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 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 301
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Women's Financial StatusPage 13 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)

Whatever. I like myself the way I am!
LOL! See there Moon....THAT is exactly why I adore you...in a completely Motherly/Daughterly platonic sort of way! Heheehe. And...would love you no matter how much you earned! BTW....a Bugatti is an overpriced Italian sports car...LOL! shoot for a guy who has a Mazaratti instead!
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 302
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 6:41:19 AM
Maybe I'm out there in the ozone somewhere, but wouldn't people expect the financial standing of women to be exactly the same as they'd expect of a male???
---------------
Not necessarily, the dating pool is small enough over 45 without unnecessary financial constraints.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 303
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 7:18:43 AM
^^^ You just don't get it. What you term as "unnecessary financial constraints" is like telling someone they have to go out with a fat chick even if they don't like fat chicks. A man (or a woman) needs to determine what they want in a partner and right up there is the financial component - why would a man, who's worked hard for his money, want to go out with someone that is not financially responsible or why would he want to become responsible for her debt. The same applies if she is supporting children or grandchildren - if that's not what he wants in a relationship why should he do that.

Are you prepared to go out with a man who makes considerably less than you and end up supporting him? I don't think so. Do you want to pay his way all the time because he can't afford to? I don't think so. Do you want to support his children or grandchildren? I don't think so.

It all comes back to - what do you bring to the table. And if you think just because you're a woman, or have a vagina, or are a cute little blonde, have big boobs, etc. that men will fall at your feet to support you or that you are entitled to this - give your head a shake.

And just because the dating pool is smaller at our age this doesn't mean that we should just cast aside what is important to us. This includes financial responsibility, paying your own way, contributing to the relationship, etc.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 304
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 7:34:42 AM
Calm down Welshie, I just meant one should not HAVE to limit themselves, hence the 'not necessarily'. And maybe, just maybe looks could be perceived as a quality that one brings to the table. :)... All about personal choice.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 305
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 7:59:33 AM
I'm more than calm Blondie. And if you're counting on your looks to get you a rich guy - looks fade and you won't always be arm candy. And in most intelligent people's books looks are not a "quality". They may be a requirement for some, it's just not a "quality".

Aren't you the one that wanted Mr. No Passion to become a grandfather/father figure to your daughter and grandchildren that are on welfare and just couldn't understand why he balked at the thought? While some men do believe it takes a village to raise a child and don't mind helping out, other would run for the hills. It's a choice, just like dating arm candy or a woman of "quality". Some want an equal partner in every sense of the word - and that includes finances.
 LeeMurphy12
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 306
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 8:23:05 AM
Really? In this current economy? There are many reasons a woman (or a man, for that matter) might have financial problems and they may not be due to their own irresponsibility.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 307
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 8:47:52 AM
quote] In this current economy? There are many reasons a woman (or a man, for that matter) might have financial problems and they may not be due to their own irresponsibility

That attitude is odd to me. This is the over 45 forum. I made sure I was financially secure 25 years before the current downturn in the economy. Responsible individuals take care of their education, update training, relocate, change careers, manage finances, etc.throughout their life and not don't allow themselves to be victims of poor financial times. Crap happens, be prepared.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 308
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 9:06:05 AM
Stargazin - you are bang on.

The thing is, many of us have had ups and downs over our lifetime. To me the difference is - if you're in one of those "down" times don't think that you are entitled to someone else picking up the tab all the time.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 309
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 9:12:36 AM
one partner may have MORE INCOME, while the other may have MORE ASSETS- & I'm not talking about what they got from their ex ;0)

To each his own...

I've heard men say what's the point of going out on a date/being in a relationship IF THEY AREN'T ATTRACTED TO THE WOMAN?

I feel the same about men...so what if he has a wallet, if I am not attracted to him or if he has poor character...I want the whole package, not just one facet of a man...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 310
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 9:35:33 AM
Looks-and money!-can go away or be significantly eroded by the flying fickle finger of fate sometimes. What really counts with me is character,wits and resourcefulness to be able to survive-HONORABLY- should the fffof rip a hole in one's money bag by an unexpected event.

My own feeling is that people who are of similar backgrounds are more likely to form relationships or marriages that are the most durable. As for marriage or cohabitation "up"-well, IMO, if the upwardness was a large part of the attraction, then essentially one has simply locked themselves into a 24/7 j.o.b. There is an old saying that if one marries for money one will earn every penny of it.

For myself, I look for an equal partnership. I don't want to "buy" a partner and I don't want to be "bought" as a partner. People can and do bring resources to the table that are not bags of cash...but looks and sex aren't on that list.
But by and large, I agree that looking for reasonably similar financial situations as part of one's relationship criteria is not an unrealistic consideration. Of course there are no guarantees and if someone wants to partner "up" or "down", I guess that's their prerogative but if one gets burnt, no fair crying "foul"! after the fact.
Cindy O
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 311
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 10:36:55 AM
Welsh474


It all comes back to - what do you bring to the table. And if you think just because you're a woman, or have a vagina, or are a cute little blonde, have big boobs, etc. that men will fall at your feet to support you or that you are entitled to this - give your head a shake.


Welsh, you are ignoring reality. If a woman is truly drop dead gorgeous, there are plenty of men who will line up for the chance to support her in the style to which she would like to become accustomed. This is simply a fact of life. I do not like it, but it is what it is.

One of the problems I often observe here on the forums is women who think they are “drop dead gorgeous”, when in reality they are just pretty. Pretty will get you 50 messages a day here on POF, but it will not get you a sugar daddy. If you want a real sugar daddy, you need to be the kind of woman that men don’t just stare at on the streets, they stop whatever they are doing and just follow her down the street in a daze.

The problem from my viewpoint is what type of woman would want to be "arm candy" or a "trophy wife"? Women who would seek or enjoy that type of life are not someone that I would want to be involved with long term. ("Long term" being more than a long weekend in a luxury resort. The kind of luxury resort where you never need to leave the room, room service will bring you everything you need, including more Viagra if you run low.)
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 312
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 10:44:38 AM

Responsible individuals take care of their education, update training, relocate, change careers, manage finances, etc.throughout their life and not don't allow themselves to be victims of poor financial times. Crap happens, be prepared.


Now this is a statement that makes sense when one reads it and it is exactly what I was doing while married. Divorce definately changed all that for me and now am trying to rebuild it back again. I know I am not the only one who has been financially taken to the cleaners in divorce and for that reason, I am open to other's financial status and not too judgemental initially. If he chose to pee it all away, that is different for sure. Otherwise, stability financially, not necessarily big bucks, a good personality, attraction all factor into my dating. Not just money for sure. And the day I DO put what a guy makes as the criteria for my interest, then I figure I may as well not bother.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 313
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 10:54:12 AM

Not necessarily, the dating pool is small enough over 45 without unnecessary financial constraints.
I think the KEY here is....OVER 45, when MOST people are beginning to seriously think about retirement. You children are raised, though you may still be looking at paying off college debt...but it's certainly when MOST people begin to look at the quality of life they will be able to afford in their old age.

I certainly didn't advocate looking for "wealth" as a relationship priority...LOL! even though I did jokingly tease Moon about going for the Mazaratti.

What I DO advocate is looking for a partner...female OR male as the case may be, who is financially RESPONSIBLE. Owning a home doesn't necessarily make one "responsible" any more than not owning one makes someone irresponsible.

Personally, I'd rather partner with someone who was emotionally secure about their "financial status", whatever it is. Two characteristics which I find equally unattractive are someone who thinks that they're better than others simply because they have larger bank balances....AND EQUALLY as ugly....is someone who thinks that because another person has more that they should accept everyone else's definition of "generous".

Just sayin'...that this is POF afterall, and I doubt that there are too many billionaires here. More than likely, I'd venture to bet that the largest percentage of folks here range from "slightly worried, to mildly concerned" about accumulating enough assets to live with a little dignity from the ages of 65-85. When one has that goal in mind and it's already "cutting it close", they're not as likely to derail at age 45 as they were when they were...say 30.

We can all walk around this white elephant in the room and pretend that it's a small coffee table, but the fact is that unless lifestyles and finances are somewhat similar, the person earning less is going to go through that "just hit the lottery" phase...thinking that their new partner is "rich"....when in all reality, they're probably just merely comfortable.

I KNOW darned good and well that many of you here have gone through this! You may not want to talk about it for fear of offending, but geeezzz, it DOES get old when you meet someone and you start to like them....knowing that they are not as financially secure as you are, and as soon as they get an idea that you can be "useful" to them...they CHANGE. Suddenly, they make covertly snide comments, start testing the water to see how easy it would be to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge....and fact is....that you're NOT "rich"....you're just living the life that YOU built for yourself through hard work and sacrifice, and that you had NOT built in an account for all of THEIR pet projects....whether it be an adult child who doesn't work, small dependents who's other parent won't help support them, a bunch of debt from past relationship mistakes, or any other of the sundry reasons that people give.

LOL! Now, I would like to officially complain that CindyO has taken "good looks and sex" off the freaking list of resources that someone should bring to the table! (satire intended here)

Back to being serious (well.....as serious as it gets for a BooBoo) but yes, certainly in this economic climate there are many people who have lost a great deal of financial security through no fault of their own, and THAT should be taken into account. There is certainly no crime or dishonor in being "poor"...for that matter, neither is there any crime or dishonor in not being able to manage whatever you do have....whether it be a little or a lot, but it DOES give others a pretty good idea of how you would most likely treat a financial partnership.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 314
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 12:41:46 PM

Really? In this current economy? There are many reasons a woman (or a man, for that matter) might have financial problems and they may not be due to their own irresponsibility.


That someone has a good excuse doesn't change the bottom line. Your financial problems are a burden.

When you're killed in a car accident, are you any less dead if the other driver was at fault?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 315
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 3:10:01 PM

LOL! Now, I would like to officially complain that CindyO has taken "good looks and sex" off the freaking list of resources that someone should bring to the table! (satire intended here)


Ahh..but I did not take mutual attraction/chemistry out of the mix. I'm certainly NOT suggesting that people should pair up with people they feel no chemistry with, because the person meets other criteria.If only people who meet some popular media standard of "good looks" and "sexy"were able to obtain life partners, there would be a helluva lot of unpartnered people roaming around.


If a woman is truly drop dead gorgeous, there are plenty of men who will line up for the chance to support her in the style to which she would like to become accustomed. This is simply a fact of life. I do not like it, but it is what it is.


Yep. And a goodly percentage of them seem to wind up here on PoF, all butthurt and ranting about how women are so favored by the court system.


If you want a real sugar daddy, you need to be the kind of woman that men don’t just stare at on the streets, they stop whatever they are doing and just follow her down the street in a daze.

Whew! Good hing I'm not looking for a sugar daddy...even though I sometimes notice dazed men following me down the street-I think they are just afraid I might hurt them.

I'd like to think that sensible people of both genders, who are 45+,would be looking at prospective partners' financial stability, rather than just size of their bank account.
As others have mentioned, someone with large income who is constantly just one jump ahead of the bill collectors isn't any better that someone of modest income who isn't buried in debt. Especially unattractive to me personally is someone who carries a lot of debt because they are always out to impress.

What bothers me is people who think the only solution to absent or inadequate finances is to find a relationship or marriage as a means of financial survival or betterment.

While there is a good deal of sense in Paderics' latest post-I would suggest that those who have financial or practical challenges should be very careful to not let that be a burden to a dating/relationship partner. Yes, I know, a lot of people are GLAD to help, but if that gladness starts turning into "you owe me", or "you can't get by on your own"-you've handed over something VERY precious...control of your own life!
Cindy O
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 316
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 4:12:51 PM
I've never known a 'drop dead gorgeous' woman who is looking for some guy to take care of her. My two sisters are drop dead gorgeous (in contrast us boys have 'character')...and they both have their own successful careers.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 317
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 5:37:22 PM
Ok, say a woman is on POF who is 'pretty', or 'attractive', self supporting, working, paying the bills, but little discretionary income...And she is asked out by an attractive man..not rich but has a career, and no kids. It is not wrong for her to date this particular man NOT because she expects him to provide for her, but because he is a nice, down to earth, attractive guy, (which ain't easy to find on POF).... I think if the woman is honest with him about her finances, doesn't expect to be wined and dined on a regular basis, the onus is on HIM to decide whether to pursue it or not.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 318
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 6:22:26 PM

Ahh..but I did not take mutual attraction/chemistry out of the mix. I'm certainly NOT suggesting that people should pair up with people they feel no chemistry with, because the person meets other criteria.If only people who meet some popular media standard of "good looks" and "sexy"were able to obtain life partners, there would be a helluva lot of unpartnered people roaming around.
LOL! I was "safe" in any case, as my own definition of a "sexy" man is one who's furry and slightly on the heavy side....LOL! Kinda like a life sized Teddy Bear!

And a very big ^5 on this:
Yes, I know, a lot of people are GLAD to help, but if that gladness starts turning into "you owe me", or "you can't get by on your own"-you've handed over something VERY precious...control of your own life!
THAT just about says it ALL!
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 319
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 6:41:57 PM
"YES, there is a reason why a mature woman might not be financially secure.......divorced twice, raising children on her own, no child support, and laid off. Enough reasons for you?"

Well, the above is true. And the above are some of the reasons why men struggle as well - two divorces and PAYING child support and laid off. Every child is entitled to child support no matter which parent is raising them. I get all that. The two divorces - well, poor choices maybe. Who knows.

The thing is, in the "divorced twice, raising children on her own, no child support, and laid off" do you feel "entitled" to a man paying for all the dates. Do you think it's okay to date even though you can't afford to pay your way, contibute some or at least treat once in awhile?

There are many folks on here that are in "building mode" - building after a divorce, paying for child support, paying education costs for children, recovering after a job loss, rebuilding credit or rebuilding the losses of their investments. Plus the added building their inner selves after the hurt/pain and devastation of divorce or death of a partner. Both genders.

I refuse to be bought. I refuse to be used. I will contribute, I will share, I will blend. I know the difference between a sense of entitlement and a sense of self. I will not marry up just to improve my lot in life, I will not take on a man with no passion just because he has finances greater than mine, I will not let myself go to the highest bidder. I will not be a fool.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 320
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Posted: 4/11/2012 6:46:09 PM

I certainly didn't advocate looking for "wealth" as a relationship priority...LOL! even though I did jokingly tease Moon about going for the Mazaratti.

For a while, I was thinking you mean Maserati, but now I see you are talking about some old fart with the name of Mazaratti.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 321
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/11/2012 7:01:00 PM

Ok, say a woman is on POF who is 'pretty', or 'attractive', self supporting, working, paying the bills, but little discretionary income...And she is asked out by an attractive man..not rich but has a career, and no kids. It is not wrong for her to date this particular man NOT because she expects him to provide for her, but because he is a nice, down to earth, attractive guy, (which ain't easy to find on POF).

There is absolutely nothing wrong with her dating a nice guy. Also nothing wrong with him dating a nice and attractive woman. They could be very happy, dating doesn't have to be expensive. The good thing is that the woman of meagre means is used to a modest lifestyle and won't make big and sudden demands on him.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 322
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Posted: 4/11/2012 7:02:01 PM

That someone has a good excuse doesn't change the bottom line. Your financial problems are a burden.


Well Pad? There you have it. Some folks are not as stringent in their dating requirements as others. To each their own. I have seen things from all walks of life and let me tell you? If I were to fall in love tomorrow and the dude worked at a gas station? Long as he loved me and we were happy together, tis all this gal looks for!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 323
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/15/2012 9:49:13 AM

Well Pad? There you have it. Some folks are not as stringent in their dating requirements as others.


I didn't say anything about dating. I just stated that the reason someone is in debt does not change the fact that they are in debt and those debts will affect a person's lifestyle going forward.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 324
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/15/2012 10:55:53 AM
The same way men get evaluated for their financcials, women get evaluated on their looks. It's just too bad, isn't it? You can't fight city hall!
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 325
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/15/2012 10:59:08 AM

The good thing is that the woman of meagre means is used to a modest lifestyle and won't make big and sudden demands on him.


I think that is probably true that she will not make big demands on him.. However neither would a woman that is somewhat comfortable because she is used to purchasing what she likes for herself..

I think what is more important though is lifestyle and that often goes hand in hand with your financial status..I simply would not date a man that could not afford to do too much.. I would hate to be out enjoying my passions while he had to sit home and think about it.. Let's face it works much better when your partner can afford what you can..

What I found when I used to date online some were okay financially while others were just short of living on a park bench..
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