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 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 251
Women's Financial StatusPage 11 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)

So you think all guys share your views. I don't think so. Some men are more generous than others. Could be how they were raised, could be because they can better afford it, or they have a generous nature and are really smitten, who knows. But there are all types of mens views and variables on the subject.


I don't think he or anyone that thinks along the the lines we do think exactly alike.
However with out a doubt there are more thinking along these lines than even a year ago.

The real question is why does it bother you that we do think this way and are voicing our opinion?

It is also plain to see there are more ladies that are accepting this shift in dating. What we believe in is equality in dating and or a relationship.

Why is that a bad thing?

I read all the time about people wanting a honest man or woman. Well many of the men on this thread has been very honest.

They and I have made no bones about what we are looking for in a relationship and just not interested in anything less. If that is not what you want no problem but why get upset about it?

Why not just let people chose the type of relationship they want? Why does some have to put down the idea of a equal financial relationship.

While at the same time saying all other areas should be equal? That logic escapes me.

If one wants a equal relationship wouldn't logic dictate it to be equal in all ways including financial?

I am fine with the ones that would rather find some poor fellow that is willing to give away the farm for a relationship. More power to you it is just not for me and from the posts here it is not for a growing number of men.

I prefer a lady that has enough intellect and drive to make her own way. One that realizes a relationship should be shared in all ways by both partners.

Give and take should be a two way street not one giving and one taking.

I for one will never go down that road again. I stayed single for 8 years after my first marriage and have now been single for almost 5 since the last one ended.

I am quite content in my single life and enjoy having no one to answer to.

Not that I wouldn't entertain the idea of marriage again as I also enjoyed being married.

However if I ever do that again it will be with a lady that understands what a equal relationship is not a woman that measures my affection by how much of my bank account I am willing to give to her.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 252
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/8/2012 9:51:54 PM

So if we already start out at a financial disadvantage, then have the additional fiscal responsibility of child rearing...ahem, sorry when I was raising my kids, no, I was not gonna go Dutch.

There are plenty of women who are getting the same money or more than men - working as teachers, dentists, doctors, programmers, designers, lawyers, truck drivers, prime ministers, pilots, even astronauts. It takes some effort and intelligence, but there are ample opportunities for smart and ambitious women.

As Coco Chanel said: “There are no ugly women in the world, just lazy ones”
If applied also to financial matters, there wouldn't be any poor women.
 FishOwl
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 253
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 12:07:29 AM
Everyone's situation is different and sometimes it isn't all their fault. I know some, both genders, who worked hard and got well off and then lost it for one reason or another. My reason was nervous system damage and a bit more. Was knocked down, now getting back up. Don't talk about it much, it's my problem to deal with.

I expect the same could be true for members of the female gender. I try to deal with who people are and not what they have. Or don't have.

One good long lesson I had was to drive a cab; met people with quite a bit of money and some with little. Liked some of each, disliked some of each. Again, who they were, not what they had.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 254
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 5:35:18 AM
So you think all guys share your views. I don't think so. Some men are more generous than others. Could be how they were raised, could be because they can better afford it, or they have a generous nature and are really smitten, who knows. But there are all types of mens views and variables on the subject.


Don't be ridiculous, of course I don't think all guys share my views. However, when tempers flare, that "generous nature" is frequently thrown in a woman's face.

Being a guy, I get to hear what men say behind their woman's back. It has been my experience that a lot of men will shrug off the cost of dating when there's a woman present and complain about it when there isn't.

Men want women to think they can afford it, because they believe it makes them more desirable in the women's eyes. It's part of the game.
 largo2
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 255
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 6:04:31 AM
, then have the additional fiscal responsibility of child rearing...ahem, sorry when I was raising my kids, no, I was not gonna go Dutch.

So other men should pay for the fact that you had kids with a deadbeat who couldn't pay his share of raising his children? I am sure many men you dated had their own children they were paying child support for, or raising even on their own.

When I was raising my kids I was with their father. But if I had been on my own, and IF I had been dating then, I would have done things that didn't cost a lot of money. But then, I have never really enjoyed most things that cost very much. (Other than travel, and I wouldn't have been doing that without my kids at that stage)

And I cannot imagine having been with someone who didn't appreciate both my independence and partnership in a relationship.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 256
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 6:42:20 AM
Thanks for the insightful comment, Paedric. No wonder there are always more men looking for women than vice-versa!
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 257
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 6:57:40 AM
Being a guy, I get to hear what men say behind their woman's back. It has been my experience that a lot of men will shrug off the cost of dating when there's a woman present and complain about it when there isn't.
------------
Ok, guess I misunderstood your post. I think there are differing views on the subject with men. It's their own fault if they act one way and complain about it behind their backs.

I don't think a man should always have to pay for everything and I've told a friend on here that he shouldn't be paying for dinners on a lot of different first meets. But if he gets tired of it I guess he will screen his dates better and cut the number of dates.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 258
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 7:21:24 AM

Some women get it
LMFAO
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 259
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Posted: 4/9/2012 7:24:14 AM
...Having said that however, it is nice to have the guy pick up the tab on a date (even though I offer to help)-it kinda shows he's not a serial dater.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 260
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Posted: 4/9/2012 7:41:21 AM

-it kinda shows he's not a serial dater.

Faulty logic! If the man picks up always the tab on his dates, it doesn't matter to him if he goes out exclusively with one woman, or if he is sampling multiple ones. Considering the incurred costs, changing the scenery seems more appealing.

 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 261
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 7:52:40 AM
I've picked up the tab on every date of my life. It says nothing positive or negative about my motives. It's just the way I was raised.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 262
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 7:56:39 AM
...Having said that however, it is nice to have the guy pick up the tab on a date (even though I offer to help)-it kinda shows he's not a serial dater.


I don't think it shows much of anything. Most men pick up the tab because they believe it's expected of them and they'll get dumped like a hot potato if they don't. Some men who pick up the tab do so with the idea that they are owed something later on because of it (most chauvinistic men will insist on paying the tab).

Also, the fact that a man appreciates women who offer to pay their share does not mean they will never pick up a tab.

I think it's nice when a woman picks up the tab.

LMFAO


We've already established that you'll never get it. However, just read a few responses from other women. It becomes obvious that your way is not the only way.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 263
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 8:13:00 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^ oh, PAD u missed the double entendre- of course my way is not the only way....

I DID IT MY WAY....

mj- I agree w/ what u say about a serial dater...

PAD, just to calm u down, I will share that I spent $150 on tickets for shows @ a summer festival ;0)

we are going to 4 diff shows, one is a drag queen comedy act, the rest are caberet / burlesque comedies as well!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 264
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 8:46:37 AM
PAD, just to calm u down, I will share that I spent $150 on tickets for shows @ a summer festival ;0)


I am calm. That I am capable of expressing an opinion with conviction does not imply that I am upset.

What you choose to do has no effect on me.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 265
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 10:57:53 AM
I have found that there are men out there who would never consider NOT PAYING but then they regard you as a purchase. These men are always start off stating how well off they are; the type of car, house, vacations they take--and will even imply how set for life you would be if THEY happen to decide on you.

I RUN AWAY FROM THAT TYPE OF MAN --I have no desire at almost 53 to be a possession; and most of the men realize based on their own merits they better have money.

I want my own life built TOGETHER with someone else--someone who will not make 100 percent of the decisions and because they own the wallet--their way is the right way. I dont want to be on a pedestal all alone I want to be in a man's arms and in his life as his partner.

I think some women on here were raised on Disney movies and they are still thinking that Prince Charming is going to come and take them away from their peasant's existence.

Is it wrong for a man to pay for dinner no--but it is not wrong for the woman to at least offer to pay her way or to leave a tip or buy ice cream afterwards or cook him a dinner later on or pack a picnic for lunch...there are so many options available that to gear in your own head a right and wrong way to do this is showing a lack of fore thought. There are many free fun activities people can do together; but I guess some people never emotional, mentally or spiritually grew out of the 50's.

Men aren't saying they dont want to be gentlemen--they are simply saying they want to stop being considered a meal ticket and having women just use them to get to go out. I think once a man is into a woman--most have no problem making sure their woman is happy.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 266
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 12:36:49 PM

So OP are you saying a woman can't pay her way on dates and be financially secure and sufficient with her assets?

No, that’s not what I am saying. Some women can do both, some had to choose where to spend their money. But that’s not a question any more. I got my answer a while ago. If the forum is an indication what men think in real life then I see that many men expect unisex behavior during dating.
 largo2
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 267
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 2:04:35 PM
I am so amazed whenever I see women spouting some of the stuff I read in these forums. I thought we fought some hard battles to get away from that crap.

I'll save the games for WITHIN the bedroom- not anywhere else including the path to it.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 268
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 2:50:00 PM
that many men expect unisex behavior during dating.


uni-
one; having or consisting of one only; regarded as a single entity

spot on- these men like to be alone- unisex dating! what a great coining of a phrase...

I think David Deida is needed,LOL!


I am so amazed whenever I see women spouting some of the stuff I read in these forums. I thought we fought some hard battles to get away from that crap.
agreed!
^^^^^^^^^^^^
So other men should pay for the fact that you had kids with a deadbeat who couldn't pay his share of raising his children?



I want to be in a man's arms
yes...couldn't have said it better myself!
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 269
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:23:23 PM
From the OP.....



If the forum is an indication what men think in real life then I see that many men expect unisex behavior during dating.


Actually during dating the financial status of your partner is not nearly as important as in a LTR/marriage.

In a dating situation if one finds the person they are going out with is not financially on the same page/level as you, or not within the boundaries you feel are acceptable you can simply move on.

That is why it is called dating.

However once in more permanent relationship it is much more vital to know the financial habits of your mate.

A friend of mine commented after my last divorce that my ex-wife could throw more money out with a spoon than I could put in with a shovel.

During our dating she was quite frugal after we were married not so much.

As I have said before that will not happen again. Before I get into another LTR/marriage financial habits and responsibility will be discussed and both of us will know what is expected of each.

Not to have this conversation and agreement, I have found is irresponsible. Seeing as finances are named as the number one reason for divorces.

If something so important cannot be agreed upon, is there really a relationship there that is worth having?

My answer to that would be a resounding NO.

Love is a wonderful thing but like anything else it requires effort to keep it healthy.

It is so good to read many of the ladies posts in this thread that understand in this day and age it truly takes two people working together on financial plane.

I am sure there are men that still want a courtesan, though by the marjory of the posts by the men here it seems that it is a shrinking number.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 270
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Posted: 4/9/2012 4:36:01 PM
^^^Most of this makes good sense...even to the women, I'm sure-except what's up with the 'courtesan' comment? It's defined as prostitute, whore. If so, I don't think the comment defines men that like to pick up the tab, or the women that date them. At least most of them, I hope.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 271
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:44:01 PM
prostitution is an exchange of sex for $

where did I say I have sex w/ men who buy me dinner? or any of the other ladies here who have gone on dates where the man paid?

and when is a nice date at a restaurant or a movie legal tender?

Wow, if a man likes taking a woman on a date, he is a JOHN?

Did YOUR PARENTS DATE? DID YOUR FATHER PAY? IF SO WAS YOUR MOTHER A HOOKER???

WOW!

If a man gives me a piece of jewelry, does that make me a madam?

Does an engagement ring mean he owns me?

sour grapes much?
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 272
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:58:17 PM

Actually during dating the financial status of your partner is not nearly as important as in a LTR/marriage.

Actually, it is equally important since you can’t have LTR/marriage without dating (not talking about arranged marriages here). Unless a person is dating without any goal for LTR/marriage, and in many cases the other party is just being used.

I am sure there are men that still want a courtesan, though by the marjory of the posts by the men here it seems that it is a shrinking number.

I doubt that there are too many men that would like a real courtesan. However, a kind of a woman that you just called a “courtesan” someone else will consider a warm, sexy and giving type. She would transform a “house” into a “home” where her man would love to come every night. And if he feels protective of her that just adds the romance into the relationship. Whatever, to each their own….
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 273
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 5:03:30 PM

prostitution is an exchange of sex for $

where did I say I have sex w/ men who buy me dinner? or any of the other ladies here who have gone on dates where the man paid?


Maybe you should look up the origin of the word and the complete definition.



a prostitute or paramour, especially one associating with noblemen or men of wealth.




par·a·mour [par-uh-moor] Show IPA
noun
1.
an illicit lover, especially of a married person.
2.
any lover.


Any lover ........in this case a courtesan would be a kept woman or a women that only looks for wealthy men to date.

For you to jump to the conclusion that I meant a prostitute when the word has other meanings is telling as is assuming I was referring to you.

The word I used is correct the definition you assumed I meant is incorrect.


Edit to add....


Actually, it is equally important since you can’t have LTR/marriage without dating (not talking about arranged marriages here). Unless a person is dating without any goal for LTR/marriage, and in many cases the other party is just being used.


I beg to differ...It is not as important as I said above you can just move on if you are just in the dating stage.



I doubt that there are too many men that would like a real courtesan. However, a kind of a woman that you just called a “courtesan” someone else will consider a warm, sexy and giving type. She would transform a “house” into a “home” where her man would love to come every night. And if he feels protective of her that just adds the romance into the relationship. Whatever, to each their own….


I covered this above the word has more than one meaning.

 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 274
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Posted: 4/9/2012 5:31:40 PM
Surely you expected such response after using a word whose definition in part means prostitute, whore. Not cool.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 275
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 5:58:00 PM

Surely you expected such response after using a word whose definition in part means prostitute, whore. Not cool.


No actually I expected for people to understand the original meaning of the word.

Seeing as the context of the thread has had nothing to do with prostitution the meaning should have been apparent.



Ok, What does a 'kept' or 'illicit' lover have to do with this thread?


Edit to add for below response.......
Please reread the definition ANY LOVER that seeks out a noble or wealthy man.

That is exactly what the discussion has been about. Seeking out only wealthy men to date or have a relationship with.

As I said the context of a passage is how most decide on what meaning a word has.
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