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 red_lotus
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 282
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?Page 5 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
OP, frankly ur statements are over generalised and make u sound like a total ***hole. Not to mention naive, and simply makes me angry to think theres someone that stuck up. What gives you the right to be so superior?

people make bad decisions and mistakes. its called being human. EVEN with the best intentions.

i hope you get married and the person grows and changes (the same as all humans do just not always in the samediraction) treats you abomnably even cruelly both physically and mentally and you end up hating your life and wishing everyday just to die, until u get the strength to get the hell out. THEN you can understand why i got divorced.

but frankly i;d never want to date anyone who was that closed minded anyway. but being divorced that doesnt stop me thinking that divorce isnt always the answer and that marriage should be a "forever after". It just makes me think i can understand how it works a little better.
 TrHt64
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 285
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:02:15 PM
WHEW....now THERE's a can of worms you may not want to open!

LOL

I'm divorced, and I don't see myself as "damaged goods"...I may very WELL have made poor choices in the past, but JEESH LOUISE, cut me some SLACK here....I was young (23)...he was an alcoholic and never grew up in the nine yrs we were together...THEN I choose again, (OK SHOOT ME nooooow and put me out of my misery)....HE fooled around on me...should I have stayed with EITHER OF THEM at that point? And, IN MY DEFENSE, I tried with a counselor for over two yrs on the first one....

CARP HAPPENS...and you can't control OTHER people NOR what they DO to you OR LEAVE YOU to DEAL WITH...I trusted, I loved and I LOST....Or DID I???? THEY LOST ME, otherwise I wouldn't be wasting my time on HERE, I'd be at home making love to someone I truly trusted and loved.....

Man...I sure am glad OTHER men don't feel this way. I'd be PLUM out of luck finding a true MATE that is willing to ustilixe SOME sort of self restraint when it comes to their own short comings.

WE ALL HAVE THEM....including ME...I'm just glad I'm not THIS JUDGEMENTAL...

I sure hope YOU find love, it may change your outlook....
 jackster121
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 288
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:16:02 PM
At 29 I would say you can contine with that opinion for about 5 more years.
I am 53 and not only does my dating range put me in contact with divorced women, most have kids (as I do) and a lot are grandmothers) .
When you to the age , dating area( geogrophy wise) , those that want an LTR, figure in your baggage and how many run, that kleaves about 10 people to pick from.LOL
 mcfly762
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 293
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:33:19 PM
"OP, frankly ur statements are over generalised and make u sound like a total ***hole. Not to mention naive, and simply makes me angry to think theres someone that stuck up. What gives you the right to be so superior? "

Perhaps the OP is more responsible than you are?


"people make bad decisions and mistakes. its called being human. EVEN with the best intentions."

And people make bad decisions rather than learn from the mistakes from others. It's called stupidity...even with the best intentions.
 IGFN21
Joined: 10/2/2008
Msg: 297
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:52:58 PM
I find that when a female has a kid or kids when she's single

1 - that's a turn off
2 - Makes me think '' is the reason she's single with a kid/kids because of her or her ex? ''
 isaiahslove
Joined: 6/6/2008
Msg: 298
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/7/2008 5:53:06 AM
coming fromma 29 year old male i tend to lean away from what you have experienced from a mature woman ?? this is in no way a put down but a heads up !! if your mother was divorce would you consider her damaged good ??? a thought here? it about respect and think before you open your mouth !! sounds harsh ?? yes !! but needed to be said !! couples living together 10 years or more never married , and the same couple married for 10 years or more but they were divorced, the live in couple just split up !!who's damaged goods??
in both cases they all experienced the same ordeals , maturing , evolving together or not, did it matter if they were married or not ?? you look at experience as being damaged goods ??? how many relationships actually have you been in , that truly worked out or had nay form of committment or real emotions of a true connection ??
if more then two or three ?? wouldn't you too be considered "DAMAGED GOODS " ??
a woman with children or a man with children are likely to be more mature and less a adolescent in thinking and irresponsible !! ready to make a true committment then soemone who is just out playing the proverbial games of percentages !!"IN SINGLE LIFE !!
victimized by selfish exploits of shallow meaningless sex as inmature high school kids, not yet evolved into manhood or womanhood, like chidren at play on a playground, or fishing for meaningfulness but lack the substance to make a true committment to it !!
as i see you !!
it takes a true man to be patient enough to see the beauty in a woman besides her mistakes whether be married or single , and realize she not "DAMAGED GOODS " but has evolved past her adolescent and experienced true life and has enhance her inner beauty by sharring and experiencing true life , not a fairy tale !!
once you've seen past your obvious inexperiences as a man and look deeper inside a woman see the contents of her heart and soul, and not see her as a victim of your obvious inacurate assumptions !! you'll see her endless treasures and priceless gifts she possesses , if your patient enough to venture into her life and discover them. without passing critical selfish judgements of who you believe she is because of a act of divorce !! alot more !!as you put damage goods out there in the single life then those who been married at one time !!the meat market out there called " bars and clubs "
and you don't see these men and woman as "DAMAGED GOODS"???
PASS AROUND LIKE A JOINT AT A PARTY !!
i see a divorced woman as wise , experienced in a unselfish life committment to a man and children to share a unique part of herself called motherhood and a true mate with integrity !! if she disides its over ?? its her deccsision !! not a penalty to be called !!damaged goods !! did you know her??? obviously not !!open your heart and mind not just your mouth next time !! alot more to learn my friend !!
 Cutepid
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 302
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:43:25 AM
I look at the person and not the train wreck they might have had in the past
 MizzCrow
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 303
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/7/2008 9:22:41 AM
Do you have personal bad experience with divorce (ie, difficult family/friend breakup, etc)?

I'm at a loss to comprehend your POV, but you are welcome to it, no one can change another person's personal prejudices and if you truly feel this way then it would be best for the ladies involved if you avoid divorcees and in particular single mothers.

There are a lot of young people nowadays who have "starter marriages" when they are young and maybe foolish, and the relationship ends, amicably or not, without children. There isn't a lot of difference, except the legal thing, between that and living with someone. Have you lived with a woman before? Was your breakup friendly, or amicable? Do you feel that she is 'damaged goods' now, and doesn't deserve to have a relationship with anyone else?

As another example, think of the divorced women as your relatives. Would you like to think of your sister, aunt, mother or daughter being seen as 'damaged goods' because she was in a relationship that didn't work, for whatever the reason was, and perhaps had children in the relationship?

Lastly, you are very wrong about the childrearing thing. There are many good men out there who have an open heart for the children of the women they have chosen to spend their lives with. They become true fathers to them and rear them as if they were their own. It is demeaning to all those wonderful men who have been much more than mere stepfathers to say that men don't want to help raise someone else's children. That is a major projection on your part. Perhaps you should say instead that *you* don't want to help someone raise their children, that *you* are not willing to be there for them.

If that is how you feel, I also suggest that you avoid fostering children or adopting. And please, let any women you are interested in know how you feel on these matters early on so they can decide if they want to be with you or not. Your perspectives would certainly be a deal breaker for me.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 305
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/7/2008 9:45:51 AM
I've never been married, but I still have a few dings in the paint and some minor spyware screwing with my operating system.

Being divorced isn't the only way to get a little damage. I see damaged goods as damaged goods. If the things that have happened to you in your life, now prevent you from functioning relatively normally with other people, then that's a problem. If your choices in life are going affect my wellbeing or quality of life, if I become involved with you, then that's a problem, too. If not... Where have you been hiding? I've been looking for you.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 309
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:34:17 PM
I would never make any type of judgements about someone strictly based on their marital status. There are plenty of reasons why someone could be divorced or never has been married for that matter. Some reasons are more valid and acceptable than others.
 Xcellentfun
Joined: 10/11/2008
Msg: 311
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/19/2008 8:28:01 AM
OP,

I used to feel they way you do when I was in my 20's too. But real world experience has taught me that there are many, many reasons why divorces happen. In my case, the lady I married changed dramatically a while after we got married into someone I would not have married had I known what was to come. But, I don't blame her and am very grateful for the lessons I leaned. I'm a much better man because of that experience and any future women in my life will certainly appreciate what I bring to the table.

I suggest you keep a more open mind.
 SwimminWithTheFishies
Joined: 6/29/2008
Msg: 313
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/27/2008 5:32:28 PM
I guess it depends on how many times they have been divorced and why? If it's been more than a couple, then it would be a big red flag to me that they are likely the "common denominator" and the one with some sort of problem.
 amusinglisa
Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 316
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/27/2008 6:50:22 PM
I have no idea how I would ever go about judging what divorce in general is like and what a specific divorce was (I am a widow -- whole different ball game -- different park, different shape ball).
 laceylou82
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 319
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/27/2008 7:41:44 PM
I don't know if I see at so much as "damaged goods." I don't know. I'm 26, college education, promising career, no kids, and never been married. I've dated a divorced man...and wowsers...he brought a TON of baggage into our relationship. And I've dated someone with small children...and I guess I just haven't found my inborn mothering ability yet. Honestly...and this may sound harsh...but I think I deserve to start a fresh life with someone--someone with no kids and no ex wives. I'm under the crazy assumption that one day I want to be someone's one and only and that can hardly happen when that person has been married before. Also...I'm young enough and dumb enough to want to be one of a man's top priorities...I don't want to be compete with children yet...

So, yes. Divorced with children is generally a turn off for me as well. I don't mean anything by it in all reality, but I know it just isn't for me.

LaceyLou82
 Self-Inspired
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 322
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/27/2008 8:09:40 PM

A young woman with a kid is completely 'ruined' in my eyes.


"A child is"...."a financial burden"


Spoken from a belief in what you have observed in life with no appreciation for the experience of another.

So if you met this woman who is a perfect fit for you, steals your heart, and connects on all levels, you would turn her down because that little daughter of her's is a burden, and she had the guts to leave her abusive husband? Please...

As a great dad who has his oldest living with him, I can tell you children are not a burden. They are awesome.

Divorce happens for all kinds of reasons. In many cases, including my own, both parties and the children are better off out of the marriage and living their own lives because they have become incompatible.

Placing judgment on people without understanding their situation is a reflection of a very insecure person. Go ahead and apply these rules to your search, but you are going to miss a lot of great opportunities.
 sweet_n_heart
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 326
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/28/2008 12:15:07 PM
Divorced people aren't damaged goods. I think they would come with expierence, know what not to do in next relationship. Not all divorced people have kids, so just look for divorced people with no kids. Yes, there may be lack of trust but can you really blame them after just getting divorced? That trust can always be re-build.

Sometimes kids are part of the package, nothing wrong with that. Not everyone has a problem being a parent or whatever of someone elses kids.

So your preference is no one who has been divorced or has kids, that's fine, your choice but shouldn't call them damaged goods.
 Marmite baby
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 335
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/29/2008 8:28:04 AM
Which century are you living in? Or do you believe in virgins before marriage?
Virgin on the the ridiculous mate!
 Silver Seduction
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 343
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/29/2008 7:06:46 PM
You're joking, right? You can't be serious.
 catkin2007
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 345
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/30/2008 12:53:41 PM
First off, age has nothing to do with a divorced person. In fact, you see divorces of all ages.

Secondly, your view on divorce is sad. There are many people who got divorced for reasons not of their choosing, for reasons of safety, for reasons of protecting their children. Not all divorced people are bad people. It's people like you who judge that make them seem less than they are, when in fact, it is the judging party who is really lacking in the character department.

I'm divorced and not proud of it; however, I also realize that today, I'm better off because of it. So, if that makes me unloveable, less of a woman in someone's eyes, then fine. At least, I have my self respect, dignity and my life.

I'm sure you are not perfect and you can't judge others without knowing them or the situation. That old saying "walk a mile in someone's shoes" comes to mind. You might try it sometime.
 lovinvixen
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 350
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 10/30/2008 3:39:04 PM
Before anyone shows their scriptural illiteracy and says of me "Your are being judgmental..." I will remind all loudly there are plenty of scriptures built upon the concept where Christ asked us 'to make Judgments'! And you do beleive in the judges on the bench deciding cases as well as the jury system don't you?

So if you don't want the scriptures regarding such please don't accuse me of being judgmental as there is plenty of scriptural ammunition on such!

As a Christan woman the isuue of divorce is a heavy one regarding marriage according to:

King James Version

"Leviticus 21:14 A widow, or a divorced woman, or profane, or an harlot, these shall he not take: but he shall take a virgin of his own people to wife.

Numbers 30:9 But every vow of a widow, and of her that is divorced, wherewith they have bound their souls, shall stand against her.

Deuteronomy 24:1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

Deuteronomy 24:3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;

Isaiah 50:1 Thus saith the LORD, Where is the bill of your mother's divorcement, whom I have put away? or which of my creditors is it to whom I have sold you? Behold, for your iniquities have ye sold yourselves, and for your transgressions is your mother put away.

Jeremiah 3:8 And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.

***Evidently according to Jewish documents Divorce sounds like a Bad Deal: not to even be considered as an out!

Matthew 5:31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:Matthew 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Matthew 19:6-8 6Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 7They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 8He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

Mark 10:3-5 3And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
4And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
5And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.

It is very important here for a Christian to note who Christ is addressing on the 'divorce issue' and to keep it in context. Both Disciple Matthew and Mark testify in agreement that Christ was condeming divorce accept for fornication; and Moses compromised the divorce degree and since the culture of Judaism til Chist had perverted it more according to the documents. But to keep it in context Christ was being questioned by the Pharasees(Jewish religious authority) on this issue. And these Jews and furute Christians as well as the followers then were given this testimony by our Lord

In other words Non-Christians other than the Jewish people are EXEMPT from this code. And of Course the Jewish people have trouble with most things Christian!

Many faiths like the Amish DO NOT allow divorce and if you understand the adultery issue in the Old Testament: the death Penalty was the general punishment. So do you think sects like the Amish will let one of their own remain with the act of divorce? NO tolerance there!

Again, NOT being judgmental, just stating what Christians are supposed to abide by *If* they base their faith on scriptures as a foundation!


 mcfly762
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 354
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 11/1/2008 9:22:51 AM
"Want to know what I think "damaged" goods are? Someone who is in their 30's and 40's and have never been married. I say to myself "whoa" something is out of whack there. I have found that there is generally a selfish type nature that makes them unattractive to others. "

Selfish? Why? Because they won't give you something that you have not earned?
 mcfly762
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 355
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 11/1/2008 9:23:51 AM
"Well, I was just about to get on my knees and cry about my faith as damaged good, when I saw an article, on how many people are divorced these days. Wow, there is an entire dating pool of damaged goods!"

Just because many people are divorced doesn't mean you're not damaged goods.
 mcfly762
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 356
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 11/1/2008 9:25:36 AM
"OP is 29 yrs old and college educated and has his own house. He is thinking about his future and has layed the foundation for it which is more than I can say for a divorced woman loaded with kids of same age.

He wants to make his OWN family not adopt someone elses. "


+1

It's refreshing to see someone who gets it.
 ButtModel
Joined: 9/14/2008
Msg: 360
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 11/1/2008 1:23:02 PM

The way I see divorced people? They made a promise to stay together and they broke it. Either they made a promise they couldn't keep or they chose someone who made a promise they couldn't keep, both are just plain bad.


I don't necessarily agree with this statement. I'm divorced and I didn't "choose" to be that way; the choice was made for me. I'm a good judge of character yet my ex-wife left me for reasons beyond my control and not necessarily anything that I did wrong.

Now that we are divorced, I am making the best of my situation: I'm moving on and continuing to pursue the dreams I had while married. Hence, I am still staying true to myself despite the unfortunate situation.
 10of6
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 362
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 11/1/2008 7:10:36 PM
OP, I'll do you one better: My presumptions (since you've presumed a lot) are that we're humans and as such are all damaged.
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