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 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 125
Childless menPage 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I had my first midlife crisis at 21, I was never supposed to be this old.
Now I am up for a sequal of fast cars, loud motorcycles, skydiving, extended vacations, reckless endangerments and a long string of things that I will regret if I make it to round three.

No kids. Not married. No regrets on either.
Some people are parental, some shouldnt ever be. Best mind your own gap.
 pitufina_77
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 126
Childless men
Posted: 7/19/2010 11:39:14 PM


An anecdote to be interpreted any way you like:
I had a girlfriend for 3 years who had a hysterectomy. She'd had kids in a prior marriage (unplanned), fought with them constantly and berated herself as a bad mom (unfortunately).

We got along great, but despite her personal health and history with kids, every few months she would ask me if I wanted kids.

WTF? Why did she kept asking?!?


Because she sought your validation.

Being raised in a Catholic school, I was told that the inability to have kids was one of the legitimate reasons to break a marriage and warrant an annulation from the Pope.

When I was facing surgery for an ovarian cyst when I was 20, I had never had a boyfriend and I was a virgin, I was told that, if the cyst would be cancerous, they would have to remove both ovaries and the womb. I cried thinking that, before I had a chance to even be in a relationship, I could lose my ability to have kids, and would a man ever love me like that.

Many women think that, regardless of what their man thinks about the subject, inability to have kids makes them "less than a proper woman".

Your former girlfriend wanted to know whether she had a chance of a happy life with you, even though she was "less than a woman".
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 127
Childless men
Posted: 7/20/2010 3:02:32 PM

We got along great, but despite her personal health and history with kids, every few months she would ask me if I wanted kids.

WTF? Why did she kept asking?!?

I think she kept asking because she knew it was the ONE thing she could never "give" you. (Another common yet outdated assumption ~ that ALL men want a son...or at the very least, a child.) I don't get it myself, but seems to be a theme. **shrug**
 navycanuck
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 128
Childless men
Posted: 7/21/2010 5:59:48 PM
I don't regret my choice to not have kids as I had a wonderful career and certainly don't feel like a failure. It was my choice and I know I made the right decision.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 129
Childless men
Posted: 7/21/2010 8:53:45 PM
Children can be one of the biggest joys in one's life, but they are a big responsibility that not everyone is capable of taking on. It's a committment of 20 years or more. There are too many fatherless and single parent homes in our society. If you can't committment to love and marriage with a partner, in order to initially create a loving stable environment for a child, it's better to put off having them.

Having children shouldn't be a "right", it should be a "privilege"
 revetriste
Joined: 6/5/2010
Msg: 130
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Posted: 7/22/2010 12:14:25 PM
I don't think someone who doesn't have kids is a failure - I think the ones who have kids who never should have are! (I do, however, think a lot of men who reach this age and haven't been married have issues). I also think it's not okay to have kids when you are old. Kids really require and deserve youth and strength and older people who have kids it's just vanity becasue they are not thinking of the best interests of the kid. But knowing a kid and being a part of their lives, there are lots of opportunities for that. Consider being a "Big Brother." Those guys are like heros!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 131
Childless men
Posted: 7/22/2010 1:35:32 PM
^^^^tell that to my 54 year old brother, who became a father at age 46 for the first time. At age 54 he seems to have plenty of strength and has no issues with being too vain.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 132
Childless men
Posted: 7/22/2010 5:06:49 PM

I don't think someone who doesn't have kids is a failure - I think the ones who have kids who never should have are! (I do, however, think a lot of men who reach this age and haven't been married have issues).


The last line above is quite the statement,,,and somewhat revealing. Just for your info,,,,and anybody else that thinks this way,,,,,people can be in (and amazingly ARE) in long term relationships and NOT EVER be married in their life!!!!!!! Can ya believe THAT???
Not ever being married= issues.........

OT,,,,,a huge quanity of PEOPLE should NEVER be parents,,,,,,,,EVER!!!!!!!!!! (married or not )
 navycanuck
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 133
Childless men
Posted: 7/22/2010 7:23:41 PM
"^^^^tell that to my 54 year old brother, who became a father at age 46 for the first time. At age 54 he seems to have plenty of strength and has no issues with being too vain."

I just think as you get older you should be putting money away for retirement not a kid's college funds; but that is just my thought.
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 134
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Posted: 7/26/2010 5:37:47 AM
because of my last few dates i've decided i would like to date men who are childless...
(or their children live at least a few hundreds miles away)...

a lot of the men who i've been out with have issues,
with their children not wanting them to date or form any sort of relationship with a new partner...
i don't want this sort of drama in my life and i question why these kids are so concerned with their father's business...
my darling son only wants to see me happy, trusts my judgement and is not at all over protective or jealous of any man i may go out with...

childless men?...
yes please...
 snipehunter77
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 135
Childless men
Posted: 7/29/2010 7:22:31 AM
I wanted a life of adventure and had no time for kids. But starting about 10 years ago, every now and then I would be around a happy family and go home feeling awful for not having that for myself. Still I wouldn't trade my adventurous life for that. And I'm still not thrilled about getting myself into an instant family situation.
 Artistee
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 136
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Posted: 9/22/2011 5:07:00 PM
Never married...no kids...Jealousy? I find that some that went the marriage/family route are now jealous of ME!
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 137
Childless men
Posted: 9/22/2011 8:28:44 PM
Some of us are just not meant to have children and for some it is a deliberate choice.
However there are children that we can love and guide that are in the family
or just who we know. Nieces, nephews etc.......
 timestandstillfla
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 138
Childless men
Posted: 9/24/2011 5:03:54 PM
I didn't try to have kids and didn't have any..........I succeeded..

I've tried to get bands going,.,,,,,,,,haven't succeeded..........didn't quit.....still play,,,,,,didn't fail either.
The BEST IS YET TO COME


I can visit my brother and babysit his 2 and load them up w/ twinkies and Mt dew and play football in the house..........
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 139
Childless men
Posted: 9/24/2011 5:22:38 PM
fixed at 18,
that kid aint ever mine
find your next victim.
 faramirarts
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 140
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Posted: 9/24/2011 8:10:16 PM
Not everybody should have children. A current look around this country shows that many shouldn't have had; they weren't prepared to raise children. If you haven't at least tried to heal whatever childhood emotional injuriesthat were done to you, perhaps you should wait on transferring those same issues to children.

I've also known a number of women who decided (one of them at quite an early age) that they themselves did not want children. The reasons? I can't tell you or (perhaps) they'd kill me. [Sort of a joke.]

And in a similar vein, not everybody should go to college. In this country you're treated as pariah if you don't have a degree (or two), but many people should perhaps attend vocational training. We have way too many lawyers and not enough nurses. And I know a number of people with superfluous degrees that they arenever going to use.

I have personally fathered two children in my time. But in both cases, however much the woman wanted (or in both cases never knew they wanted) children, neither was prepared to do it. With one of them she was too old and her body rejected the fetus. In the other one, when I didn't respond favorably, she had an abortion.

In the end, unless both of the procreators are wanting wholeheartedly to devote the next 18 years of their life to the child, the child should not be created. I know this probably sounds really harsh, but have you ever known anyone who found out that they were an 'unwanted' child? It wasn't a feel good revelation, I"ll tell you that.

We all need to find in ourselves what our true reason for coming into this life is, before we take on the task of forming someone elses reason for coming in. I truly believe in a saying by a comedian some time ago, "I don't believe in having children until I"m through being one."

Aside from this, I have way too many other things in my life that if I dont' give them attention for any length of time, will not suffer for the rest of their lives for that lack of attention paid. And besides, I don't have enough time for all of my creative 'children' (works of art/writing/design) as it is.

In my opinion, a child is either a choice, or a potential (as a former friend once was fond of sayinhg) flaming disaster if they are not.
 Gato1963
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 141
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Posted: 4/7/2013 12:02:43 PM
I just checked this old thread I started back in 2008. Since then, I have done volunteer work in my local community, and had the chance to show many kids the wonders of astronomy through my large telescope,plant trees,play guitar songs and have sing alongs. Thank's to all who participated in this thread. :D
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 142
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IF YOU DON'T AT LEAST REALLY WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN, *DON'T* UNTIL YOU REALLY FEEL SURE!!!
Posted: 4/7/2013 10:20:15 PM
UPDATE: There are not 6 billion people on the earth. There were 6.6 billion by 2000, and there are well over 7 billion now.

When I was a kid, my books said there were a bit over a billion and a quarter humans extant. Now THAT is a hockey-stick graph!

I'm really glad to see that this thread is long and shows an immense variation in feelings about the issue. Too many people tend to think their own view is "right."

At this point, SOMEONE has to mention the culturally shocking Ann Landers survey (there's a thread somewhere) decades ago,when she asked empty-nesters if they'd have children if they could do it all again. Ann was stunned into temporary silence by the overwhelming NO at a time when everyone was expected to "live for their kids."

In my case, I grew up in a family and didn't understand why parents would want children. Our parents said we were the light of their lives, but even as kids we could see they were lying and trying to be what they were told to be. I didn't know any happy families; this was Quebec before the pill or reform in abortion or divorce laws.

I never said never. I paid attention to what people around me wanted and did. Over the years, I'd ask people why they chose to have kids, and they would always get on to whether they were happy about it. Over the years (and we're talking a lot of years in my case), I amassed replies that told me:

There are a lot of people who never had children, wanted them, and mostly regretted not having had them.

There were a lot of people who wanted kids, had them, and regretted it.

There were a lot of people who didn't want kids but had them.

Both those last two groups - wanted or didn't - shook out into three sub-groups:

A. People who were really happy they had kids.
B. People who said they didn't want kids, and were miserable about them.
C. People who either said they were happy or said that they were surprised how much they loved being a parent, but eventually made that drunken call late in the night where they said they tried and tried to be the happy parent, but they just couldn't stand it any longer and had to admit that it was hell.

Over the years more and more went from A and B to C. I never know what proportion would eventually convert, and worried that it would happen to almost everyone sooner or later. I knew that children are not returnable, and one can cause them a lot of pain and damage because they will find out sooner or later.

The final subgroup was the most shocking to me, though I don't think Ann Landers looked at it:

I never, ever, discussed the topic with a single person (though there are some in this thread) who CHOSE not to have kids and regretted it later.

Not one. Never. Ever.

I haven't had kids. I have never lied to anyone about not wanting them at any given point in my life. Only one lover in my life went on to have a kid later, and it was 16 years later. She loves that kid, but he is severely autistic and her husband died and left her with a tough row to hoe. She's never hinted she's unhappy, and she is smart and prosperous enough to do a good job at it. I am happy for her happiness.

Now, about to turn sixty when Leo hits the ecliptic azimuth, it's a bit pointless to still say, "never say never." There's not enough time to give a kid a decent start in life for me. I have no regrets.

And that's what I'd say to anyone: you are not any better or worse for choosing the life you want, male or female.
I am sad for anyone who makes a choice they are not happy with, and their kids in many cases. I know good kids and bad kids, and in all that time, the best kids and the best reason for having them came from a never-married woman who told me, "I was curious."

We don't know how to make good kids. We don't all agree on what IS a good kid. Somehow, through it all, good humans continue to happen. May we continue to let them.

SO - THE BOTTOM LINE: my "voice of experience" would go as far as to say

IF YOU DON'T AT LEAST REALLY WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN, *DON'T* UNTIL YOU REALLY FEEL SURE!!!
ED BEAR
 shine1274
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 143
IF YOU DON'T AT LEAST REALLY WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN, *DON'T* UNTIL YOU REALLY FEEL SURE!!!
Posted: 4/8/2013 9:42:46 AM
The way I always saw it, there are plenty of babies being born. My genetic material bares no importance on the survival of the human race. And at the end of the day, it is one less person I have to worry about letting down.
 hippy_dude
Joined: 2/26/2013
Msg: 144
Childless men
Posted: 4/9/2013 4:24:32 AM
the human population is too high to begin with. high unemployment, poverty , not enough food , water , shelter I don't see a reason to add more humans to an overcrowded planet.
 Tommy_Tucker_
Joined: 4/3/2013
Msg: 145
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Posted: 4/9/2013 12:58:40 PM
i had a vasectomy inmy early 20's with the sole motivation to have as much sex with as many women as i could.

i accomplished that and i am glad i never had children. i see what my friends have to go through.

they're not worth it to me. i'd rather do my own thing.
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 146
Childless men
Posted: 4/9/2013 7:25:08 PM
I always wanted kids,never had them,can't have them now. It's a huge disappointment.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 147
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Posted: 4/11/2013 5:07:31 AM
No crumb crunchers here. Not now and not in the future. Ahhh...freedom.
 jed456
Joined: 4/26/2005
Msg: 148
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Posted: 4/11/2013 10:59:51 AM

As a man well into his mid-life crisis,I notice that lately as a man who never had children, I am jealous of friend's and neighbor's families. I always wanted a daughter especially,and feel like a failure as a man that I didn't have kids earlier in life when a few opportunities presented themselves. This feeling was further enhanced when I recently found out from my ex-girlfriend of 1 1/2 years, that she secretly aborted our unborn child while we were dating.I would like to know from men and women,their oppinions on this subject.


If you want children so badly what about adoption? I never wanted children my nieces and nephew's are enough for me.
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