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 silibus
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 81
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?Page 2 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
Depends. Depends on how they deal with their bagage I guess. But damaged goods? No.
What hurts men in divorces is not being able to see their children and paying almoney,
That is not news. What ruined the institute of marriage was people getting married for the wrong reasons and figuring it out later. But no, I do not see the 'damaged goods' idea myself.
I am not going to start making babies myself at my age so I welcome kids whole heartedly. What I am not too crazy about is getting married then loosing my income to feed someone who never entered a career to look after herself. But that is not the ned all either. I say, "you do not need a piece of paper(marriage certificate) or a ring to fall in love OR make babies."
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 82
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/1/2008 8:05:54 PM

I've only dated and had sex with strippers, escorts, and amateur pornstars for the past decade, because I haven't had time to meet people. My work is my life atm.

Wow, you're a real piece of work. You only date and have sex with strippers, escorts, and porn stars, you're Catholic, and you somehow think you're superior to divorced people and single moms. Have a nice life.
 ExplosiveSheep
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 90
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/2/2008 12:35:55 AM
Tell you what, I'm 23, if someone is divorced at my age then she just strikes me as impulsive and probably not one to think things through.

I'm not really too keen on marrying young myself, not until I can say for sure they're the one for me and I've got the financials set and good to go.

Nothing wrong with divorced people, but I'm still too young to wanna be as accepting as i probably will become later in life. That's life though.
 KRN1994
Joined: 7/26/2008
Msg: 95
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/2/2008 6:20:46 AM
There are so many reasons for divorce.. (I am)
..poor choices when young, maybe not understanding what it really is that you want or need
..a lot of time people change after marraige (heck, even after they have been dating and feel secure in the relationship)..
.. growth and the other partner doesn't grow.
..pressures that one or both partners cannot handle.
and a whole lot more.

I think that a good number of people no longer feel like they did a long time ago. Feeling life is too short and if both partners cannot learn, grow and understand (and a host of other things) then they don't want to spend their lives miserable. I think a long time ago you just accepted your lot, tried to find the middle ground when you could and if you could not, just accepted and dealt with it.

As far as having children, I see a lot of men and women with blended families. I think when you really find someone you care about you are willing to face and work with all that comes along with that person.

I would much rather date someone who had at least given it a try than someone (at an older age that is) that never has. Makes me wonder why. and that would be a whole other post
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 96
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/2/2008 6:59:55 AM
Only if they act like it.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 97
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/2/2008 7:02:36 AM
What's that smell? I think its troll.
 OVG1960
Joined: 11/12/2006
Msg: 99
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/2/2008 7:04:30 AM
I am divorced, but I remember thinking before I was married....a million years ago, that if the guy was divorced once...no big deal. If he was divorced twice, OK but be cautious. If he had 3 marriages under his belt, Whoah! That is way too much experience for me.

It depends on the person. But multiple marriages scare the hell out of me. Dated a guy once, after my divorce, he let it slip "...with my second wife". I said how many times have you been married? He really led me to believe it was only once. He had been married 3 times. None of those marriages lasted more than a few years (1-3 years). And he lived with many women between and after those marriages. Also I found out he had filed for bankruptcy 2 times and loved to live with women wealthier than he.

I am divorced , Yes, but I still shy away from men that have been married multiple times. Go figure .....

 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 100
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/2/2008 7:05:01 AM
^^^ lol *carolann*.....looks like PoF would provide us for some "troll" repellent wouldn't you?
 ExplosiveSheep
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 111
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/2/2008 9:34:31 PM
I swear, some people here sound like those kids that kept sticking forks in power sockets just because it wasn't enough to be told it's dangerous or stupid, they have to be absolutely sure.

Experience taught me something, sometimes you don't actually need to do something to learn something from it, telling people to grow up and take marriage... what? Less Seriously? Really? That doesn't sound like the kind of growing up people need, not with the divorce rate set as it is.

I think you need to take responsibility for your actions, not just write it off and chalk it up to experience, honestly how much do you think you're benefiting from the situation if you're refusing to admit any fault in the matter?

I've known a lot of couples who split after marriage at my age, what blows my mind is that I could see the train wreck waiting to happen, I used to try to say something, but people don't like to be dissuaded. I've known many a girl and guy that basically said "no no, this person is the greatest." and then 1 day, they meet the same person I met, all of a sudden it's like "Wow... I wish I'd seen that earlier."

Of course they do it again though... Anyway, Experience is only Experience if you don't make the same mistakes twice.

Like George Bush once F*cked up, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice... well... I can't get fooled again..." Though I'm pretty confident it was meant to be "Shame on me."
 JJNN
Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 119
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/3/2008 7:54:29 PM
Divorced people are not damaged goods. Who thinks otherwise has some prejudice is ignorant or simply stupid.
Divorced with kids even better because this is proof they can have kids. For man in their late thirties without kids it is still OK because they can have one day if they want. For ladies in their late thirties still single without kids OMG WTF they did in the last 20 years. These are the damage goods. Stay away from them.
 2ofcup
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 120
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/3/2008 8:02:42 PM
No...... some people get married at a young age, for some dumb reasona( daddy standing behind him with a shootgun for one).
people make mistakes and learn from them.....something you might want to try.
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 121
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/3/2008 8:08:49 PM
RE: First post.

I see divorcées like a hawk sees a mouse. ^_^
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 122
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/3/2008 8:16:09 PM
Wow, you have some serious issues.

divorce = damaged goods...kids, that's a 100% no-no and turn-off. .. A young woman with a kid is completely 'ruined' in my eyes.
How exceedingly judgemental and selfish.


a red flag that says this person doesn't know what they want or are a poor judge of character, or don't take marriage seriously.
Those are questions you ask; because it could possibly mean that. However, it could also mean "Tired of being beaten by a drunk." or "Tired of sleeping in the same bed with a man who is screwing half the block." or "Tired of living with a man who mistreats my child." or etc, etc, etc.


Only a minority of men are seriously going to raise another man's kid.
You are raising the child, the person, not "another man's kid." We are all another man's kid. You have been given an incredible opportunity to have a positive and supportive effect on someone's life. For whatever reason, you have been given the privilage of caring for someone who needs you. If she has a child, you should be grateful. I have no biological children; I have a step daughter. I've always introduced her as my daughter. When she introduces her, much older, husband, I have to do some explaining, LOL, but that's beside the point. Having my daughter in my life is a blessing; and always has been. I was grateful for her when she was 11 (when we met), and I'm grateful for her now. I never missed a play, a recital, a concert, or an award presentation. I taught her how to drive. Now, she has had children, they are my grandchildren, and there is no greater blessing. A child brings things into your life, and adds demensions to your life, that are incredible, and beautiful, and that you would have never expereinced without them.

Exception: if someone is divorced 3, 4, 5 times; then you have serious issues.
 Bella Vamp
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 123
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/3/2008 8:24:02 PM
Aww.. I have nothing valuable to add... just that it makes me sad. One, as a divorced female; and two as someone who understands that people close themselves off from love way too much.
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 125
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/3/2008 8:39:23 PM
Mind if I misconstrue that comment?
 Fried Chicken
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 131
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:43:33 AM
Yes, they're damaged goods. And like most damaged goods, you can get them at a huge discount from their pristine alternatives. It's really your choice. You're 29 so that's quite easy... date an 18 year old :)

But once you hit 40, you either have to be really rich or really famous to date an 18 year old.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 135
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/8/2008 1:04:43 PM
your gonna have a hard time finding anyone to date then....
there are alot of divorcees out there...
 CamL
Joined: 12/19/2007
Msg: 136
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/8/2008 1:07:46 PM
I have to agree.

I was dating a woman with a child, and while I meant no ill-will against the child, she was certain she never wanted any more kids, ever.

That was the deal breaker for me. There's a certain psychological aspect of it for me, where apparently "my genes aren't good enough". I really don't have a problem with children, otherwise.

As for the "damaged" tag, unfortunately I do tend to view those who have been previously married as something to avoid, although I think that has something to do with the area in which I live. People here tend to all know eachother, and as it turns out, most the recently divorced in my city were the ones that laughed in my face in High School and College.

Shallow as it might be, I feel like those who married and divorced (at my young age) deserved the failure of the marriage. I'd prefer to meet someone who can appreciate me for me, and not because their standards have been lowered after an eye-opening experience in a failed marriage.
 Fried Chicken
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 139
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/9/2008 3:04:51 AM

your gonna have a hard time finding anyone to date then....
there are alot of divorcees out there...

So you're saying that some of us have to lower our standards and date them?
No thank you. OP, if you've decided that divorced people are damaged goods and you want to avoid them - that's your choice.
 FloridaMusicMan
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 141
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/9/2008 5:31:40 AM
Op I went and read your profile.For a MAN 29 you speak like a BOY of 15.Not sure who you think you are,but I think you show how childish you can be.Get over your self for the Gender's sake and get real.Divorce is way too common,and in the predominance of situations there are Children involved.My stepfather was the best thing that ever happened to me.He taught me to be a MAN,and to have consideration for others.It seems you have a HUGE hangup about women with children,mayhaps something you might want to consider getting proffesional help with.Life does not hand out do overs.Life does give opportunities to find,foster,new love and new hope even to children who are not of one's gene pool.
 callwilliam2
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 142
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/9/2008 5:36:22 AM

Whenever I see "divorced" I think to myself "damaged goods" and have no interest in anything longterm with the person.


That is what you choose to think, and your interest is congruent with your thought.


If the individual has kids, that's a 100% no-no and turn-off.


"Your honor, I object"

"Objection sustained, in accordance with the congruency of your thought."
 mcfly762
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 144
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/10/2008 8:44:35 AM
" people make mistakes and learn from them.....something you might want to try."

how about learning from the mistakes of others?
 mcfly762
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 145
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/10/2008 8:50:29 AM
50 years ago, the OP's views would have been normal. It was normal to have morals and values back then. These days, he's the oddball and the target of so much hatred by the "me first" generation. Perhaps has was a bit over the top with the "damaged goods" thing, but he did bring up some valid points.

The younger generation is doing itself no favors with its "instant gratification" mentality. That's why ya see so many women chase badboys at a young age. That's why you see people failing at relationships and people treating their partners like disposable objects. The things in life that we take for granted were actually appreciated by previous generations. Everybody wants more and affected by the "grass is greener" syndrome. People are overwhelmed by the number of options today and just can't handle the pressure.

Our ancestors must be rolling in their graves.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 150
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:26:26 AM
There certainly are a lot more considerations to be taken into account with a divorced or single parent. I've tried it a before, and while I got along with the kids, even fell in love with them, the women always made me feel like I was last on thier list, while I made her and her kids first on mine. I always ended up feeling like an outsider, or intruder, in thier lives. Almost like a paycheck with a penis.

I'm sure, with the right woman, this would be different; but, getting close to kids and then having to move on, when things don't work out with thier mother, is hard as hell. My biggest heartbreak was a little girl who's father had died when she was young and, after 3 years, saw me as her father. I loved her like my own. The last time I saw her, she was crumpled in heap in the floor at my feet crying and begging me not to go. I never saw that little girl again. It wasn't a choice for me to make. Her mother had already found someone else.... I had taken a job that had me traveling, and she couldn't handle it. This was really just the final straw, looking back, she had some serious issues, and I was just someone to get her past her husbands death. When she was ready to move on, she did. Regardless, it destroyed me. I didn't date again for nearly 5 years.

Anyway, I am leary of women with children now. It's not about the kids though.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 153
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:33:35 PM

... and I have no interest in anything longterm with the person. If the individual has kids, that's a 100% no-no and turn-off.

GapeMan - let's hope that life treats you well.
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