|Childless menPage 5 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)|
Amazing how many women think that the end purpose to any relationship is kids. It is a sign, for me it is the exit sign out.
That is an overly broad assumption. (And a bunch of crap!)
Biology is just biology... it doesn't make you a father, it makes you a sperm donor. It's what's in your HEART that makes you a FATHER.
Posted: 1/7/2010 12:50:58 PM
|OP...go have a kid.|
That's one that almost any male can do at almost any age.
Be prepared for the consequences of your actions.
Posted: 1/9/2010 8:24:19 AM
|I too, 47, never had a child. Married twice, again, childless.|
Honestly, never really wanted one, although lately, have re considered this. And odd piece psychologically is that I am the last Turner for 2 generations, so the name of this branch, does die with me. Never really cared that much, but lately, it has crossed the mind.
I am pretty good about Acceptance though, and generally able to stay mindful that My Life is as I create it, and this is what I have created, if I want something else, I need to work in a new direction.
Posted: 1/9/2010 5:53:31 PM
|Have you ever thought of adopting a child that is in the system?|
In Minneapolis alone we have 400-500 children alone, without families waiting for someone to want them.
Maybe start by volunteering for a shelter or child refuge, this will give you a better idea if that is what you truly want.
I am sorry that you are feeling the loss of what could have been, but the best way to counteract this is by making plan B.
Posted: 1/10/2010 1:09:40 PM
|Do you have any nieces or nephews?|
Posted: 1/10/2010 2:18:31 PM
|[qoute] Amazing how many women think that the end purpose to any relationship is kids. It is a sign, for me it is the exit sign out.|
That is an overly broad assumption. (And a bunch of crap!)
Nope its not an overly broad assumption. Its an absolute. If we were dating, and you wanted kids, we would no longer be dating. Its the way it is. I had it snipped when I was 18. I aint having kids. If they are important to you, wonderful; move along. If you have them and they are still at home, wonderful; move along. If you had them and they are on their own, well then lets see where it goes from there.
Its the same as smoking for me. If you smoke, its an instant no-go. Thanks for playing. Go fish.
Posted: 1/10/2010 4:56:38 PM
|lt's not too late for you to have a family..A friend of mine who is 50 had a one nighter and the woman became pregnant. He now has a lovely one year old daughter..He helps the mother and has become a better person for it..He was a hard man very down on himself for being an alcoholic and treating people bad in the past. He has stopped drinking and started to forgive himself..lm not saying go out and get someone pregnant just accept that you can still be a dad,,|
Posted: 1/10/2010 6:15:07 PM
|“If we open a quarrel between the past and present, we shall find that we have lost the future”. Winston Churchill|
It's not too late if you really want kids... you're not a failure for not having done so... as for your former g/f aborting your child that is so sad that she did it secretly, although I suspect it is far more common than any of us realize... There is also the excellent option of adoption so don't rule it out... the joy of kids is giving of yourself into their lives and seeing them grow and mature and become their own person... that they are your seed is nice but it doesn't mean it will be a better or more fulfilling journey...
Posted: 1/10/2010 7:34:51 PM
|OP...becoming a foster parent can be quite fulfilling. I am a foster parent to a child overseas, and have been for many years. And as well I foster children in my home...at least I did. I have decided this year is going to be my last year fostering.|
I currently have a 14 year old girl who has been with me for about 4 years. I started adoption proceedings this year but it's such a slow process. We had hoped to have this done and over with by Christmas but that wasn't possible.
OP there are so many kids out there that need a secure loving home. That might be an option you might want to check into.
Best of luck
Posted: 1/10/2010 9:33:56 PM
|"Amazing how many women think that the end purpose to any relationship is kids."|
"Nope its not an overly broad assumption. Its an absolute"
Then how do you explain all the women like myself who choose not to have children.
There has to be as many men as women who don't want children.
Sad when people change their mind in their older age, and make the child risk having a grandpa for a father physically and mentally.
Posted: 1/11/2010 10:54:52 AM
|In a two hundred mile radius from my doorstep, there are 20. At least according to POF, that number goes up if you put not sure in children field. but a not sure is a maybe I do down the line. The mode of operation has been get em young, and when the biological clock starts ticking, time to trade in. good for a bout a decade, though the last one made it 14 years. (not opposed to LTR, just dead set against kids)|
Posted: 1/12/2010 12:04:08 PM
|You're 41, your problem will soon go away unless you date much younger. (Another reason NOT to date much younger)|
I'm a childless woman, too--but I still have relationships, so that 'women only want relationships for children' theory is debunked. Though it should be obvious that it's bunk to anyone in the dating world, anyway.
I just do not understand the ole "need" for children. It's not like the species will die out because YOU didn't spawn.
I recall one very interesting survey of old people in a retirement home:
--the ones with kids often regretted having them
--the ones without kids often regretted NOT having them
It's a human thing, this wanting what you don't have.
Posted: 1/13/2010 10:24:54 AM
|Not having children does not mean you are a failure at anything. You're 46 and could still be a Father if you wanted to be. The fact that your ex girlfriend did what she did was apparently because she had grown children already. That was her choice. We won't get in to the why she didnt discuss it with you part. |
I didn't have children and have no regrets. I am not a failiure in any way. I also see too many people with children that should never have had them in the first place.
If you like children that much, put yourself out there and look for single moms. There are plenty looking for someone like you.
Posted: 1/13/2010 3:21:24 PM
|I work in public education and interact with many children every day at work, and also have taught over 1 thousand different children at this point in my career. Maybe if I did not teach them I would have had a need to become a parent, but never have felt a burning maternal instinct as far as wanting to become a mother. My brother became a father for the first time at age 46, and seems to be happy with his choice.|
Posted: 1/13/2010 3:40:05 PM
My brother became a father for the first time at age 46, and seems to be happy with his choice.
Well, to be fair, he may as well be. There are no "take-backs" on this sort of thing.
And it's hardly "okay" to say, "Boy, having kids was the biggest mistake of my life!" Talk about making yourself a pariah. Although, I can't help but feel there are plenty of people out there who DO regret having children. Probably don't HATE the kids themselves,but more like regret the path they could have taken: maybe living abroad, but instead were stuck home with the kids. Or being an artist, but instead had to pay the bills because of the kids. You know, George what's-his-name in that Christmas movie.
There are other ways to indulge your generativity than spawning (teaching is one way, Big Borthers/Sisters, being an aunt, etc).
Posted: 1/13/2010 5:14:30 PM
|My brother dated several women who were older than him or his age who did not have children and I think he was attracted to his wife because she had children and is 8 years younger than he is. He adopted her children from her previous marriage shortly before their daughter was born. He had years of being single, and the choice he made of marrying a woman who had children and having a child of his own seems to agree with him.|
Posted: 1/13/2010 6:01:09 PM
|First let me say that is terrible your girlfriend did not let you know|
at that time she was going to have your child. I do not believe in abortion.
Many women do Not have children. Probably more than you realize.
Anyway, I do not think a man is a failure just because he does not have
However, I would not date a man that did not have children because he
does not have the experience I need in a mate. JMO
Posted: 1/14/2010 9:17:59 AM
|Re the Opost:|
"..I am jealous of friend's and neighbor's families...."
I am 46 and I am not.
Take it this way. There are already 6 million on this Planet and in 20-30 years there will be more than 9! Food and water, and climate, will be major problems. Childless people can be proud of not contributing further to an existing over-population problem. And there are other ways to contribute towards making this a better world.
And has anyone seen what those families go through, day in day out? How many wish they were single and choldless (while of course they love their children, but).
So think again!
I totally agree with you , you have said it in a nutshell! Dont understand why so
many think their sole purpose on this planet is to have babies, It should be law
that you have to pass criteria before having a child anyway, like being able to feed
clothe and educate it before you can have it , so many bring one into this world and
then try to figure those things out later , sad for the child, Dont know the specifics
on this man where he is in life , jobwise , living situation, so forth, but I can tell
him , he wouldnt be as well off had he had kids, cause you can tell he would have
given and done all he could for them, seems like a nice guy, lucky too!
Posted: 1/14/2010 1:01:32 PM
|Next, men without children...brilliant! [mocking Guiness ads|
amen to all you have said , its the truth
Posted: 1/15/2010 5:07:34 AM
i don't have kids and i don't miss it. i've really never wanted kids, so there's really nothing to miss. i enjoy being able to do what i want to do without having to consider anyone else. my ex, on the other hand, recently seems more enamored with the idea. he never seemed to want kids in the past, however. at this point, i think it has more to do with the women he dates. if he's hooked into someone and they want kids, dogs, etc., then all of a sudden he's yapping endlessly about how great it would be to have kids, dogs, etc.. then when they break up, never peep again. think it's more an extension of the woman than really wanting kids, dogs, cats, etc.. we had dogs and he never could be bothered with them, so i can't imagine what would happen if he ever had kids with someone and the thrill of the woman wore off...i shudder to think the thrill of the kid would probably wear off.
Posted: 1/15/2010 12:36:11 PM
|perhaps you could be a 'big brother' to someone, or volunteer to help out in schools, or even just sponsor a child somewhere|
it's not the same as having your own child of course, but it would definitely make a difference in the life of a little one.
Posted: 7/19/2010 7:58:33 PM
|not a failure........think of all the child support you kept............|
Posted: 7/19/2010 9:52:13 PM
|I have taken my turn at raising kids, my brothers kids. Mainly my mother was asked to help take care of them but I was there and did my share of screaming to make them behave. I also had an ex-girlfriend whom had four kids. Her youngest was a baby girl and she was so much fun to be around. She would sleep between us and if we kissed each other we had to kiss her. When she got a little older like 3 or 4, I gave her a big hug and told her that I love her. The biggest smile had come across her face, I will never forget. But I got tired of her mothers crap and I left. I bet she will never forget me either, her mother told me that she thinks I am her dad. I'm not of course but thats what the little girl thinks.|
Posted: 7/19/2010 10:42:29 PM
|An anecdote to be interpreted any way you like:|
I had a girlfriend for 3 years who had a hysterectomy. She'd had kids in a prior marriage (unplanned), fought with them constantly and berated herself as a bad mom (unfortunately).
We got along great, but despite her personal health and history with kids, every few months she would ask me if I wanted kids.
WTF? Why did she kept asking?!?
Posted: 7/19/2010 11:21:58 PM
|I had my first midlife crisis at 21, I was never supposed to be this old. |
Now I am up for a sequal of fast cars, loud motorcycles, skydiving, extended vacations, reckless endangerments and a long string of things that I will regret if I make it to round three.
No kids. Not married. No regrets on either.
Some people are parental, some shouldnt ever be. Best mind your own gap.