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 Wildman46
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 15
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
" If he didn't feel comfortable with the Op, how did she know his address?"

Just because she knows his address does not mean she can drop by whenever she feels like. Most of your friends don't even do that, they usually call first and ask if it's cool. NOBODY that I only know a short time can drop by my house without an invite.

She also had the guys number and I am quite sure she also had a cell. It would have only taken her a few minutes to call the guy and say " hey I am going to be in your area, feel like having some company?". That would have been the right way to handle the situation.
 es138
Joined: 4/9/2006
Msg: 17
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/30/2008 8:39:57 PM
Guh-ROSSS!!!!!
 WpgGentleman2
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 21
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/30/2008 8:59:53 PM
It wasn't "bad", but he didn't like it. So you're filtered. Most people are filtered simply because they are incompatible. Badness doesn't come into it.

Time to resume fishing.

A lot of guys are totally unprepared for unexpected guests.

My place is normally a mess. I could be working on something that must be done for the next day. I could have plans to be going out later. I have my pets to take care of. I don't, but a lot of guys do, get heavily involved in computer game groups, and they be working on some group task when you show up.

As to whether he was seeing another girl. He's on PoF. You had 3 dates. You weren't going steady (aka, "hadn't had 'the talk'"). It would be perfectly normal for him to have a date with another girl at this point.
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 22
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/30/2008 9:52:49 PM
OP: he's not all that interested. In your case, showing up like that will not fly well. (In the case where someone is ultra interested, he'd welcome it.)

Know what the easiest thing to do with people is? Leave the ball in their court and they will definitely contact you if interested. Waning contact means not enoughinterest. Yeah, sure, there might be enough interest to hang out for a while, but there's not *enough* interest. With this man, he's already made it very clear (...and the ball is definitely in *his* court now).

Good luck! :-)
 digdug38
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 23
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/30/2008 10:04:00 PM
jaazee3,

When you showed up at his house unannounced, were you carrying a copy of The Watchtower or were you wearing kneepads?
 irishjsm
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 26
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How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/30/2008 11:51:04 PM
This, no matter how you slice it, comes down to opinion. Personally, no friend is ever turned away at my door. Three times out to me shows at least more than passing interest. By my opinion, I would say that the guy was either (a) hiding something, or (b) looking for an excuse to say he was no longer interested. In the end, the reason doesn't matter. The guy that is willing to put you aside that easy was never truly interested anyway. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and move on.
 Wildman46
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 34
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:03:24 AM
" He'd get a restraining order from me... I stole my ex bfs spare house key and prepared a sexy little scene in his home to suprise him when he got off work! haha needless to say... he didn't complain OR think it was creepy!"

You would get a restraing order again this guy for what exactly? Did he comes over to YOUR house unannounced?. As for STEALING someones keys that you're seeing to go into his home, It's not hard to see why you're now his ex. I would have kicked your sorry butt out of my house on the spot, after making sure I got my keys back first.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 38
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:58:17 AM

- does anyone think that it's a bad idea to say hello in the fall if I see he's still on line?? Or is that stalking now a days??

Only get in touch with him if you would like to try to get things back on track. If you want to try another go-around, TELL HIM. Let him know that you understand and accept his concern and that you'd like another chance. What would help is actually talking to him instead of writing an email he could stew over. Ask him out to a simple coffee date and make amends.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 45
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How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:57:31 AM
Unless you have been invited to show up at any time for any reason, the only way to act, is to call first and ask.........

There are many of us that have children that we do things with, take care of, and family that we just might be working with, etc. No one should just show up at another's door without an invite.......

Just my opinion.......
 Wildman46
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 50
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:27:42 PM
"Wildman46- I agree that I made a poor choice-a bad decision- but it was not done to freak anyone out or creep anyone out-we( well I thought) we had 3 very good dates and very intense text messaging for over 3 weeks. he already told me his kids were leaving early in the day, so I knew they wouldn't be there because I do respect his time with them and would never intrude. But kick me to the curb??"

Yes Op I also would have kicked you to the curb. It would have been just a huge red flag to me, There really is no excuse for not calling first these days, Everyone, even bums on the streets have cellphones.

I have refused to answer my door for people just "dropping" in on me. I love my alone time, Anyone infringing on that without an invite will be told about it.

All that being said, I just looked at the picture of you in those librarian glasses, I guess if you were wearing those when you apologized, I would have no choice but to give you a second chance.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 51
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:37:32 PM
It wouldn't have bothered me OP, I would have just hoped you would have come by around dinner time and made yourself comfortable in the kitchen!

By the way, could you grab me a beer while your in there!
 Wildman46
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 53
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:07:28 PM
Op I would look at it as a "red flag" this way. Not that you were a crazy person but that you may have problems recognizing boundries. If you're coming over to my house uninvited after 3 weeks, how will you be acting after 3 months?, I guess you would be wanting a key then right?.

I have been in long term "relationships" with women and don't go over unannounced. The courtesy phone call is just proper manners, Anyone thinking otherwise would not be a person I would want to be involved with, period.

The red flag to me would be that we were not of like minds. The guy dumping you over it may have been abit harsh, But I understand the logic behind his line of thinking.
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 54
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:34:42 PM
who's gonna complain about a gal stopping by unannounced... -especially if she's already had a few drinks
(if your busy don't answer the door)
 Urbanessa
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 55
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:44:44 PM
This guy and I had been out 3 times and the chemistry was strong, the conversation great and there was constance communication via text. After thinking I was going to see him from his text messages the night before, and then not hearing from him the day in question, I had to drop off my granddaughter later that night to my ex son in law's who lived literally 200 yards from the guy, so I deceided to stop by and see what was up. Needless to say, he was very polite to me and invited me in, but 2 days later told me he was uncomfortable with me putting him in an awkward position and was freaked out by me stopping by. End of seeing him.

OP, did you call ahead, or did you just stop by without giving even two minutes notice - and giving him a chance to say "I'm busy"?

I fully agree with c_deacon: "Unless you have been invited to show up at any time for any reason, the only way to act, is to call first and ask." Had your date invited you to drop by unannounced at any time?

Personally, I don't like surprise visits at all, and had I been the guy I would have dropped out, too, if I hadn't been called ahead and given my consent to the visit. It's a way to invade someone's privacy, and forcing a visit on someone shows disrespect for the other person's schedule, life, and privacy, and it's inconsiderate of the other person.

Heck, my s/o even calls 10 minutes ahead before he's coming home when I am staying at his place.
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 57
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 7/31/2008 4:10:52 PM
OP I was also taught that you don't just showup w/o calling or being invited first so it's something I never do, and I really hate it when someone (family - friends - bf - whoever) does it to me. I don't want someone showing up when I am lazing around and having my time doing whatever. Atleast a call to say "Hey I am in the area can I stop by". I know not everyone feels that way tho.
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 62
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How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 8/1/2008 12:55:07 AM
I just love the double standard on this forum.

On one hand, if a girl doesn't put out by the third date, she's a prude. But on the other hand, if the girl shows up at your house after 3 dates, she's creepy.

Seriously people, loosen the f*ck up. Somebody pops up at your door, feel flattered that they were thinking about you.
 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 63
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 8/1/2008 4:40:41 AM
When I read this post, I immediately thought of the show Snapped on the Oxygen Channel. Some of those women landed on the man's doorstep, found out he was seeing someone, and he ended up getting murdered over it. So he simply could have been freaked out and a little worried about the no-call show-up on the doorstep.

I don't mind when people stop by unannounced. I have done it myself a few times, but not to guys' - basically family - they have to love me. Next guy I would use this as an experience - call first - then if he says you can just stop by, no need to call, then you have your green flag - go for it.
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 68
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 8/1/2008 6:40:27 PM
I live in an old brownstone with 4 other people. I call them or email before I stop by and I'm their neighbor. I don't think being in the area is a good rationale for "stopping by."

Especially if you don't know the guy that well, it's just not right. People come home from work, they want to wear sweatpants, be smelly after the gym, eat onions and sharp cheddar cheese, watch the classic animated bambi movie and cry... No one wants a new date to catch them in such a state.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 71
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How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:36:42 PM
He was already not interested when you were texting to hang out, and then it never happened, so for you to drop in after that feels stalkerish. Especially if you were used to texting on the phone, you could have given him a few minutes notice. If he was ga-ga over you, obviously, none of this would matter, and he'd be delighted to see you, but you should have gotten a hint from the "day in question" that he wasn't ga-ga (yet).

I am sort of a private person at home. I wouldn't even expect my close friends to just drop in on me (maybe I'm in my pajamas, or the place is a mess or I'm in the middle of something - especially after only 3 dates - I could be on a date with someone else even!). I would feel very invaded if a guy dropped in on me after only 3 dates. Bleah. Even if he was a good dating prospect. I'd have to be ga-ga (and be okay with him being ga-ga for me) for it to not freak me out.
 STH III
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 72
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How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 8/10/2008 6:47:51 PM
You can stop by and see me anytime babe, you are a cutie.
 openlove
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 74
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:41:14 PM
Thats a no-no for me. I never liked for anyone to show up unannounced. Main reason- my daughter. I dont need her to think things and/or see that stuff. Second is because I like my privacy....so yeah, its a bit rude.
 bbauman
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 76
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How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:25:15 PM
id at least send a text message before hand, showing up invited... eh, i like the supirse but if i committed myself to something else it could bt a put of havcing to drop my prior obligations to accomodate you. Dont get me wrong, in a committed relationship i think its wonderful, but if you are just starting out with the guy, you might want to message ahead
 PickyProfessional
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 77
How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:27:36 PM
It's fine if you know the person well. If not, then it's a tad presumptuous.
 jrbickers123
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 78
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How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:33:42 PM
i like to get a call before hand, but if your in the neighborhood and you stop by because you want to check up on him/her especially after they eluded to an encounter the day prior but it never happened, then i say you are perfectly in the clear.

however his reaction really isnt. I'm going to side with what the 2nd reply said (i think its the 2nd). he is hiding something, he made plans to come see you, then something came up, then the next time you saw him it wasnt on the call ahead of times terms so he was afraid whatever he is hiding would be discovered.

that usually points to cheating. but i cannot make these assumptions for you, always give a person the benefit of the doubt untill you know the truth.
 pokerjimmy
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 80
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How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced?
Posted: 8/25/2008 10:26:59 AM
I agree with snarky...the only people you can just drop in on are your mom and dad, sis or bro if you're really close or very best friends.

Bad form
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