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 AUTHOR
 10of6
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 362
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?Page 17 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
OP, I'll do you one better: My presumptions (since you've presumed a lot) are that we're humans and as such are all damaged.
 lovinvixen
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 364
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 11/1/2008 9:55:23 PM
For the Lady in Post #369:


For you Christians out there, was I really supposed to stay in an abusive marriage? Hoping that one day, maybe just maybe, he'll change? Is that what God really had in mind for me?


If you re-read my post, this does not apply to anyone but Jews and Christians.

It is inportant to realize thease are ideals and since unlike the Jewish people at that time we as Americans aren't with a great amount of solidarity. And that is part of the problem, in that physical appetite seems to outweigh getting into the other's head.

We corrently have a 70% divorce rate compared to India's 5%. Why is that?

People in this culture have little common bonding except at thier Churches or groups like speacial interest groups. It leaves a vacumn, in that few people share common understandings except groups like Mormons and Amish.

I put in my profile what I like and don't care for. But few males seem to care enough about a woman to honestly absorb her profile: so why should I even answer.

Same with you, you have to earnestly connect with that significant other and not lie to yourself. Otherwise when the storms come your house you have been building my fall!


The pseudo Prophet of Buddaism that showed little class in his debate with me I will not even answer. It's obvious to most I think that his religion is not doing much for him in the interaction department!
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 365
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 11/2/2008 7:12:16 AM

Someone who is in their 30's and 40's and have never been married. I say to myself "whoa" something is out of whack there.


NOTHING is out of whack there. What an ignorant thing to say, too.

I feel fabulous about the fact that I didn't marry... it was never a priority and still isn't.. nor is it off limits. I'm waiting til it feels right. It may never feel right and I'm cool with that.

How miserable would I be had I jumped into something just because my advancing age scared me into it?

Reading threads that people who have been divorced tend to start around here has made me feel so incredibly validated in my choices. And I'm not even referring to the bitter, hateful folks either.. but just the hellish circumstances they describe. I don't see how someone keeps from feeling "damaged" after that.

I'm glad I missed out.

Folks who can come back from something like that and still want to get out there and open themselves up to dating again simply amaze me. Not everyone lets divorce completely and utterly destroy them.
 lovinvixen
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 366
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 11/2/2008 1:27:19 PM
From the above post:


NOTHING is out of whack there. What an ignorant thing to say, too.

I feel fabulous about the fact that I didn't marry... it was never a priority and still isn't.. nor is it off limits. I'm waiting til it feels right. It may never feel right and I'm cool with that.


She is totally right on! Why would anyone want to marry those whose values reflect 'losers': which is most of America's population at present. I mean all one has to do is interrogate your prospective spouse's family and their grandparents, and you find repetitive behavior that was learned and in most cases fossilized into the canidate you choose to become engaged to.

You meet a man who has been divorced 3 times or more, what does that say to you?


It ought to say he either has bad judgment in choosing brides or he himself fails to keep the covenant!

As far as being thirty or plus and not being married, we don't fully mature til thirty!

And some out there will never be in this life mature enough to tie the not! Isn't that what it says by the fact that this country has well over a 50% divorce rate where Congress discussed about legislating laws to make divorce harder to obtain?

Just imagine how bad Israel would have been if Moses and the established religious ethic allowed divorce and fornication to be so lightly treated as in the corrupt USA?
 JonIn92656
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 367
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 11/2/2008 1:56:57 PM
I am widowed and tend to see things differently from those who are divorced. I was happily married and lost my wife.... I have found that the women I have dated since my wife died are divorced and suspicious of a nice man. They wonder what his angle is. If he sounds too good to be true, they think he wants "something." Still, I would not hesitate to date a divorced women because of the fact that if she loved me for who I am, she might even love me more based upon a bad marriage to her first husband. It's heartbreaking to me that there is so much game playing...
 CHAOTICBEAUTINESS
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 371
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 11/3/2008 8:41:33 PM

They need to be returned to their original spouses or they should be discounted on the open market.

That is interesting, what if one person was only married once and the other was married 3 times. The person married once would be discounted?

I wonder about annulments, are these people only slightly damaged

We are all humans. We all make mistakes and shouldn't judge each other regardless of marriage or no marriage. It doesn't make any sense.
 Ryan82phx
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 373
view profile
History
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 11/4/2008 2:50:50 AM
OP: Wow man you bring up a good point.

First off stop flaming this guy if he doesn't want to date people who have been divorced or had kids then that is his right.

I really agree with a lot of what you are saying. I don't really mind that someone is divorced so much it is just that if you ever get married to that person in their second marriage then most likely it will end in divorce also and the stats clearly back this up. However I think if you met someone special enough then I think you would make an exception I would but I would still aim for someone with out kids and has never been married any man would be crazy not to.

And for all those people who are sensitive about this issue don't worry there are more then enough other people of the opposite sex that made the same mistakes you did in life.
 lovinvixen
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 377
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 11/4/2008 10:54:35 AM
If one was an employer or military commander would they wisely choose someone who always quit their job or deserted the mission?

CONSTANTLY repeated divorces (3-5 or more) say what about a marriage canidate's staying power?
 catkin2007
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 381
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:58:28 AM
Whenever I see "divorced" I think to myself "damaged goods" and have no interest in anything longterm with the person. If the individual has kids, that's a 100% no-no and turn-off.


Wow, this is pretty harsh. But that is my opinion.


I feel like once somebody has shared so much with another person that they can never erase that.


Yes, OP, you can never erase what you have shared with another person; however, sometimes the things that were shared are not always good things.


And regardless of the bond you create, there was always that pre-existing bond. A child is a reminder of that; not only is it a financial burden but it's a genetic link between two parties that you are not part of.


No you will never be a part of a child/parent's bond. However, if you are willing, you could make a new bond and have a better more meaningful bond with them.


If the divorced person is older, it's more understandable if after a long time they called off the marriage.


Age has nothing to do with being understandable. Shitz happens and sometimes the person who is divorced may not have wanted that divorce.

When it's a younger person who has already been divorced, it's like a red flag that says this person doesn't know what they want or are a poor judge of character, or don't take marriage seriously.


This is flawed thinking because not everyone who gets divorced is someone who doesn't take marriage seriously. You are assuming that it is one-sided in a relationship.

A young woman with a kid is completely 'ruined' in my eyes. Only a minority of men are seriously going to raise another man's kid.


As for being "ruined" in your eyes... why are they really ruined? While not all relationships workout, that doesn't mean a person is ruined. Good grief... what a bad reason to miss out on someone who might be the love of your life.

I'm glad that there are men out there who are willing to raise someone else's child with love and great enjoyment while doing so. I'm also glad that there are women out there who can raise another man's child with love and great enjoyment while doing so. That is more admirable. It's great to know that not everyone looks at it as being ruined....

In my personal opinion, Me thinks you are a person who is not happy if a person has a life before you. Perhaps you are jealous....
 mibra
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 382
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 1/20/2009 8:28:13 PM
As a divorced woman, I feel very grateful that God grants me a new chance, a new life and new hopes for a better future.

Marriage is a commitment between two persons under some specific circumstances. It is not just who's problem or whose fault. It is just a lesson of life.
 funksoulbrutha
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 385
view profile
History
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 1/21/2009 6:06:15 AM
I am divorced and I am not damaged. In fact I ...tic....I thinks its normal to sleep 3 hours a night and speak in toungues...tic. FUKC..I think that whores oops women FUKC are lovely and.....dammit I have to go shit blood. More later...tic....
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 388
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 1/21/2009 5:48:17 PM
I'd say that today people in my age who are unmarried (guys and girls) are most often because they're focused on career goals. Personally, I've done nothing but work for the past 10 years of my life. Sometimes I regret it, but other times I know it's better than being broke and married, which is what I'd be had I not concentrated on working. Sometimes you just can't have everything in life. There has only been one girl in my life that I thought was special enough to settle with, yet she did things that made me think the relationship wasn't special. So I cut her off. But that's history.

Sounds like a huge excuse to me. My son is 24 and has managed to do both. No one works around the clock. He has the career and he has the wife, and they are both very happy. They are far from being broke.

Most of the girls/guys I knew who got married in highschool were the poor confused irresponsible ones. Now at my age, all the "decent" girls are beginning to settle down and get married. As a guy, I have about 10 extra years over a woman to be able to choose to settle down. When I'm 40, I'll still be able to land 20 year olds, while a 40 yera old woman would have more difficulty (for one, because 20 year old men are immature and women tend not to like that drama when they're 40). Men age better than women.


I have to agree getting married in high school is stupid. You do not have any more time to be able to settle down than a woman. For various reasons a lot more women are waiting until an older age to marry and have children also. I am not sure how many 40 year old women would want a 20 year old man, but they don't seem to have any problems as you put it "landing one". As to drama with men from what I have seen the older they get the more drama there is. I have zero interest in dating a 20 year old, but they for the most part seem to be drama free.

I don't know how to break it to you, but when 20 year old women marry 40 year old men, for the most part they aren't marrying him because he looks so good or they love him so much, but rather because they want to tap into his bank account. Yes anyone male or female with a lot of money can buy a spouse of any age.

Men age better than women? Really what solar system are you from? Women tend to take better care of themselves, especially their skin. Men tend to work outside more than women. Men tend to party harder than women. I work in a restaurant and there have been times when a man and woman have been sitting together and I thought they were husband and wife, and they would turn out to be mother and son. I have also many times had a man and woman sitting together, and thought they were father and daughter but turn out to be husband and wife, and sometimes find out the woman is older than the man. I have known a lot of men, that were getting fairly serious crows feet in the early 20's. Why? Simply lack of basic skin care, too much time in the sun, and a lot of heavy partying. I really hate it when men ask me to guess their age, as a lot of times even with telling them 10 years younger than I really think, I still guess to high.

Me, I had rather marry a man that had been married and divorced a thousand times than one that had never been married before.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 389
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 1/21/2009 6:02:42 PM

I guess my words are too harsh with the "damaged goods" thing, but in reality I just feel sorry for girls like you because you are now cut off from guys like me.

There is no need to feel sorry for them because they are cut off from guys like you. That is a good thing for them. You are now just funny. Thanks for that post I needed a good laugh.



 sanddallor
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 390
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History
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 1/21/2009 9:01:42 PM
Damaged goods is no respector of persons, divorced or not! Sure, I'm still fond of the women I'ved loved, but the key to moving on for me is I've learned to love different women for different reason and that means every woman has the chance to have a unique relationship with me.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 392
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 1/21/2009 10:40:16 PM
Gapeman,

I see one lonely old man in the future. I am divorced. I was married to an abusive alcholic and got myself out of the situation. I am a very nice person. Don't like my kid? Fine with me. He was in my life before you!
 Tammy the cat
Joined: 10/17/2008
Msg: 393
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 1/22/2009 2:22:57 AM
OP/as people age an live life,whether married,divorced,single,gay,hetrosexual,biosexual or whatever,we all gain life experience,baggage an acertain amount of what you term as damage.The key though is how we respond to it in the longterm or continue making the same mistakes.There is a certain truth to 'with age comes wisdom'.Even if we could turn the clock back with our present knowledge,we would just make a series of new mistakes.Life is a continuous journey/live life,process it an move forward.Every new relationship is unique anyway,no two people are alike(i skip the identical twin issue here).Children grow up an flee the nest,living their own lives.Step parents still contribute very valuable imput to children growing up.Sometimes they can be that rock hard model for stability,when the real parent has gone or gone of the rails for what ever reason.Each case of failure has different reasons an you cant bundle them all together an stereotype the lot as bad.Sure,there are some cheats,or fickle self interested people that we all should avoid.Most of them are just normal people,not that damaged apart from getting hurt or abused.Actually how damaged are we already,when we have just left the nest,by just going through the growing up phase alone.Maybe none of us should seek relationships an bad luck for the human species.Sorry OP,your reasoning anyway you look at it is definitely flawed.
 Dave90027
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 394
view profile
History
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 1/22/2009 4:01:03 AM
Yes they are. Women with kids are damaged goods also.
 EpisodeIV
Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 397
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 1/22/2009 9:33:23 AM
Divorced as damaged goods?

No! It just means to me that that person was willing to take a big risk on a commitment. They just might be willing to take that risk on me. More often it shows courage. The courage to take on the commitment of an "official" marriage. The courage to do something about it when they realize it isn't working. On the other hand, if they've been through several divorces I do have some questions.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 400
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 1/22/2009 10:16:35 AM
Only if residual feelings of hurt and anger from the divorce intrude on our current relationship (which they tend to do).
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 401
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 1/22/2009 10:18:38 AM
knight_in_rusted_armour: Just because someone writes it doesn't mean it is true. If there are some that want to see me as damaged goods because I am divorced, it does not hurt me in any way. The sad truth it is the "young adults" that came out of divorced homes that seem to be the most damaged. They have in a lot of cases been over protected and not so much expected of them as in past generations, and as a result they are slow to grow up.

If anything I have learned a lot about life and what I truly want from my mistakes. I know why I am divorced and as a result I will never settle for less than what I want.
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