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 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 26
no sexual advancesPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

He's 26, I'll say it again, he's not gay. I'm going over to his place tonight..maybe I'll take everyone's advice and make a move on him.

Waiting with baited breath on the results of last nights adventure ... and we want juicy details!
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 27
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/30/2008 9:14:38 PM

Waiting with baited breath on the results of last nights adventure ... and we want juicy details!


I wanted to so badly, but couldn't!! I know, I'm weird! haha.

Yes, we do make out. And no, I am not complaining that we haven't had sex, but yeah, it does make me wonder if there is something wrong with me.
 digdug38
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 28
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/30/2008 10:30:22 PM
I agree with piano. If I think I'm going to be in a short term relationship (STR), I'll be more aggressively sexual, but if I think she's LTR material, I'll take it slow.
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 29
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/30/2008 11:06:28 PM
Thanks but I didn't ask for a d*ck's opinion!
 WpgGentleman2
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 30
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:12:51 AM
I suppose you could rent a DVD that has sexually explicit content and watch it together. I don't necessarily mean a porn video, just a video with a heterosexual sex scene.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 31
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:42:48 AM
I think your concern of "is there something wrong with me (or him)?" is the same reason why women will lose interest in guys who don't make sexual advances, given enough time. And for you, enough time has passed (hence your post).

There's a difference between sexual advances and trying to get you in the sack ASAP. You're convinced he's not trying to get you in the sack ASAP -- "ASAP" has passed. Now you're wondering why no sexual advances at all?

From my experience and observation... Unless you both are extremely religious on the cultural level: If you don't go past 1st base after many weeks of dating, but hang out/date like you're in the 7th grade, you have every right to think something's up.

The way you describe it, he's the opposite of the guy who only wants to get in your pants. However, most women want a guy who desires to get in their pants, they just don't want that to be the ONLY thing, the primary thing from the get-go, or be identified as just that. They want a guy to like THEM. This guy's demonstrated that... but one would question his sexual desire!

Maybe when you first met, you expressed so much disdain about guys wanting to get in your pants, he's become too shy to move past 1st base... but he really likes you a lot, is willing to hold out on moving to 2nd or 3rd, and is also wondering the same thing you are. Some guys will have the girl take the lead if she's paranoid about "that's all men want" -- maybe that's exactly what is happening, and you'll laugh about it later on.

However, he could be Mr. Nice Guy(tm). A great thing after you've been screwed over by a lot of men and have a bad taste in your mouth (no pun intended)... but in the end, you start asking yourself questions -- "What about a guy who's in between?"

My advice: If you can't make the first move, hint toward it. Make comments about you trusting him. Make him feel that you don't hate men. Weave and steer conversation toward things about sex (positive, fun talk)... let him feel that you are NOT a prude... Be at your or his place, and when making out, open yourself up -- give him every signal that he CAN go to 2nd!
 flutterby56
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 32
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:57:58 AM
OP, if you have kissed and it has not gone to the next level I would let it rest for a little bit , he clearly has feeling for you and I would be excited to find such a gentelman. Goodluck with everything!
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 33
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:49:55 AM

I wanted to so badly, but couldn't!! I know, I'm weird! haha.

Yes, we do make out. And no, I am not complaining that we haven't had sex, but yeah, it does make me wonder if there is something wrong with me.

I doubt seriously that there is anything wrong with you at all! It'll happen when it happens and then you'll be all like .... OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!
 redviking
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 34
view profile
History
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/31/2008 11:32:54 AM
Maybe he just takes it slow?

Maybe he doesn't separate the physical from the emotional?

Maybe he's worried about "pushing" you because of what pop culture/society tells him? Maybe it's just been his expereince that women prefer to wait in that area?

And if you want something to happen... why don't you a.) talk about it or b.) up the ante yourself?

Is it a challenge because you don't know how to deal when you aren't the one in total control of when and how the physical happens?

Does it make you worry that he's just not attracted?

I had this happen to me once. She said right from the beginning she needed to go slow, was getting over a bad breakup, etc. Then was all bent out of shape after the 3rd date because I ("still") hadn't tried to get past 2nd yet. Apparently just needed the ego boost and felt "unattractive" to me because I could actually excercise a bit of self restraint.
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 35
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:56:56 PM

I doubt seriously that there is anything wrong with you at all! It'll happen when it happens and then you'll be all like .... OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!

That just made me laugh! haha.


And if you want something to happen... why don't you a.) talk about it or b.) up the ante yourself?

Too afraid to. When I did bring it up once, he answered & that was the end of it.



Does it make you worry that he's just not attracted?

Yes. He has never once told me I look pretty or any of that stuff. I tell him he looks good, or that he looks sexy. But he never says anything back.
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 36
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/31/2008 9:08:33 PM
Should I casually bring it up that he has never told me that? I have hinted a number of times that I wanted him to say it..but got nothing.
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 37
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/31/2008 9:19:03 PM
I'll bring it up next time I see him. Thanks Jim!
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 38
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/31/2008 9:24:07 PM
Better to know now than later. I'll post again when I talk to him.
 redviking
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 39
view profile
History
no sexual advances
Posted: 8/1/2008 8:32:22 AM
Could just be he feels it's implied that he's attracted, otherwise wouldn't be there?

Doesn't want to seem like just another horny guy?

Is afraid if he brings it up you might be offended?

Could be he just isn't much interested in sex or isn't all that attracted. But more likely, I'd say there's a good chance he either a.) doesn't feel it's "safe" yet to be sexual with you or b.) is just more focused on the "getting to know" and doesn't want to get physically involved until he feels he wants to be emotionally involved - or is already taking you seriously and therefore wants to take it slow (either to avoid pushing you, or to avoid letting himself get too attached too quickly).
 TheMan7
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 40
no sexual advances
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:05:49 AM
It's possible he's just not a man and doesn't know how to take controal

It's possible that he's gay...yes...I'm serious! I've met many many men who are married with kids but are gay and their wives don't know!

It's possible that he's been hurt in the past so he doesn't want to rush things.
 pokerjimmy
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 41
view profile
History
no sexual advances
Posted: 8/2/2008 7:57:18 AM
Okay...respects you is great, but it HAS been awhile and neither of you are virgins so something is amiss here and I'm thinking on his end.

Men with a TeenyWeinee aren't too thrilled about bringing it out because they've been dumped a zillion times already when the big night came and it turned out not all that big. Okay, only one issue and there are many including medical.

The point is, something should have happened by now. It's going beyond respecting you at this point in my opinion.
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 42
no sexual advances
Posted: 8/2/2008 4:39:47 PM
Scarlet & provide if you would have read all of my posts here you would have gotten it that I am GLAD he hasn't been pressuring me for sex. I never said he was gay or that something was wrong with him. I simply asked what is "normal" when it comes to waiting to make a move.
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 43
no sexual advances
Posted: 8/2/2008 7:08:03 PM
Did you get your answer?


I haven't seen him yet. He might come over tomorrow after I'm off of work..



However he did invite me over to his sisters house tonight but I was busy. Family from out of town was at my parents.
 androgynousvon
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 44
no sexual advances
Posted: 8/3/2008 12:03:13 AM
big clue: does he want to passionately kiss? 'take it slow' people (and even very prudish people) will passionately kiss if really interested. for some reason, it's almost easier for people to have sex than to passionately kiss if not super interested.
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 45
no sexual advances
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:54:36 PM
So I talked to his roommate today & he question that my guy & i were dating. So I called him (yes I know it should have been face 2 face) & told him. And I just bluntly asked so what are we? are we dating? & he said yes, and he's been thinking about us a lot lately. Like if he wanted 2 get serious with me or not. & I said, "and...?" I don't remember what he said unfortunally but my next question was did he still wanted to see me & he said yes..this boy is so confusing!! I asked if he wanted to come over tonight..he said he didn't know cause he might have something to do..i said that was fine & i'd txt him later to find out. I did, he said no but he should be finished with his job tomorrow & would probably want to go out & celebrate..
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 46
no sexual advances
Posted: 8/9/2008 2:02:52 AM
Let's just say I finally have my answer.
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 47
no sexual advances
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:30:09 PM
Let's also just say he's another one of the typical guys I tend to like..@$$ hole was cheating on me! nice..
 WarmBrandie
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 48
no sexual advances
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:40:39 PM
I'm so sorry it turned out that way. I think deep down you knew something wasn't right, or you would have never posted the question. We got to learn to listen to our intuition.
Good Luck, trust me.. he didnt 'deserve you anyway!
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 49
no sexual advances
Posted: 8/16/2008 4:55:21 AM

Op, I think your missing the point here, he didnt find you sexually attractive, pure and simple.


If he didn't then why did he try to have sex with me last week & I turned him down?
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 50
no sexual advances
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:17:10 PM

He was not an ***hole in the beginning. No wonder you were confused.


Or so I thought..he was cheating on me the ENTIRE time with his ex. Oh well.lol
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