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 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 117
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???Page 3 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
No doubt about it, desert, one is simpler and easier than two in a lot of important ways. Lost of my female friends feel just that way, and don't appear at all ready to reconsider that position.

I myself have spend significant chunks of life as a single person, and generally found there was more sex and a lot less problems with that situation. However, it does get old after a while, and its nice to know who you are spending Xmas with.
 kipohm1
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 119
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/24/2008 5:28:12 PM
I myself will stay single, would love a special man in my life though, I just found that when people say the success of marriage is to give and take, in my case I found that I did all the giving and had to take all the verbal abuse and everything else that was thrown at me - will never got through all that again. I'm sure that's not the give and take that is meant, but that is what I got.
 SavannahSaucy
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 121
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/24/2008 9:34:53 PM
To chocolatebrowne:

We must have dated the same men! I've been offered cleaning, cooking, and errand services while I work. It's just not an attractive arrangement to me. And, ummmmmmm, I *GUARANTEE* that I do all of the above better than any of the men who've offered.

I've been tempted to say, "Hey, I've got an idea. You work the long hours that I do, and I'll be the stay-at-home wifey. I've never had the opportunity to do that!"
 betterlate
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 122
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/24/2008 10:18:42 PM
So, you have recently asked three women to marry you? I feel that women over fifty are looking for a man that is fun to be around, great to go places with, great for physical intimacy, great in a crowd of friends, like a pool party or golf. If you are having a great relationship they probably just dont want to ruin it with marriage, marriage that was designed long ago with outdated roles. Men needed a woman to cook, wash clothes, shop, clean, and run the house and it took all day long. They had to have nice suits to wear to work to be successful, had to have good rest and nutrition to function well, and wanted the companionship and love to have a stable, positive home.

Women had very few rights, or options, they could not own land, or real estate, nor vote and the only real jobs were teacher, nurse, librarian or hooker (that may be a bit short, I am sure there were other jobs) They could not live with another single woman or their reputation would suffer, so they either got a job or got married.

Married, she would shop, cook, clean, laundry, have and raise the kids and got very little appreciation, never got a salary. Now it is confusing unless you want children and woman over fifty do not want children. What is going to happen? Will she be expected to cook and clean up after a husband? If both of you are used to living alone, taking care of yourselves and working, who is going to do the shopping, cooking cleaning and laundry? Most of the time it is a very good deal for the man because us women will just do it all. Couples need to discuss what sort of roles they are going to have, traditional, or modernnn, who is going to be responsible for this or that, what about coming and going? Will she have to ask if she can pop out to lunch or shopping with friends? He may have to call home and say he is going to stop for a beer with coworkers and decide all that. What about the bills, spending money on big objects, and beliefs in end of life preparations all have to be discussed.

Why get married ? If it is just for the peice of paper it seems crazy, some say that men over 60 that want to get married are looking for a nurse or a purse. They either want someone to take care of them physically like a mommy or a maid, or financially and neither of those are a good reason for a woman. I feel the companionship can all be worked out, and I am sure they did not mean to come across as dishonest, more like they really thought that is what they want, they just didnt think it all the way through..

that is just my opinion...

BL
 ukgirl424
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 123
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/27/2008 5:52:29 PM
I can't speak for anyone else.......................I have been single 9 years now and have no desire to get married again. Too often after the "I Do" the woman is expected to work full time, take care of the house, pick up after herself and anyone else in the house, cook, clean and what does she get in return?....................nothing................it's expected of her. Well, I have done that for far too many years and there is no way that I'm going down that road again. I enjoy my freedom to do what I want to do without consulting with anyone else. I own my own home, have a good career and great friends. It is usually the woman who is expected to completely change her lifestyle to fit the man........................I don't think so. In addition, if 50% of all marriages end in divorce.........................the % is even higher for 2nd marriages!

It might help if you guys stopped acting as if you were going thru your 2nd childhood...............it's a big turn off to talk with a guy who is 45-50 and talks as though he was 20!!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 124
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:41:36 PM
"I don't think that they wish to remain single. Understand that by this age,many men and women have already experienced a marriage that has failed..."

I am a widow from a happy marriage, but I am not interested in remarrying at this point in my life. I have long since given up the idea that I would meet anyone I would want to be involved with. Failed people generally at our age have had enough. I don't need to be invovled with that situation thank you.
 himmicane┬ž
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 128
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/28/2008 9:50:45 AM

if I married again there goes my kids inheritance


That's why you'd get a will drawn up protecting them. While there's tons of good reasons to stay single, inheritance is a pretty weak one.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 131
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/28/2008 1:40:59 PM
...Did I mention not having to worry about giving up closet space, sharing dresser drawers and having the whole damn bed to myself?


....maeflowers
 m kaemicha
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 135
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:33:57 PM
I never really ever wanted to get married which seemed to make men want to propose to me. Maybe the fact that I wasn't interested - made them interested? I did try marriage about 7 years ago, for about 3 years...and it was the most confusing time of my life.
I love men as friends, and as partners, but not as husbands. I am and will be monogamous in a relationship, but don't push me to marry you. Not going to happen.
 ladychefbooboo
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 143
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 10/6/2008 6:25:20 PM
Dear Notwow,

I recently came out of a relationship with a man who turned me on, basically had a great heart for helping others (mostly his friends). He wanted forever but he had one hangup, poker machines. When i met him my bills were all up to date but he was going through some hard times. I helped him out. Soon after we moved in together.I ended up getting rid of most of my furniture, because his fit better into the apartment. 3 years later after trying to find a solution to the gambling thing and $7000 in debt, I moved out. He was a good person, handsome and lovable, but he had habits I just couldnt live with.

Some women go through such things. They know that they want someone to enter old age with but as scared to fall into the same situation. At our age most women that are single have gone through some very eye opening experiences.

Luckily, I know what I want. I havent found him yet but I wont procrastinate. I want it all companionship, sex, forever, financial security.

Obviously something is bothering these women. Maybe something about you makes them unsure you are the one they want. There are also those, who say they want one thing in order to get what they want, but are using the other person for some selfish reason. I say to them, be honest, dont waste my time, we wont live forever so get over it.

I hope this helps...and i send you my best wishes to find what your really want!

Sincerely,
Kathleen
 tallyover
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 144
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:04:29 AM
In a heart beat if I met the person for happily ever after. I had a great marriage, and will be willing to give my all when the opportunity comes to try it again. At this age pre-nups should take care of any financial concerns, but making the commitment of giving my heart will be easy once the right one comes along. No concerns about having babies, supporting each other through school or raising kids...all we need is a plan to make our dreams come true. Lots of love too!
 whitebirch
Joined: 7/21/2004
Msg: 145
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 10/7/2008 7:24:34 AM
oh man.. i just had to agree with this, even tho it's from months ago..

"Sometimes I like the IDEA of something better than the REALITY of it."

isn't that the truth?!
 erm1956
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 147
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 10/11/2008 11:33:19 PM
forget about marriage, what's up with the 50+ women who complain they never get to go on a date in their profiles, but won't respond to emails. Just read and delete. You would think that people on a dating site would actually want to date.
 littlesmiley
Joined: 8/26/2008
Msg: 148
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 10/12/2008 4:47:26 AM

I think it was Audrey Hepburn who said "Men! You can't live with them, you can't live without them so keep them close, right next door, and visit often!"


If it was, just one more reason to love Ms Hepburn

OP it is as it is, accept it.

Maybe you should be asking yourself why you have wanted to marry three different ladies in a short space of time?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 150
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:35:29 AM
I am amused by men and women who want only a new partner who has no life and is willing to fit into their lives and take on the part of there life that is missing.
 angelwinz
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 153
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 10/19/2008 5:25:33 PM
Lilqazoo, you said it girl!
 kornbluth
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 154
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 10/20/2008 3:29:48 AM

if one were to move and not the other, it would be the "other person's space" and the arriving party would not have had a say in putting it together and "owning" their part of the deal.

Serenity has that right. And the first time there's a dispute, it will be "arriving party" who goes to the dog house. And then back on the road, if there's not a settlement.


many don't have the communication skills and the stamina to sort through the forseen grueling details...

Communication skills! Isn't that something! Twelve years of compulsory education and socialization, and this has been going on for how long? And now this?
 midsummersnightdream
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 156
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 10/21/2008 5:28:21 PM
As I see it , society has changed so much in the past fifty years.
Whereas roles were clearly defined and family orientated, now many woman have had the wonderful opportunity to raise children and maintain a career.
I am fifty now, and have a daughter still at home. No man extended anything in the way of support. Not all men are this way, I know many just the opposite.However, this is my case.
So, whenever I have more free time to devote to a relationship, why should I marry to simply give away half of all I worked so hard for...my house, my retirment, so and on.
Perhaps my(furture) husband will divorce me in eleven years after marriage, and in this state, that means half of everything... after all this time on my own...after buying and painting my house, building my porch, mowing my own lawn and all that.........why give anything away?
 tallyover
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 160
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 10/23/2008 4:04:56 AM
Definitely agree with silverswan. [I'd rather be alone than with just anyone.]I am very selective in who I date. I will be much more selective when dating becomes more. It's when it gets to the actual relationship part that I would want to give/receive whole heart commitment with/ without a marriage certificate. Don't you think it's harder to trust again than it is to love again? Not easy the second time around.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 163
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 10/27/2008 1:19:24 PM
"not realizing that they pass up some really good people "

If we passed them up, there was a darn good reason. People should consider that most people know their own mind. If people think it isn't going to work why should they be accused of passing up good people.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 165
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 10/28/2008 4:29:49 PM
I am looking for a man who understands the meaning of the word interdependence, and who loves the fact that we have our life together, and both have some interests that we probably do not share. When he and I find each other, then we both might decide not to be single anymore.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 179
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 11/10/2008 11:07:52 AM
Friend of mine was widowed a few years after I was. She meet no one to date for 8 years, then finally she thought she had meet a keeper. They have been together for 6 years now. Each year more abuse has come into the relationship. Right now she is under police protection and trying to find a way out of this mess.

This is an extreme example. However, it is rare at our age to find someone we want to be with where there are no issues. Sad but true.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 180
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What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 11/10/2008 11:47:14 AM
Not all of us want to remain single. Some of us want to fall in love.
 tallyover
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 181
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 11/10/2008 6:32:13 PM
Over 50 can also be a very liberating time in life. Education is complete. The career is established. The kids are out of the nest and gainfully employed. Finally there's time to go reach for dreams. The partner I'm looking for now needs to be at that point too. It's not marriage I seek, but if it finds me and it's right well then................anything can happen.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 182
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 11/11/2008 2:58:32 AM
You hit the nail on the head. Finding someone who is at the same point in life seems to be extremely difficult. I have met a lot of men who have younger children from a second marriage, and/or they adopted the second wife's children from a previous relationship where the father was not financially supportive, and many of these children who are now grown still seemed to be mooching off the men or they have drug and alcohol addictions so the ongoing drama is amazing. I have yet to understand why so many men seem to thrive on so much drama in their lives. Lots of these men have not planned for their future as far as finances are concerned, so basically they would complicate my life instead of complimenting it.
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