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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 2
Do I stick this out?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
In my opinion, pretty good. He's been married three times. Perhaps he just feels insecure. For some reason, people would rather fail than try to succeed. In any case, if that's what you want, go for it. The worst that could happen is that you'd be wrong.
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 5
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Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/2/2008 3:28:28 PM
Honestly, my biggest question... is what the hell is wrong with him that he married 3 unstable women?
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 8
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Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/4/2008 3:46:05 PM
Any person that has married and divorced three times should step back and think about never marrying again.

This is such a red flag for me and what I look for. People can make mistakes, over and over, but sooner or later, they must look at themselves and how they are a part in all of this.

Why not just live together and enjoy each other until one or both of you decide that maybe having children would be nice, then talk about the marriage thing, but not until then?

You are young enough to go through much maturing to even be close to where he is with his life experiences, so why not let that happen then decide years down the road? Unless there are children involved and their birth and upbringing, I see little reason to get married at all, especially if you are a three time loser enjoying another young enough to be your daughter.

Most that I have dated over the years, have matured and gown much more after 30, and you have 10 years to get there to even know what you truly want and where that will be accomplished.

I am all for you dating and enjoying each other if it works for you, and living together if it helps you financially while you get your education and mature some, but I am not in favor or you taking on a man who is now divorced three times, and more than twice your age.

You have many many years to decide your biological clock timing, and many years to educate yourself, become financially responsible, and mature enough to understand all that you are considering. Enjoy the ride, but do it with open eyes about the reality of being with any person that has lost the marriage game three times.

Just my opinion.......
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 10
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Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/4/2008 4:25:09 PM
From your posts, I am guessing that his oldest son is likely older than you (or at least your age). Has he made any comments on your relationship with his father? He could very well be saying "Dad, you're kidding, right? She could be my YOUNGER sister!" Considering how3 hard he appears to have fought for custody of his children, he may take their opinions seriously enough to keep your relationship exactly where it is.

I won't pick on you about the age difference. I have a colleague my age who told me she has always preferred dating men 20+ years older, so to each their own on that subject. But as w3as mentioned earlier, despite what you two have in common, the aging process will take its toll on him to a point where it will put you in place to make important decisions. Fifteen years from now, you should still be a vibrant energetic gal in her mid 30s, just about to hit her peak, and he will be in his early 60s when, ;et's face ot, thing start to go wrong in our bodies. You can say right now you're willing to take care of him in that situation, but you don't know if other things that will happen over that time will change your mind or make the decision far more difficult than it is now.

Watch out for sign that he may be in his "mid-life crisis" and you're just the hot young gal that gets him through the period. As others mentioned, he is probably VERY wary of women, no matter what their age. His emotions may be thinking "well, she's young - she's not going to be as stubborn or set in her ways as a woman my age." But if his head and his heart start to have "THAT fight", you'll be the one sent on her way.

If you really can talk to him about anything, sit down and tell him exactly what you're saying here. Better to know now than let it linger for a while as you *hope* he comes around.
 raxarsr
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 14
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Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/4/2008 11:00:18 PM
you know what?...........have a long.serious talk with all 3 of his children....they know him best....and proubly know you pretty well.........get their opinions.......your 28.......your old enough to know your mind.....follow your gut instincts..........i wish you well
 pokerjimmy
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 16
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Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/5/2008 8:51:16 AM
This is a tough one and here's what you need to consider. Why is he interested in you?

This may tick you off because women hate the truth sometimes, but if you came here for BS skip my posts. Most men his age would kill to be banging someone your age...pure and simple. You may not see the difference in maturity levels, but trust me he does. I dated someone briefly 18 years younger and was sort of amazed at the drama still present at that age and moved on.

He doesn't have committment issues because he's committed three times. I'm assuming he has all the "benefits" of marriage with you right now, why again does he want to combine his personal assets with yours?
 BIGLOUMARINI
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 17
Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:18:51 AM
Sounds like he has trust issues. At first he's had his guard up with you over a period of time you've gained his trust. Sounds like he's been pretty open and honest with you
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 18
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Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:21:21 AM
I'm glad I didn't post earlier, until you'd posted your history. It sounds as though you've had it tough, and so has he. To be honest, from what I see, love is in very short supply these days, so if you find it, grab it.

I believe that you are not as close to him as you could be. It sounds as though he almost certainly feels stronger for you than you do for him. But he is still hurting over the past, and that makes him doubt if he is not fooling himself. So you may simply be a lot more optimistic than he is being, because he has had 29 years of bad relationships, while you only had 2. Cut him some slack. I feel sure that once he accepts that you are not like his exes, and that he has made a good choice with you, then he will be a lot more loving and keen to tell you just how much you mean to him.

Given what you've been through, and him, I'd say that you both need to step back when it comes to marriage. You've both had marriages which were very, very iffy, which suggests to me that you both could do with therapy and lots of TLC before you step up to that commitment.

If you are OK with dating, then you could do that.
If you are OK with living together, then you could do that.
If you feel the need to marry, then please understand that you both need time to work out your past. So any marriage now needs to be seen as just a piece of paper.

Anyway, I gather that to both of you, the commitment to the relationship is what is important, and not a marriage licence. Your vows are not what you say in church. They are the things that you never say, but silently promise in your heart to keep them for yourself.

Even if your relationship comes to an end, its success or failure is not based on whether it ends in death. You decide what makes a relationship a success. Personally, I believe if I knew it would end, and I would still go for it anyway, then it is a success.

Whatever you choose, find love, because it is very, very precious, and a lot less people have it than don't have it.
 The Artful Codger
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 20
Huh, what?
Posted: 8/5/2008 3:50:50 PM

Finally, as a 42-year old, I have to tell you that normal people in their mid-forties--yes, including men--think of people your age as children.
Not exactly children, but definitely waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too young.
Hell, I feel kinda naughty looking at women in their thirties. And someone 27 years older than me right now . . . would be 73!
Bless their heart. No offence intended . . . but LMAO!
I can't imagine being in a romantic relationship with anyone that far away in either direction.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 21
Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/5/2008 5:26:33 PM

Finally, as a 42-year old, I have to tell you that normal people in their mid-forties--yes, including men--think of people your age as children.


Not hardly.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 23
Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/6/2008 9:50:19 AM
Op, the man is a caregiver...he picks on women he can caretake. Look up co-dependency...he came into your life after the situation with your ex-husband.

As long as you are emotionally unhealthy he will feel secure in the relationship when you are no longer there ...he will feel insecure ...becareful
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 24
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Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/6/2008 11:17:57 AM

Um, has anyone actually read what I have posted about concerning his marrriges? Let me try this one last time,

HE DOES NOT EVEN SUGGEST IT WAS ALL HIS EX'S FAULT(S). HE HAS OPENLY SAID IT WAS A HEALTHY COMBINATION OF THE TWO OF THEM AND THEY JUST COULDN'T MAKE IT RIGHT.


I read all your posts thoroughly... and it sounds like you're supporting his excuses.

A cheating spouse should be shown the door immediately. If they cheat once, they are capable of doing it again. And to remarry with **another** cheater and not recognize the signs? That tells me this guy behaves like a lost puppy with women - they can do no wrong in his eyes until it's damaging.


As far as our relationship goes, nothing has been decided for sure, but his daughter is throwing a fit, all of a sudden, with no warning. As soon as her dad grounded her for something she did that was against the rules, now she has a problem with me and him being together, and he and I agreed from the begininng that if it ever became a problem with his kids and us then I would leave....


And if he asks you to depart over this, he's the loser others have claimed he is. This is manipulation on the daughter's part, and once again, an excuse on his part. If he doesn't have sufficient parental control over his children to avoid this situation, then that just reinforces the lost puppy mentality - this time with his daughter.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 27
Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/6/2008 5:23:35 PM
I agree with the above guy.

He's married the same type three times and knows it would be a fourth with you.
Not that you're nutzo or a bad sort.
Just he's realized it wouldn't work and has told you so.
He's atleast grown enuff to see the pattern and is honest with you.

You obviously fit into it, cus he's told you that yet you still hang around and want him.
So yeah, you are atleast a little bit nutz.

See your 4th spot in the pattern now?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 28
Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/7/2008 1:10:54 AM

Um, has anyone actually read what I have posted about concerning his marrriges? Let me try this one last time,


You aren't likely to get past the preconceptions, so I doubt anyone will ever get to the question. Good luck. If it works for you, go for it.
 pokerjimmy
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 31
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Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/7/2008 8:35:56 AM
Thanks spoken for and don't forget us older men can bribe young girls with gifts and trips young men can't afford.

Ever consider the fact Hugh Hefner pays young women weekly to be with him as "girlfriends" but instead of being arrested as a John, we respect him because he's rich and famous. There's no lack of evidence to make the case. Several of his past "girlfriends" have documented how much he's paid them and what was expected to earn their money.

Okay...I digressed a bit. Where's my coffee
 STH III
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 38
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Do I stick this out?
Posted: 8/10/2008 6:09:48 PM
I have had the same problems with my choices in women as you guy. I have been married 3 times and 2 were cheaters and not sure but think the last one was too. I am trying to change the type of woman I seek. 27 years is a lot of difference in age and he probably thinks a lot about this and how old he would be when you are in your thirties.
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