Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Childless men      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 louise1359
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 51
Childless menPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
OP, you are not a failure. Having kids is an extremely selfish act--no one asks to be born, after all. We do it because we want the experience of raising a child. There is a tremendous amount of sacrifice if you are a good parent, but you chose it. (Not having kids is a selfish decision, too, but it does not affect anyone else--unless you are one of the childless who complain about the "breaks" parents get, because you are denying the reality that it is their children who will be the ones filling jobs as the older generation leaves them. You don't have to have kids, but at least be tolerant of those who do and willing to recognize their selfish choices will benefit you in the future. It really does take all of us to raise good kids.)

If you want kids in your life, there are so many options. Kids need unconditional love more than anything--when it is combined with rational discipline (teaching them how to be a decent human being). So many kids do not get unconditional love that it makes me sad. Parents always seem to have "expectations" for the way their kids' lives should go. If you can give unconditional acceptance--no matter what the kid(s) want to be in life, no matter how unambitious or nonathletic or whatever--you will be giving a child a tremendous gift. Go for it; find a way. Best of luck.
 Windsprinter
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 52
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:12:30 PM
Being a big brother or sister would be very rewarding and even help ou connect with yourself.

Big Brothers and Sisters Canada

http://www.bigbrothersbigsisters.ca/en/Home/default.aspx

kids need and love attention and guidance and need to learn what trust is. Yes, there are many abused boys, helping them grow in confidence is a pressing need in our society.
 SailVixen
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 53
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:24:02 PM
[q]There are already 6 million on this Planet and in 20-30 years there will be more than 9! Food and water, and climate, will be major problems.[/q]


Well ,then it's a damn good thing the OP didn't have a child eating all the food and drinking all the water....

Also, there are more than 6 million peeps on this earth FYI......
 SailVixen
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 54
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:26:22 PM
Oops, meant to quote another poster in the above facetious post. Obviously, I ddin't say it since his logic is as out of whack as his stats.......
 pitbull pete
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 55
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:26:31 PM
As a man I would never be involved in anything where you are around children unless you are their father. All one needs to do is utter some words that imply you touched them inappropriately and your life will be ruined and you could end up facing charges and put on some sex offender list. Ref. Post No. 57

No I do not dislike children but this just the way the would is today. I mentioned once to a male friend how my neighbors 8 year old granddaughter wanted me to go for a walk with her. I gave her an excuse in order to not be offensive. He told me that going for a walk with her was a bad idea and that 30 years ago no one would have though anything of it but today is different. For these same reasons I would never advise another man to become a school teacher.
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 56
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:31:48 PM
OP... You could experience a great deal of satisfaction mentoring kids who truly are going through terrible situations and times... In school settings they are always looking out for good Male Mentors as great role models to work with troubled youth...

There are so many kids messed up from drama filled homes, through divorce and other situations that people have no idea about...

Edit:

In response to the above post Pete...

That is so sad that society has created issues like that... I can see why some people would hestitate to be a mentor considering that point of view...

 SailVixen
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 57
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:34:08 PM

For these same reasons I would never advise another man to become a school teacher.


Better advise your male friends not to become doctors, bus drivers, or accountants too. Candlestick makers either. I once saw a kid buy a candle for his mom........
 SailVixen
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 58
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 1:41:55 PM

Your being silly now


and you weren't???
 wishingwell555
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 59
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 2:31:57 PM
This is not reflection on You. (JMO) just my opinion.

I have children so I would not want to date a man who doesn't have
any children. I had a nice man who wanted to date me older gentleman
he never married and didnt ever have any children was very financially
secure and all. But without the experience of having raised his own child
I didnt think he would make a good partner.
 pitbull pete
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 60
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 2:48:12 PM
I didnt think he would make a good partner


Oh I'm sure he would be a terrible partner because he never had any children. And the dog pounds should never adopt out a dog to a party that has never owned a pet.

This is one of the reasons I never contact women first and have been criticized over this practice. Men whom never been married and no children=RED FLAGS GALORE !

Fortunately for me there are a fair number of well kept, well educated childless women out there so these ones that harbor their prejudices all I can say is who needs them anyhow.
 slumpy
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 61
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 4:12:05 PM
You'll be dead eventually, with or without kids
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 62
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 4:43:08 PM
I am jealous of friend's and neighbor's families. I always wanted a daughter especially,and feel like a failure as a man that I didn't have kids earlier in life when a few opportunities presented themselves

OP don't be jealous or envious of those with children OR feel like a failure as a man because you didn't have kids of your own.
The world NEEDS more men such as yourself to come to the rescue of soooo many single moms struggling to raise children with no father figure in sight!
 principles of magic
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 63
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 4:53:01 PM
I agree with those who've rejected the whole "mid life crisis" as a myth. Take it as an opportunity to get clear about what you want to do with the other half of your life. You need to have lived some in order to get this clarity! You're 46? And you now realize how much you would like to raise a child. As many others here -- at least those who are not drowning in negativity -- have said, there are lots of options available to you: become a Big Brother, become a mentor in a school, stay open to the possibility of dating a woman with child/children and perhaps become part of her family. You're only 46!!

I think that one of the first requirements for good parenthood is a clear and strong desire to be a parent. That and a positive attitude . . .
 DaveB951
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 64
view profile
History
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:09:23 PM
But without the experience of having raised his own child I didnt think he would make a good partner

And having raised a child or children automatically makes one a good partner ........ or a good mother/father for that fact ? It is comments like these that I perceive as someone attempting to artificially elevate themself socially in some insecure, overcompensating & pompous manner....

Possessing this logic then automatically makes anyone who is religious or goes to church a good person.... which we all are aware that the Catholic church has shown us is enormously not the case.... and completely the opposite..... not to mention a handful of so called christian evangalists who got busted over ther past decade.....

Every person walking the face of this earth should be judged based on their own individual and personal level of character, morals, values and integrity.....
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:45:12 PM
Trying to proclaim success or failure has nothing to do if you are sperm donor or had children. Success is living life in the direction you choose and making the most of that direction. I once wanted to have a family in my early twenties when I thought it was the right age to but my gf started cheating and that ended that. I was head over heals in love with her at the time and it shattered my idea of having kids with someone I felt passionate about so I dismissed it and never took hold on my again, opting for what things in life took my intrest.

When someone does choose parenting as a thier path, they need to be the best parent they can, showing the love and providing the most they can for those. In that circumstance those things would determine if they were a success, provideing the most possible to ones family.

Success is all relivent to the direction one chooses
 pitbull pete
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 66
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:34:34 PM

OP don't be jealous or envious of those with children OR feel like a failure as a man because you didn't have kids of your own.
The world NEEDS more men such as yourself to come to the rescue of soooo many single moms struggling to raise children with no father figure in sight!


Those women want divorced men with children, I mean why make something simple when you can make it complicated.
As far as I'm concerned they are doing the single men of the world a great favor.
 Libby55
Joined: 11/14/2008
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:20:22 PM
Paumanok, every school everywhere needs volunteers. We need people to read to children, make copies, help in the classroom, and be a friend to children who are lacking role models. You want to be a grandpa? Volunteer. Tell the kids you want to be called Grandpa xyz or anything else. They will love you and you get to be a hero to a kid and to a teacher.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 68
Childless men
Posted: 11/14/2009 10:42:29 PM
This thread is over a year old, for the record the op wrote to me after my post and was going to consider helping some of the kids who are lacking a male figure in their lives...he seemed really genuine and I hope things have worked out well for him

...I think maybe if an old thread is pulled from the vaults that maybe the person who did it should write the op and inform them that the thread been revived...
 hotrodius
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Childless men
Posted: 11/15/2009 8:17:56 AM
I never had kids but i spoiled the hell out of my brothers kids, al though it would have been great to have them it does not make you a bad person or less of a person for not. I am ok with it.
 spunkybum52
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 70
Childless men
Posted: 11/15/2009 5:05:15 PM
I don't think that failure is the right word... I think the words might be "selfish" and "guilt" and you are now probably reaping the consequences of your selfish life all these years. You had opporutnities but chose not to have children. You wanted a life of freedom, and thats what you CHOSE. It was your choice, and now you are regretting that you made those choices. It's not failure, its guilt of your selfish past. Sorry, but that's how I see it.

I have spoken to some friends that I know, and the man was the same. He wanted a free life and never wanted children. Now, in his late 50's, he regrets it and feels like he made the wrong choices. However he does accept it that he was selfish and has to live with the consequences and guilt. He is now married, but it is too late in life for him to have children.

Maybe you could marry a younger woman and start a family, but then keep in mind, that when your child is 20 years old... think of how old you will be and ask if that is fair on the child? Selfishness can now once again set in, and you may want a child now, but don't go having a child until you think about his/her life ahead and the consequences your older age might have on them and the impact it will have. Do you want to be really old when your child is 20 yrs old?
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 71
Childless men
Posted: 1/2/2010 12:46:26 AM
Hated being a kid
Not having them
Had it snipped when I turned 18
Looking at my friends that are all divorced, strapped with alimony, child support and questionable visitation ; no regrets.

Amazing how many women think that the end purpose to any relationship is kids. It is a sign, for me it is the exit sign out.
 daffie
Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 72
Childless men
Posted: 1/2/2010 2:08:41 AM
...personally, i'd love to find a man with no kids....
for purely selfish reasons of course...

just the same, children aren't a cute accessory to have around for when ever you feel a bit down or inadequate...
once you have them they're forever...hopefully...and they present a lot of hard work, as well as continuing satisfaction as they grow up...

being a parent is not for us all...
indeed there should be a test on parenthood competance that has to be passed by all prospective parents before a child can be bought into this world...
if only...

since the original post was over 18 months ago obviously there are no children in the life of the op, as yet...
i wonder if he still feels the same way?...
 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Childless men
Posted: 1/2/2010 3:24:47 AM
I'm truly sorry and sad about the abortion. It's actually a VERY common scenario, unfortunately.

A long time male friend of mine, who is 48, says that the thing he regrets the most in life, basically the ONLY thing that he regrets, is that he never married and had children. He's a bit of a workaholic, so there ya go. He says he keeps hoping a woman will knock on his door and tell him that he is the father of her child(ren). How sad and tragic to have gotten to that point in his thinking.

Even though I'm not happy about being married, then divorced, it definitely was worth it to have my wonderful "children". They are now 21 and 23 and both turned out great!

At your age, by the time you presumably meet a woman, fall in love (?), (get married?) and have a child, you would be pushing 50. Then at approx. 76 years of age (for the average, white, U.S. male) you will die. That means your child(ren) would be only 26 at your death. That's similar to the age that my father died (from lung cancer). That was 23 years ago and I STILL miss him and cry, sometimes. It SUCKS.

Even though I don't think it's a very good idea for 50 years olds to have babies since it's not fair to the children, it's your business. I would also consider adoption, offering to care for relatives children now and then, volunteering at local boys and girls clubs, coaching sports or other activities, etc.

Of course, another possibility is getting involved with a woman who already has children. Even if her children are older and you hit it off, there would probably be grandchildren in the future which would make you a grandpa at some point. What a joy THAT would be! I look forward to it!

Good luck!
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 74
Childless men
Posted: 1/5/2010 12:06:14 AM
At 48 he could still shoot and score with an appropriate fertile mertle.
Or he could adopt an 18 yo foreign exchange co-ed.... (was that my outside voice?)
 RonnieB77
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 75
Childless men
Posted: 1/5/2010 7:41:56 AM
I would be very sad that she didn't even want to talk it over with me.
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Childless men