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 mirabelle13
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 51
Childless menPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
SapphireEyes,

Some very beautiful posts.

At one time I wished I had had a child, but I realized that the time was never "right" for me or the child. So now I teach other people's children and am rewarded every day.

I can understand wanting that special connection with a young person. There is something so pure and honest in a child's love.

If you want a child, it really is not to late. My father had me at 49 years of age. And I was his favorite of his three kids. He felt that he had learned from his mistakes with his first two and was ready to really be there for a kid.

The question is to examine whether you are willing to do everything it takes in your life for the child. Creating another life, protecting and nurturing a young person is probably the most important task we as humans can do.

Only you know if this is for you. If it is, go for it. If not, as others have said, there are plenty of kids who need love.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 52
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:25:47 AM

I know people who were told by parents that they were "mistakes" and it affects them for the rest of their lives to know this. Some folks should be rendered incapable of procreation, but they aren't. I'm just no longer willing to take on the results of their actions. Been there, done that.


Being an adoptee I can say I never felt like a mistake.. My mother always told me how lucky I was and how she had walked down the line of babies that were available and how she chose me. Of course later on in life I learned this was not really the case at all. But still it was the sentiment she expressed to me and the love she gave me growing up.

One gave me love
The other gave me life

For that I am grateful to both.

thecatsmeoww
 NewToMichiana
Joined: 6/6/2009
Msg: 53
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History
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:52:08 AM
Maybe you can take a different stance on this "failure" concept,,,

I've wanted children for 20 years but due to various influences, I've chosen not to with the women in my life. It might've been due to a subconscious self awareness that while it wasn't saving me from heartbreak, it was sparing an innocent child,,, I've never looked at it as some sort of failure. It was a decision that didn't want to see my child subjected to anything other than complete acceptance and love no matter what the situation with a significant other and myself,,, I guess deep down inside, I was worried that it wouldn't be accomplished and would rather abandon my own selfish desires as opposed to the future of an innocent,,,

Regret, yes, but casting aside my selfish desire to bequeath the world with another me or feminine me, it becomes more about saving a human being from anguish and I can accept that. There's already enough lost souls in severe pain in this world,,,

A failure,,, absolutely not,,,

I'm sure you have other redeeming traits/qualities to give to the world other than genetic material,,,

 mirabelle13
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 54
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:11:05 AM
^^^^^^^

NTM,

How wonderfully said.
 morningsong53
Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 55
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:47:35 AM
OP I didn't look at your profile but your post definitely stirred up some
thoughts: If you just look around a bit I'm sure you see lots of kids who
would benefit from the influence of a good man in their world. It could be
that life has meant for you to experience this in a more unconventional way.
If you think back on your own life and the people who "marked" a place in
your heart, caused you to look at a situation completely differently, affected
who you are today....was that person always a parent? Children are unbelievably
easy to love....maybe that is a gift you can give in a way that could surprise you.
 louise1359
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 56
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:53:26 AM
OP, you are not a failure. Having kids is an extremely selfish act--no one asks to be born, after all. We do it because we want the experience of raising a child. There is a tremendous amount of sacrifice if you are a good parent, but you chose it. (Not having kids is a selfish decision, too, but it does not affect anyone else--unless you are one of the childless who complain about the "breaks" parents get, because you are denying the reality that it is their children who will be the ones filling jobs as the older generation leaves them. You don't have to have kids, but at least be tolerant of those who do and willing to recognize their selfish choices will benefit you in the future. It really does take all of us to raise good kids.)

If you want kids in your life, there are so many options. Kids need unconditional love more than anything--when it is combined with rational discipline (teaching them how to be a decent human being). So many kids do not get unconditional love that it makes me sad. Parents always seem to have "expectations" for the way their kids' lives should go. If you can give unconditional acceptance--no matter what the kid(s) want to be in life, no matter how unambitious or nonathletic or whatever--you will be giving a child a tremendous gift. Go for it; find a way. Best of luck.
 Windsprinter
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 57
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:12:30 PM
Being a big brother or sister would be very rewarding and even help ou connect with yourself.

Big Brothers and Sisters Canada

http://www.bigbrothersbigsisters.ca/en/Home/default.aspx

kids need and love attention and guidance and need to learn what trust is. Yes, there are many abused boys, helping them grow in confidence is a pressing need in our society.
 SailVixen
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 58
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:24:02 PM
[q]There are already 6 million on this Planet and in 20-30 years there will be more than 9! Food and water, and climate, will be major problems.[/q]


Well ,then it's a damn good thing the OP didn't have a child eating all the food and drinking all the water....

Also, there are more than 6 million peeps on this earth FYI......
 SailVixen
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 59
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:26:22 PM
Oops, meant to quote another poster in the above facetious post. Obviously, I ddin't say it since his logic is as out of whack as his stats.......
 pitbull pete
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 60
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:26:31 PM
As a man I would never be involved in anything where you are around children unless you are their father. All one needs to do is utter some words that imply you touched them inappropriately and your life will be ruined and you could end up facing charges and put on some sex offender list. Ref. Post No. 57

No I do not dislike children but this just the way the would is today. I mentioned once to a male friend how my neighbors 8 year old granddaughter wanted me to go for a walk with her. I gave her an excuse in order to not be offensive. He told me that going for a walk with her was a bad idea and that 30 years ago no one would have though anything of it but today is different. For these same reasons I would never advise another man to become a school teacher.
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 61
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:31:48 PM
OP... You could experience a great deal of satisfaction mentoring kids who truly are going through terrible situations and times... In school settings they are always looking out for good Male Mentors as great role models to work with troubled youth...

There are so many kids messed up from drama filled homes, through divorce and other situations that people have no idea about...

Edit:

In response to the above post Pete...

That is so sad that society has created issues like that... I can see why some people would hestitate to be a mentor considering that point of view...

 SailVixen
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 62
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:34:08 PM

For these same reasons I would never advise another man to become a school teacher.


Better advise your male friends not to become doctors, bus drivers, or accountants too. Candlestick makers either. I once saw a kid buy a candle for his mom........
 SailVixen
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 63
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:41:55 PM

Your being silly now


and you weren't???
 wishingwell555
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 64
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 2:31:57 PM
This is not reflection on You. (JMO) just my opinion.

I have children so I would not want to date a man who doesn't have
any children. I had a nice man who wanted to date me older gentleman
he never married and didnt ever have any children was very financially
secure and all. But without the experience of having raised his own child
I didnt think he would make a good partner.
 pitbull pete
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 65
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 2:48:12 PM
I didnt think he would make a good partner


Oh I'm sure he would be a terrible partner because he never had any children. And the dog pounds should never adopt out a dog to a party that has never owned a pet.

This is one of the reasons I never contact women first and have been criticized over this practice. Men whom never been married and no children=RED FLAGS GALORE !

Fortunately for me there are a fair number of well kept, well educated childless women out there so these ones that harbor their prejudices all I can say is who needs them anyhow.
 slumpy
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 66
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 4:12:05 PM
You'll be dead eventually, with or without kids
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 67
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 4:43:08 PM
I am jealous of friend's and neighbor's families. I always wanted a daughter especially,and feel like a failure as a man that I didn't have kids earlier in life when a few opportunities presented themselves

OP don't be jealous or envious of those with children OR feel like a failure as a man because you didn't have kids of your own.
The world NEEDS more men such as yourself to come to the rescue of soooo many single moms struggling to raise children with no father figure in sight!
 principles of magic
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 68
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 4:53:01 PM
I agree with those who've rejected the whole "mid life crisis" as a myth. Take it as an opportunity to get clear about what you want to do with the other half of your life. You need to have lived some in order to get this clarity! You're 46? And you now realize how much you would like to raise a child. As many others here -- at least those who are not drowning in negativity -- have said, there are lots of options available to you: become a Big Brother, become a mentor in a school, stay open to the possibility of dating a woman with child/children and perhaps become part of her family. You're only 46!!

I think that one of the first requirements for good parenthood is a clear and strong desire to be a parent. That and a positive attitude . . .
 DaveB951
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 69
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Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:09:23 PM
But without the experience of having raised his own child I didnt think he would make a good partner

And having raised a child or children automatically makes one a good partner ........ or a good mother/father for that fact ? It is comments like these that I perceive as someone attempting to artificially elevate themself socially in some insecure, overcompensating & pompous manner....

Possessing this logic then automatically makes anyone who is religious or goes to church a good person.... which we all are aware that the Catholic church has shown us is enormously not the case.... and completely the opposite..... not to mention a handful of so called christian evangalists who got busted over ther past decade.....

Every person walking the face of this earth should be judged based on their own individual and personal level of character, morals, values and integrity.....
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 70
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Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:45:12 PM
Trying to proclaim success or failure has nothing to do if you are sperm donor or had children. Success is living life in the direction you choose and making the most of that direction. I once wanted to have a family in my early twenties when I thought it was the right age to but my gf started cheating and that ended that. I was head over heals in love with her at the time and it shattered my idea of having kids with someone I felt passionate about so I dismissed it and never took hold on my again, opting for what things in life took my intrest.

When someone does choose parenting as a thier path, they need to be the best parent they can, showing the love and providing the most they can for those. In that circumstance those things would determine if they were a success, provideing the most possible to ones family.

Success is all relivent to the direction one chooses
 pitbull pete
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 71
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:34:34 PM

OP don't be jealous or envious of those with children OR feel like a failure as a man because you didn't have kids of your own.
The world NEEDS more men such as yourself to come to the rescue of soooo many single moms struggling to raise children with no father figure in sight!


Those women want divorced men with children, I mean why make something simple when you can make it complicated.
As far as I'm concerned they are doing the single men of the world a great favor.
 Libby55
Joined: 11/14/2008
Msg: 72
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Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:20:22 PM
Paumanok, every school everywhere needs volunteers. We need people to read to children, make copies, help in the classroom, and be a friend to children who are lacking role models. You want to be a grandpa? Volunteer. Tell the kids you want to be called Grandpa xyz or anything else. They will love you and you get to be a hero to a kid and to a teacher.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 73
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 10:42:29 PM
This thread is over a year old, for the record the op wrote to me after my post and was going to consider helping some of the kids who are lacking a male figure in their lives...he seemed really genuine and I hope things have worked out well for him

...I think maybe if an old thread is pulled from the vaults that maybe the person who did it should write the op and inform them that the thread been revived...
 Selima
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 74
Childless men
Posted: 11/15/2009 12:03:37 AM

I think that one of the first requirements for good parenthood is a clear and strong desire to be a parent. That and a positive attitude . . .
Absolutely.
 hotrodius
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 75
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Childless men
Posted: 11/15/2009 8:17:56 AM
I never had kids but i spoiled the hell out of my brothers kids, al though it would have been great to have them it does not make you a bad person or less of a person for not. I am ok with it.
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