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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband w      Home login  
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 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 19
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OK, well then apparently I was raised wrong or had the wrong values instilled in me when I was younger so I was taught that there is no circumstances for a man to ever hit a woman, but judging by some of these responses here it appears I am wrong and it seems there is some sort of reason for a woman to be hit or beat on so, with that said I will refrain form any further comments on the subject, but for those that do get beat on, I'm sorry.
 jessicarenee1977
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 20
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/29/2008 8:06:29 PM
Two true stories here.

Currently, a friends son is sitting in jail for domestic battery on a pregnant woman,his girlfriend. The girlfriend was actually throwing things at him and going nuts basically. When she came at him to hit , he grabbed her by the arms, picked her up, sat her outside the door of the house, and locked the door. That is all he did. She called her mom to come get her. She had marks on her arms where he had picked her up. They called the police. Because she had marks on her arms, he was arrested. The fact that she was the aggressor has meant nothing in this case. He just had a court hearing today, and found out that she is pressing charges, and that the prosecution is going for a three year jail sentence. Why is this being done--- she wants her mother to adopt and raise the child she is having, but he wants to raise the child himself. With him out of the way, she and her mother can do whatever they would like.

Quite a few years ago, a friend of mine and his girlfriend were out on the town. They were taking a walk, and saw some guy beating the holy crap out of a woman. He, being the man he was, of course went to the womans rescue. He pulled the guy off the woman and commenced to beating the holy crap out of him. He stopped once the guy was laying on the ground bleeding pretty badly. He turned his attention to the woman, who was unconscious not too far away. While he was busy providing first aid to the woman, the guy got up, got a bat out of his truck, and proceeded to hit my friend in the head with the bat a few times. The woman died shortly after arriving at the hospital. My friend was removed from life support four days later, and passed away.

The reason I told these two stories is, first, don't believe everything you hear, and sometimes, even the things you see, and secondly, if you are going step up, be careful. Some fights are not over until someone dies. Sadly, the hero is the one who does not live sometimes.
 antonioIII
Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 21
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/29/2008 9:23:03 PM
You can never say never.........if some woman was attacking my sister or my mother.......and damage was done.......i'd mostlikely give her a righthook to the gut to sit her down permanently.........when your family is in danger, you don't rule any card out of your deck.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 22
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/30/2008 7:03:25 AM
I know a guy who went through the same kind of thing. He plead guilty to avoid prison time. Then he had to take a abuse prevention course where the first thing he had to do was admit to being a women beater. He didn't like that one bit.

He probably doesn't realize the reprocussions of pleading guilty to that either. There is a law in the US called the Lautenburg Agreement where he can no longer own or carry a gun because he pled guilty to an act that involved a domestic dispute of any kind. It also means if anyone knowingly gives him a gun to use can also be proscecuted. Beyond that, if he is in the US military he will be discharged with an other then honorable and not be able to get his VA benefits, because in the military you are required to be able to carry a gun, and this law forbids it ... even though he did nothing wrong except plead guilty to something that he didn't even do.
 smhrgs3000
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 23
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/30/2008 11:13:45 AM
Absolutely NOT!
I've done extensive volunteer work with the local battered womens task force, plus I've encountered numerous domestic disturbances while putting my self thru college as a full time fireman.
While I will lend emotional, financial, and spiritual support in any way I can, actually fighting on her behalf is one of the best ways to die that I know of, and nothing is solved, regardless of which person ultimately gets run down or shot.
Plus, like it or not, MOST abused ladies willingly return to the abuser, and even frequently will seek his approval or support by disavowing the intervener, leaving you defending yourself in court on battery, assault, or heaven forbid murder charges.
She has to make the decision, and implement the seperation before she'll ever be truly free of his physical abuse. I've learned to immediately refer her to the nearest battered womens task force, where other ladies, and local police, can respond and assist far more ably than I ever could.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 24
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/30/2008 11:40:06 AM
Nope ....husband no ....ex yes ..if he is abusing her and she dont leave him she is crazy or likes it and it is none of my business ...after she leaves him then hes got a problem if he hurts my friend
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 25
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/30/2008 12:13:16 PM
Oh for pete's sake

The best thing you can do is put her in touch with a women's shelter so she knows her options (legal and otherwise)..help her devise a safety plan, be there when she's ready to leave (not There, but there for her) and call the police immediately if you suspect she is in immediate danger. The rest is up to her and law enforcement. Cop consider domestics to be one of the most dangerous situation and not just because the woman might attack them or defend her husband but because they are very volatile... and unpredictable. Probably the most violent of all crimes are domestics, other than hostage situations.

If you humiliate him he will take it out on her... later.. DO NOT LET HIM KNOW YOU KNOW, you put her in more danger.. and if he cuts off the friendship how will you help her then?

She needs to talk to someone who knows the dynamics and can give her the info she needs to decide for herself what she is going to do about it.

As a friend you need to support whatever decision she makes, if you can do that.

Call the cops, that's what they are paid for.
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 26
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:23:31 PM
definately step in if you see violence in progress, however beating the guy up isn't going to solve anything -probibly make him more angry at her and then he'll knock her around even more when nobody's there to help her.
this is something where she has to decide when enough is enough and leave the relationship for good. -you should offer her encouragement and support to get out of there, then help her get her ccw permit and choose a cute little lady style smith & wesson. -if he wont leave her alone
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 27
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:39:08 PM

If you learned that a close female friend of yours was being physically abused by her husband would you engage in a physical fight with her husband to defend her? Do you feel the need to defend her by physically fighting with her husband? If you don't fight with him does it mean that you are less of a man? Is it important for your ego or image to defend her?


That's not possible to answer, in general. If it was necessary to stop something that was happening right now to ensure her physical safety, yes, if getting the police involved would take too long. However, instigating a dispute over a domestic situation is stupid. All that is likely to do is get someone seriously injured or killed. Domestic disputes cause people to go beserk and escalating an existing situation with a physical confrontation is a good way to wind up with weapons being used. Starting something as an ego thing is irresponsible and unlikely to accomplish the intended purpose. For that matter, it's stupid to get into any physical confrontation for any reason if you don't know the other person isn't carrying a weapon. And usually, you can't know that. Egos heal faster than bullet wounds.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 28
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 8/2/2008 6:33:26 AM
I think Deerdog put it right. This is the internet and none of us know what other people are going to do but rest assured there remain many men among us capable of both rational analysis and the imposition of considerable physical harm. I'm impressed with some of the answers here and agree on several points. I would however like to point out though that IMHO for a guy to add no caveats for his alacrity to be violent indicates something quite troubling in and of itself. Just my opinion fellas. As has been noted articulate, certain language can sometimes nurture a change in attitude.

If the woman hasn't the motivation if not the character itself to seperate hereself from the situation and the man isn't crossing a legal line who is she going to support at trial?

So like any critical thinker I'll go along with many of the great anwers already and say it DEPENDS.
 pokerjimmy
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 29
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 8/2/2008 6:42:07 AM
It takes all kinds as the saying goes.

Some women seek out abusive men because their dads were abusive and those kind of men offer a familiar environment. I would help any woman get away from an abusive situation if they really wanted the help...and have. Beating the crap out of the abuser is about the dumbest way to handle it. Ask the cop who goes to a domestic dispute and tries to arrest the abusive husband and the wife jumps on the cops back to prevent him. Some women are there because they want to be. The fact we don't understand why doesn't make it untrue.
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