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 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 276
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Women's Financial StatusPage 12 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
Ok, What does a 'kept' or 'illicit' lover have to do with this thread?
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 277
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 6:21:33 PM
Wow, the man I date does well but is not "wealthy"...he would laugh if he saw this thread...
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 278
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 6:37:39 PM
That is exactly what the discussion has been about. Seeking out only wealthy men to date or have a relationship with.
------------
I thought it had more to do with- would a financially secure man date/commit to a woman of meager means...Men??
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 279
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 6:55:11 PM

I thought it had more to do with- would a financially secure man would date/commit to a woman of meager means...Men??


Think so lets look at a few of the post that says otherwise.



I just like a man who invests his heart & soul in a relationship & the indicator of how into me he is - is his wallet...someone who wants FWB or a fling is not as likely to be generous or do 4 you...that is my experience & I will stick with it!


Notice the indicator of his affection to her........is his wallet.....



If all u date are successful men, they u will marry a successful man. I can fall in love w/ a successful man just as well if not better than a schmuck.

You gotta name it to claim it!


Seems to me she is saying she will only date a man with means.....to spend on her.



As a counterpoint, a woman our age had better have her shyte together as well. There are very few men that will be willing to take on a financial black hole simply because she looks good.


The above post is self explanatory.



totally wrong- the ones who can still...ahem... would give anything for an attractive woman to ...ahem...with


As is this answer.....there are pages more of this but I would think this is enough to show what the discussion has been about.

I would prefer to discuss ways to talk about finances in the most tactful manner and other productive lines of communication to make this topic easier to breach in a relationship.

However it seems some would rather drone on about this other line of topic.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 280
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 7:51:43 PM
"I thought it had more to do with- would a financially secure man date/commit to a woman of meager means...Men??" You are correct regarding the original post and original meaning of the post.

I briefly read back through this thread and for the most part the men that answered wanted someone pretty much equal to them in the finacial department. Someone that would let them treat sometimes as well as reciprocate at times. I would say that the majority of women that responded said they have no problem with that - basically saying "I understand and why should the man pay all the time".

Most of us have homes, jobs, maybe a mortgage, maybe a car loan or whatever. Many are just out of divorces and are rebuilding their lives. I have shared the expenses of a vacation with a man - I see nothing wrong with that. I have treated men to dinner - I see nothing wrong with that. I have offered to pay for my dinner and more times than not I have been treated. And I appreciated it.

What a few on here have said is that "it's the man's job to pay". This is what I disagree with. Even the OP in a further posting said she came to your country as an adult, has a mortgage and a job but limited means. Because someone has limited means does not mean they automatically get a free ride...from a man.

Some also think that just because they have a vagina that they can sit on it and a man should be honoured to pay. I don't agree with this either. To me this is the "sense of entitlement" attitude and that attitude sucks. It might work at the beginning but not for the long term. As stated by a few men, it's gets boring, tiring, expensive and disrespectful.

IF a woman is of meager means why would she think that a man would automatically jump at the chance to support her? Why would a woman of meager means, maybe a child or two at home or supporting grandchildren think a man would automatically jump at the chance to support her? It all comes down to - what do you bring to the table? And that question knows no gender.

The words whore, prostitute, and a few others I laughed at but can't remember right now, have been bantered about but it boils down to - men don't want to feel used. And I don't blame them. I don't want to feel used either. So unless you are willing to be more a "giver" than a "taker", you will be a user.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 281
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 8:04:12 PM
That may be true, but some men may find it hard to pass up a pretty woman, even if she is of meager means, so it's not just 'what a woman expects'. And there lies a moral delimma. And some women of limited means do not want to go further in the hole just to date.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 282
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 8:25:24 PM

That may be true, but some men may find it hard to pass up a pretty woman, even if she is of meager means, so it's not just 'what a woman expects'. And there lies a moral delimma


What moral dilemma? If someone is attracted to another and willing to accept the financial situation of the other then fine.

If the one of lower means is only interested in upgrading their social status or only there for what they can get from the other then that is just wrong.....not a morale dilemma.


And some women of limited means do not want to go further in the hole just to date.


So then don't date.

I don't drive a Bugatti because I can't afford one.

Not because I don't want one.

What most people have been saying time and time again is don't expect more than you can bring to the relationship yourself.

So ladies I would like to hear some ideas on how to breach this touchy topic.

How would you want your partner to open this to discussion without causing a riff in the relationship.

Also on the other end of the spectrum what would cause you to just shut down and want to end it?

This is new ground for me and I would bet most men. How do we handle this without alienating our partners?
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 283
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 8:29:41 PM
Yes, some men find it hard to pass up a pretty woman. And some women find it hard to pass up a fat wallet.

And if you are of limited means and don't want to go further in the hole to date - why the hell would you just automatically think the man should pay all the time. That would be my moral dilemma - expecting him to pay because I can't afford it. I'd rather be alone than be a user.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 284
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 8:32:21 PM
Women who are open to dating aren't necessarily looking to for a Bugatti. But then one happens along who contacts you!...
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 285
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/9/2012 9:11:41 PM
I am a full time college student, I tell men right up front that my education is my priority. If they want to do something I cant afford to participate in then we can do something I can or they can pay--no need making this to be more than it is.

It is being taken advantage or or for granted that most men have an issue with, and there are tons of free things you can do or things that don't cost a fortune. Most parks are free, I have had dates that we met at a dog park with our dogs. I have dates were we went on a picnic by a lake, it was awesome!

Some other ideas are:
The city I live in has music concerts downtown for free in the summer.
You can go help build a house in the Habitat for Humanity.
Volunteer to help a charity out.
Help feed the homeless.
Some towns have festivals that are free unless you purchase something.

Isnt the point of dating to get to know someone, so while the whole get dressed up and go out to eat is fun there are many many more things a couple can do together to get to know each other; but it shouldn't be a financial burden on either party.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 286
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 6:47:53 AM
I agree with you giggles, and rarely go out to eat with the one I'm dating. How about it men? Are you game for the cheap dates with someone on a tight budget, (not bankrupt)or do you just want to date people from the same elevated economic bracket as you?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 287
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 7:37:13 AM

would a financially secure man date/commit to a woman of meager means...Men??


Finances are only one factor out of many. All I can say is that I would follow my heart.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 288
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:24:15 AM

I agree with you giggles, and rarely go out to eat with the one I'm dating. How about it men? Are you game for the cheap dates with someone on a tight budget, (not bankrupt)or do you just want to date people from the same elevated economic bracket as you?


I love to ride my Harley and that normally doesn't break the bank.

Dating is not so much the question as the one in the OP.

Because in a relationship it becomes a different ballgame.

If a lady is not self supporting it will strain the relationship. I do not need any liabilities I also am not looking for a lady to live off of.

As long as she can contribute her half of the bills we encounter as a couple I am good with that.

Which would be a benefit to her as two can live cheaper than one.

Nutshell is each person should be able to pay their own way.

They shouldn't expect their partner to supplement them.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 289
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:46:58 AM

IF a woman is of meager means why would she think that a man would automatically jump at the chance to support her?

….men don't want to feel used.


To be fair….I think more than a few of us women on here may have experienced an offer or two of this kind. Some men do this. Some men expect this. Some men become more aggressive with every ‘no thanks.’

My married ex-boss wanted to set me up when I was going through my divorce…he’d flash his supposed wealth all over the place, trying to tempt me, I guess. Just EWW.

What was funny though, I think he was really afraid of me…when I stood up to him he backed down like a wounded puppy.


Isnt the point of dating to get to know someone, so while the whole get dressed up and go out to eat is fun there are many many more things a couple can do together to get to know each other…


Nice! I agree. How boring does going out to dinner get? The stuffy atmosphere of quiet cutlery clinking makes me want to break out laughing at the phony pretentiousness. And belch really loud.

Then let’s go to a movie so we can digest dinner uncomfortably in the dark and not speak for two hours.

If a man asks me to dinner and a movie I know he’s gonna be one boring unimaginative dud. I love your ideas, Giggles.

OP:
What are the expectations from a woman of 45+ in that department? Own her home? Should her mortgage be paid off? Have an X amount of money on savings or in investments, etc?


My life hasn’t exactly followed a ‘traditional’ course. I try to be happy every day, without expectations or limits. If I find a man to share my life with me, that would be great, but if not, that’s great, too. I certainly don’t need or want a man to buy me. Nuts to that.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 290
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 9:04:09 AM

If a man asks me to dinner and a movie I know he’s gonna be one boring unimaginative dud.


The sad thing is, I enjoy the movies. But I recognize the stigma attached to cliche dates, so I don't ask women to do such things until I've known them for awhile.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 291
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 10:16:17 AM


Actually, it is equally important since you can’t have LTR/marriage without dating (not talking about arranged marriages here). Unless a person is dating without any goal for LTR/marriage, and in many cases the other party is just being used.



I beg to differ...It is not as important as I said above you can just move on if you are just in the dating stage.

Yes, you can move on. But in that case what’s the point of even starting dating if the financial level is so different? If you want her to pay her way and she can’t would you just stay with her at home to watch the grass grow? You probably want to date someone who has enough money to spend as you are accustomed to. That’s why I am saying that financial status is important in dating as well as in relationships.
Maybe you and I understand the word “dating” differently. When I talk about dating I mean an exclusive relationship. No plans for future yet, but the two of them are a couple. I don’t call meeting someone once or twice dating. In my understanding it would be just “had a date”, which is different from “dating someone”.


So ladies I would like to hear some ideas on how to breach this touchy topic.

How would you want your partner to open this to discussion without causing a riff in the relationship.

Also on the other end of the spectrum what would cause you to just shut down and want to end it?

This is new ground for me and I would bet most men. How do we handle this without alienating our partners?

What would you like to find out in this discussion? How well she is off? What are her assets? You should know by that time her spending habits and attitude towards paying her way since you dated her for some time.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 292
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 12:16:54 PM
I’m fairly old fashioned. If I ask a woman for a date, then I expect to pay. I would not date if I couldn’t afford it.

I agree with Paderic about the movies, I think a movie and a dinner is a good date. Do the early show, then eat and discuss the movie. Not for an initial meeting, but for a real date.

As for long term financial status, how things will work when / if I ever again form a committed relationship, well, that is open for discussion. As someone else (Welsh?) mentioned, I really, really don’t want to feel used. Unless, of course, the woman is drop dead gorgeous, in which case there are no rules, only opportunities for debauchery!
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 293
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 12:42:43 PM
And here I don't even know what a Bugatti is! lol Guess that means that I have not done well in life nor married "UP" to improve my quality of life? Whatever. I like myself the way I am!
 prometheus1666
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 294
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 2:02:51 PM
I think women treat us as "success objects" and I think most they are much more inclined to marry a guy with money and settle, than to marry a guy with less means or financial future even if he is a better catch.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 295
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 2:23:46 PM

"Men aren't saying they don't want to be gentlemen--they are simply saying they want to stop being considered a meal ticket and having women just use them to get to go out. I think once a man is into a woman--most have no problem making sure their woman is happy."

That’s just it. The insecurities…..Men are afraid of being taken advantage of financially, and there come the “equality” lines… Women think that if men are not opening their valets then the men are not really interested.
I mean SOME men and women, not ALL
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 296
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 3:14:50 PM

Women think that if men are not opening their valets then the men are not really interested.

Sad to say, but it is true...I did years of dating, and it always rang true. If a man is into a woman, he will slay dragons 4 her!
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 297
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 3:41:30 PM

The sad thing is, I enjoy the movies. But I recognize the stigma attached to cliche dates…


Why is that sad? Good for you….and the other guy who agrees with you. Maybe you could catch a flick together.

I don’t base my personal opinions on ‘stigmas’ or what others perceive as ‘cliché.’ Eating and sitting around not conversing with a man isn’t MY idea of fun, and it wouldn’t be to him, either, or chances are high we wouldn’t be compatible.

I prefer men who dare to stretch the boundaries of boring. I’m radical that way.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 298
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 3:49:37 PM

Or just that you don't know about cars...? Simple as that really. Doesn't make you a better..or worse person. *shrugs*


I know Mary Jane hun, I was just saying this tongue in cheek so to speak. Heck, I make more than a lot of men I know.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 299
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/10/2012 4:17:12 PM
Eating and sitting around not conversing with a man isn’t MY idea of fun, and it wouldn’t be to him, either, or chances are high we wouldn’t be compatible.


You can't have fun doing anything that doesn't involve conversation? That rules out the theater, orchestra, poetry readings, you name it.

I understand the reasoning behind not wanting to do those types of activity while you're getting to know someone, but ruling them out for the duration would make me think someone is a prima donna.

I expect these posts will be deleted before long for being off topic...
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 300
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 6:19:36 AM
I'm a little confused as to what the "Women's" part of the question has to do with the issue of financial status.

Maybe I'm out there in the ozone somewhere, but wouldn't people expect the financial standing of women to be exactly the same as they'd expect of a male???

Also, the comment
it seems like a lot of men would like a woman to pay her way on vacations and entertainment, but at the same time to be financially secure and self sufficient with her assets.
??? Well....yeah??? I know that would certainly expect a man to pay HIS own way on vacations and for entertainment... so why would I believe that he should expect less of me?

LOL! I do know however...that I've been looking for over 5 years for a travelling companion to go to Ireland with me, and can't find anyone...either male or female who can "afford" the trip.

As for whether they own their home...with or without mortgage, and how much savings or investments they have...that has (or should have) absolutely NOTHING to do with gender, but rather their own personal lifestyle.

If someone is 45 yrs old and has always rented apartments, then why should they feel compelled to own a house just because they turn 45? I know quite a few people who live in apartments/condos who have a heck of a lot more money (financial security) than I do, and yet I own a very nice home...which is valued a little more than twice the "average" for my county. Frankly, MANY people around the age of 45 begin looking to sell their houses in favor of smaller, easier to maintain, and less expensive to keep up dwelling situations.

Being financially self sufficient is something that I think EVERYONE should be....regardless of their gender....with regard to their chosen lifestyle. The ISSUE should be one of whether or not the individual lives successfully within that lifestyle. I have much more respect for someone who lives successfully...a balanced lifestyle on an income of $50K per year, than I do for someone who earns $200K per year, is in debt up to their necks, always broke and borrowing more. (And believe me...I know a few of those also!)

Perhaps a better indicator of "character", and a more important "status" would be who is "financially responsible". Does the PERSON pay their bills, or do they count on help from family and friends; is the PERSON happy and self-confident about their ability to be self sufficient? I have found that those who can't manage a "little", do even worse at managing "a lot".
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