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 Ronery1234
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 12
Dating a deaf person...Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I'm going to agree with the people that say its mostly because it creates hardships. People often look for a easy relationship where they dont have to work too hard, I think it is harder for a deaf man to find a women then it is a deaf women to find a man. Men are kind of burdoned with having to do "most of the work" to get a relationship off the ground. That's not to say always, just more often then the other. Women may see it as a sense of having to "babysit" you because of your disability, while this is ignorance, and I have taken a course in asl and my instructor explained that to us. I know few people here can fully understand your delema, because most of us can hear.

But I personally am half deaf. From birth I've been unable to hear out of my left ear, and I commonly need to ask someone to repeat what they said if they didnt first get my attention before saying it. Also when I'm walking with anyone, friends or a date, I have to be on the left side in case they say something to me, and every girl I've dated never had a problem with that. When getting to know a girl I told them about that from the start, because if I didnt catch what they said its because I'm a little hearing impared and not ignoring them. But they have never had a problem with it.

I'm not sure what direct advise I can give, other then it is probably going to be a difficult obstacle, but when you find that right person it's going to be a strong bond because you know they are not ignorant, stubborn, lazy, or selfish and you'll find yourself a keeper.
 1630 mike
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 8/6/2008 5:17:28 AM
Being deaf has no bearing on going out with another person. My sister is deaf, has 2 kids, a good job and is more successful than most who will read this post!!!!!! Pete Townsend can barely hear, and he is more successful than basically any person that will ever live!!!!!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 8/6/2008 5:35:57 AM
I have known several hearing women that have chosen to date deaf men, hot women, so it does happen even if you haven't seen it. OP I haven't read all of the posts but from your repost on page 2 you don't get it. People are afraid of things they don't know so regardless of what you can show about your independence and how much you have achieved, there will be people that will assume that dating you will be "harder" than dating a hearing man and walk the other way; that's okay because these women are the ones you don't want to date anyway.

It's like the folks that see just the wheel chair instead of what someone sitting in one has done with his life. There's a lady at church in her 60s, she has been married twice, gave birth to three children and has umpteen grandchildren, has had three careers and currently her first husband is back. Hell, her social calendar runs circles around me because she is always on the go or having people over to her home. She has done more in her life than many people with functioning legs and those that know her don't really even see the chair but strangers do.

Maybe consider tweaking your profile a bit, use what Puma mentions, say something like you can always choose the music and even practice your tuba at 3:00 a.m. around me because I cannot hear. Another side benefit to dating me is that I can teach you to swear in American Sign Language.

Perhaps if you are lighthearted about it, although I agree the honesty on the profile is a must, you will appeal to an open-minded woman with a good sense of humor and go from there.

The one thing that you may not recognize that could be happening here that is not shallow are women who worry that there are things that would be different with a deaf man. Something like music appreciation. I know that you can participate in music by feeling vibrations, etc. but unless you have watched Mr. Holland's Opus, most hearing people don't get how much you can enjoy something like that. A woman who has always enjoyed music with a man might truly be recalcitrant about dating a deaf man for that reason and other similar reasons that I cannot think of atm because I just woke up.

If I were a young woman I would also be worried about whether your deafness is genetic and potentially passed down to children. Most people do not realize that the majority of people born deaf will produce hearing children. One of my favorite t.v. actresses was on 20/20 a couple of years ago. I don't remember if her son was born deaf or if something happened, but she has an absoltuely gorgeous voice and her husband noted that it broke his heart that his son would never hear his mother singing to him. These things are real to people and they are not shallow.

Bottom line as Puma noted, being deaf complicates what is already for many a truly sucky process of meeting people and weeding through them to find someone with whom you are compatible but it may be other things than the deafness. Try a profile review to see if you can tweak yours a bit and just keep moving forward. There are women that have no problems dating a deaf man so you just haven't stumbled upon the right gal yet.
 geeleebee
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 17
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 8/7/2008 9:18:29 AM
Here are the OP's original questions:

"...Why is it so hard for a hearing woman to want to date a deaf guy regardless if the deaf guy can speak well or just only knows sign language. Most hearing women tend to walk the other way thinking "down the road" a deaf guy won't be able to support her or a support a future family.....maybe I would like to meet a hearing girl who is physically and mentally on my level-fits my type...."blah blah blah"..."

It isn't any more difficult to date a deaf guy (I'm using the lower-case 'd', because you were raised oral, didn't learn to sign until college, and because you used it), than it is to date any other guy. Where are you meeting women? Bars aren't really the best place for long-term relationships. People tend to want to hook up quickly, and it seems that you're looking for more than a one-night hook up. Branch out, join a hiking/biking/swimming club, check out local Sign Language classes (yep, you can sign, but as a S.L. instructor for MANY years, I assure you that there are a plethora of young women who attend these classes).

As for the dialogue in regard to Sign Language:

American Sign Language is an actual language--like Spanish, French, German, English. There are other sign systems--PSE and SEE, for example, but they are not languages. Those who are fluent signers do not say that they 'speak' ASL.

I am a Sign Language interpreter and a Sign Language instructor.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 8/7/2008 9:43:44 AM
In two pages of what was to a significant extent, drivel, the best response and advice given was from piano.

By telling you his friend's story he did a much better job of getting at what some of us alluded to, is that if you see yourself as disabled which you arguably do and understandably, do, you will cause other people to have greater problems looking past it and seeing YOU.

I spoke of a friend too, she wasn't "wheelchair-bound" until she was in college when the crutches et al were just too much to screw with on a daily basis because back then, places were not wheelchair accessible but they were also not apparently crutch accessible either. The thing is, that while you can't help noticing her chair, you could not know her for very long and ever think of her as helpless. She went on ski trips in college for God's sake, just hung around the chalet chatting with folks, drinking a few, and waiting for the skiers to return so they could party the rest of the evening.

She lived alone for years and then cared for, with some nursing help, her aging mother until that woman finally passed a few years ago. But we had a conversation one day that was really enlightening. I already knew that her mother had been instrumental in getting funding for the polio vaccine but she mentioned that her mother never allowed any of her siblings to wait on her, essentially to MAKE her more helpless than her physical condition did. Considering that she is in her mid-sixties, it is truly a miracle that she has led such a full life, one that would not have been possible if her mother had allowed her to view herself as disabled.

She has scoliosis, she is in pain every day. The legs don't work but she still feels probably more pain than any of us perfectly ambulatory folks do. She doesn't complain and she doesn't allow the wheelchair to limit her movements or the goals she has attained over her life. And she makes me feel like a loser, lol. If her x-husband was not back on the scene, there is no doubt in my mind that she would be dating up a storm.

Be the kind of man people want to be around and you will attract women because they won't notice the deafness.
 geeleebee
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 19
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 8/7/2008 11:27:12 AM
If you read what I posted, then you know the first thing I did was to respond to the OP.

Here are your comments, in part:

"...I disagree with this, obviously as I have stated before. I did
not know that in order to be fluent in ASL that one must adhere to
a specific "lingo" ? Not buying it..I do believe it's silly to state
this, especially if someone is not claiming to be an interpreter
as well as someone who is not paid to do this, some of us are fluent
with ASL to communicate with loved ones, therefore, whether someone
says "speak", "sign" or "whatever" holds no precedent here. Whether
it's a mistake or not, I admit to making it but it does not make
me less fluent than anyone else, I have absolutely no problems
communicating with the deaf community..."

In regard to 'lingo'. ASL is a language, it is not 'lingo'. I have been an interpreter since 1983, and I taught Sign Language (ASL I, II, III) at the college level for nine years. I have never heard another interpreter say that they 'speak' ASL--one actually cannot speak ASL, as it doesn't transfer equally into English--one 'interprets' ASL, and one signs ASL, but one does not 'speak' ASL.

No one questioned your fluency.
 jammers63074
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 20
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 8/7/2008 9:24:08 PM
PCM, I would have to say that there someone exactly who fits the bill for you. For example, I am a sign language interpreter. I work and spend my free time with deaf people. I sign more than I speak. Even though I am hearing, I find that I don't often relate to 'my own kind'. I enjoy deaf humor, storytelling, and passion. I would actually prefer a deaf man on my level to a hearing man. So see, if I exist with this mind-set, then someone else out there must too. Good luck.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 8/8/2008 6:55:28 PM
First thing I tell my deaf date is that I`m the boss
(by first making a fist with my pinky finger sticking out and laying it in the middle of my chest, then move to putting all five of my right hand fingers on my shoulder like its a bug there)

Then I smile so shes knows its cool.
And we`re off in the sunset.

I learned ASL when I was training a young deaf person to work on complicated machines.
He was a good kid, and his mom was HOT but her husband was in prison, so we had to be sneaky.......I mean, she was off limits.

I still know some of it but I`m quite rusty its been a while since I`ve used it.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 23
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 9/10/2008 10:08:41 PM

If a hearing woman gets a boyfriend who can't hear her speak, it would be if she had a car without a steering wheel. Those mercifully immune organs of hearing of yours render you indomitable in a relationship with a hearing woman. Hearing men will go after deaf women because men go after woman anyway and look, she's cute, I think I'll go after her. Women don't typically go after men, right? So that explains most of it. But in your case add to it that the woman would be unable to talk at you to regulate her emotions. She would have to learn sign language and you could always get away with pretending she signed wrong. A hearing man gets this a lot: "You heard me, Mister!". All you have to do is shrug and look puzzled and she is powerless. Lucky **stard.


This was perhaps, the most ignorant post I have seen in a long time! Please OP, if you do nothing else...IGNORE THIS POST. I dunno if it was an ill attempt at humor...but it sucked. Lucky baztard, hunh? YOU try being deaf in a hearing world, that is, even in this day and age, chock full of technology, is reliant upon communication! Pfft!

OP...honestly? Most probably have NO CLUE that you have a hearing loss, unless you tell them. Hearing aids are barely visible these days...especially if you do not wear a short hair cut. If you are not prelingual, they probably think at most, you have a little "accent!" LOL Is it possible that women are speaking to you, and you are not hearing/responding to such? Because that may freak them out a little! ;O)

I am deaf...with a Cochlear Implant. (I really AM bionic!) Prior to my implant, I had a much more difficult time with socializing, but it still never presented a problem with dating. Most were surprised that I was HOH (Hard of Hearing) and then Deaf...and the only problems to arise, were on the phone. Even then, we worked around it! TTY conversations, Relay Services, CapTel, and of course, the wonderful computer abilities of IMing and texting! Even now, with a CI, most people are surprised to learn such...and it actually is a PLUS because my habit of lipreading has always won me kudos with people..."Wow...she REALLY listens to me!" I think one of the things my past relationships have all said is that I am "a great listener!"

One of the best pieces of advice I can offer is, do not define yourself by your deafness/hearing loss. Be a warm, caring, sensitive, (insert your choice adjectives here) man who has a hearing loss....NOT a hearing impaired man who is (insert adjectives). On first dates, keep it somewhere that is easy to communicate...no loud music or heavily populated bars. Take a notepad along if you must! Explain to the person what works best...not raising their voice or over enunciating a word...rephrasing something misunderstood, as needed. Steering clear of reflections of lights and mirrors! :)

Allow them to see that even deaf persons enjoy music, dancing, and those things that they would assume a deaf person does not.

I too, look at a hearing loss as no different than someone with vision loss, who wears glasses. It is not like we CHOOSE to be such.

In all honesty, I think persons with disabilities are BETTER DATES! :O) We over compensate for our loss in other ways...and usually in very positive ways! ;)
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 24
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 9/11/2008 6:56:18 AM
^^ Being partial to Harley's...I can empathize! ;O)

But one of the best things about having a Cochlear Implant, is hearing those loud pipes...actually hearing the wind hit my hair and bugs hitting my teeth! ;) LOL
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 10/17/2008 2:10:21 AM
I don't mind dating a deaf man and marrying him as long as we have a good communication and our ideals are the same . I have to learn sign language and sharpen my awareness so I can be a good partner to him.
 LLandGirl
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 26
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:10:13 AM
Unlike one of the OP here I would not recommend taking the fact you are deaf out of your profile. You are who you are.
I am presently emailing and IMing with a deaf man from plenty of fish and hope that I have the good fortune to meet him someday.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 27
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:53:22 AM
I think a lot of whether or not you keep it in your profile, depends on how you view yourself.

Do you allow your hearing loss/Deafness to define who you are? Are you Jane Doe with a hearing loss/deafness...or are you hearing impaired/deaf Jane Doe? Does that make sense?

For me personally...as I stated earlier, no one notices anything different about me...and when they DO find out such...it is usually a fluke...I had to change a battery, we got a little cozy and they felt or saw my implant, or some other little tidbit that brought it about.

I do not think of it any differently than if I were to discover someone wore reading glasses or glasses to drive. Big deal! :)

And if I ever felt the need to add it to MY profile, it would be in a humorous manner, such as listed as an interest..."Taking out my Cochlear Implant so that you just THINK I am listening" or more as an "interesting tidbit about me" like "I am an expert lip reader and I am a bionic woman!" LOL
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 28
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 11/24/2008 7:32:02 AM
LOL...nice try with those concerns, but believe me...there is ALL SORTS of technology and devices to help with things as such.

Before my implant, I had things like alarm clocks that vibrate and flash a lamp...strobe alerts that could be set up to different alerts such as doorbell/knock, baby crying, phone ringing, etc.

I also had a hearing ear dog who alerts me to same. Smart cookie...she has since retired from such, knowing I can hear now! LOL

In other words...raising kids is a challenge to ALL...no more or less for someone deaf. If anything, it probably makes is a little better of parents, for lack of better descriptive...because whereas a hearing parent feels comfortable with being able to hear their children, we use our eyes more. :)
 deadears
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 30
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 5/1/2010 3:37:13 AM
You are absolutely correct about the deaf voice and hearing voice, was married to a hearing 35 years and she passed. Yes it very hard to find one that really see who you really are, those that turn you down is like those seeing greener grass on the other side of fence not knowing what there.

Jerry
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 32
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 5/4/2010 11:43:34 AM
Dude, the answer to this is simple and it has nothing to do with you being deaf. In case you haven't figured it out yet, the most important thing a woman wants in a relationship is communication. This is the reason women do not move mountains to get to deaf men. For them, communication is needed in a clear, concise way to feel they are actually in a relationship.

As far as deaf women getting hearing guys goes, clue, the guy are NOT interested in communication, eh?
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 33
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 2/24/2015 9:53:18 AM

Lip-reading would get annoying.


Annoying?
It's just as annoying for us to keep telling people to face us.
" Don't talk with their mouth full. Shave that hairy moustache". etc etc etc.



If you want a relationship with a deaf person, you should be interested enough in them to learn how to speak with them...their way!


Duh..... of course interest has to be part of the equation here.

Their way??? It sounds like a hindrance.
Like I said, it's hard for us as well. We have to put up with a lot from hearing people.
Why else do you think the deaf culture is so strong and clique-ish.. it's so they don't have to put up with any bs. Life is easier within their own deaf world. Some, note I said SOME (not all), have become complete snobs towards hearing people to the point of reverse discrimination. Because I can communicate well enough in person with the hearing, I have been a victim of this. Yet I've been discriminated by the hearing for my disability. I just can't win lol

That said, when deaf person makes the effort to be with a hearing person and vice versa, it says a lot about how much that person cares for and wants the other.
But this can be applied to anyone. It doesn't have to be a disability as a barrier.
There are lots of barriers that couples have to work through in order to create and maintain a relationship.
It's all part of life and part of living with so many different people.



OP: " I know that all the cute and pretty and drop dead hearing girls "
^^
If this is all who the OP is aiming for...... there lies the answer why he is single.



People in general are are uncomfortable by anything with which they aren't familiar,
^^^
Abelian msg #15 called it



geeleebee msg #42 is a good response! Straight to the point with a sidenote about ASL.



msg #47 "Feel free. In case it wasn't obvious, I'm a nationally certified interpreter with a huge deaf family."

Lol... I was wondering when I was going to see someone exert their know it all attitude. It always happens when the topic involves ASL. :)


msg #74 " I think it might have something to do with having kids. Raising kids is hard and sometimes you need to hear them..hear what they are getting into, because you can't always have your eyes on them. "

If hearing people think this.. they will be surprise to find that I, and many others like myself, have raised children (I did all by myself) with next to zero problems. I personally have never had any broken bones, a fire, cops or firemen called to my home. My boys are well adjusted kids that dont swear, smoke, do drugs, blah blah blah. We aren't stupid. We can still raise kids!
Teh following msg #75 confirms it with the saying that raising children is a challenge for all people. :)


I'm amazed I haven't seen this thread sooner considering I've been here forever. Meh
OP's profile is still up. I wonder if he found anyone????
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 34
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 2/24/2015 4:21:24 PM
pcm73- Some people just don't know how to deal with anyone who is different from them, and that's too bad.
I have been hearing impaired most of my life.
I started having repeat ear infections as a baby, I had tubes in and out 6 different times, the ear drum in my right ear wound up with a hole in it from my ear drum bursting so many times. I had skin graft surgery to fix it when I was 11.
I am not deaf, but my hearing issues do affect me.
I can not understand anyone if two people talk at once, social settings where there are a lot of people talking at once are very difficult for me.
I've been yelled at, talked down to, etc.
Since I can't help it, I just have to take a breath and consider it their problem.
I would be willing to learn sign language for someone deaf and I think there are other women who would too.
Don't give up, the right one is out there :)
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 2/27/2015 10:44:56 PM
I think you are overgeneralizing. There are hearing women who would date a deaf man. You just have not come across any I suppose. Some women will be immediately turned off by your deafness and some won't. Being deaf probably makes your search harder, but not impossible.

As for it never going the other way.....my sibs and I are all hearing impaired. One of my brothers met a wonderful woman through a dating site. She is not hearing impaired. She went with him to sign language class. They got married last year. My other brother has been married to his wife for over 20 years. She is not hearing impaired.

You have no way of knowing that women are walking away because they don't think a deaf guy will be able to support them down the road.

I look at it this way: I am profoundly hearing impaired and I am open about it. If it's a problem for someone, then its HIS problem, not mine. If he doesnt want to get to know me because of it...that's fine. Some are not interested because of my weight. Others maybe because of my looks or whatever. If someone has a reason he isnt interested in getting to know me, that's fine. Why wouldnt it be fine? We each have our deal breakers. Let it go and move on....NEXT!
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 36
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 2/28/2015 1:47:45 PM
A deaf person would be a good match for someone who has a horribly obnoxious voice, for example Fran Drescher.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 37
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 2/28/2015 1:57:59 PM

A deaf person would be a good match for someone who has a horribly obnoxious voice, for example Fran Drescher.


You know, lot of people can and do lose their hearing as they age.
How old are you Ainen???
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 38
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History
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 3/1/2015 1:55:27 AM
Volunteered when I was a Girl Guide to work with the hearing impaired and blind people. Got a badge out of it, too! I even continued into my young adulthood as it was not only rewarding but I learned to read Braille and ASL....
I remember more of the ASL than the Braille, but have lost a LOT of it as I haven't had any practice in a very long time...

Are there going to be people who won't give you a chance because of your situation? DEFINITELY!!
But in my case, if I met a man who I really clicked with, and sometimes you can even tell just through messaging and email, I know that I would brush up on my ASL and go for it!!

For pretty much every 'problem' faced by the hearing impaired, there is a solution....
As for people who think that 'deaf=stupid', there's just not much point in trying to enlighten them ime...That's THEIR 'handicap'.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 39
view profile
History
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 3/1/2015 9:08:47 AM
The language of love is universal whether you can hear or not. Communication can come in many forms and I would gladly learn more forms if I were dating somebody who is deaf/hearing impaired.
 AlphaUniqueMan
Joined: 4/17/2007
Msg: 40
view profile
History
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 1/23/2016 8:36:17 PM
Hello mate,

How is your hunting going?

I am the same boast as you unable to find descent ladies and am still hunting. I have severe hearing loss but I must be looking at their faces and lip-reading all the time to communicate well. I cannot use sign language because mostly I hang out with hard of hearing friends. I am successfully in finance where I own several properties and enjoy around the world trips every year. I have tried everything in every possible way to hunt for a descent healthy women.

I have done all the following:

Attending to Sydney deaf club ( Ratio 7 men to 1 women)

20 x Speed dating night - No potential match (Selected all ladies for survey to see if any accept me as deaf) Most of these ladies were divorce with children and STILL not accepting the way I am.

I have tried every dating websites in Australia - No luck on finding one. I heard the ratio 3 men to 1 female on all sites.

I work in the hospital for 13 years and no luck on getting one where mostly are taken etc boyfriend, married, pregnant, different cultures, different education level.

Attended many clubs in the city ( Ratio 3 men to 1 women) most of time and some cases may find 7 men to single women.

According to ASB site, there are 380,000 single mothers and fathers (Mostly mothers with the children) and at the same time these single fathers hunting to rob another single women from us men.

I am giving up hunting here. I am planning move to Europe where they are so many fish to hunt there for example in Gerrmany, there are so many beautiful women in my way everyday during my 6 weeks stay.

Also I was in Ukraine for 6 weeks. I can get at least 4 date per week mostly with beautiful women.

In New York, you can easily find a decent deaf ladies there. I was there for a week.

In Sweden, women outnumber men by 3 to 1. There are many beautiful ladies to choose from.

Being DEAF and single in Australia is a worst place to be. I think it is time to leave Australia and go elsewhere

Regards,
Jakob
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 41
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 1/23/2016 8:37:36 PM
The above sounds like one of those letters you find in your spam folder.
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