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 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 501
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Women's Financial StatusPage 21 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
No, what I meant is 14.00 an hr is marrying up to me. And no, I don't aspire to marry anyone with 3 times my income, or even double. As I said as long as he's stable and responsible. I think if there is a big income disparity, you tend not to have a lot in common.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 502
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:33:04 PM
Taking on a spouse at this age who has not saved for retirement can make an enormous difference in how you will live your remaining days. Maybe I'm an oddball, but I can't just sacrifice that on a whim.
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You might be sacrificing happiness however. Maybe it would be worth it to bypass a few exotic vacations in retirement to be with someone who made you happy.
 laughingatliberals
Joined: 10/11/2011
Msg: 503
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:38:01 PM
No, what I meant is 14.00 an hr is marrying up to me. And no, I don't aspire to marry anyone with 3 times my income, or even double. As I said as long as he's stable and responsible. I think if there is a big income disparity, you tend not to have a lot in common.


I have to say the difference in 13.00 and 14.00 is not enough to be called marrying up.

That is equal. That other dollar an hour is not going to provide much.
I also find it hard to believe someone that only makes a dollar more is going to want to do anything but split the common bills down the middle while expecting each to take care of their own debt out of their own money.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 504
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:42:09 PM
Never said I'd be opposed to that...Beats what I've been getting for the past 25 years.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 505
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:44:58 PM
I guess the term 'marrying up' has a negative connotation. I don't deliberately aspire to that.
 laughingatliberals
Joined: 10/11/2011
Msg: 506
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:46:26 PM

Never said I'd be opposed to that...Beats what I've been getting for the past 25 years.


So let me get this right you would marry up at $14.00 per hour but you wouldn't marry down at $12.00 per hour.

I have to say I don't understand your logic.

I do respect your right to decide that for yourself though.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 507
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Posted: 6/18/2012 8:50:50 PM
Gee, thanks. You too. Just be honest with the women you're dating about not wanting to cohabitate.:)
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 508
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:53:30 PM
I would not sacrifice my retirement for anyone because any happiness that I might feel would be offset by the constant worry about how to make ends meet. I did not work hard to save for retirement my whole working life to end up like that. I also refuse to be a burden to my kids, period, then end. I want to model responsible choices to them and that is not throwing away my security for love. I would have to have some sort of legal agreement before even sharing a home with someone without marriage. I would expect him to want the same thing. None of us have time to start all over rebuilding our finances. Very few people, even with amazing careers, have any sort of reassurance that we will have our jobs for as long as we might like to have them given this horrific economy.

Love is priceless, that is for sure. However, reality demands that we plan for our futures and take care of our todays in the best way that we can to live with any kind of dignity in our golden years. Plus, people are living longer and longer and what we have saved, has to last. When I do retire, I will have to be frugal as it is. I do realize that some lost their jobs, their houses went underwater, and their 401Ks went down in this economy. People have had it hard, very hard. I sympathize with anyone who has suffered so much. It could happen to any of us. If that happened to someone, and I thought he was an amazing man, I would hope we could find someway to make it work financially without me having to risk my security.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 509
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Posted: 6/18/2012 8:56:43 PM
I understand, amethyst. But I'm talking about the affluent sacrificing a pricey vacation here and there, not his day to day security.
 laughingatliberals
Joined: 10/11/2011
Msg: 510
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:58:53 PM
Gee, thanks. You too. Just be honest with the women you're dating about not wanting to cohabitate.:)


Have you read my profile? It is quite plain I have no desire to do so.

I just had to explain that to a lady the other day I was messaging with. She kept saying she was looking for a king so she could be their queen.

I was very polite when I wished her well in her quest but that I was not that man. She was very attractive and her body was very fit. That has no effect on me anymore.

I am looking for an exceptional Lady if I find one then we will cross the bridge of living together or not living together.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 511
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/18/2012 9:09:05 PM
ohenryx
Now here’s my take on this. Most men will overlook economic disparity if the woman is hot, I mean, drop dead gorgeous. .... this is the way of the world.


I am not very impressed with the traditional hot women . Sure, they catch my eye, but really hot or not it still comes down to chemistry / character. Nothing worse than a hot women that is a b!tch, they have the means (being hot) to make one's live miserable.

If all I want is a hot woman, better to rent. That is also the way of the world.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 512
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Posted: 6/18/2012 9:10:45 PM
I do not think it is that simple. Vacations are a reflection of someone's financial status, IMO. My favorite ones are combining a trip to see family and seeing more of our beautiful America. I am doing that this summer for ten days with a budget of $1K. The three of us who are going all agreed on an amount to take along to cover all of our expenses. We do not want to count pennies and eat at fast-food restaurants. We want the full experience of our trip and if that means eating a $25 plate in a local spot that we have seen on Food Network or read about in Food and Wine magazine, then we do not want to miss out on the experience. If someone else wanted to go along and let's say they only had $500, we would have to compromise the adventure to accommodate their lesser ability to pay. Resentment might set in, just sayin'. Two of us are teachers and we will make the most of our trip on our income. We will use coupons, save where we can, but we will not have to miss out on something we all want to do due to money since we figured our budget and all are taking the same amount.


Why should anyone give up anything for anyone else because the other one cannot afford it? People do not want to give up things they want for others, mjinict. It does not make them self-centered, either. People who make a lot of money have often invested huge sums in their education and work high-stress jobs. They may not consider it a luxury as much as a much needed break from a stressful job.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 513
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/18/2012 9:14:22 PM
""Taking on a spouse at this age who has not saved for retirement can make an enormous difference in how you will live your remaining days. Maybe I'm an oddball, but I can't just sacrifice that on a whim.
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You might be sacrificing happiness however. Maybe it would be worth it to bypass a few exotic vacations in retirement to be with someone who made you happy.""

You still don't get it. The folks on here aren't talking "exotic vacations", they're talking about living within their means now and into retirement. The majority would forego an exotic vacation - they just don't want to lose half of what they earned and saved for retirement. We don't have another 20 years of earning potential to make up for another mistake in a relationship. They don't want to support another person - they want to share with another person. And sorry, for most folks being able to cook a mean souffle and mow the lawn does not cut it.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 514
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Posted: 6/18/2012 9:21:35 PM
There are affluent people out there who don't want to sacrifice spending gobs of money on overseas vacations. It has nothing to do with having enough money to live on in retirement. Most of their homes are more than paid for. I'm thinking Paderic may qualify. And losing half is a tired argument in the age of prenups.
I'd be happy going to the lake for a weekend.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 515
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Posted: 6/18/2012 9:22:54 PM
It boils down to this, IMO. Those with more, have more to lose. I think the attitude is that it is no big deal for anyone to give up something that seems frivolous to someone who has less. Look at your attitude about it, mjint. It is their money and theirs to choose how to spend it without judgement.

$12.00 an hour is a decent living, and there are those who have been laid off who would love to earn that.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 516
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Posted: 6/18/2012 9:26:07 PM
$12.00 an hour is a decent living, and there are those who have been laid off who would love to earn that.
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True, I've been there.
 laughingatliberals
Joined: 10/11/2011
Msg: 517
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/18/2012 9:33:53 PM

Most of their homes are more than paid for. I'm thinking Paderic may qualify. And losing half is a tired argument in the age of prenups.


A prenup will not guarantee that in a divorce that it would be followed. A judge could easily throw it out.

My house is 100% paid for and so is everything else I own. When you marry you put that in jeopardy. You could be married as little as weeks and loose half.

There is no way I would ever risk that. Florida has no common law marriage and you could live with some one for 100 years and there is no property division laws.

Each takes their own stuff and it is over.

Both men and women with assets are deciding not to risk that at this point in their lives.......Just not worth the chance.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 518
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Posted: 6/18/2012 9:50:38 PM
Many of us have wills and trusts to divide our assets when we die. In mine, I have many assets to divide that will benefit my children equally. I also have life insurance to cover any balances that I have on my accounts as well as for my final expenses. I will not be a burden to my kids in any way! I love them too much to do that. I will protect what I have for their sake, if not for any other reason. Very few of us are without someone in our lives who would not be affected by the choices that we make throughout our lives concerning finances.

Combining households could mean that there is more disposable income to enjoy nice vacations, and to save for the golden years. I just think there are very, very few of us who are willing to risk combining households without legal protection of our assets. To me, it takes the pressure off and the focus on what really matters: spending time with someone you love.

Some states are common law states, and without the benefit of a legal marriage, someone could lay claim to assets if a couple split. We all have to be smart, that is all that I am saying. You can be smart and very open to find someone to share you life with.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 519
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Posted: 6/18/2012 11:34:13 PM

It may seem hypocritical to some but if I can do better than someone who makes $12.00 an hour, why shouldn't I?


If I make over $100k/year, why is it a bad thing for me to look for a partner who makes a similar income? There was one woman in my life, she's been a dear friend for years, and I will always love her to bits, but I've never been romantically interested in her, because the logical part of me realizes that she just doesn't bring enough to the table. I do well on my own, and it would be fantastic to find someone in the same income bracket as myself. We could both contribute equally to different things, holidays etc. if we got married, we would go 50/50 on a house, bills etc etc.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 520
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/19/2012 6:12:25 AM
There are affluent people out there who don't want to sacrifice spending gobs of money on overseas vacations. It has nothing to do with having enough money to live on in retirement. Most of their homes are more than paid for. I'm thinking Paderic may qualify.


I qualify as what? I don't spend gobs of money on vacations simply because they don't interest me. I'd rather spend a week backpacking in the woods. But if I did want to vacation overseas, I don't need anyone's consent. I'm certainly not going to justify how I live my life to a bunch of strangers on an internet message board.

The reason I have what I have is because I planned ahead and worked toward a goal. The notion that I should give up some of that to support someone who didn't plan ahead is asinine. You say I might be passing up on a chance to be happy; I say I'm happy now.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 521
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Posted: 6/19/2012 6:21:58 AM
A prenup will not guarantee that in a divorce that it would be followed. A judge could easily throw it out.

My house is 100% paid for and so is everything else I own. When you marry you put that in jeopardy. You could be married as little as weeks and loose half
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If this it the case, it's certainly understandable to want to protect your assets... And belive me, I don't keep posting for negative attention. It's funny, when I do start posting, someone always brings up the looks thing. Whether it is Henry or Welshie....I guess it's the stereotypes get people riled up.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 522
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Posted: 6/19/2012 7:40:14 AM
The thing is, men DO stop thinking with their little head at some point. The reality of it all comes into play and they want someone with substance and not a pretty smile and the odd b.j.


Perhaps...if a guy is dead. She has to be pretty, into sex and give more than the odd 'whatever'. Yes, she needs substance but 'grandma' can have substance..Time Magazine has substance. I need a woman who is foremost a sexy girlfriend . My gal is a professional and I love her to pieces but I still want her taking my hand and putting up her blouse when we go to a movie.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 523
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Posted: 6/19/2012 7:42:54 AM
Hmmm aren't we at that age where we can pick and choose what ever the heck we want? Not sure why it has to be an argument. There is no right or wrong here, just personal preference. Or maybe I am missing something....yet again lol
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 524
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Posted: 6/19/2012 8:55:41 AM
Lots of beautiful sexy women. It's not a dress size or a BMI figure. There's SO much more to being sexy than looks.

And

Lots of women are sexy AND quite successful as well. I'm afraid I just wouldn't have enough in common with someone from such a lower income bracket. I don't take extravagant exotic holidays, though I have been to Europe twice and Aussie once. But there are other ways to spend and save my money. At 42, I'm hoping to retire at 55, a scant 13 years from now. So I'm looking at he end game, and while it might include an equal, it doesn't include a dependent.

With the nature of my job, even in retirement I can jump into my field for a month or two to make some extra play money, which will come in handy, plus concentrating on my side company which is more of a well paying hobby as well.

:love:
 LUCKS4U2
Joined: 7/19/2010
Msg: 525
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 6/19/2012 8:59:51 AM

By the time a guy has gotten into HIS fourties, he's usually been through a divorce or two and his finances are limited. But, even with the progess of equlity in the workplace, women have less disposible income than men. For starters, it costs us more to look good: hair, make-up, nails, lingiere. I refuse to pay for dates. 'll help pay for a vacation but if they guy I'm dating has the money and won't share it, it tells me that he's not gonna' share his love either.


I agree that usually men have more income than women generally. Typically, if for a first meeting of drinks...dutch is fine...always nice when the gentleman offers to pay. For future dates, if you invite me, then I assume you will cover the costs. If I invite to take the man to dinner, then I would pay..etc...In a relationship then it is whatever is comfortable with both parties.

However, I am so tired of meeting men my age who are so damaged from whatever their previous wife/gfs put them through emotionally, as well as financially, that they immediately ASSUME all women want to dig for their gold nuggets. I want a MAN confident and secure enough with himself and his situation to not be so jaded toward new women. WE are not ALL alike.
Money and material things are NOT the end all, be all of life. My wish would be for them to remember what it was like before all the BS, back in your 20's...where you got to know someone based on chemistry, compatibility and personality, and maybe even fell in love, BEFORE you saw or cared about their credit score/portfolio or lack of one.
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