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 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 62
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???Page 2 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

Like some other posters have said... a piece of paper does not a commitment make.


Really it does. It is telling the world you want to at least try and be with that person for the rest of your life. That you are willing to take a chance on them. Marriage is like having a child. It is the birth of a new family.

Just living together seems like you are afraid to take a chance on the person. That you aren't sure of what you are doing.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 70
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 8/6/2008 10:50:52 AM

Is it the reality of feeling they are giving something up? Is that independence more important than a loving, caring relationship with someone, in the same home?
I don't feel that my independence is MORE important.....I just don't feel that it should have to be LESS important either.

I'm 55, retired....and if I were married.....and wanted to go with my girlfriend to get our nails done and have lunch and maybe go shopping; first, I'd have to argue about how much I spent (even though it's well within my means...men would consider it an unnecessary expense), I'd be EXPECTED to be home at a certain time...God forbid there should not be a 7 course dinner waiting on the table at 5:15pm!

The list really just goes on and on and on....and this is not just things that "women" are expected to give up, but I believe that men could make the same arguments about golfing, or playing poker on Thursday night with the boys.

While I think that it's certainly possible for 2 people over the age of 50 to make the necessary compromises to have a "marriage" and a certain degree of "independence", I think that most don't approach the list of things they expect and don't expect with enough honesty to be believed.
 catman40
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 72
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 8/7/2008 5:04:21 AM
why get married . Who needs a paper to tell them to love . a dog wets on the papers . I know from co-workers who are married tell me " catman don't married " . one tells me at first the sex was greeat . "he " was the best lover . after they got married .sex went down hill . romance went . NOW , they are like freinds then , married couple . My co-worker told me " if I knew what would happen after getting married I would never have married him . it costs to get rid of him .
 Lucy Lucy loo
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 73
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 8/7/2008 6:26:22 AM
The opening line of your profile is jaded. When one is window shopping a lot of things seem good. Upon further inspection one might change ones mind. These ladies might want to be married just not to you. Welcome to the e dating. Some are good for a few dates, some dont get passed the phone call. Keep on fishing.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 75
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 8/7/2008 12:17:56 PM
"A number of women answered that they can not see themselves marrying again for a variety of different reasons.

I can understand that, and if you make that clear up front, I am sure there are a number of men who are perfectly fine with having a long term relationship that does not include living together or marriage."

Then shouldn't the question be "why am I picking women who are not being honest with me".

Is it possible that they are but you are just not hearing them?

I have to question you saying that you have had several women 50+ who have loved you. Could it be you mean liked a lot/lusted for you? Finding REAL love doesn't happen at all for many people, so the idea that it happens often for you???
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 76
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 8/7/2008 12:31:08 PM

Wow.. can't believe I forgot the whole Sam Elliot thing. Ladies.. believe it or not.. he's already married.. and.. she is the star of the original movie.. "The Stepford Wives". Sad.. but true.... ! She sure got lucky.. huh?

Yes, that would be Katharine Ross. They have been married for years.


Part of me likes the idea, and part of me wants to head for the hills. For me, I think it comes to "expectations" within a marriage. If being married means that I've got to work, cook, clean, do laundry, and "take care" of a man, than marriage isn't for me. If being married means that we both work our jobs, share the household chores, travel together, and sharing our lives together, perhaps its a possibility. There are a lot of people (men & women) who want to be "taken care of", yet give nothing in return.


I also value "me" time, and am not sure if some men can understand that. For the most part, as far as I'm concerned, it's finding someone with whom I can be on the same page with, in our lives. That just hasn't happened.
I have the same sentiments as this poster. Although I have had offers of marriage, at 48, I have yet to marry and it is highly likely that I will not. It could be because I watched members of my family make poor choices and have multiple divorces. One of my relatives has been unhappily married for 21 years. Her husband quit his job shortly after marrying her and started his own business and worked at his "leisure" while she was the main bread winner.

At this point in life, marriage isn't necessary, but it would be really nice to have a good companion for fun, travel and intimacy.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 78
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 8/7/2008 5:19:28 PM
i had a very good, happy marriage of 14 years before my wife's untimely passing. what i gather from many of these women who wish to be alone is that they came from bad marriages with controlling husbands, too much responsibility, etc. ad nauseum. i did not recognize any traits of me or my marriage in their descriptions. not that i was perfect and we never had any problems. but we did have real love for one another and commitment and we worked things out--not that it was very hard to do. we did not lose our own identities or give up much freedom--other than that we each willingly wanted to. no one had to ask permission to spend money, do things, etc. it was all very informal with much personal freedom--btw i had no desire to cheat--that is not me. so for those of you who wish to live alone the rest of your days, more power to you as that is your choice and i can understand some of your reasoning. that is not a path i would care to chose for myself.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 79
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 8/7/2008 8:35:04 PM
" i gather from many of these women who wish to be alone is that they came from bad marriages with controlling husbands, too much responsibility, etc. ad nauseum. "

There are probably somw women like that, just as there are some men like that.

However, myself and a number of women I know had good marriage until they were widowed. Now they are having a good singlehood that they don't want to give up.

After a good marriage, it is darn hard to date, let alone marry the average dysfunctional person in datingland.
 Westlin
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 84
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/21/2008 4:34:33 PM
OP, maybe it isn't so much that 50+ women want to stay single but that they want to have a relationship develop and deepen over time instead of jumping into a quick committment only to find the feelings change when the "new" wears off. I have had a real problem with men on here wanting really really quick committments (I'm talking anywhere from the second date--yes the second date!!!--to a few months). Maybe I'm weird, but 2 or 3 dates (nothing sexual yet either) does not a relationship make...so maybe it isn't so much that women want to stay single as they want to make sure the relationship is right before they consider a lifetime committment. Just my opinion :)
 lelathecat
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 85
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/22/2008 3:33:02 AM
Men are just too much work. You do a whole lot of work and get very little out of it.
I don't want to work a full time job and come home and do all the chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry, cleaning up his messes, and so on.

Plus Mr Romantic turns into a toad who sits in front of the tv watching reruns of 2 1/2 Men, drooling and barely says a word to you.

What would I possibly get out of marriage?
 cowhide
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 88
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/22/2008 5:26:54 AM
I am not sure, but the whole idea of being in love,is different from commitment! there may be those issues due to past experiences!!! keep the faith, someone women will love and commit at the same time!! let us not forget we as men have planted that seed. due to our lack of commitment, I am not saying all of us men, but for the most part lots of us guys, have done the exact same thing in the past. the road must be traveled both ways to understand!!
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 91
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/23/2008 7:05:12 AM
Most of the 50 + women I meet do not appear to be that all interested in having a man in their life, especially if he desires to be sexual with them. They pride themselves on their independence, ability to take care of everything themselves and so on. What would they possibly want or need a man for? Men are dispensible, vestigal remnants of an ancient past, no longer needed or wanted around or even enjoyed...at least that is the impression I get from their attitudes, behavior and verbal expressions.

On the other hand, those still hot ladies in their 30's and 40's are truly interested in men, being feminine, being treated like ladies, sex and relationships with men.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 93
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/23/2008 8:09:58 AM
Actually, I noticed that many of my female friends who are 50+ prefer to remain single because they do not want to have their life patterns disturbed. They are happily ensconced in their paid for homes, have a stable social circle of friends and activities, and while they like the odd "date", they just back off if the prospect of having to change things in any significant way crops up.

Lot of men are that way as well. People get set in their ways and can't be bothered to tear down what they have to risk building something new. Too much work, I suppose...
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 95
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/23/2008 8:53:35 AM
Ill have to wait a year to be 50 and answer this but at 49...heck no I dont want to stay single!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 96
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:03:56 PM
Actually, I noticed that many of my female friends who are 50+ prefer to remain single because they do not want to have their life patterns disturbed. They are happily ensconced in their paid for homes, have a stable social circle of friends and activities, and while they like the odd "date", they just back off if the prospect of having to change things in any significant way crops up.


Lot of men are that way as well. People get set in their ways and can't be bothered to tear down what they have to risk building something new. Too much work, I suppose...



..I think you've hit the nail on the head with that little statement. I know as time passes I am becoming more and comfortable with my life style....and the longer I remain single the harder it's going to be.

And yes your right, I don't always appreciate disruption in my life patterns....hell some days I don't even want to get out of my pajamas.

...maeflowers

...ditto zippy, nice to have you back
 SavannahSaucy
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 97
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:19:37 PM
I'm not 50+, but close enough. I think that my attitude towards settling into a long-term relationship is similar to a few other postings I've read here. I don't especially want to stay single, but ...

I'm very well-settled - own a home, have a great job that I love, kids are grown, and I enjoy my hobbies and social life. Things are going GREAT with me, after having been single-again for 10 years. I'm reluctant to invite negative drama into my life, and I know that I don't have to, simply for the sake of being in a relationship. I certainly don't want to give up any of the things I've worked so hard to achieve. I'm agreeable to changing some parts of my life - for example: location, hobbies, etc. - but, the changes would have to be for the better to entice me.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 98
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:30:38 PM
Oh .... ain’t this all just - peachy.

So now I see - if I EVER DO - run across a two way match ........

She will act all interested but - won’t be able to shut the damn door on - keeping her options open.

Great ...... just great.

--------

I am woman watch me roar ....... blah blah blah lol.
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 101
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/23/2008 6:08:02 PM
Yeah... whut is it??? Har! I havn't read all the posts, and I've seen a lot of good ideas here. But mostly I see a lot of what I have allready seen so much of in the Mature singles stuff. Way too many people projecting their previous experiences into and onto any current or potentially new experiences. Ok... heres my old cracked and broken record agin.... "it ain't Marriage thats the problem, its us"! We didn't know how to do it... and a whole lot of us still don't. And the fear of repeating our earlier experiences paralyzes us. Look... if Marraige itself were a bad thing, civilization wouldn't have come up with it and kept it in the mainstream for all of recorded history! If ya git drunk and drive yer car into a ditch..... it ain't the dern car's fault! Its yours (ours). the secret...( which is not really a secret) don't drink and drive. [Don't enter into Marriage before you have actually learned how to do it} I think a lot of you have apparantly come to that conclusion..... but, your'e just not really being honest about it. (blaming your ex's..... or marriage.... ect.) If we actually get pro-active about learning our own personal relationship skills, and learning how to recognize those without them..... everything will work.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 102
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/23/2008 8:25:12 PM
I am a product of a happy marriage. Marriage was so right for me during that period of my life. Today I want to stay single for multiple reasons. I have no idea what/who the future will bring, but I wouldn't be surprised if I will also be single in the future.
I just can't see the need to be part of a couple currently.
 erm1956
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 104
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/23/2008 9:52:25 PM

THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE

and had a hundred cats and was found dead two weeks after she died in her single home, buried in a common grave with only a death date because nobody knew what her birthdate was.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 106
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/24/2008 6:52:07 AM
It is a wise and blessed person who knows what they want.

What I find strange is why some folks are upset by people they don't even know wanting to stay single?
 erm1956
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 108
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/24/2008 9:02:08 AM

most men are going to want her for what they can get out of her

OH YES! No woman could ever marry a man for financial gain or security. It's totally impossible Oh and those poor men are completely incapable of taking care of themselves
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 112
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/24/2008 10:26:43 AM
Well, DF, I do think your view of things a tad negative. Indeed there are men, and women, who view the material benefits of a relationship as motivation, but I think that most main stream people who are financially stable and emotionally stable are not like that. A BIG worry in most western countries is the damage to financial stability that can result from a marriage, or up here in Canada, an even brief cohabitation. That is one huge worry if you are financial stable, but not particularly rich. It can easily drive you into poverty.

I think that the women who post here as looking for "long term" do themselves harm in their fishing because available men, while ultimately looking for a soul mate, partner, friend for life and sexual connection, expect that such a solid relationship would not develop over a coffee date, but rather over years, and that a lot of mutual flexibility would be involved in eventually merging their lives together. Any "hoops" would involve both doing the jumping to get to where I am describing.

Its basically true that "Two can live as cheaply as one", so a successful relationship will result in an improvement in the lifestyle of both people, something that I believe we all recognize from previous experiences. That has always got to be an appeal to both parties. In the end, however, its mutual satisfaction of emotional needs that is the strongest bonding factor, and that one takes ages of mutual experience and trust.

Lots of people get used to the single life, and are very resistant to making changes. As far as I can see, if you really want to have a relationship, it is only hours away, but if you want a relationship with conditions, the time it will take will grow very rapidly with the number of conditions you need satisfied.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 113
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/24/2008 10:29:17 AM
Goodness, CB, the more of your posts I read, the more I wonder just what kind of a situation you live in. Appears to be full of the worst of society all around....
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 114
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/24/2008 10:30:38 AM

I'm even willing to re-locate for a loving and nurturing relationship.


Ever considered Saskatoon?
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