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 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 401
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Women's Financial StatusPage 17 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
I'll say it again...Too bad baggage gets in the way when we should be old enough to be better pickers.

If we are smart enough to take our time to make sure it's the real deal, then it just could work:)
 MusicianInCanton
Joined: 10/18/2010
Msg: 402
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/15/2012 5:03:14 AM
For me, financial status isn't really an issue. If I meet someone that I really click with, and want to be with (and vice versa), then we would just have to get by with whatever financial resources we have between us. Pretty simple. The only *quality* that I would I would hope to find in a partner is that she is at least responsible with her own finances. Heck, if she makes half of my income, but is financially very smart and savvy, that would be a big bonus!
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 403
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/15/2012 5:44:28 AM
^^^^Now that just makes good sense!
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 404
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/15/2012 7:54:21 PM
from my experience, men want a woman with her own career. typically, men who make a lot of money, are educated, professional want their mate to be the same. i don't think men respect women who do not have a decent income and have established careers. that's just my experience.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 405
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/15/2012 8:08:10 PM
I agree with Albatross. A man who makes a lot of money that expects the same in a mate sounds like a snob. Not for me.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 406
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/15/2012 8:26:08 PM
I don't think man who makes a lot of money and expect the same in his mate is a "snob". He has a preference in who he dates, nothing more/nothing less.

If there is a large gap in incomes between a couple and it's something that is a non-issue between them - somehow they work together to solve any problems in this area that may come up. Compromise, understanding, respect and empathy go a long way in making a successful relationship. The problem arises when one won't pull their own weight or "expects" the other person to automatically pay the other's way. This is where the goldigger thing comes into play or the word "user". Any sense of entitlement, be it from a man OR a woman, is unattractive to say the least and unrealistic.

It seemed so much easier when we were young and got married, I was 21 and he was 23, we were both broke and full of such hope and promise for the future. Both of us silly kids really, we had nothing, expected nothing and had everything to gain. Now we're older and terrified of losing what we have...some have already lost so much and aren't willing to do it again. We build a little protective wall around our hearts, minds and wallets. Too bad really but it is what it is. I hope that when I meet my man for the next journey of my of life that I can recapture some of that innocence and hope for the future that I had when I was 21.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 407
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/15/2012 9:11:26 PM
I just don't think one should assume the lesser of two earners has ulterior motives about entitlement..One who makes a more meager income could be more financially responsible than one with a higher one.
 SoHoTxChick
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 408
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/15/2012 9:28:28 PM
I'm just getting ready to start dating and thought tonight would be a good time to read some of the things I can look forward to in stepping out into this new "VENTURE"?. I'm starting to get a little scared. My daughter told me that I should pay for my own meal or ticket and meet the guy at the venue and all that, but man--- some of this is really more than I think I am ready to think about. Tomorrow is my first date.
I just want companionship. I've been lonely and am ready to date. I have just been divorced for over a year after a million years of marriage and can't picture handing over my bank statements as I greet a guy for our first date. LOL . I thought dating meant just that. Seriously though, aren't people supposed to take their time getting to know one another? I would think that during our conversations we would figure out if we were compatible as people first.
And, if a guy asks me to go somewhere I can't afford, I will tell him that I cannot afford it. If he offers to pay and I feel comfortable with it at that time- then ok. Same thing if I ask a guy to go somewhere with me and he says he cannot afford it right now and I can pay, I would.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 409
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/15/2012 9:49:49 PM
""I just don't think one should assume the lesser of two earners has ulterior motives about entitlement."" I don't think I assumed anything. Maybe re-read what I wrote.

To SOHo - starting out is daunting to say the least. I'd just play it by ear and do only what you're comfortable doing. It's all a learning experience and all of us on here have been in the same boat you are now. Keep an open mind and just date, take it as it comes. Have fun.
 MusicianInCanton
Joined: 10/18/2010
Msg: 410
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 4:43:41 AM
I've heard stories of these men dating sites (especially free ones) that are just looking for someone to leach off of... and the foreign suitors as well. Scamming is such a sad way to make a iving.

I agree (as stated somewhere above) that most people are looking for someone that is their equal, within a marginal +/- difference. I've seen many women's profiles stating something like "...professional woman in search of a professional man...", and that makes sense. If a woman has spent years becoming a successful professional, she would not be able to relate to a guy that works at a drive thru, and would want to protect herself from the possible leaches. The same woud be true for guys.

There is a guy at work that is in his late 50's, single - never married, no kids, doesn't even date (to my knowledge). He is content with his work, cars, and hunting. One time when talking to him on the subject he said "When I was young, I felt that didn't have enough to offer. Now that I'm older, I feel like I have too much to lose". That statement probably sums up many people's feelings.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 411
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 6:55:19 AM
Now that I'm older, I feel like I have too much to lose".
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Such a sad commentary. As Mary Jane said, trapped by their own "security".

Maybe I'm naive, but I really don't see how much can be lost by a late life marriage. I'm certainly not interested in taking someone's possessions he worked his whole life for. If I ever get married again, it's going to be permanant.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 412
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 7:46:48 AM
""I just don't think one should assume the lesser of two earners has ulterior motives about entitlement."" I don't think I assumed anything. Maybe re-read what I wrote.
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I meant the parties in a particular situation.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 413
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 7:52:24 AM
Capn Morgan~

"It simply means I am not interested in supporting or living with a lady that expects me to supplement them so they can live a lifestyle that they couldn't afford on their own.

In other words I would only want a lady that can bring to the table the same amount of attributes that I do."


I have made this observation. Most men that I have met want a woman who makes as much or more money then they do. I think a woman's social status is a big factor for a lot of men. If the guy is an educated professional well established in his career, then he prefers to date a woman who is the same. There is a lot of pressure on women to be successful in their careers, but on the other hand, if a woman is divorced, has spent a good deal of her time raising children, then her career was obviously not her top priority. On the other hand, I've known lots of men in my life that have made a lot of money but didnt' manage it very well. They weren't very good at wealth creation, and they really liked to have lots of toys or go on expensive vacations, etc.. It's not how much you make; it's how much you cultivate and grow. If you've ever read "The Millionaire Nextdoor" then you know what I am talking about. There are the people spend as much as or more then they make, and to me this is a turn off.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 414
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 7:58:49 AM
I feel those that look to others to fill the void be it money, self esteem, ...what ever will never be happy until they fill the void themselves then go look for someone to share it with. You can't love someone till you love yourself, and part of that is being good with who you are and how you make you way in this world.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 415
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 7:59:33 AM
I'm not the least bit concerned about losing anything. I'm financially secure and can earn a good living in my profession but...I'll probably kick the bucket in 25 years. My girlfriend is in a similar position but if she was destitute it wouldn't diminish my attraction to her an iota.

I find it sad that when a guy is well off that they are judged as either being naive or 'buying' a woman's attention....or that it's a negative if a woman is seen as less than honorable because she shares in some guy's prosperity. Cripes, why the heck do we accumulate assets if it isn't to enjoy them with someone we care about?

My guess is that a guy who is well off and doesn't find pleasure foremost in fully sharing their life with a woman isn't really all that happy in life. Probably he wouldn't be any less happy if he woke up tomorrow owning nothing. Guys who are scarred because they feel maligned by some divorce settlement, etc. make their own beds by stewing in their bitterness. Let them stay bitter and lonley examining their increasing bank balance...no idea what they are living for.

Anyways, if I had 5o million bucks and my girlfriend had zilch, nothing in this world would make me happier than making her happy. All the travelling, great meals, quiet times, hikes, movies etc. are a hundred times better sharing them with your partner.
 lady12114
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 416
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 8:16:04 AM
WOW, this is a first. Most guys I have met do not think that way. Money is a big issue and they are not afraid to ask what my income is on the first date.......very dissapointed in the over 55 years old men. What is wrong with having a great relationship without basing it on money.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 417
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 8:37:37 AM
Thanks Sciencetreker and Abelian, well said! I'm glad there are still men out there who aren't so suspect and judgemental about women's incomes and motivations. I just don't understand the women out there who condone that way of thinking.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 418
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 8:54:53 AM
I am a professional and make a nice living. I am not wealthy by any means, but I do own a nice home, can take trips, and can take a friend out for supper. What I am protective of is the long-term financial security that I have built for myself because the last thing that I ever want to be is a burden to my grown daughters. You can say that finances have little to do with a relationship, but none of us live in a vacuum. Our choices have an affect on loved ones and I for one, simply will not ignore that. I absolutely will not date a man who is not financially responsible.

I personally have medical debt, but it is diminishing. I still have an income, am in great health now, and more than enough insurance to cover my debt and final expenses should something happen. I have seen too many people have to take on the financial responsibility of a family member because that person did not protect their own financial well-being. It is our responsibility to be able to take care of ourselves. Being a dependent person financially is giving someone else way too much control, IMO, and besides, why would anyone not want to take care of themselves?

When we were young, we did not come with so many responsibilities, plus we were naive. What a blessing! Reality is that middle-age comes with a different life experiences and expectations.

As far as fancy vacations, I cannot take them on my income. I would love to see Bora Bora, The Great Wall of China, and other magnificent places, but my income does not allow it. If someone can go to exotic places, then good for them. If they need someone who can also afford those kind of vacations, then I am not a potential partner.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 419
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 9:06:04 AM
albelian:

I'm not sure what planet you're on, but I don't recall ever knowing a guy who gave much thought either way to a woman's income and certainly not to her social status
.

Exactly. A woman can be CEO of a fortune 500 company but she'd be a distant second to this waitress with such a nice smile in another profile. A warm personality, inviting eyes, good boobs, etc. trump a woman's financial status anyday.

'I'm a successful...'. Zero points. 'My man comes first in my life and I want to share...' a hundred points. Happy, kind, warm ...girl next door is what most guys are attracted to. She can be Vice President of the USA but foremost in life she wants to be your 'girlfriend'. She'll be there for you and you'll be there for her....each other's priority in life.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 420
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 9:11:54 AM
why would anyone not want to take care of themselves?
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Why does this keep being brought up?? That is not the issue here!
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 421
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 9:18:50 AM
"Why does this continue to be brought up?"

Some do expect others to contribute to their financial needs/wants. The thinking is, "Who ever has most, pays." Even if someone has more, it is their choice or not whether or not to pay someone else's way. It should not be expected of them to do that, especially because they are a man.

You cannot ignore finances in a relationship. It affects the balance of give and take.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 422
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 9:25:48 AM
I love all the "everything's comin up roses.." thinking. But then comes cold, hard reality. Probably one of the top 5 things that a couple will fight/argue about is money. If, for example, a man just gave up half his investments, half his home, half his pension, etc. in a divorce - he's not so willing to do it again. If, for example, a woman just spent years and many dollars fighting for child support or spousal support and feels slighted in the division of matrimonal property - she's not so willing to do it again. The majority of you know this - you're divorced. And the rate of divorce increases with the number of divorces you had previously. And, say you find a man/woman with money, you enter into a relationship or maybe even marriage and 8 years down the line he/she has an affair (or any other reason) and you break up. You can be guaranteed that the injured partner will be going after everything they can. It happens every day. This is reality folks. People that are 55 or 65 or 75 seek divorces.

I also hope to find someone that will share my life, share what I have and share what they have. But there is nothing wrong with protecting yourself with a pre-nup, co-hab, keep seperate bank accounts, draft wills, etc. to the benefit of both in the relationship. Reality is reality. I'm sure half the folks on here that just divorced for the 3rd time figures each marriage was "the one".

And someone who thinks "a warm personality, inviting eyes, good boobs, etc." trumps financial status - you're still thinking with your little head instead of your big head. If you had said common sense, intelligence, a sense of self, mutual respect, common goals, etc., I'd have bought what you stated.

And yes, a couple that has a disparity in incomes can have a long and successful relationship. It's not ALL about money. And the reality is, most men and women aren't prepared to give up all they have worked for and are guarded. They've gone through this before and aren't prepared to do it again - so they are more selective, ask more questions, are realistic about lifestyle choices, career choices and then they determine what is right for them, what they are prepared to give as well as take, what can be compromised on and what is a no-go.

There are "a million stories in the naked city", some successful, some failures. Do what works for you.
 jonabella
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 423
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 9:34:34 AM
really?
some things are perks..others are pearls..
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 424
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 9:37:30 AM
'Expect' is not my motivation. My motivation is because I love and want to do something for the person I care about. It takes all of twenty seconds of effort to pull out a debit card and pay for a nice meal...it's has no impact on my financial status. When my girlfriend takes the time to find me a CD of music I casually mentioned, it is not 'expected' of me that I do something in return. Nobody 'has to' do anything in a relationship.We do it because we want to do it.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 425
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/16/2012 10:08:20 AM
"Expect" is not my motivation either, but the fact of the matter is that many people are ages have different expectations as far as the financial aspect of dating is concerned. When we were young, it was a given that a man paid; to offer to pay would have offended a man. Times have changed from the seventies and eighties. Women will often help pay, or at least offer. Men will often appreciate it whether they take us up on it or not. I think it is about respecting that someone else has worked just as hard for their money as we have, even if they earn substantially more.

There are those who have not changed with the times. I do not know how often I hear someone use the fact as a single parent as an excuse for financial woes. It does impact on how much or how little we have if we are not collecting child support. I am not saying that. However, life is about choices, and we may not be able to maintain our former lifestyle when we had a partner. If not, then we have to make smart changes to live within our means. If it is not within our means to ever contribute financially in a relationship, there are other ways to contribute. I have many times made a nice dinner at m y home for someone I was dating, or spent a Saturday afternoon helping him with chores at his house. Contributing is not always in dollars, but there does need to be a balance of give and take in order for a healthy relationship to flourish.

It can take years and years to recover from the financial devastation of dividing a household. Nobody really knows someone's financial status unless they have access to their tax returns. It may seem as someone has alot of money, but you can really never know that.

I do not agree that everyone does what they do in a relationship just because they want to. There are many expectations and if you want to the relationship to continue, there are times you put that person before yourself.
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