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Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 101
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Childless menPage 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
"Amazing how many women think that the end purpose to any relationship is kids."

"Nope its not an overly broad assumption. Its an absolute"

Then how do you explain all the women like myself who choose not to have children.

There has to be as many men as women who don't want children.

Sad when people change their mind in their older age, and make the child risk having a grandpa for a father physically and mentally.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 102
Childless men
Posted: 1/11/2010 10:54:52 AM
In a two hundred mile radius from my doorstep, there are 20. At least according to POF, that number goes up if you put not sure in children field. but a not sure is a maybe I do down the line. The mode of operation has been get em young, and when the biological clock starts ticking, time to trade in. good for a bout a decade, though the last one made it 14 years. (not opposed to LTR, just dead set against kids)
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 103
Childless men
Posted: 1/12/2010 12:04:08 PM
You're 41, your problem will soon go away unless you date much younger. (Another reason NOT to date much younger)

I'm a childless woman, too--but I still have relationships, so that 'women only want relationships for children' theory is debunked. Though it should be obvious that it's bunk to anyone in the dating world, anyway.
I just do not understand the ole "need" for children. It's not like the species will die out because YOU didn't spawn.

I recall one very interesting survey of old people in a retirement home:
--the ones with kids often regretted having them
--the ones without kids often regretted NOT having them

It's a human thing, this wanting what you don't have.
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 104
Childless men
Posted: 1/13/2010 10:24:54 AM
Not having children does not mean you are a failure at anything. You're 46 and could still be a Father if you wanted to be. The fact that your ex girlfriend did what she did was apparently because she had grown children already. That was her choice. We won't get in to the why she didnt discuss it with you part.

I didn't have children and have no regrets. I am not a failiure in any way. I also see too many people with children that should never have had them in the first place.

If you like children that much, put yourself out there and look for single moms. There are plenty looking for someone like you.
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 105
Childless men
Posted: 1/13/2010 3:21:24 PM
I work in public education and interact with many children every day at work, and also have taught over 1 thousand different children at this point in my career. Maybe if I did not teach them I would have had a need to become a parent, but never have felt a burning maternal instinct as far as wanting to become a mother. My brother became a father for the first time at age 46, and seems to be happy with his choice.
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 106
Childless men
Posted: 1/13/2010 3:40:05 PM

My brother became a father for the first time at age 46, and seems to be happy with his choice.

Well, to be fair, he may as well be. There are no "take-backs" on this sort of thing.
And it's hardly "okay" to say, "Boy, having kids was the biggest mistake of my life!" Talk about making yourself a pariah. Although, I can't help but feel there are plenty of people out there who DO regret having children. Probably don't HATE the kids themselves,but more like regret the path they could have taken: maybe living abroad, but instead were stuck home with the kids. Or being an artist, but instead had to pay the bills because of the kids. You know, George what's-his-name in that Christmas movie.

There are other ways to indulge your generativity than spawning (teaching is one way, Big Borthers/Sisters, being an aunt, etc).
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 107
Childless men
Posted: 1/13/2010 5:14:30 PM
My brother dated several women who were older than him or his age who did not have children and I think he was attracted to his wife because she had children and is 8 years younger than he is. He adopted her children from her previous marriage shortly before their daughter was born. He had years of being single, and the choice he made of marrying a woman who had children and having a child of his own seems to agree with him.
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 108
Childless men
Posted: 1/13/2010 6:01:09 PM
First let me say that is terrible your girlfriend did not let you know
at that time she was going to have your child. I do not believe in abortion.
Many women do Not have children. Probably more than you realize.
Anyway, I do not think a man is a failure just because he does not have
However, I would not date a man that did not have children because he
does not have the experience I need in a mate. JMO
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 109
Childless men
Posted: 1/14/2010 9:17:59 AM
Re the Opost:

"..I am jealous of friend's and neighbor's families...."

I am 46 and I am not.
Take it this way. There are already 6 million on this Planet and in 20-30 years there will be more than 9! Food and water, and climate, will be major problems. Childless people can be proud of not contributing further to an existing over-population problem. And there are other ways to contribute towards making this a better world.

And has anyone seen what those families go through, day in day out? How many wish they were single and choldless (while of course they love their children, but).

So think again!
I totally agree with you , you have said it in a nutshell! Dont understand why so
many think their sole purpose on this planet is to have babies, It should be law
that you have to pass criteria before having a child anyway, like being able to feed
clothe and educate it before you can have it , so many bring one into this world and
then try to figure those things out later , sad for the child, Dont know the specifics
on this man where he is in life , jobwise , living situation, so forth, but I can tell
him , he wouldnt be as well off had he had kids, cause you can tell he would have
given and done all he could for them, seems like a nice guy, lucky too!
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 110
Childless men
Posted: 1/14/2010 1:01:32 PM
Next, men without children...brilliant! [mocking Guiness ads
amen to all you have said , its the truth
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 111
Childless men
Posted: 1/15/2010 5:07:34 AM
i don't have kids and i don't miss it. i've really never wanted kids, so there's really nothing to miss. i enjoy being able to do what i want to do without having to consider anyone else. my ex, on the other hand, recently seems more enamored with the idea. he never seemed to want kids in the past, however. at this point, i think it has more to do with the women he dates. if he's hooked into someone and they want kids, dogs, etc., then all of a sudden he's yapping endlessly about how great it would be to have kids, dogs, etc.. then when they break up, never peep again. think it's more an extension of the woman than really wanting kids, dogs, cats, etc.. we had dogs and he never could be bothered with them, so i can't imagine what would happen if he ever had kids with someone and the thrill of the woman wore off...i shudder to think the thrill of the kid would probably wear off.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 112
Childless men
Posted: 1/15/2010 12:36:11 PM
perhaps you could be a 'big brother' to someone, or volunteer to help out in schools, or even just sponsor a child somewhere

it's not the same as having your own child of course, but it would definitely make a difference in the life of a little one.
Joined: 6/7/2010
Msg: 113
Childless men
Posted: 7/19/2010 7:58:33 PM
not a failure........think of all the child support you kept............
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 114
Childless men
Posted: 7/19/2010 9:52:13 PM
I have taken my turn at raising kids, my brothers kids. Mainly my mother was asked to help take care of them but I was there and did my share of screaming to make them behave. I also had an ex-girlfriend whom had four kids. Her youngest was a baby girl and she was so much fun to be around. She would sleep between us and if we kissed each other we had to kiss her. When she got a little older like 3 or 4, I gave her a big hug and told her that I love her. The biggest smile had come across her face, I will never forget. But I got tired of her mothers crap and I left. I bet she will never forget me either, her mother told me that she thinks I am her dad. I'm not of course but thats what the little girl thinks.
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 115
Childless men
Posted: 7/19/2010 10:42:29 PM
An anecdote to be interpreted any way you like:
I had a girlfriend for 3 years who had a hysterectomy. She'd had kids in a prior marriage (unplanned), fought with them constantly and berated herself as a bad mom (unfortunately).

We got along great, but despite her personal health and history with kids, every few months she would ask me if I wanted kids.

WTF? Why did she kept asking?!?
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 116
Childless men
Posted: 7/19/2010 11:21:58 PM
I had my first midlife crisis at 21, I was never supposed to be this old.
Now I am up for a sequal of fast cars, loud motorcycles, skydiving, extended vacations, reckless endangerments and a long string of things that I will regret if I make it to round three.

No kids. Not married. No regrets on either.
Some people are parental, some shouldnt ever be. Best mind your own gap.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 117
Childless men
Posted: 7/20/2010 3:02:32 PM

We got along great, but despite her personal health and history with kids, every few months she would ask me if I wanted kids.

WTF? Why did she kept asking?!?

I think she kept asking because she knew it was the ONE thing she could never "give" you. (Another common yet outdated assumption ~ that ALL men want a son...or at the very least, a child.) I don't get it myself, but seems to be a theme. **shrug**
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 118
Childless men
Posted: 7/21/2010 5:59:48 PM
I don't regret my choice to not have kids as I had a wonderful career and certainly don't feel like a failure. It was my choice and I know I made the right decision.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 119
Childless men
Posted: 7/21/2010 8:53:45 PM
Children can be one of the biggest joys in one's life, but they are a big responsibility that not everyone is capable of taking on. It's a committment of 20 years or more. There are too many fatherless and single parent homes in our society. If you can't committment to love and marriage with a partner, in order to initially create a loving stable environment for a child, it's better to put off having them.

Having children shouldn't be a "right", it should be a "privilege"
Joined: 6/5/2010
Msg: 120
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Childless men
Posted: 7/22/2010 12:14:25 PM
I don't think someone who doesn't have kids is a failure - I think the ones who have kids who never should have are! (I do, however, think a lot of men who reach this age and haven't been married have issues). I also think it's not okay to have kids when you are old. Kids really require and deserve youth and strength and older people who have kids it's just vanity becasue they are not thinking of the best interests of the kid. But knowing a kid and being a part of their lives, there are lots of opportunities for that. Consider being a "Big Brother." Those guys are like heros!
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 121
Childless men
Posted: 7/22/2010 1:35:32 PM
^^^^tell that to my 54 year old brother, who became a father at age 46 for the first time. At age 54 he seems to have plenty of strength and has no issues with being too vain.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 122
Childless men
Posted: 7/22/2010 5:06:49 PM

I don't think someone who doesn't have kids is a failure - I think the ones who have kids who never should have are! (I do, however, think a lot of men who reach this age and haven't been married have issues).

The last line above is quite the statement,,,and somewhat revealing. Just for your info,,,,and anybody else that thinks this way,,,,,people can be in (and amazingly ARE) in long term relationships and NOT EVER be married in their life!!!!!!! Can ya believe THAT???
Not ever being married= issues.........

OT,,,,,a huge quanity of PEOPLE should NEVER be parents,,,,,,,,EVER!!!!!!!!!! (married or not )
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 123
Childless men
Posted: 7/22/2010 7:23:41 PM
"^^^^tell that to my 54 year old brother, who became a father at age 46 for the first time. At age 54 he seems to have plenty of strength and has no issues with being too vain."

I just think as you get older you should be putting money away for retirement not a kid's college funds; but that is just my thought.
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 124
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Childless men
Posted: 7/26/2010 5:37:47 AM
because of my last few dates i've decided i would like to date men who are childless...
(or their children live at least a few hundreds miles away)...

a lot of the men who i've been out with have issues,
with their children not wanting them to date or form any sort of relationship with a new partner...
i don't want this sort of drama in my life and i question why these kids are so concerned with their father's business...
my darling son only wants to see me happy, trusts my judgement and is not at all over protective or jealous of any man i may go out with...

childless men?...
yes please...
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 125
Childless men
Posted: 7/29/2010 7:22:31 AM
I wanted a life of adventure and had no time for kids. But starting about 10 years ago, every now and then I would be around a happy family and go home feeling awful for not having that for myself. Still I wouldn't trade my adventurous life for that. And I'm still not thrilled about getting myself into an instant family situation.
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