Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Women's Financial Status      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 201
view profile
History
Women's Financial StatusPage 9 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
To quote my grandmother, "I can do bad all by myself...."
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 202
view profile
History
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/6/2012 9:35:03 PM
Once again, I don't expect anyone to support me. But I'm not not gonna date someone just because he's financially secure.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 203
view profile
History
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/6/2012 10:13:34 PM
Not at all scuhafnlady...not at all!

Equality is the key to supreme understanding and giving, and just as I do not expect you to cook for me, clean for me and do my laundry, you should not expect me to take care of you financially because I am the male and you are the female.......all that gets you, in my opinion is someone that pays to have you, and I will not....we will pay to have each other.

On another topic.....I may be physically stronger, but to fight for you? Come on woman, most that I know, will back off from women because they can verbally handle themselves in most ways, and when not, you can be sure that I am there to take care of you physically......just to not expect me to pay for that pleasure.....wait...you to pay for it....smiles

cd
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 204
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 6:37:41 AM
c_deacon . . . . I find it odd in our age group that we talk about going dutch on dates. It is innate for the man to take the lead on paying for dates. Being a mature financially secure woman has nothing to do with the "dating scene." It's just a weak move on the man's part to ask his woman to pay. And what woman wants a weak man? What woman wants a man who cannot provide for them, even if they can provide for themselves?
I'll tell you, an insecure woman...an unattractive woman who lost her confidence in her ability to feel like she is special, or a feminazi...most women who only go w/ a man who pays & is old world will recipricate w/ home cooked meals, etc. The guy who splits hairs w/ his 50/50 crap- what happens if he gets invited over for dinner? does the woman present him w/ his half of the grocery bill, the gas bill etc. If he gets lucky & sleeps over, does he pay 1/2 of the cost of washing the sheets...if she has a multiple orgasm & he has only one, should the next time they have sex, she have none so they can even out the score???


Same way a woman does not want a man who can't protect them. Do you also expect a woman to fight the battles equally as well? If you and your woman are attacked while walking down the street, would you expect the woman to "take turns" protecting you and her? I don't think so. It is innate for you to "be the man" and protect your lady. There are age-old hard-fast rules that will never change. You know it is true. I am sure you have missed out on alot of dating by thinking that way c_deacon.
well such men have some sort of fundamental flaw if they cannot innately be a man- perhaps they are closet homosexuals, emotionally damaged, asexual or misogynists...by middle age if a man can't fathom "courtship, it tells me there is a valid reason to their "singleness"!

if u wanna go dutch, go to holland!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 205
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 7:03:19 AM
I'll tell you, an insecure woman...an unattractive woman who lost her confidence in her ability to feel like she is special, or a feminazi...most women who only go w/ a man who pays & is old world will recipricate w/ home cooked meals, etc. The guy who splits hairs w/ his 50/50 crap- what happens if he gets invited over for dinner? does the woman present him w/ his half of the grocery bill, the gas bill etc. If he gets lucky & sleeps over, does he pay 1/2 of the cost of washing the sheets...if she has a multiple orgasm & he has only one, should the next time they have sex, she have none so they can even out the score???


You seem to have a ridiculous caricature in your head that you can't get past. There's no splitting hairs about equal contribution to dating expenses. Women either freely offer to pay their share or they don't. I prefer women that do, so they are the ones I go out with again. There is no way I would ever tell someone I'm dating to get their wallet out, if it ever came to that it has already been determined that there's no future. I have no problem footing the bill a few times, just not repeatedly. My experience has been that women who earn a decent salary almost always kick in their share.

When I'm invited to someone's house for dinner I either pick up a nice bottle of wine or bring dessert. I also reciprocate. I realize it doesn't fit your stereotype, but men are capable of preparing and presenting home cooked meals.


Do you also expect a woman to fight the battles equally as well?


What battles are those? In my lifetime, I can't recall one physical altercation that I've had to fight to protect a woman.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 206
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 7:21:38 AM
Paderic, I do believe u r a very good man, but we can agree to disagree, IMO someone really did a number on you...

when u meet the right one, it all falls into place. In the mean time, I do not do the 50/50 thing, if other people wish to fine, but do not insult the ones who do not like it.

Loving a man who has something to offer you besides his ding-a-ling doesn't make anyone a whore.

Women who are bitter cuz they have been not so successful w/ men...re-read the Chanel quote...it does take effort to diet, exercise & use some Maybelline to spruce yourself up...well if u aint happy w/ your results, maybe it is you & the way you present yourself. Just saying...
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 207
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 7:53:23 AM
Paderic, I do believe u r a very good man, but we can agree to disagree, IMO someone really did a number on you...


LOL, nobody has done a number on me. The notion that something has to be wrong with a man who isn't willing to foot the bill 100% of the time is insulting.


In the mean time, I do not do the 50/50 thing, if other people wish to fine, but do not insult the ones who do not like it.


Nobody has said that you have to do anything. Plenty of insulting posts have been made on both sides of this discussion, if you dish it out I would suggest learning to take it.


Loving a man who has something to offer you besides his ding-a-ling doesn't make anyone a whore.


Men also have more to offer than their wallets, and some of us are interested in women that aren't looking for someone to bankroll their lives.


well if u aint happy w/ your results, maybe it is you & the way you present yourself.


Why do you assume I'm not happy with my results (this is just as insulting as your other assumptions)? I meet plenty of women who happily pay their own way.
 softshoe100
Joined: 8/3/2011
Msg: 208
view profile
History
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 7:55:43 AM
Women 45 plus should be able to take care of themselves financially. However I don't consider their financial status when asking for a date,it's just not important at this time. I never have and never will let a woman pay for a date and no I don't expect anything in return. It's just common courtesy that a man pay for a date,maybe it's just me.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 209
view profile
History
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 8:19:10 AM
No, it's not just you, softshoe. You are apparantly a dying breed...

I have yet to meet or date a woman who has done anything special for me let alone cook without poisoning me.

-------------
What does that mean? That a woman's culinary skills can't include canned soup or frozen veggies? Geez, why can't we cut people some slack??
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 210
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 8:52:58 AM
"Geez, why can't we cut people some slack??" Exactly the point many of us have been making.

Now I would never server anyone, including a date, a meal made with canned soup or frozen vegetables. And if you served canned soup and frozen vegetables usually these are the same women who complain that their date took them to Pizza Hut or Chucky Cheese.

I have cooked dates roast chicken and all the trimmings or rack of lamb, etc. Nothing canned or frozen involved but I enjoy cooking and I'm good at it. One of my best ever dates was both of us cooking at his house, it was a beautiful evening, he cooked while I chopped veggies, the tunes were playing, we had wine and when a great song came on we both dropped the knives and had a few slow dances. That evening I brought the wine and some flowers (he got all gushie cause no woman had ever brought him flowers). See, it doesn't take much to make a memory. This fellow and I had a wonderful evening and neither of us felt put out or did the 50/50 thing. Our relationship didn't go much further but we remain friends and contact each other often just to say hi. Adults - that's what adults do.

And I've yet to have a man have to protect me on a dark street - geez, where did that come from? And I'm more than comfortable in my feminine ways and I have yet to date someone that wasn't masculine or manly enough. There just aren't that many dragons to slay anymore.

I want to give equally to a relationship. I had a great marriage and I never thought of it in terms of I gave more and he took more or vice versa. If you are out for "what can he do for me" instead of "what can WE do for each other" you come off as selfish. It's a WE thing and if the WE thing means tonight he treats me to dinner and next weekend I treat him to dinner - what is the big deal. Hopefully WE will have a long and respectful, loving relationship where no one feels slighted or "owed".

I once read a quote that says "You will know that you're an adult when you go out for dinner with your parents and you pay". To me in datingland you will know that you are an equal partner when you don't keep tabs on who pays, you don't feel like it is owed to you because of gender, you don't feel a sense of entitlement and other the other end - you don't feel used.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 211
view profile
History
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 9:03:51 AM
And if you served canned soup and frozen vegetables usually these are the same women who complain that their dae took them to Pizza Hut or Chucky Cheese.
----------
I can actually agree to much of your post except this line. It is always nice to have the mindset of a giver/contributer than taker regardless the gender when it comes to relationships, but why do you make these assumptions? Usually the canned soup/frozen veggie types are fine with Pizza Hut.
 SpeedracerSmith
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 212
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 9:06:33 AM

I couldn't believe it when they asked for our income on here, that is no one's business, and I assume everyone lied about it. I sure wasn't going to tell this site my assets and income. Money doesn't give people "class" and that is extremely evident in this thread.


Very well said.
Blue-eyes-shine..I agree with what you said in your postings on here...we have similar opinions but you say it much better than I do!

Money can buy a lot of things, but never can buy class and NEVER can by a good heart.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 213
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 9:12:04 AM
Just cuz no one knows it doesn't make it true...few people would guess that I can cook & bake...quite well, LOL!

but the men I dated in the past didn't care if i could cook or had an IRA etc. they liked me for their own reasons...to each his own...it is a surprise & a delight to get to know someone & see that any prejudice or assumption you have about them is quite untrue...

I just like a man who invests his heart & soul in a relationship & the indicator of how into me he is - is his wallet...someone who wants FWB or a fling is not as likely to be generous or do 4 you...that is my experience & I will stick with it!

Everyone has their own dating style...I grew up in a time when men treated women a certain way & it still works for me & him today!

HAPPY PASSOVER & EASTER EVERYONE!
 SpeedracerSmith
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 214
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 9:17:00 AM
[quoteI have no problem footing the bill a few times, just not repeatedly. My experience has been that women who earn a decent salary almost always kick in their share.

When I'm invited to someone's house for dinner I either pick up a nice bottle of wine or bring dessert. I also reciprocate. I realize it doesn't fit your stereotype, but men are capable of preparing and presenting home cooked meals.

Paderic
Agreed...although I may not agree with most of what you said, you just redeemed yourself in my eyes..although I'm sure that doesn't matter..LOL

I think this is a good attitude..as long as the guy doesn't keep score ... it's all good. We both contribute in our own way. I am not a good cook and the man I was dating recently was..so when I took him out for a nice dinner (even went to his door and picked him up...like a 'real' date), he was pleasantly surprised and very happy. Thanks...
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 215
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 9:26:09 AM
& the indicator of how into me he is - is his wallet...


Wow................just wow!


someone who wants FWB or a fling is not as likely to be generous or do 4 you...

Im NOT a FWB or a "fling" but im in a serious relationship and i can honestly say his wallet is inconsequential to our relationship.
(Ps. I do enjoy your Posts,Blondie..........regardless!)
 Luv_Lyfe
Joined: 7/19/2010
Msg: 216
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 9:28:32 AM

I seem to get the impression far too many women think there is nothing expected of them other than to be arm candy and take up space. 99% of the profiles I read are of women who don't know themselves enough to write more than three sentences, who have a list of wants and yet, absolutely no mention of what they have to offer. Which leads me to conclude it's nothing. The more time I spend here, the less I feel left behind than I feel better off without.


You hit the nail n the head!
 SpeedracerSmith
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 217
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 9:37:10 AM
Luv Lyfe
You just described 99% of the women in San Diego!

It ruins it for the 1%
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 218
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 10:03:58 AM

Paderic
Agreed...although I may not agree with most of what you said, you just redeemed yourself in my eyes..although I'm sure that doesn't matter..LOL


You're right, it doesn't matter. However, I think much of what you disagree with is your misconception of what I've said.

I think earlier someone said that women want a man to provide for them and men want to provide for their woman. That may be true for a lot of the population, but it is not true for all. I may be in the minority, but I have never wished to be anyone's provider. So I do not seek someone that is looking for one. I also refuse to believe that all women expect this from a man, because I have observed otherwise.

The whole thing about keeping score is a straw man argument. That is not to say, however, that a man doesn't notice the pattern.
 SpeedracerSmith
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 219
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 10:25:38 AM
I think you are correct Paderic.

From what you just wrote now and from going back to read your posts, I agree. You just have a different viewpoint from others. It's funny...when I was married, I didn't have to work. My husband gave me a credit card, told me to go to lunch with the girls and shop at Nordstrom. I did it for about 6 months....but I was going crazy! How selfish of me to sit and have fun while my poor husband worked his butt off. Needless to say, I went out and got a job..and began to feel much better about myself and our relationship.

I've also been on the other side, the one supporting someone else. Never even a thank you! I think it's all in the attitude..and expectations.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 220
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 10:55:29 AM

From what you just wrote now and from going back to read your posts, I agree. You just have a different viewpoint from others.


I have been saying the same things for years and very few ladies seem to understand.

Just because a man expects a lady to contribute to the finances equally to him.

That does not mean the same man will be keeping score on every little thing.

To the one that measures a mans affection by how wide he opens his wallet to you....that is sad.

I measure a ladies affection in how she treats me mentally, emotionally, and physically.

How she smiles at me or holds my hand how she looks into my eyes.

Not how much money or sex she is willing to give me.

I think from some of the posts in this thread one should be able to glean why some men want to put money on a equal footing for each partner so that the relationship is actually based on love trust and respect.

Not the size of a bank account.

I sure hope the 99%-1% stats are wrong......I think there are more than 1% that could see the value of a truly equal relationship.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 221
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 11:04:16 AM

It's just a weak move on the man's part to ask his woman to pay. And what woman wants a weak man? What woman wants a man who cannot provide for them, even if they can provide for themselves? Same way a woman does not want a man who can't protect them. Do you also expect a woman to fight the battles equally as well? If you and your woman are attacked while walking down the street, would you expect the woman to "take turns" protecting you and her? I don't think so. It is innate for you to "be the man" and protect your lady. There are age-old hard-fast rules that will never change. You know it is true. I am sure you have missed out on alot of dating by thinking that way c_deacon.


I really do not understand all this if the man asks a woman out on a date he pays.. If she asks him then she pays.. If a man asked me out on a date and expected me to pay my share I would think he had no pride.. One man asked from a POF get together asked me to go with him on a trip to Florida and expected me to pay my plane fare there.. I just laughed and thought my goodness what is he thinking.. Not this girl.. for starters I would lose two weeks of making money and it would cost me to do this trip.. Pure dollars and sense here I would prefer not to lose the money and stay home..

I do know other people that do travel together and split the expenses but this is not something I can or for that matter really want to do.. I get offered free trips all the time to come show others how to make delicious vegan food.. Even though the trips are free including air fare the loss of money (income) and stress of travel is just not for me..

I like strong men not weak ones.. However do think the age old hard fast rules have unfortunately flown out the window once women went out to work... This was a good thing in my opinion a woman should be financially independent married or single.. You never know when you might be the sole wage earner, sole protector of your children and face the many battles of being a single parent...
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 222
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 12:16:38 PM
I really do not understand all this if the man asks a woman out on a date he pays.. If she asks him then she pays..


Simple, but it doesn't work because rule # 2 for many women is that they never ask a man on a date. Much more effective to just stop asking women out who never offer to contribute. It doesn't take many dates to see the pattern.

If a man asked me out on a date and expected me to pay my share I would think he had no pride.. One man asked from a POF get together asked me to go with him on a trip to Florida and expected me to pay my plane fare there.. I just laughed and thought my goodness what is he thinking.


I expect anyone I ask on a date to pay her share. If she doesn't offer, I stop asking her out. It has nothing to do with pride.

I would hope you wouldn't go to Florida with someone you barely know, regardless of who is footing the bill.

I like strong men not weak ones.. However do think the age old hard fast rules have unfortunately flown out the window once women went out to work...


The economic realities of 50 years ago are long gone, but it isn't because women are working. In that day and age, hourly jobs that paid enough to support a family were fairly plentiful. A man didn't need to be particularly skilled to support wife and kids, he just had to be willing to punch the clock and put in the hours. Today, those jobs are few and far between (or nonexistent). Expecting that the rules of dating should remain unchanged from that era is just unrealistic.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 223
view profile
History
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 1:58:36 PM

One man asked from a POF get together asked me to go with him on a trip to Florida and expected me to pay my plane fare there.. I just laughed and thought my goodness what is he thinking.. Not this girl.. for starters I would lose two weeks of making money and it would cost me to do this trip.. Pure dollars and sense here I would prefer not to lose the money and stay home.

1. Why should he pay for your airfare? Horror of horrors, possibly as an exchange for free sex?
($500 for 14 nights comes to less than $40 per event). Would you expect him to pay also for your food and accommodation?
2. Should he have also reimbursed you for two weeks of lost income and kennel fees?
3. And when it comes to pure dollars and sense, he could find much cheaper entertainment right on the beach.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 224
view profile
History
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 3:20:35 PM

And then to go on and imply a "superior up place" which can only mean others who do not aspire to this degrading level of measuring a love relationship....are somehow down or less than or have sour grapes.


Is the same as what they used to call the missionary position?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 225
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/7/2012 3:58:51 PM
Hmmm-
Something seems to have flip-flopped here-the topic title is WOMEN'S financial status-how come it seems to have shifted over to a discussion (again!) about "who pays"?!

Who cares? Seems to me like that tends to work itself out if both people have their heads on straight. That's been my experience and observation,anyway. I don't believe that I could ever be comfortable about sitting on my own wallet and letting the guy foot all the bills-not even in a marriage. I seriously doubt that I could ever really feel relaxed and comfortable in my own skin within a relationship where there was a significant difference in our incomes.
For those that can, fine. More power to 'em.

But didn't this thread start out as an inquiry for a consensus of opinion about mens' general idea of what was an acceptable financial status for 45+ women-or if it even really mattered?

Cindy O
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Women's Financial Status