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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?      Home login  
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 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 81
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?Page 8 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I've actually been seeing someone for almost a year now, so the hand holding is not an issue. I will say however, that this man now in my life did not attempt to hold my hand or push a physical issue in any way. We both took the time to talk, get to know each other, assess each other as people and develop a certain level of trust. That took several hours but...he showed me respect, treated me like a lady, and we both got lucky that same night and its' been fabulous ever since!

Had he tried to push anything physical in the first 20 minutes....even hand holding, I would have assumed that it was simply sex he was after and we would not be together today, but hey....thats' just me.

By the way, to the man who mentioned that dancing is more intimite. I agree, but that is an accepted and consensual part of the normal courting process.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 82
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 4/15/2010 10:14:20 AM

So my last 3 meetings were with really nice guys, but unfortunately I felt no chemistry. They however, tried to hold my hand at the table in the first half hour!


Had you felt "chemistry" with any of them, would you have minded if they held your hand?
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 83
view profile
History
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 4/15/2010 10:21:09 AM
So you have a boyfriend but are going on dates. You aren't looking for anything serious but get mad at the sound or suggestion of one night stands. To me you seem REALLY confused. It seems to me you just get a kick out of leading people on and having your ego stroked at the expense of other people's feelings. Pretty sad if you ask me. If I actually believed in "chemistry" I'd say I'm REALLY surprised they felt any for you either.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 84
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 4/15/2010 10:44:19 AM
^^^
So you have a boyfriend but are going on dates.


The OP is from 2008.................I gather she's met someone since then.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 85
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 4/15/2010 12:22:17 PM

By the way, to the man who mentioned that dancing is more intimite. I agree, but that is an accepted and consensual part of the normal courting process.



so is hand holding...in fact- far more people would put hand holding higher up the list of the courting process than dancing...

dancing is at some level a bit more intimate...

In fact- when I ask a girl to dance, I grab her hand and lead her to the dance floor.

I hope that if I ever did that with you that you wouldn't think I was only after you for sex...

BUT

Once you saw me dance- you'd be SURE I was only after sex...

:)

LOL
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 86
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 4/15/2010 4:06:48 PM
I hate that. GAWD does it set me off. Some guy I don't know from Adam grabbing and pawing at me. I dont kiss on the first date. And just cause I am not looking for happily ever after doesnt mean every loser out there is going to get lucky. If there are NO sparks there dont try to force it. JUST enjoy the drinks. (I dont do dinner unless I want to get to know you better) Then move on.
 aarons916
Joined: 1/31/2010
Msg: 87
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 4/21/2010 1:07:06 PM
I feel like I need to defend the OP, I agree with some that she may be looking for a long term relationship if she found the right one but we're talking about a 1st date here. On a 1st date, especially online, you should really be talking, feeling each other out(not literally lol), and figuring out if you like each other. Now if the dates going really well, they're flirting with you, giving signs, etc then sure holding hands might be fine but the OP said she didn't feel chemistry so you can be certain she didn't give any of those signs. Ive been on plenty of 1st dates where I felt no chemistry or wasn't attracted to a woman(pic didn't look like her at all) and I was just kinda finishing the date to at least have some fun and be nice and not ditch her but it would be really awkward if they were to try to hold my hand.

In a more general way, I'm not sure why so many people are in such a rush anyways, getting to know someone you have chemistry with is pretty much the best part of the relationship. It seems like rushing everything just speeds up the process and you end up in the boring part of the relationship that much faster.
 ohio07
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 88
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 5/3/2010 9:28:47 PM
The first time I met my GF she was so shy, she wouldn't even look me in the eye, and looked at the ground. (This after phone and email for a month) Then we decided to go with her friend to get something to eat and talk...

When she held my hand as we began to walk to the car after we met, I knew I was a goner. It just felt right. I can't explain it.

After our first "solo" date, we were a couple. And have been for over a year now.

Without chemistry, yeah holding hands is awkward and damn uncomfortable. But when things are right, it's just perfect. And completely natural, even if it's the first time you meet them.

I knew after taking to her for a while, that I was going to find her attractive barring some kind of disaster. But I didn't expect to fall for somebody the first meet. I really didn't.

And when you consider the last two women I met before that: One blowing me off at the first site of me, while the other kept trying to have sex with me all night... Falling for this person after the first meet would have seemed unlikely.

Compared to women who are trying to sleep with you, holding hands the first meet, isn't that big of a deal, in a sense.

Hell I saw women go down on guys, and have car/bathroom sex at a few POF parties... No joke. (Even with multiple guys at the same party) And something tells me they didn't meet before that night, either...
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 89
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 5/3/2010 11:23:42 PM
If the chemistry is there and you're into the person...then hand holding only becomes natural...however, if you're not into the person then it can be uncomfortable if the person tries to hold your hand....
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 90
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 5/4/2010 8:31:00 AM
Holding hands is too intimate? all I am going to say is oh my god. I think holding hands is not intimate at all. I hate to say it I think you are the one with the problem OP not the people you are dating.

friendship first is a big red flag to me and what it tells is you are not ready for a relationship. I think you can have friendship but it has to coincide with the romantic stuff ( kissing,cuddling, sex) at the same time.


In my opinion from your post OP you are not ready to date and I think you should just take some time off to be yourself.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 91
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 5/4/2010 11:56:49 AM
Note to self:

If a man attempts to hold your hand after just meeting you,
he is only interested in sex.

I love to hold hands, and frankly I'm wondering if I should
feel slighted that sex didn't automatically follow the hand
holding routine. I wonder if that means he thought I was too
fat?

egads! something else to worry about!

 cabanaboy65
Joined: 8/30/2009
Msg: 92
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History
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 5/4/2010 2:14:44 PM
I went on a meet and greet date yesterday It was a spare of the moment type of thing. She had her kids with her because she was dropping one of them at work.. We met at Burger King after we We went out to the park. The kids played on the swings and things. the lady and I went for a little walk. She reached and held my hand while we walked. It diddn't lead to anything sexuall but kissing. so some times a little touch doesn't always lead to sex.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 93
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 5/4/2010 7:46:31 PM
I never knew that holding hands was foreplay quickly followed by wild passionate sex. I can see it now: women will go on dates wearing gloves covered in barbed wire so that no one dare attempt to touch their tender pinkies.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 94
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 5/31/2010 7:53:02 AM
You are all missing the point. They wanted to hold my hand in the first 20 minutes of a first meeting. That in my opinion is too fast. I don't hold hands with a stranger and that is what they are at that point...a stranger; someone with whom I am just becoming acquainted. Someone who pushes physical touch so soon in my opinion, is someone who is in a hurry and then I must question his motives for the rush.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 95
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They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 5/31/2010 8:12:03 AM
Msg.1 There is nothing wrong for me if my date will hold my hand or arm, put his hand in the lower part of my back ,for these are my public parts of body.. In my book ,he is not my Brother , and this man is " happy and comfortable with me, means the 'vibes ' is good. Thank God !I am not repulsive to him.. This doesn't mean that I will think that his intention is sexual.. Unless he was touching/snipping me like a horny dog then I will be alarm... As I said in my previous post there are different meaning of touch..

I know what I am saying for I am a touch person, touch people are usually happy,kind and loving to all creatures.... Vannili

ps. I don't feel stranger to a date if we already break the ice through emails and phones conversations,mostly we greet by hugs and say goodbye by hugs.. I shakes hands with people when they were introduce to me personally..
 sosdd
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 96
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 5/31/2010 8:28:10 AM
I was not, am not a hand holder on the first date, but that changed when I met the guy I am seeing. I have a bit of problems when it comes to walking on inclines/hills and I grab his arm for stability and then my hand slipped into his after that. It was right, kind of strange, but yeah, it was really nice.

If it is the right person in the right situation, I can see it happening, otherwise, I do agree that is pushing boundaries.
 Annie was here
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 97
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 5/31/2010 2:14:20 PM
Glad to hear you met someone shirley. Now as far as what you
are comfortable with you don't need to explain or justify it to anyone.
Personally I do not want a man who I feel no attraction towards touching
me either.

When the attraction is there though all bets are off and all sorts of touching
can commence.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 98
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They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 5/31/2010 2:20:08 PM

You are all missing the point. They wanted to hold my hand in the first 20 minutes of a first meeting. That in my opinion is too fast. I don't hold hands with a stranger and that is what they are at that point...a stranger; someone with whom I am just becoming acquainted. Someone who pushes physical touch so soon in my opinion, is someone who is in a hurry and then I must question his motives for the rush.

no one here has missed your point. you've repeated it too many times for that to be possible. they simply disagree with you.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 99
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 5/31/2010 3:18:57 PM
Glad to hear that you met someone too. Definitely agree about people who push things too soon. .I've had someone try to kiss me, and I was not ready to be kissed/wasn't feeling it. He ended up kind of missing me, because I moved away, so I ended up with slobber on the side of my mouth. Also, had someone who came on too strong, and tried to hug me too close (if you know what I mean), moments after meeting. The hand holding would irritate me, too, but there are worse things!
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 100
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They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 6/1/2010 9:52:06 AM
I would hope people would agree with me that prior going to "meet & greet" there were some mails sent to & fro and their ending showed at least one or few "x" (kisses). No surprise then - when face to face - there is a peck on the cheek. But holding hands? Oh no!

I would have a feeling that someone in need of holding my hands would like to "jump the queue" rather than "getting to know" each other.

There is time & place for getting touchy - feely, IMO.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 101
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 10/7/2010 7:14:46 PM
holding hands...how risque....!!!!!!!!!!!


lord the things that turn us off these days from potential partners.

how does one react when trying to get a kiss on a first date with the OP!????


seriously, guys that know- if I wanna hold a woman's hand on a first date, I'll put my hand there close to hers...then allow her to make the move to grab my hand.

that way its not forced....
 sunbeach95
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 102
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 10/7/2010 8:27:20 PM
This topic has been blown out of proportion. Holding hands doesn't necessary that he wants sex on a first date. It doesn't even mean that he wants to kiss yet. I think the OP wasn't attracted to him and used the hand holding as an excuse to lose interest in him.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 103
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 10/8/2010 5:28:58 AM

well, when dating a man that's been single and not dating for awhile, you just never know where that hands been!

off topic, I decided to count the number of boondocks saints on POF after watching the movie yet again.

Wow, lots of catholic vigilante wanna be's among us!


are you kidding? you know exactly where ou rhands have been, even if you're giving it up 3 times a nigth!!


hey, don't knock the boondock saints (the sequel was atrocious) acstually I prefer GhostDog over the Saints....but it'll be alright!
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 104
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 10/9/2010 4:44:36 AM
He liked you.......

You were not into him it seems. The end.


holding hands...how risque....!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL
99.99% of the time I would agree............

We could debate HOW a man holds a hand..Sometimes it's just flipping creepy.
Remember the old palm scratch and finger stroke up and down..GAWD give me my hand back

If we are walking I appreciate a good hand hold..I tend to wander with out seeing that big bus coming.

A first meet having him stare into my eyes and stroke( make love) to my hand over a salad..is off putting IMO.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 105
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 10/9/2010 5:52:22 AM
on a first date if we were walking together. I look at the body language that I'm getting first before I do anything. If I see her leaning into me and holding on to me and I feel attraction toward her. I'm holding her hand. If not I just stay chill.
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