you want to be really old when your child is 20 yrs old?
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 31
Childless men
Posted: 1/2/2010 12:46:26 AM
Hated being a kid
Not having them
Had it snipped when I turned 18
Looking at my friends that are all divorced, strapped with alimony, child support and questionable visitation ; no regrets.

Amazing how many women think that the end purpose to any relationship is kids. It is a sign, for me it is the exit sign out.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 32
Childless men
Posted: 1/5/2010 12:06:14 AM
At 48 he could still shoot and score with an appropriate fertile mertle.
Or he could adopt an 18 yo foreign exchange co-ed.... (was that my outside voice?)
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 33
Childless men
Posted: 1/5/2010 2:23:09 PM
Just as selfish to have children. We choose what we choose because that is what we really love. I really loved raising my children.. Still do it at my age but they are not human ones..
I show Persian cats and breed one litter a year to keep me in the show ring.. Up every 2 hours for the first 3 weeks to feed the babies to make sure they are getting enough..

Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 34
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Childless men
Posted: 1/5/2010 5:39:01 PM
I didn't read the whole thread, but if you want children, OP, why don't you find a woman who does, too? You're not too old to father them at 46, you know?
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 35
Childless men
Posted: 1/5/2010 8:28:49 PM
^^^What she said. There are way too many children in the world who were the product of lackadaisical, cultural and other circumstances...and we are obscenely overpopulated. Biological does not always make a family.
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 36
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Childless men
Posted: 1/5/2010 8:40:14 PM

Biological does not always make a family.

Holy carp Miss M! My ex is a living proof of that! I would laugh except it is really sad.

OP? We cannot define ourselves because we have had children or we have not. We are what we are. I was just sitting here thinking tonite that I have spent 22 years of my life caring for my children and still keep caring for them. Yet? When they have plans, I sit here alone if not for a date. The road of raising has been long, tough, yet loving and rewarding. Not sure what to tell you really. Except please, do not define yourself by having kids or not.
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 37
Childless men
Posted: 1/6/2010 12:56:41 AM
want mine?
a lot of women don't want the luggage

The challenges will put you in therapy and by the time they will accept some one in your life you would be too old and near a grandfather

... would you prefer this?

Mine eat like horses, never do dishes or laundry, party and spend like drunken sailors, crash cars learning with exorbitant insurance premiums and tuition fees, they can brave talking back when frustrated or if you deny them liberties, and if you are not sharp and stable enough with the patience of Jobe, they can put you in therapy. please take them, I will pay you! careful what you pray for, I am having second doubts and may post them on Buy and Sell
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 38
Childless men
Posted: 1/6/2010 2:52:47 AM

The challenges will put you in therapy and by the time they will accept some one in your life you would be too old and near a grandfather

In the case of death of their father certainly understandable. If one is sensitive one might well choose to wait until your children are out on their own.. Besides you avoid a whole lot of problems that could arise by trying to mesh two families..

Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 39
Childless men
Posted: 1/6/2010 9:08:31 AM

i always encouraged my "little darling" to bring all his friends home, so i wouldn't have to worry about him being on the streets...
...i thought i was doing a mavellous parenting job until i discovered the bong...
.at least i knew where he

Like you I always encouraged my darlings to bring their friends home.. But with all the giggling and lauging that was going on I had to resort to staying out for hours in the barn..

Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 40
Childless men
Posted: 1/6/2010 10:38:01 AM
OP, if you have to stop with the "regrets" and "what-ifs". It's normal for people at mid-life to examine their lives. But you can't waste time bellyachin' about the past. And to think that you'd be happy and content today if only your ex-gf hadn't had an abortion is rather misguided.

So, you can't change the past, but what about your future? You have had the realization that you want to contribute to a child's life. There are lots of opportunities to do so, as have been mentioned. And there are lots of single mothers looking for dating partners and organizations looking for volunteers

and need to value what you do have in your life
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 41
OP, you are having a mid life crisis
Posted: 1/7/2010 2:31:35 AM

I am not a nurturer, although I'm an instructor, a trainer, a mentor, a guide. I just don't NURTURE.

By the description above I do see you as being someone that does nurture. You just a different version of it..

Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 42
OP, you are having a mid life crisis
Posted: 1/7/2010 8:39:16 AM
Alas, to be an instructor, a trainer, a mentor, a guide with the added features of caring and love makes one a nurturer!

Many of us may, in this little quest of information, forget what we were like when we were children! I can recall my parents on many occasions not being too pleased with what I had done, and I can also remember the feelings when my own kids did similar things, perhaps it is our latent childhood memeories that many call upon to not want children. And in the same context, it is the love and caring that we want to administer to those that we didn't have some reason or another.

If we as adults still feel the need to nurture, there are many volunteering things that can be done, Big Brother, Boy Scouts, YMCA leader for groups of kids, then there are the other aspects as described by rearing and tending to animals, the one thing the animals do not do is talk back!! Oh they have their way of showing displeasure, but not quite as abrupt as a child.

If I could have another I think I would like to skip the ages of 13 -17 and 22-30 for hands on being a parent, those were the tough years, but I have to admit I learned the same amount as they did, and for that I am grateful.

It is kind of ironical, listening to my children conplain about what their kids are doing, how they deal with it and remember what we as parents did for them. The similarities are phenominal, so if you did things the right way, you will be imprinted upon your grandchilds memory, it may be as a mean ole' Ogre, but they will love you just the same or even more.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 43
Childless men
Posted: 1/7/2010 9:48:41 AM

Amazing how many women think that the end purpose to any relationship is kids. It is a sign, for me it is the exit sign out.

That is an overly broad assumption. (And a bunch of crap!)

Biology is just biology... it doesn't make you a father, it makes you a sperm donor. It's what's in your HEART that makes you a FATHER.

Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 44
Childless men
Posted: 1/7/2010 12:50:58 PM
OP...go have a kid.
That's one that almost any male can do at almost any age.
Be prepared for the consequences of your actions.
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 45
Childless men
Posted: 1/9/2010 8:24:19 AM
I too, 47, never had a child. Married twice, again, childless.

Honestly, never really wanted one, although lately, have re considered this. And odd piece psychologically is that I am the last Turner for 2 generations, so the name of this branch, does die with me. Never really cared that much, but lately, it has crossed the mind.

I am pretty good about Acceptance though, and generally able to stay mindful that My Life is as I create it, and this is what I have created, if I want something else, I need to work in a new direction.
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 46
Childless men
Posted: 1/9/2010 5:53:31 PM
Have you ever thought of adopting a child that is in the system?
In Minneapolis alone we have 400-500 children alone, without families waiting for someone to want them.
Maybe start by volunteering for a shelter or child refuge, this will give you a better idea if that is what you truly want.
I am sorry that you are feeling the loss of what could have been, but the best way to counteract this is by making plan B.
Joined: 12/29/2004
Msg: 47
Childless men
Posted: 1/10/2010 1:09:40 PM
Do you have any nieces or nephews?
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 48
Childless men
Posted: 1/10/2010 2:18:31 PM
[qoute] Amazing how many women think that the end purpose to any relationship is kids. It is a sign, for me it is the exit sign out.

That is an overly broad assumption. (And a bunch of crap!)

Nope its not an overly broad assumption. Its an absolute. If we were dating, and you wanted kids, we would no longer be dating. Its the way it is. I had it snipped when I was 18. I aint having kids. If they are important to you, wonderful; move along. If you have them and they are still at home, wonderful; move along. If you had them and they are on their own, well then lets see where it goes from there.

Its the same as smoking for me. If you smoke, its an instant no-go. Thanks for playing. Go fish.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 49
Childless men
Posted: 1/10/2010 7:34:51 PM
OP...becoming a foster parent can be quite fulfilling. I am a foster parent to a child overseas, and have been for many years. And as well I foster children in my least I did. I have decided this year is going to be my last year fostering.

I currently have a 14 year old girl who has been with me for about 4 years. I started adoption proceedings this year but it's such a slow process. We had hoped to have this done and over with by Christmas but that wasn't possible.

OP there are so many kids out there that need a secure loving home. That might be an option you might want to check into.

Best of luck
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 50
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Childless men
Posted: 1/10/2010 9:33:56 PM
"Amazing how many women think that the end purpose to any relationship is kids."

"Nope its not an overly broad assumption. Its an absolute"

Then how do you explain all the women like myself who choose not to have children.

There has to be as many men as women who don't want children.

Sad when people change their mind in their older age, and make the child risk having a grandpa for a father physically and mentally.
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