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 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 351
Women's Financial StatusPage 15 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)

Expecting it and asking for it are two different things. Asking someone to pay their share is crass.


Why is asking for what you expect crass?


I meet quite a few women who contribute to the cost of dating. I continue dating them. I stop dating women who do nothing when the bill arrives.


Asking someone to pay their share is so crass. Just dump ‘em instead.

You don’t want to look bad in front of your date so you don’t voice your expectations…. but when they don’t perform as desired, they’re history. That sounds cowardly and self serving, IMO.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 352
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/17/2012 2:45:45 PM

It is amusing that women call a man cheap or stingy when he suggests splitting things 50-50. What does that make the woman who thinks her share is 0%?

Well, guess what? Cheap and stingy women aren't particularly desirable.


I agree 100% with this statement. Us men are cheep if we expect the lady to just share the expense yet they are not cheep when they expect to pay nothing?

Can you say double standard?

Some here have said the cost of the date is worth it because we get the pleasure of their company......Hummm I believe y'all get the pleasure of ours also....so wouldn't those tow benefits wash?

This same type of expectations normally carry over to a LTR/marriage as well.

Yet if the LTR/marriage ends somehow they seem to think 50/50 splitting of the assets are okay then.

If a relationship is a equal partnership............ shouldn't all of it be?
Is it fair for one person in the relationship to pick and choose when 50/50 applies and when it doesn't for themselves?

Sorry but I actually expect 50/50 to be 50/50. Seeing as it never seems to work that way and I have found I enjoy single life better than being tied down by a relationship is why I am not even remotely interested in a LTR/marriage.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 353
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/17/2012 2:46:32 PM

in my dating perience, SOME men can call the "equality" card all the way and find some women who take it. They are, I find, naturally cheap and stingy with everything about giving anyways. For an experiment, I decided to go that route with a couple of men I dated and see what they were actually made of in the end. I initiated dates, made dinners and they came with either nothing under their arms....or...took home the dessert and wine they brought because it wasn't used!!! They LOVED the idea of equality and used that card to pay next to nothing for anything.
Both men were doing very well financially. I dumped both. Experiment concluded. Solution? Go back to dating men who want to do what most males find comfortable doing.
I found that most men are more than willing to buy your coffee, drinks, lunch or dinner. In fact, most men insist on it and feel very uncomfortable on the first or second dates to let a woman pay for anything. I understand and allow them to do so.
I believe it comes down to the instinctive steps of natural courtship. It's built into most of us.
When a man plays the "equality" card on first date, he's done...but then....he ususally never gets to first date. You can tell by the way he words things when you initially talk that he is "cheaper than chips".
Argue all you want.....science has proven that men and women are DIFFERENT and that we have DIFFERENT stimuli and responses....especially in the dating game.

I remember when i was dating,i had a first date with a guy which went on for over 5 hours.
We started with drinks and we took it in 'turns' to shout - ok.(Ie: he paid for our 1st drink,i paid for our second,etc).
Then,we decided to stay on for dinner as we seemed to be getting along rather well and the conversation was flowing and again,we went dutch - ok.
Chat,chat,laugh laugh............you get the picture.......well,we left the bistro and ambled down the street for a late-night coffee and all the while im thinking,"I really like this guy!"
There's always a "but",isn't there...............?
While i was in the Ladies' room, the check came for our two coffees which equalled the Grand Total of $7.60 and i found my date trying to work out what i owed him..............
THERE WAS NO SECOND DATE and not coz he was lousy at maths


That is the way it should be.. If a man is so concerned about his wallet and not the woman he is enjoying himself with then later for that one.. Perhaps he is also very worried this will not be any kind of long time relationship? That kind of karma will result in nothing positive. That shows me he lacks confidence is his ability to hold your interest.. A man that is not at all worried is the one for me.

The man I am dating now wonders how I manage to do all that I do for him..He has no problem in the world paying for a nice dinner when we get the chance to dine together..


"shrug"...
Just had one man call up and ask me if I would be ready to meet him in 45 mins...?????????????
When I said and told him that was not enough notice, thankyou. He said that I must be high maintenance, that most women have said yes.
Just had another call up and said that he was passing through...and yes...he promised to call me to arrange a meet three days ago...but got busy and forgot to call. sked him if he did this to other women and if they complied on the spot? He said yes. Why? What's the problem?
problem? I am starting to see too many VERY spoilt men who have been pampered to death by needy?? and ready and willing women who feel the need to accomodate men. That includes paying for the date, too.
I like a date that is properly made and I like a date with a man who wants to court. I am quite financially secure and I did this on my own.
My reciprocal talents, if he proves worthy, are many and varied.

Ohhh..by the way...I am generous to a fault..with the right man....and I have more than paid my way in life. A good man knows this and recognizes it.
ing is a great way to find out if a man is going to be a giving soul in a relationship. I work for a large retail food store and you wouldn't believe the men who buy flowers, candy, giftcards on special days...and the women who beam because of it. I also see women who have tears in their eyes because the idiot they married couldn't even begin to think about being generous to them.

You don’t want to look bad in front of your date so you don’t voice your expectations…. but when they don’t perform as desired, they’re history. sounds cowardly and self serving, IMO.


Well, there u have it...following this philosophy has been key to any success I've had in a relationship in the last few years...and anyone who wants to argue that point, please 1st look at the smiles in my main pic ;0)
What good is a theory if]IT DOESN'T WORK?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 354
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/17/2012 3:33:59 PM
Why is asking for what you expect crass?


I happen to think bringing up money on a date is crass. If you think it's appropriate to ask, you're entitled to do so with your dates. I will continue to behave as I see fit on my own dates.


You don’t want to look bad in front of your date so you don’t voice your expectations…. but when they don’t perform as desired, they’re history. That sounds cowardly and self serving, IMO.


I prefer to think I learn something about a person by observing how they behave spontaneously. If they adjust their behavior because of what was requested, what have I learned?

If someone isn't compatible, why would I continue dating them?

What good is a theory if]IT DOESN'T WORK?


What works for you is not going to work for everyone.

Oh my----if either party or both parties are keeping track to an absolute 50/50, that just becomes crazy and takes the real pleasure out of any dating ....


Where do people come up with this canard? I could go back and check, but I don't recall anyone saying they keep track of spending. However, when the split is 100% and 0%, it doesn't take an accounting degree to notice.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 355
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History
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/17/2012 3:55:11 PM

Just had one man call up and ask me if I would be ready to meet him in 45 mins...?????????????
When I said no and told him that was not enough notice, thankyou. He said that I must be high maintenance, that most women have said yes.
Just had another call up and said that he was passing through...and yes...he promised to call me to arrange a meet three days ago...but got busy and forgot to call. I asked him if he did this to other women and if they complied on the spot? He said yes. Why? What's the problem?
The problem? I am starting to see too many VERY spoilt men who have been pampered to death by needy?? and ready and willing women who feel the need to accomodate men. That includes paying for the date, too.
4

Ahhhhh, I see what you're saying. HOWEVER....I've experienced the very same kinds of men, BUT....I've certainly never "analyzed" them as being the way the are because they were "pampered to death by needy women". First of all, I don't think that needy women (or men for that matter) are even capable of "pampering" anyone, but MOSTLY....men who act like this, do NOT do so because they're "pampered"....they do it because they've become accustomed to women who are willing to put up with their bad manners and ill tempers.....simply because.....they (the men PAY for the privledge) I'm sorry, but you can't judge men by applying a more "female psychology" to them....they simply do NOT think the same way that women do.

When the man said that you were "high maintenance"....LOL! You should have expected that next he was going to come off with..."you're probably fat anyhow", and ...."you're just a bitter old biddy"....LOL! These are the kinds of comments that you will ALWAYS get from men who are accustomed to BUYING women. LOL! My standard answer to these kinds of men....is to always agree with them, tell them that I don't deserve them...and that they should save themselves for those welfare queens who can appreciate men of their calliber.

As for me, I always attempt to display the uttmost respect to anyone that I grant my valuable time, if I couldn't do that, then I wouldn't waste 10 minutes on him. By the same token, I demand the respect which I deserve as a courteous, considerate, respectful....and hopefully entertaining companion. What I would NEVER do however, is spend time with any man who could NOT accept that I AM "equal" He and I could discuss exactly what that means to EACH of us.......to ME, it means that I AM an adult.....in EVERY way, which includes taking care of myself financially, and in making and accepting the consequences of my own decisions. IF he disagrees (and I've found that a good many men do disagree with my "independence") then he's welcome to move along, no harm, no foul. It's merely a "Win/Win/No Deal" scenario.

Jerks come in all sizes, shapes, ages, and GENDERS....but what you've described...while they are jerks....most likely did NOT become jerks because women every paid for their dinner. Trust me....these guys DON'T get dates with anything BUT...very needy women.
 Sunshinelady555
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 356
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/17/2012 6:05:22 PM
A Older man should Own his home. Have an X amount of money on savings or in investments!
Most women do not want a Poor, broke man. Especially older women that have earned a good
living and can support themself.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 357
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/17/2012 6:30:49 PM

A Older man should Own his home. Have an X amount of money on savings or in investments!
Most women do not want a Poor, broke man. Especially older women that have earned a good
living and can support themself.


A Older woman should Own her home. Have an X amount of money on savings or in investments!
Most men do not want a Poor, broke woman. Especially older men that have earned a good
living and can support themselves.

See how that works.
 cariboolady1
Joined: 3/22/2012
Msg: 358
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/17/2012 6:47:46 PM
He will probably stay single and alone for a long time. (wink)
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 359
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/17/2012 7:03:33 PM

He will probably stay single and alone for a long time. (wink)


If this is a general statement I believe most men would rather stay single that take on someone that is poor and broke. From the posts from most men here I think that sentiment is bore out in this thread.

If that was directed at me if you took time to read my profile you would see that is my goal. I am having the time of my life dating, why would I want a relationship to tie me down?

And if I have to open my wallet to show a lady how much affection I have for her......I would much rather be single than deal with a woman like that. As far as alone I'm normally only alone when I wish to be.

So either way the point of this statement is moot.

Times and attitudes are changing the 1950's are over and in the last 15 or so years the dating norms of that time have changed as well.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 360
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History
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/17/2012 8:07:52 PM
Intetesting comments. From my own perspective I have always gone 50/50 unless a man felt insulted by this. Personally I am in relationship where we are both making ends only just meet & know in time we will hsve more resources, but at present with kids university, schools , life is a struggle financially & I love the fact that he cares for me emotionally even without financial assets due to xs leaving me &kids without money & I have been supporting them alone. Men who assume a woman my age should have money in personal experience have always put thier own interests first & not worried about kids . I used to feel ashamed of my lackof wealth but now I feel liberated that my veiws are not so marrow & I am loved amyway. ;)
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 361
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/17/2012 8:10:44 PM
And the very repetitive, adamant need to have 50/50 is what I was "ranting" about. To me, it just doesn't seem like it should be as complicated as it's being made out to be....seriously.


As opposed to the very repetitive, adamant need to have 100/0?

BettyMcFattyPants, thanks for making this cheap old bastard laugh.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 362
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/18/2012 6:27:52 AM

As opposed to the very repetitive, adamant need to have 100/0?


Isn't it strange that the 100/0 can be talked about as much as you want yet when you mention 50/50 to rebut them...that is just ranting.

The times are changing there are many more agreeing with a truly equal relationship now than three years ago. That includes both genders.

Some will just never agree and that is fine. It just makes it easier to weed out the ones that would end up a liability.
I have been there in my last marriage.

It seems to shock some here that men are learning to choose more carefully whom we date or have a relationship with.

The double standard mentioned in the op is dying. Some here try and make out like a man that doesn't accept the 100/0 deal will end up single and alone the rest of their lives.

They don't seem to understand that many ladies now expect to pay their fair share of a date/relationship. They don't seem to grasp that men are not afraid of being single and alone if the only option is taking on a woman that expects him to foot the bill while they spend their money however they choose.

The archaic mindset of yesteryear is slowly dying out and it is about time.

To the many ladies that have posted in agreement with sharing the responsibilities as well as the good times a relationship has to offer........KUDOS!
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 363
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/18/2012 6:40:24 AM

"shrug"...
Just had one man call up and ask me if I would be ready to meet him in 45 mins...?????????????
When I said and told him that was not enough notice, thankyou. He said that I must be high maintenance, that most women have said yes.
Just had another call up and said that he was passing through...and yes...he promised to call me to arrange a meet three days ago...but got busy and forgot to call. sked him if he did this to other women and if they complied on the spot? He said yes. Why? What's the problem?
problem? I am starting to see too many VERY spoilt men who have been pampered to death by needy?? and ready and willing women who feel the need to accomodate men. That includes paying for the date, too.
I like a date that is properly made and I like a date with a man who wants to court. I am quite financially secure and I did this on my own.


When I was a dating neophyte, I encountered men who were what I thought of as "fill-in-the-blank" men...They wanted someone to sit across the table from them while they ate a steak dinner that they really were in the mood for (most wanted to pay as well) But they were not really interested in me per se...just wanted whoever they could get to show up w/ the least amount of effort. This is opposite of the man who truly wanted a "girlfriend" who planned things out cuz he wanted to be w/ ME even if it was just to grab a quick cup of coffee (it's not always about the cost!)
I know there are quite a few desperate needy women out there, cuz I've had female friends who twisted themselves into a pretzel for a virtual stranger. Cancelled plans w/ me & others, including their own kids & grandkids last second cuz some guy snapped their fingers. Well it ends the way it starts, so when the man got bored (remember that Eddie Murphy movie, coming to America? "Bark like a dog...") next!

I understand there is spoiled of both genders but as we get older, it seems like the women get more desperate & get the selfish men- well they can keep them!

The older we get, the less people there are to go around, which IMO makes me more valuable, LOL!
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 364
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/18/2012 8:39:55 AM

It is amusing that women call a man cheap or stingy when he suggests splitting things 50-50. What does that make the woman who thinks her share is 0%?


Let me see here he usually goes home with a few days worth of food I have prepared.. So he is thrilled to eat delicious healthy food for those cost of a dinner ..


Well, guess what? Cheap and stingy women aren't particularly desirable.


Indeed they would not be desirable either..Much more fun to make them simply delighted with your many culinary delights..
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 365
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/18/2012 8:49:40 AM

To the many ladies that have posted in agreement with sharing the responsibilities as well as the good times a relationship has to offer........KUDOS!
LOL!!! As much as we appreciate the kudos....I must tell you.....
That.....when I actually was "looking"...my biggest hinderance to "dating" was in finding a man my own age (59) who TRULY.....accepted "gender equality". I think that once we've taken the giant step in accepting that women are equally capable of supporting themselves....we have to ALSO get you men (and women) to STOP discriminating....(rejecting equality) in skills and talents. :-)

I have encountered men who could...with some effort....accept the fact that a woman is financially secure...LOL but that acceptance of equality STOPPED when he got jealous of my dang tool box!!! Please...do NOT get mad at us ladies if we have to tactfully tell the clerk at Lowes that he doesn't know poop from applesauce (about plumbing)....or to explain that if they can't tell me exactly how many watts I can put on a 20amp circuit....then SHUT UP and stop reading the box to me...which I can read myself!....as I'm busy adding this up in my head. And please, gentlemen.....don't be mad if some lady not only shows you were your jack is....but how you assemble it....and use it to change a flat tire. It's NOT an affront to your masculinity, we're not buring our bras....we just simply have gotten a taste of true adulthood....and we LIKE IT! We're not going back to our mother's "child/wife" status. I'm an excellent journeyman plumber....but I majorly suck at accounting. Any man who can't accept this...and sit at the desk and handle the paperwork, while I'm fixing the toilet or the garbage disposal.....is NOT going to get along with me. I stopped playing dumb to attract men over 30 years ago. There are still...unfortunately, men (and women) who are playing this silly game.
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 366
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/18/2012 11:42:08 AM
Very well said GrandmaBooBoo!


As opposed to the very repetitive, adamant need to have 100/0?

I may have missed a few posts but I certainly did not see 100/0 posted by the women.
 Sunshinelady555
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 367
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/18/2012 12:33:16 PM

At our ages, I would expect both men and women to be financially stable.
Money in the bank, some type of property ownership, and a bit of a disposable income.
Both men and women


Amen ! Many older men are broke from past relationships that they did not know
how to handle correctly. So, now they look for a Woman who is desperate enough to support
them and their habits. Thank God, I don't waste time on those kind.
If you would have handle the first, second, or third relationship correctly you wouldn't be broke. LOL
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 368
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/18/2012 12:47:15 PM
^^^^ I think the above post could be said for both genders. There are many women who are looking for a man desperate enough to support them and their habits. We all remember the "women should marry up" broad...

And many women are on here struggling after relationship two or three or more. And I don't want to waste my time with them either - and neither should a man.

So it's not just men, it's both genders.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 369
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/8/2012 10:24:51 PM
Any man who can't accept this...and sit at the desk and handle the paperwork, while I'm fixing the toilet or the garbage disposal.....is NOT going to get along with me. I stopped playing dumb to attract men over 30 years ago. There are still...unfortunately, men (and women) who are playing this silly game.
--------------------
Just because I let my boyfriend fix my mower or whatever doesn't make me 'dumb' or immature, it's simply that he is more mechanical and experienced in these particular areas.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 370
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/10/2012 8:00:06 PM

Just because I let my boyfriend fix my mower or whatever doesn't make me 'dumb' or immature, it's simply that he is more mechanical and experienced in these particular areas.
No one implied that it did my dear. And buy the same token, just because a female chooses to fix the lawn mower, does NOT make her a homosexual, nor does it exclude her from being capable of coming in, taking a shower...and looking great in a garter belt, stockings and 5" heels.

BUT...what if your boyfriend were let's say.....a nurse who knew NOTHING about lawnmowers? What if he had NONE of those "mechanical" abilities? Would that then make him LESS of a man? I personally would vote "NO"...but then I don't cling tenatiously to those tired archaic "gender roles".
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 371
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/10/2012 8:28:31 PM
I just prefer a man that had at least minimal mechanical abilities.....And I, nor anyone else on here that I know of implied a female with those abilities is homosexual. I have female friends that do and can be very feminine also. I think it's impressive, and don't see why men wouldn't think so either. No need for the soapbox.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 372
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/10/2012 11:51:47 PM
I want someone similar. They should own a house, a mortgage is fine, I still have one. They should also bring a similar wage to the table, savings etc etc.


I'm not looking to hang with millionaires, but someone in a similar income bracket.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 373
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/11/2012 6:26:17 AM

I just prefer a man that had at least minimal mechanical abilities.....


Reminds me of the advice that famous philosopher Red Green always ended his show with:

"If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy."
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 374
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/11/2012 7:02:16 AM
They should also bring a similar wage to the table, savings etc etc.
-----------
Sounds like you have romantic first meets comparing W2's, bank statements, etc...I'm glad my suiters just looked at stability, financial responsibility, etc.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 375
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/11/2012 7:44:03 AM

TheReason
They should own a house, a mortgage is fine, I still have one. They should also bring a similar wage to the table, savings etc etc.



mjinict
Sounds like you have romantic first meets comparing W2's, bank statements, etc...I'm glad my suiters just looked at stability, financial responsibility, etc.


Mjinict, I suspect your suitors never got past your beauty. Most men, when confronted with a beautiful woman, lose all sense of reason.

I do understand where TheReason is coming from, I went through a similar period. But the position espoused by Mjinict is much more reasonable. Having a job (or income), being able to live within your means, that is all I ask for these days.
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