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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Women's Financial Status      Home login  
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 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 376
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Women's Financial StatusPage 16 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
All I have to say when choosing a spouse is to choose wisely.

I came out of my divorce quite fairly. We made within $10,000 of each other, both had pensions, etc etc. she chose to keep our house and bought out my share of the equity. I feel it was a fair divorce and have absolutely no bad feelings towards my ex.

I have friends who have been going through their divorces for almost a decade in a couple cases, with no end in sight. It's cost them tens of thousands of dollars so far. They didn't choose as wisely and are bitter and haggard.


Bottom line, I have my $hit together, and hope anyone I meet has their $hit together as well. A pretty face is one thing, a pretty face and a sound financial plan is even better. I'm simply not interested in taking on a huge debt load, or being a sugar daddy. Two solid incomes are better than one, we are in it together, there's enough people to go around. I'm sure you wouldn't want to date someone without a job, or 2 nickels to rub together....

It's not the be all end all, but it's definitely high on the list.

 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 377
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/11/2012 11:12:21 AM
I am kind of surprised this is even an issue. I mean at our age you should be able to take care of yourself to be sure, but who cares how much you own and how much money you make? I am not looking to take care of anyone, nor do I want someone to take care of me.... but I couldn't care less how much "stuff" someone has. If you are compatable that will work itself out.

If you are worried about users and losers, then put on your radar, and weed them out. Hmmm I guess I just don't get it.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 378
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/11/2012 7:22:57 PM
I guess a prenup would solve things, kinda takes the romance out of it.


Marriage: betting half your shit that you will love someone forever.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 379
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/11/2012 8:17:23 PM
Just because an ex makes a similar income doesn't mean she won't take you to the cleaners in a divorce. Conversely, just because an ex earns a more meager income, doesn't mean she will.
 largo2
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 380
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/11/2012 8:20:41 PM
When 2 people have similar incomes (and importantly, pensions) then its a lot more equitable in a split.

A big issue for people is their pensions.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 381
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/11/2012 8:21:34 PM
My mom once said "instead of finding someone with the perfect balance sheet, why not find someone you'll actually stay with for the rest of your life"

She does have a point.

Ahhhh mom, I love her to bits. Definitely some wisdom there.


 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 382
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/11/2012 8:34:03 PM
Can't argue with that!
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 383
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/12/2012 8:56:45 AM
"instead of finding someone with the perfect balance sheet, why not find someone you'll actually stay with for the rest of your life"

Everyone on here thought they had done that already - in their first marriage, their second marriage and maybe even their third marriage.

Many folks have come out of a divorce a little worse for wear. It only makes sense to do a pre-nup if marrying again or even living together. Those that have amassed a larger amount still need to protect themselves, as do those that have little. If all someone has is a small house and a 10 year old car, plus a small savings account - losing half is huge to them. And if you're planning to "marry up" just to improve your financial status, you are a fool. Just protect what you have, enter a relationship with eyes wide open and don't sign away the farm.

A pre nup or cohabitation agreement does not kill the romance - it's just common sense.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 384
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/12/2012 10:32:30 AM
My expectations are that by the time a lady reaches 45 that she is wise with the funds she has. I don't mean cheap. I mean living within her means. I know woman who make $200K who are always overextended and others who earn 20% or less of that and have it all sorted.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 385
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/12/2012 5:52:06 PM
A pre nup or cohabitation agreement does not kill the romance - it's just common sense
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Believe it or not, I agree.
 laughingatliberals
Joined: 10/11/2011
Msg: 386
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/12/2012 9:13:30 PM
I don't care about her financial status. I will keep my house and she can keep hers, my bills will be mine and hers will be hers.

If I ask her out I will gladly pay. If she asks me out then it is her tab to pick up.

Love being single commitment is overrated at best.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 387
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/13/2012 6:41:21 AM
I will keep my house and she can keep hers, my bills will be mine and hers will be hers.
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Maybe you should have put this in your profile.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 388
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/13/2012 6:54:27 AM
""I don't care about her financial status. I will keep my house and she can keep hers, my bills will be mine and hers will be hers.

If I ask her out I will gladly pay. If she asks me out then it is her tab to pick up.

Love being single commitment is overrated at best.""

Many men AND women have stated the same thing in threads about moving in together, living together, celibacy, wanting their own places/independence, etc.

I disagree with the last line - love being a single committment is not overrated at all. It's the best.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 389
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/13/2012 7:43:01 AM
I will keep my house and she can keep hers, my bills will be mine and hers will be hers.
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Maybe you should have put this in your profile.

Yanno what? I'm gonna butter my fenders ,'cause I believe I can drive between thse 2 "fixed objects" of argument...
When you start dating someone-presume NOTHING.

Especially for those 45+, it is entirely possible that a dater of either gender may be looking for an emotional state of sharing, NOT a joining of households. People, I think if you cannot bring a stable financial picture to the table and you think that marriage or cohabitation is the EASIEST solution to your issue, I strongly urge you to re-think that.

From all I can gather, especially going from these forums, many 45+ persons who are seeking a romantic partner, have had run-ins with those looking for a wallet or purse under the guise of seeking their "soulmate", so much so that now they've become hyper-vigilant.

I think anyone who wants to enter into "Adventures in Modern Dating-the Senior Tour", should come into it operating on the basic premise that what's yours is yours, and what's hers or his, is hers or his.

Many 45+ daters are NOT interested in combining households, they don't want-or can't afford!-to be responsible-or even provide assistance to a relationship partner. So everyone desirous of dating and relationships should hold the expectation that your object of affection may very well plan to keep a significant degree of financial, material and residential separateness. Nobody should be told "you should put that on your profile"-it should be EXPECTED that a 45+ adult intends to retain financial autonomy-and in many cases, residential autonomy.

For those who DON'T have concerns about co-mingled financial/residential matters, or who consider "rescue" as a valid path to a relationship, I have nothing but respect for your vision of how relationships need to be.

But you can no longer PRESUME that everyone wants the exact same model of relationship. A lot of 45+ daters are looking for a committed relationship that respects individual autonomy-I think that everyone would be better served to presume that the average over-45 dater may NOT want to marry or cohabit, and that they will want to maintain financial autonomy. That should be considered the "default setting"-people should not have to "put it in their profile" if they prefer a non-cohabiting relationship, or do not aspire to marriage.
Lots of 45+ people do not want to get into all the complexities of combining households and finances,IMO one is better served to NOT presume that "relationship" means those things.
Cindy O
 GoofyGuy4You
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 390
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/13/2012 8:24:35 AM
Well,,, while income an financial status is very important today, it can allllllllll be gone tomorrow folks,,, If you find true love today, you best grab an hold on for all you're worth. An in the end you'll have something worth more than money can buy. Money isn't everything, its a necessary evil is all.

I often can predict when gals will start trolling for such info by the 3rd email, veryyyyyyyy sad ladies. Its no wonder you don't have someone worth while, an that applies to men also. In Cody country, we have gold diggers of every type, an itsquite amusing at times to watch them out perform one another, an most don't even realize what's happening. L
Don't come here if you need a awesome partner, better off with a horse I say. LoL. Yet, I know there's many a nice ladies out there too, an someday maybe my day will come too.
Just cuz someone doesn't live within the mileage we are wanting, one shouldn't rule that Peron out. You will do what it takes if you love that person. But make certain you do first too,,, If it sounds to good, it probably is folks. Use the thinker an common zens God Gabe ya,,, Ibest get,,, thanks
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 391
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/13/2012 10:49:43 AM

Especially for those 45+, it is entirely possible that a dater of either gender may be looking for an emotional state of sharing, NOT a joining of households. People, I think if you cannot bring a stable financial picture to the table and you think that marriage or cohabitation is the EASIEST solution to your issue, I strongly urge you to re-think that.

From all I can gather, especially going from these forums, many 45+ persons who are seeking a romantic partner, have had run-ins with those looking for a wallet or purse under the guise of seeking their "soulmate", so much so that now they've become hyper-vigilant.

LOL!!! I have only ONE QUESTION???? Why the hell are you NOT running for President, CindyO?? LOL! You are undoubtedly a WHOLE LOT SMARTER than any of these clown we got running!
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 392
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/13/2012 5:44:45 PM
ladyc4-I just think people should be up front about what they're looking for and not looking for. The male poster's profile was very specific about a lot of things in his profile, why not this? And there are lots of people (men too) after 45 who are wanting cohabitation and marriage. I've dated some of them. Too bad baggage gets in the way when we should be old enough to be better pickers.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 393
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/13/2012 5:53:28 PM

Why the hell are you NOT running for President, CindyO?? LOL! You are undoubtedly a WHOLE LOT SMARTER than any of these clown we got running!

Ummm...because I'm smart enough to stay out of politics?
Cindy O
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 394
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/13/2012 6:32:05 PM
BTW Cindy, I see your profile is very clear about what you are looking for. Sounds like you might even be open to marriage/cohabitation.:) Under the right circumstances of course...

I dated a guy for 5 years and while it was easy, I just can't see going that route again. Or if it lasts- 30 years or whatever time is left going back and forth. That's just me though.
 scb19a
Joined: 5/22/2012
Msg: 395
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Posted: 6/14/2012 6:04:58 AM
A woman 45+ should be able to financially support herself. Accumulation of assets is not a big deal, but I (can't speak for all guys) really don't want someone dependent on me. It shows a lot about a person as to where they are in life...and yes, for want of a better phrase....shit does happen that puts people in a hole from time to time. I woman I think is becoming clingy because I have a decent (not great) job is a turn off.

I do like to be the gentleman, but it would be nice to have some one at least OFFER to pick up the tab.

Hope I answered your question.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 396
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:48:36 AM
Being self-sufficient leading to a financially contributing partner should be a no-brainer. But being able to pay for expensive vacations while living separately is not doable for me. So not expecting my guy to pay my tab, expensive vacations are out of the question for me as long as I'm single, which is fine.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 397
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/14/2012 7:49:34 AM

LOL!!! I have only ONE QUESTION???? Why the hell are you NOT running for President, CindyO?? LOL! You are undoubtedly a WHOLE LOT SMARTER than any of these clown we got running!


With emotion, I second that notion, "GrandmaBB"!

Now about the thread? If a man wants my company (and believe me, it's not as if they're breaking down my door at this st/age, but anyway. . . ) he will have two options:
1) to enjoy the simple (and mostly free) things this life has to offer from the gorgeous outdoors to the great second run Tuesday $1.00 movie specials to my notatall fancy but very very healthy meals served to him on a platter in my favorite attire. . .

2) to foot the bill for any fancy lavish vacations or travel which I love to do but am in zero position to afford.

As for long term? Everything totally separate is the only way I will go having nearly lost every cent I own along with my house courtesy of a "way too soon following widowhood" love affair with a charming attractive man who turned out to be a sociopath. Excluding gifts of the heart (and an occasional splurge/luxury from the wallet when possible:)
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 398
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/14/2012 5:08:39 PM

Sounds like you might even be open to marriage/cohabitation.:) Under the right circumstances of course...

While I won't declare those things totally of the table, I must admit that since I first put up the profile I've become LESS interested in marriage or cohabitation. I've gotten quite fond of living and coming and going as I please(within the laws of God, man, nature and physics,of course) Obviously if I didn't have at least a theoretical interest in dating and relationships I wouldn't be here. But that "right circumstances" is a very small target- I completely understand the poster who spoke up in favor of non-cohabitational relationships. I can't quite agree with him about committment, but IMO committment doesn't necessarily require living under the same roof and co-mingling property and finances. [\


Everything totally separate is the only way I will go having nearly lost every cent I own along with my house courtesy of a "way too soon following widowhood" love affair with a charming attractive man who turned out to be a sociopath.


This is why it is so imperative for people over 45 to be careful about letting themselves get pulled into someone else's sh*t so deeply that the wallet flies open and the dollars start escaping in droves. True love doesn't drain its' object's bank account. True love puts it's objects financial safety at an equal-or higher-level than its' own.

I've been fortunate that I've not personally had such an experience but I've seen similar ones happen to people close to me.

There is a segment of the single male populace that does tend to try and prey on widows, and there are also otherwise decent males who have rationalized "marrying up" as a perfectly legit way to upgrade their lifestyles. Then again, I 've seen financially discrepant couples who did just fine-probably because their feelings for each other were the real deal.
Cindy O
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 399
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:09:12 PM

The male poster's profile was very specific about a lot of things in his profile, why not this?
LOL! well, first and foremost you have to realize that nobody here believes anyone elses profile, and they all assume that whatever a person SAYS they want...can easily be "talked out of it!"

I will sooner or later, get over this politeness where I feel compelled to display when a man sends me a message here, knowing that he has totally IGNORED my profile which very BOLDLY states that I am NOT looking for LTR, Dating, Hanging Out, IM chat, or a pen pal!!!! Just yesterday, I took the time to respond to such an email....a man offered some info about himself and requested (DEMANDED) that I write back and tell him about ME!!!!! I say "DEMANDED", because when I did not comply....he responded with a hateful.....comment about MY "attitude" LOL! I'd politely told him that my profile IS genuine, that I am NOT seeking a relationship, and that because of that, I saw no need to "tell him about me". I thanked him for his interest and wished him luck in HIS search. LOL! and guys wonder why us women ignore messages??? The point IS...that nobody here believes your profile, so making any declarations about what you're looking for are nothing more than an excercise in futility.


1) to enjoy the simple (and mostly free) things this life has to offer from the gorgeous outdoors to the great second run Tuesday $1.00 movie specials to my notatall fancy but very very healthy meals served to him on a platter in my favorite attire. . .

2) to foot the bill for any fancy lavish vacations or travel which I love to do but am in zero position to afford.

Absolutely AGREED!!! I would add though
3) That he NOT get his jock strap in a bunch because I'm NOT going to forgo an "lavish vacation" that I want to take, but which HE is not in the position to afford!!! Several times I've "hosted" vacations and been happy to pay for the entire trip just because vacations are usually MORE fun when you have a charming travelling compaion. MY experience has been that the men have ruined any chance of a pleasant and relaxing trip with perpetual whinning and complaining about their OWN financial status. LOL!!!! Ohhhhhh I don't even want to think about the last one!!!! I was ready to MURDER this guy!!! I vowed that I would NEVER again take a male on vacation with me!!!! LOL!!!
 Iona_Bob
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 400
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:22:31 PM
Several times I've "hosted" vacations and been happy to pay for the entire trip just because vacations are usually MORE fun when you have a charming travelling compaion. MY experience has been that the men have ruined any chance of a pleasant and relaxing trip with perpetual whinning and complaining about their OWN financial status. LOL!!!! Ohhhhhh I don't even want to think about the last one!!!! I was ready to MURDER this guy!!! I vowed that I would NEVER again take a male on vacation with me!!!! LOL!!!


Testify, sistah! I would rather pay extra for a single supplement or invite a GF.



mjinict says: Being self-sufficient leading to a financially contributing partner should be a no-brainer. But being able to pay for expensive vacations while living separately is not doable for me. So not expecting my guy to pay my tab, expensive vacations are out of the question for me as long as I'm single, which is fine.


I enjoy expensive vacations. I enjoy paying for them myself. I've stopped paying for a BF to go. I would rather treat myself to TWO vacations and send the BF a postcard, if he can't afford to accompany me!

Bon voyage!! :party: :bye:
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