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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Oh now, she looses the weight      Home login  
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 DimpledDoll
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 151
Oh now, she looses the weightPage 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
It's called the (Divorce) diet!
 StillUnraveling
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 152
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 2/20/2009 2:37:45 AM
She left you because you probably nagged her non-stop. Good for her for losing a careless husband and the weight!
 ForumPhantom
Joined: 10/31/2008
Msg: 153
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 2/20/2009 4:13:57 AM
She's not with you now + She's happier + Her heart feels lighter + She wants a happy future = losing weight.

Good for her!
 jakeya99
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 154
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 2/20/2009 5:00:44 AM
Dude... I feel for you.

Some women and men "give up" on looking like the person their spouse fell in love with because they feel like they got who they wanted and "he/she should love me anyway". They get content and they get lazy... take the other for granted.

I would have had a talk with my wife loooonnngggg before she hit 325... not only for her health and sex appeal but for the disrespect she's showing me by doing this to herself.

If I didn't see a real effort to change I would have ended things. It's that simple.

I had an old neighbor lady who showed us her wedding photos from some 15 years prior. Bone thin and looked hot. She now was well over 300 pounds and didn't know she was pregnant for 6 months. Pathetic. I don't understand how she could do that ho her husband.
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 155
Oh now, she loses the weight
Posted: 2/20/2009 7:37:02 AM

Yeah, Mel, I can empathize with you. Been in your same situation. My wife now, and others previously, have been very heavy. Unfortunately, all the nagging we guys do will not help!

This said by a fat man!
Gosh, I just could not resist that. Bad me. Oh well.

OP.. much of the time, overeating is a sign of not being happy with themselves and with what is going on around them. I know. I've been been been there.
You said other things caused the divorce. See? She (and you) were just not happy with what was going on.
Now she is. sorry.
 GreenArrow13
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 156
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 2/20/2009 9:09:09 AM
People can change. Sometimes it takes a trumatic life event to spur someone into action. I understand you probably feel that she devalued your love. She might not have though. Age is also a factor. We get older and wiser. It is hard to really understand her true motivation, because we cannot read her mind. I know it stings though either way.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 157
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 2/20/2009 10:12:09 AM
No, he's jealous about her looking good for the next guy. And jealousy hurts.

Mel, maybe she's merely putting on her "best self" to ensnare that next guy. Maybe, if THEIR relationship/marriage becomes subpar, she'll begin eating heavily again. Count your blessings to be free.
 rocinante_
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 158
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 2/20/2009 8:30:53 PM
loses.... she loses weight. Not looses, there is no such word as looses. ggaaaaaaaarggghhh
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 159
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 3/12/2009 6:31:17 PM
Traveling Mel,
I think this is one of the most nauseating threads I've ever seen....
You're asking people to console and sympethyze with you because another person found the motivation to do something positive for herself, and it didn't benefit you....that just says so much about who you are as a person.

First of all, if your ex wife was heavy when you met and married her, you were out of line to be disappointed when she continued to be that. Healthy individuals marry because they love and accept each other AS THEY ARE, not because they expect the other person to change to meet their standards.

I constantly encouraged her to eat right and go the gym.

Whether this "encouragement" was in the form of outright criticism, or disguised as "genuine concern" for her well being, the fact is that there was a constant subtle message being sent to her that she was "flawed, not good enough" as she was. This is NOT supportive, in fact, it's the exact opposite. Did you know that living under that constant scrutiny and harsh judgement creates ongoing stress levels which depleats our bodies of necessary chemicals, causing a condition known as adrenal fatigue syndrome? In that condition, a person could eat the perfect diet, and excersize twice a day and never shed a pound. (That means your constant nagging likely exacerbated the problem) The thing I find most amusing about the whole thing is that saggy double chin you're sporting in your profile photos....do you not see the ridiculousness of that double standard???

At any rate, you are divorced from this woman. Since you can't find it in your heart to be happy for her, maybe you should try to wrap your mind around the fact that who she marries, how she looks, whether she finds time to go to the gym or not, is really no longer any of your business. How utterly sickening that even after divorce, you still feel entitled to judge and criticize her....Kudos to the ex Mrs. Mel for finally realizing that all those fabulous trips to exotic locations weren't worth the price she was paying with her dignity and self respect.
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 160
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 3/13/2009 2:32:46 AM
little note to gatekeeper in reference to message 90


yu mite wana lay iff the reefeer fur a lil wile cuz it lokes lik yu dun smoked urself rtrded.
 ~SparklingRose~
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 161
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 3/13/2009 8:59:38 PM
^^^^

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Since you can't find it in your heart to be happy for her, maybe you should try to wrap your mind around the fact that who she marries, how she looks, whether she finds time to go to the gym or not, is really no longer any of your business. How utterly sickening that even after divorce, you still feel entitled to judge and criticize her....Kudos to the ex Mrs. Mel for finally realizing that all those fabulous trips to exotic locations weren't worth the price she was paying with her dignity and self respect.
Perfect...
 CinderellaScorpio
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 162
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 3/13/2009 9:06:54 PM
You are saying it is not about her Body Image..but yet your Thread Title screams total Shallowness??
Sometimes when we get in a relationship we let ourselves go, then we split and we work on ourselves, if it is getting our life in order, working out, eating right getting ourselves more attractive for the fierce datingworld.
Sounds like you are a tad bit jealous..ha ha ha!
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 163
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 4/5/2009 7:32:44 AM
I read the first page of this thread and then glanced down this page.... I find it amazing that most of the women are blaming the men for this phenomenon... how ridiculous.

An overweight woman isn't overwieght because of someone else. It's foolish to think so. If a woman allows herself to get big, she has allowed other issues to cloud her mind. Blaming men is an excuse and a cop out.

If she was heavy when they were first married, how does that explain her large size prior to marriage and prior to meeting him?

Are women responsible for anything they do? It seems not.... men are.
*sigh*
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 164
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 4/5/2009 1:02:12 PM

I was only slightly overweight as a child, and my parents telling me that I should lose weight made me feel grossly overweight and it bothered me, but not in a way that made me want to lose the weight, just made me resent the parents. Also my when my boyfriend suggested these things, it just made me eat more. When I didn't have this negative energy, I was able to lose weight on my own, and especially when I was in love with someone who didn't ever make me feel unattractive.

I hear you. I was in the Air Force for six years and was always borderline when it came to their weight requirements. When I was put on the "Weight Management Program," instead of being motivated to lose the weight, all the motivation was drained from me. I ended up gaining weight instead of losing, and by the time I finally left the military, I was a blimp. I went from being only a couple of pounds overweight to being seriously unhealthy.

It wasn't until years later when I hit 310 that I finally decided to lose the weight. This time, I was losing the weight not because someone else was telling me I was supposed to, but because *I* wanted to. I did it for me and for nobody else.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 165
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 4/6/2009 7:03:44 AM

what happen to whats on the inside that counts?

Let's face it, that's never been the case. There have been zillions of threads on this very subject, in fact.
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 166
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 4/7/2009 2:28:48 AM

Are women responsible for anything they do? It seems not.... men are.
*sigh*


Oh gawd, not another sweeping generalization about an entire gender!

There are lots of factors that affect weight, in men and women (although women's bodies are more suceptible to hormonal influences). The quality of our relationships definately comes into play, on many levels. That doesn't excuse anyone from a responsibility to look after their health, but it would be ridiculous to pretend these things have no effect.

However, I think you're missing the main point of the original post. OP is upset because he married a woman who was heavy, and was unhappy about finding himself married to a heavy woman.... I would really love to pose your own question back to you, and ask "aren't men responsible for anything they do?" however I have no interest in fanning the gender bashing flames that seem to be becoming so prevalant here lately. And I'm also not so small minded as to blame an entire gender for the idiocy of one individual.

Thank God there are still some rational intelligent men left on the planet, otherwise some of us would have given up hope long ago.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 167
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 4/7/2009 2:44:22 PM

And I'm also not so small minded as to blame an entire gender for the idiocy of one individual.

Thank God there are still some rational intelligent men left on the planet, otherwise some of us would have given up hope long ago


Don't take my comment too seriously. I was simply responding, sarcastically, to all those women who posted that it's the OP's fault she has gained weight.

Now that the woman the OP speaks of has lost weight, are we to assume the next guy is to blame for her gaining back the weight, if she does in fact gain weight?

My point is, it's easy to blame someone else, isn't it?
 pnayplayr
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 168
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 4/7/2009 5:41:29 PM
hahahaha! sorry, i lost a lot of weight when my bf left me the first time.

i wasn't huge...but i got a lot slimmer/sexier for sure. i guess the best of us comes out at our worst.
 pagegal
Joined: 4/2/2009
Msg: 169
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 4/8/2009 2:37:53 PM
I was married to this man for 11 years and that is all he talked about was how fat I was and that no one would want me. Well as that may or may not be true it don't matter now. Why cause I have got rid of him and I feel better about my self. I ate cause I was unhappy. I ant unhappy now still a bit over weight but the point is I feel good about my self cause I don't have no one nagging at me over what I am doing or how I look. Bottom line be happy cause apperantly she is!
 rocinante_
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 170
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 4/17/2009 3:16:12 AM

Next time you meet someone who is overweight...dont make the mistake of dictating to them about it. Embrace the person they are and let them decide if they want to lose the weight, if not...just leave them alone and get on with loving them for who they are!

Or, if you're disgusted by their weight and or looks, just leave them alone altogether! Don't marry them, 'constantly encourage' them to 'eat right and go to the gym' and complain about it if they manage to do so after the divorce.

sounds like 'constant encouragement' was not a factor in her eventual success
 Peachycream08131957
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 171
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 5/2/2009 6:15:55 PM
Nagging a person about their weight in effect does the opposite..it mysteriously gets them depressed...they know they are fat...they know they need to lose weight....you don't have to constantly remind them? Maybe initially she was happy but maybe she was kidding herself and you too...

I know that my weight gradually crept up for 20 yrs due to arthritis in the knees..then I got knee surgery, since Oct 2008, I have lost 55 lbs, with another 50 lbs to go...I was always thin when I was young...it was my mother who constantly nagged me about my weight..she has always been skinny, almost sickly looking but thats just her..she never knew what it's like to be heavy and she has always been obsessed with people who are fat...always insulting me and my father..For once in her life, I wished that she was fat and had a weight problem...but it hasn't happened yet and never will...she is too thin.

When a person has medical issues or is unhappy, they are stressed and gain weight..Some cultures or society is always around food...

Think back when you were dating your ex-wife....did you go out to dinner alot? Why didn't you have an activity date instead of eating? Did you reward her for something good she did and go out to dinner, or order food in....did you ever eat carryout from McDonalds...or other places? You know...it's always more effective to be on a weightloss program with a buddy...doing the Buddy system is much more fun especially when you get into the competitiveness of seeing who can lose more weight quicker? You obviously went about the situation in a not to good way..

Sounds to me like you are jealous that she is now finally happy...and maybe you are not happy? Happiness comes from within...no one person can make another person happy...I am losing weight for myself..not for anyone...

I wish your ex-wife well...unfortunately, you may have some issues that you have to deal with on your own..

Good luck!
 jenzfun
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 172
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 5/3/2009 9:36:43 AM
Whether you, or she for that matter, realized it at the time...she was miserable. I was married for 15 years and have always had weight issues, going up and down constantly depending on what horrible thing I was doing to my body at the time. When I finally separated, although it was horrible, I actually started feeling better. I'd been on several medications for various health problems; migraines, depression, and horrible acid reflux...and within a few months of being single I was off of everything. I'd started going to the gym and was getting personal training. I actually didn't even realize I was that miserable in my marriage to the point of effecting my health, and I think that somehow in a sick way, we get used to our own misery and don't realize the effects it has on us. In my opinion, that's what happened with your wife. I'm sorry, but you may have been the biggest catalyst in her weight gain by making her feel less than beautiful. Learn from this experience, and be a better man and partner by always letting your significant other know how special she is to you. Don't be bitter with your ex, be happy for her and try to move on...being a little wiser and more sensitive. If you really think about it, I doubt you were all that happy in the relationship either, its just that she took a different path than you did by bettering herself. Now, you should do the same.
 Nannao
Joined: 4/18/2009
Msg: 173
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 5/3/2009 2:10:37 PM
First I want to say I don't know you or your ex so I can only speak for myself as anyone can see I am over weight I started having weight issues when I was a teenager I was about 30 pounds over my ideal weight and everyone I knew made a huge point out of how FAT I was I did everything I could think of from diet and exercise to anorexia and never seemed to get anywhere everyone around me continued to try to "encourage" me to be skinner and lose the weight but nothing seemed to work eventually I gave up nothing I did was good enough and I would never be good enough so why try any more if it just meant I would continue to fail and more people telling me what was wrong with me everything about my life became about how FAT I was nothing I did that could be considered good was ever mentioned, everyone needs to hear about the good things too if the focus is on one aspect or another that needs to change for their health or any other reason any thing they do takes a back seat to them trying to change something to make the other happy until they give up realizing they will never be good enough.
 Nannao
Joined: 4/18/2009
Msg: 174
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/19/2009 2:32:22 AM

Dear Naneo dont rely on others to make you feel good and if people keep going on about your weight and that is all they are not worth bovering about because you are worth so much more than that and inner beauty is what matter the most and I am sure you have a lovely face and hair. look at your good points yourself and just concentrate on eating healthy and exercise and dont put not junk in that precious body of yours. You are special and wonderfully made the bible says so but you must take care because your health is very important and you dont want to become ill sll o concentrate on this and the benefits of losing weight and get information about food. knowledge is power. Tell yourself you can do it and ignore negative people,s opinions and give yourself praise in your daily life often for the good you do and being a great mother.

bournemouthman,
Thank you for your support I have come to realize much of what you said and have decided that if I was meant to be one of the skinny minis than I would be the powers that be made me who I am for a reason and I am worth more as myself than I could be by being someone else the point I was trying to make with my post was that no matter how well meaning the encouragement may have been it is often easy to see it as something else entirely.
 northerndreamer
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 175
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:35:22 AM
I understand your anger and disappointment. Because you felt so accepting and wondered why she didn't make the effort for you. Often when people divorce, they decide to rethink their entire outlook on life. This is about her, not about you. She did it for her because the time felt right. Don't take it personally- hard not to. But I've seen it before. women transforming themselves after divorce. It's pretty common.
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