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 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 66
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarismPage 3 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

If you look at the people that the bipolar people chose for their romantic partners, invariably these people are weakened in a variety of different ways. Often they are very gentle people. Often they are the kind of people who avoid arguments. Often they are people who have reduced self-esteem.

The only people who can function with the bipolar person is a very strong willed, confident person. However, the bipolar person in denial will push this person away because they can't manipulate them in the way they need to.

I repeat, avoid the bipolar person unless they are fully medicated, aware of their illness, and actively wanting to educate you about their problem. Even then, only chose to be in a relationship with this person if you are a very strong character.


This theory can be applied to almost any situation in life....think of bullying in a school yard...

Confident children don't get picked on....the bully knows better. The reason he's bullying, is to hide his own insecurities. So he picks on kids that will make HIM feel more secure.

The BEST solution is to become more confident, therefore making yourself unappealing to "bullies".
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 67
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/2/2008 2:15:37 PM

I'm in agreement with those who believe that some disorders overlap, because that best explains my sister's symptoms. Otherwise, I would have to believe that she is simply a manipulative, miserable, mean, mouthy, Bitc. who wants to believe that she is as mentally normal as any one else, and so blames everyone else for her issues. She records all of her phone conversations so that she can obsess over them for days, and then take them out of context to suit her own interpretation. Her family can do nothing right! She believes that we are all conferring and plotting against her. She has alienated her husband and daughter from the rest of the family, and now that her daughter is setting her own limits for Mom's inappropriate behavior, my sister has now disassociated herself from her daughter. The only thing that keeps her relatively calm is to enable her in her delusions that everyone else is always wrong. She does not accept accountability for horrendously inappropriate behavior and speech, and often claims no memory of the incident as it is described to her, but insists on her own version and blames us.


I don't know what your sister's symptoms of Bi-Polar are, but this passage definitely reads more like BPD than Bi-Polar. Bi-Polar is incredible highs, and horrible lows....BPD is vindictive, and manipulative, etc.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 68
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/2/2008 3:15:16 PM

I don't know what your sister's symptoms of Bi-Polar are, but this passage definitely reads more like BPD than Bi-Polar. Bi-Polar is incredible highs, and horrible lows....BPD is vindictive, and manipulative, etc.


Thank you. Thats' why I jumped on the overlapping symptoms possibility. She is very definitely bipolar as well by your definition and has been diagnosed as such. I have always wondered however, what symptoms are a result of her drug and alcohol abuse in her younger years.
 water angel 22
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 69
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/2/2008 3:19:45 PM
WOW! Kudos to you, finally someone on this forum that has the RIGHT answer. Good job and I can see you have done your homework. Folks , unless you have a genuine understanding of the complexities of this disorder........some things are best left to the professionals. I, having some experience in this field, know that several of these poor humans are racked with internal torment, committ suicide and feel fortunate to have what we call a NORMAL day. We all have some kind of disorder now do we not? I am with you , bitoHoney ,Angel: yay:
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 70
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/2/2008 3:44:59 PM
she will research all of her drugs and others and then dictate her own prescription to the doctor and it seems that this doctor lets her. She bases her opinions on the possible side effects, such as weight gain, etc.

For any condition that has more than one treatment strategy, for any condition that could be a MISdiagnosis, some research and even a 2nd opinion are VERY appropriate,as is keeping a record of family medical history,especially allergic reactions to medications( the ARMY nearly killed my Dad...with PENICILLIN!!)

As for bipolar disorder, depressive disorders, etc...they can exist at levels from mild and manageable with minimal medical intervention, to certifiably psychotic. Just like many other illnesses. Some people have arthritis so bad they can hardly move...others may be able to lead a normal or even athletic life. You cannot assume that everyone diagnosed with arthritis is "crippled",simply because they have arthritis.

Whether we like it or not, there will be people in our lives who do not handle life's issues the same way you or I would. That does not mean they are mentally disordered. A trustworthy diagnosis of a mood disorder or mental illness does not necessarily mean that bad behavior is a part of the illness. As I mentioned in a previous post "bipolar disorder" is a diagnosis that could be applied to just about anyone who is not continuously catatonic, or permanently manic. Some people just plain and simple are not very easy to get along with,regardless of their state of mental health and stability.

As for the OP's future stepmother or whatever she is, that lady MAY be bipolar or she may just have found that(thus far) being a controlling b*tch on wheels is the best way to manage her life. I will admit that I do not like the "isolation" tactic, coming between a parent and their child is pretty much wrong,unless one of the 2 is endangering the other.
Cindy O
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 71
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/2/2008 6:21:51 PM

You're absolutely right. I no longer appeal to the BP or BPD, and they no longer appeal to me. I never appealed to the classic bully.

Quazi is pulling a typical BP/BPD technique. She's passing on the blame rather than taking the responsibility for her own bad behavior. And this is easy for her to do because these people specifically target vulnerable people.

Now, I am warning those of you who haven't experienced this before. Avoid these people!! Alienate them! Force them to deal with their problem! Don't enable them with kindness! They will exploit your kindness, and then mercilessly punish you if you resist. Make youself as strong as you possibly can.


What I'm actually trying to do beelieve, is to encourage the readers of this thread to "bully proof" themselves.

Rather than finding yourself in an unwanted relationship with a BP or BPD, build up your armour, so that they don't even approach you.

You are taking what I'm saying personally, it is not directed at you, it is directed at everyone who reads this thread.

I have been on the receiving end of BPD, and Bi-polar disorders and narcissism if we want to get specific....by my parents. I COULDN'T leave. I know the pain you have felt, TRUST ME...for 42 years to be exact. So, your offence is not a good defense with me.

If I'm specifically targeting "vulnerable" people, I'm targeting myself as well.

I have taken responsibility for the things that I have done, and apologized to the people I did damage to. Will it undo the damage, no, but by trying to help others avoid being damaged, I am doing what I can to give back. You are taking what I'm saying personally, and out of context.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 72
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:56:50 AM

Thank you. Thats' why I jumped on the overlapping symptoms possibility. She is very definitely bipolar as well by your definition and has been diagnosed as such. I have always wondered however, what symptoms are a result of her drug and alcohol abuse in her younger years.


To be very simplistic, alcohol, and drugs would cause "brain damage".

BPD, and Bi-Polar again simplisticly, are triggered by "thoughts". Recording phone calls, and obsessing over them for days is a "thought process" which I don't think would be brought on by alcohol, or drug abuse.

If you go back in your sister's life, might the alcohol, and drug abuse have been brought on by her mental illness? That's usually how it happens.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 73
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/6/2008 8:06:43 AM

OMG! I was in a LTR with a bipolar (manic depressive) and it tore our relationship apart. Didn't know what it was then and she wasn't diagnosed but all the symptoms were there. These people have wild mood swings on an instants notice. My ex would be happy and bubbly one moment and 15 minutes later, would be raging mad and the confusing thing is she didn't know what she was mad about. Like this lady, she would throw things and would eventually stomp out and go for a ride until the anger subsided. When she returned, she would be crying and apologetic.

This syndrome is not usually apparent in young people as in teenagers and 20 somethings but grows in intensity with age. In my experience, it did not show for the first year of the relationship and after that, maybe once every 5 or 6 weeks. After about 6 years, she would have these swings as many as 5 or 6 times a day. It was like being on an emotional roller coaster.


Was your girlfriend actually diagnosed as Bi-polar? If so, the diagnosis is wrong....

Bi-polar swings do not happen five or six times a day....what you are describing, is Borderline Personality Disorder.

For a Bi-polar to be in an intense rage, so bad that they throw things, they would have to be in an acute manic phase, and believe me, going for a ride wouldn't cure it.

This is for general knowledge....Bi-polar with rapid cycling....meaning frequent "swings" ...happens at the very most, unofficially twice a day (this is not even recognized by the Psychiatric community yet) this information is based on the observation of one little boy.

If you're seeing five or six "swings" a day, you are likely looking at Borderline Personality Disorder.
 MilfMoney
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 74
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/6/2008 11:00:22 AM
Bipolar disorder is hard to deal with but this woman almost certainly has a serious personality disorders. There are bipolar people who although they might get hard to deal with dont try and hurt others. Stepmonster, illness or not, just seems like a toxic person. The fact that she never apologized speaks volumes.
Schizoaffective disorder-bipolar type may be something you want to look up and also borderline personality disorder.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 75
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/7/2008 10:26:32 AM

I'm not going to wade thru all the posts....
Speaking directly to the OP, what were the circumstances surrounding this diagnosis? Was this diagnosed by a psychiatrist who is acting in the lady's interest?


Cindy O - Your refusal to "wade thru all the posts" indicates a great deal of disrespect for other poster's opinions and emphasizes only your desire to say your piece in spite of your lack of information. I suggest you show a lot more respect. In my opionion, if you haven't read the thread, your opinion is irrevelant.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 76
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/8/2008 8:32:56 AM

If you look at the people that the bipolar people chose for their romantic partners, invariably these people are weakened in a variety of different ways. Often they are very gentle people. Often they are the kind of people who avoid arguments. Often they are people who have reduced self-esteem.

To the OP....Does this sound like your father? It certainly sounds like my sister's husband!


There is very little anyone can do to help a bipolar person, except that person themself. Because it is a mental illness, demanding accountability won't really do much, except stress your relationship with them.

Then what are our options in dealing with the bipolar individual because my sister is alienating the entire family?


That being said, I think setting boundaries and holding the bi-polar person accountable are two of the best things you can do to keep YOURSELF sane. Otherwise, it is easy to get sucked into the drama and manipulation.

Unfortunately, by keeping ourselves sane, we alienate the person we love. How then, can we be of any help at all? Do we just hope that they will eventually realize that it is their disease that distorts their perception of reality and us?


The BEST solution is to become more confident, therefore making yourself unappealing to "bullies".

And again...we alienate ourselves from the bipolar person who is left alone. How do we help them?


Being in a relationship with one who suffers from either/or both disorders is extremely traumatic. Be sympathetic towards the ill if you want, but God help you if you aren't prepared and are therefore unable to protect yourself.

Well said!


As I mentioned in a previous post "bipolar disorder" is a diagnosis that could be applied to just about anyone who is not continuously catatonic, or permanently manic.

I think you need to do some research. Its' not that "plain and simple".


I have taken responsibility for the things that I have done, and apologized to the people I did damage to. Will it undo the damage, no, but by trying to help others avoid being damaged, I am doing what I can to give back. You are taking what I'm saying personally, and out of context.

I've understood your intentions Quazi. Thank you for your input. I wish my sister would develop this understanding of what she is doing to her family.


Not everybody with bipolar has BPD.

Are we sure of that? Wouldn't the highs and lows of most bipolar behavior be considered a personality disorder?


OMG! I was in a LTR with a bipolar (manic depressive) and it tore our relationship apart. Didn't know what it was then and she wasn't diagnosed but all the symptoms were there.

I have to agree with the others. What you describe sounds nothing like my sister who has been diagnosed, nor does it sound like other descriptions posted.


My ex-wife tried to choke my mother to death right in front of myself, HER mother, and our son, before seeking help.
But was she diagnosed as bipolar?


What does reading an entire thread have to do with giving the OP your own opinion? I personally didn't need to read all those pages to say what I just said.

Your comment does not tell us of your experience with the bipolar question, and is therefore also irrevelant IMO. For all we know, your exwife simply had one heck of a temper!


If you go back in your sister's life, might the alcohol, and drug abuse have been brought on by her mental illness?

As a 14 year old teenaged runaway with severe relationship issues with her father? She may definitely have had some personality issues that were not recognized then but she functioned normally otherwise. She is not capable of a normal life now.

At this point, my sister has discontinued all communication with the family, except our brother who she has designated the mediator. Apparently, the rest of us cause her too much stress, and she blames us for that and continues to obsess over our wrongdoings against her both now and in the past. She refuses to accept accountability for any of it, and in fact remembers only her own distorted versions. It is inevitable that my brother will at some point say something to cause his alienation too. Her poor husband will then be left alone with her, and he has no outlet for relief because he is very aware that to talk about these issues with other family members would result in terrifying consequences and his alienation too. She has discontinued therapy, and from what she has said, I am assuming that she was unable to manipulate them. In order to get along with my sister, it is necessary that you simply listen to her babble non stop, and never disagree. It is literally a nightmare!

HELP!!!!!
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 77
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/8/2008 5:48:07 PM

At this point, my sister has discontinued all communication with the family, except our brother who she has designated the mediator. Apparently, the rest of us cause her too much stress, and she blames us for that and continues to obsess over our wrongdoings against her both now and in the past. She refuses to accept accountability for any of it, and in fact remembers only her own distorted versions. It is inevitable that my brother will at some point say something to cause his alienation too. Her poor husband will then be left alone with her, and he has no outlet for relief because he is very aware that to talk about these issues with other family members would result in terrifying consequences and his alienation too. She has discontinued therapy, and from what she has said, I am assuming that she was unable to manipulate them. In order to get along with my sister, it is necessary that you simply listen to her babble non stop, and never disagree. It is literally a nightmare!


Oh boy....
Just for reference....Dad was Bi-polar, and a Narcissist
Mom was Borderline

I am Bi-polar and Borderline
My sister is a Narcissist

About 6 years ago, my sister announced to me that she didn't want to have any contact with me. My life was too full of drama, and I "overreact" too much. (Being a Narcissist, she lacks empathy, and does not approve of emotional "displays" of any sort). Sad thing was, that we had been best friends for about 20 years, and I did not see this coming at all....no warning whatsoever. Apparently she had been angry at me for 3 years, and everyone knew....except me.

We even went to a few therapy sessions to see if we could work anything out....no go...she hated my guts, and that was it.

What could I do....nothing....I had to accept her decision. This is what she had chosen, and I had no say in it.

My sister, and others, taking that stance was one of the main ingredients to what led me to work so hard to get better. I didn't think my behaviour was that bad, my Mom used to do stuff like I did all the time......refer to parental reference.....but all of a sudden I was alone, and it was because of my behaviour.

This led me to believe that if I didn't change a few things, that I was going to be alone....and I was....for about 2 years.

People are coming back into my life now, and they are amazed at how much I've changed.

But if they had hung around, and tolerated the behaviour, who knows what would have happened?

I have actually spoken to my sister a couple of times in the past months....we have a cousin who has cancer, and we've been discussing that. But other than that....nothing.

All I'm saying is that if things remain status quo, what motivation does your sister have to change anything?
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 79
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/9/2008 5:03:32 PM
From the OP:

i honestly do not know what to do. i think the only thing i can do is step back
its his decision to let a woman come between him and his only daughter and ruin his life


After much reading and thought, I think that you are right here OP. I am following your example with an extra couple of steps.

Today I mailed a letter to my bipolar sister, telling her how I feel and attempting to help her to understand that the illness is the enemy and that her family wants to help. I have attempted to convince her of the need for her committment to professional help and have suggested that the family would love to be involved in her recovery. I have offered financial assistance towards her recovery, and suggested that this would be forthcoming from other family members. I told her that the family hates to see her so unhappy, but that recovery would require more effort and accountability from her and that she needs to come to terms with her illness and stop using it as an excuse for poor behavior and negativity. I called her by phone and suggested that she arrange a visit with a professional in the case that my letter upsets her. I forwarded copies of this letter to the members of our immediate family, including her daughter, and they have all been very supportive. I told her I did this because we all need to talk to someone to help us understand and help her and that we were not conferring against her. I made the letter as positive as possible reinforcing my belief in her and my belief that she can fight this illness and that we want to help her. My letter also urges her husband to let us help and that we know how alone and helpless he must feel. He is not permitted to talk to any of us about her or her illness. She considers that betrayal. She left a message for me stating she would not read the letter.

I have also suggested to the immediate family that we consider a form of intervention with a professional. Several of us are investigating that avenue. We know that we may be excommunicated from her life, but she is getting worse. The medication is not stabilizing her mood swings, and her depression is severe. I don't know what else to do.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 80
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/9/2008 5:35:03 PM

I have also suggested to the immediate family that we consider a form of intervention with a professional. Several of us are investigating that avenue. We know that we may be excommunicated from her life, but she is getting worse. The medication is not stabilizing her mood swings, and her depression is severe. I don't know what else to do.


I hope your sister gets the message, and decides to participate in your efforts to help her.

While you are pursuing the options for your sister, if you haven't considered this, you might want to.... by all appearances, you, and your family seem to be very caring people. This situation is obviously causing undue stress to all involved. Have you, and your family members contemplated getting help, for yourselves, to deal with the situation?
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 81
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/9/2008 5:37:16 PM

Being bi-polar does not make one exempt from personal accountability and facing consequences for actions.


Absolutely!!!

How do we make the bipolar person understand this and yet not alienate them?
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 83
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:18:28 AM

This situation is obviously causing undue stress to all involved. Have you, and your family members contemplated getting help, for yourselves, to deal with the situation?


My brother who has been appointed 'the mediator' for my sister called last night to tell us that our sister attempted suicide a few days ago. She had not yet received the letter but knew it was coming. She asked her daughter to read it to her over the phone but her daughter claimed she had not yet received it. My sister apparently realized that she needed more professional help and requested an increase from the two group sessions she attends. She was told that she would not be welcome more than twice per week as her negativity was bad for the group. I think that this 'rejection' was the catalyst for her suicide attempt, in addition to what seems like the abandonment of family members who began setting limits for her behavior. BTW, I don't believe that the attempt on her life was meant to succeed, and was indeed planned so that it wouldn't. It may indeed have been a cry for help but I think that it was motivated by her desire to manipulate the family through guilt, and its' working. We just don't know what to do!

I think that professional help for the family is a very good recommendation. Thank you.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 84
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/14/2008 2:29:49 PM

I think that professional help for the family is a very good recommendation.


I'm glad you think so. If you do take this course of action, you will learn coping strategies, and if you can cope better, you will be able to deal with your sister better. If the whole family is on the same page, you will relate to each other better, and be able to create "unanimous" strategies for dealing with your sister.

My opinion is that your sister is BPD as well as bi-polar....our emotions are "normalx100" which equals frequent overreaction.

Having said that, what have you ACTUALLY done to your sister to make you feel guilty? Anything? It sounds to me as though you have been trying to help her, not hurt her.....and that any guilt you feel, is because you've "been told that you SHOULD feel it"......yes?

Feeling guilt is actually a choice....if you're told you SHOULD feel guilty, you can buy into it, or not. Obviously, if you've done something to feel guilty about, by all means you should feel guilty. On the other hand, if you haven't actually done anything, and you're being told to feel guilty, that's another thing all together.

I'm sorry that your family is going through this difficult time, but it might be the beginning of a turn around for your sister.....I hope so.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 85
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/14/2008 6:53:14 PM
Guilty? Because we don't know what to do and because we are constantly accused that her problems are our fault.

But...I too, am hoping that this is the beginning of a turn around. She is finally asking for help, even though her signals was off the wall.
 Say Ani
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 86
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/24/2008 3:46:45 PM
Hey there Ambitious Libra
I work in the mental health field as well as having family members who have been diagnosed with Bi-polar.
Sounds to me like your Dad's girlfriend has some other issues going on as well as the bi-polar. But this is not your problem to figure out.
As for the relationship with your Dad, that is a problem in your life. For whatever reason he is deciding to "stand by" this woman at a dear cost to you.
The most you can do is to develop boundaries about what you will tolerate in either of those relationships. I strongly encourage you to contact your local Canadian Mental Health Agency, they can provide you with information and support on how not to get wrapped up in their "problems". I wish you strength and perseverance in your life.
And jut for you folk who like to perpetuate the stigma for suffers of mental health issues, not all people inflicted with a mental health diagnosis are abusive. Their history and upbringing has an enormous impact on their behvaior.
A point to ponder....no one asks to be "sick" with either a mental health issue or a disease.......we do not stigmatize people with cancer, diabetes etc even though they can be abusive etc. Perhaps it is the person's character/personality and not their diagnosis.
Support not Stigma!!!
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 87
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/24/2008 6:23:18 PM

Denial. Denial. Denial. This isn't the same as cancer. Cancer isn't contageous. The consequences of your damaging, abusive behavior is contageous. Unfortunately, mental disorders MUST be treated with GREAT care. This is NOT cancer. Your illness can cause ME severe damage. It might be more appropriate to compare this with having unprotected sex with one suffering from HIV. The consequences of your behavior can permanently damage and injure the people around you.


beelieve....

I am bi-polar II. When I think of some of the things I did before I went on Lithium, I shake my head and say "man, was I messed up"....in all areas of life...relationships, financially...everywhere.

I wouldn't do them now....so do you think that maybe I didn't realize that what I was doing was "ill advised"? That when I messed up a relationship, that I didn't do it intentionally, that maybe my thinking was off the wall?

I did actually mess up a relationship that I've been kicking myself in the butt for, for over two years. I have apologized numerous times, and try to make amends for what I did. Because of how much I've changed, I think this man knows that it wasn't really "me" that did the messing up....that is not an excuse. If I had my way, we would still be together today.

Unfortunately, you seem to be of the mind that a bi-polar should protect YOUR interests....I couldn't even protect my own, let alone yours. It's up to you to protect yourself, my friend....and that includes your HIV scenario as well. As a woman, I wouldn't count on a man to keep me from getting pregnant, I make sure I don't get pregnant.
 motoringv8
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 88
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/24/2008 8:23:05 PM

this is what i know about bipolar disorder. They are delusional. They always think people are after them.

Obviously you don't know much. You are describing Schizophrenia, not Bipolarism.
 Anseladamsbluz
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 89
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/24/2008 8:46:44 PM
From my own experience - you will want to be there for your dad when he needs you and he will, even though he may not come out and tell you.

Those with bi-polar disease are all different - some are very abusive - some are totally reclusive and don't become violent at all. Many have paranoia and accuse people of things they did not do. Even though the medication is available - some chose not to take it when they feel better not realizing that it is the meds that have made them better. Some have to be on medication for several years to find the right combination to help them out the best. Some never find the right mediation for them and will always have outbursts and mood swings. Some learn to hide their symptoms from others and only have signs of it when they are stressed out over other issues.

Be thankful she has been diagnosed!! Be happy they are attempting to put her on medication!! And be there for your dad and even her when things don't go right. You might find out the person she is on the inside is so different from the one she has been that you can actually come to like her.

I know this because I was engaged and married a man with bi-polar disease. His daughters knew he had the problem and did not let me know and he hid it well with only one outburst before we got married. I had been with him for almost 8 months when he propsed. He lost his job just two days before the wedding and he could not find another during the short time we were married and did not try to either. He was paranoid and felt my daughter was trying to hurt him because she asked him not to hurt me. Sometimes people with the disease have selective hearing and if you write anything to them they only read what they want to.....it is very hard to get a person who does not see a doctor regularly or does not trust anyone - to admit they have a problem - his own daughters just thought he had mental problems that were not controllable and still they have not been able to get him to see a doctor about his condition. He constantly blamed others for what he did and if he knew he had done something that would not make someone happy then he hid it. He could not finish a project because the stress would make him fidget till he had to move on to something else. He is a good man but he will not admit he has a problem and while we were married he had many episodes where he blew up at me over asking him simple things like what he would like for dinner. He disappeared for 4 days and did not contact me and I knew if I did not give him an ultimatum of getting some help or leave he would continually do this over and over. The stress of worrying what he was going to do next was causing my health to go downhill so I asked him to leave. He did and I have not seen nor heard from him in any way for almost 9 months. His daughters have cut off all contact with me too. They had been told they would have to take care of their dad the rest of their lives - they hid his condition from me because as far as they were concerned - I was their way out of being their dads nursemaid and because I backed away - they were upset with me enough to not want to talk to me again.

There are so many people in this world who have mental problems and need the help but refuse it so I am happy your dad's fiance has at least made that step. It will still be a rocky road but at least you have the chance to see her get the help she needs - be there for them both!!
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 90
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:10:12 AM
I have reached the conclusion that the friends and family of the bi-polar sufferer must set their own boundaries for their behavior in order to protect their own health. Hopefully the person with bi-polar stop denial and will eventually realize that they are accountable and responsible for their behavior.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 91
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/29/2008 6:00:36 PM

I have reached the conclusion that the friends and family of the bi-polar sufferer must set their own boundaries for their behavior in order to protect their own health. Hopefully the person with bi-polar stop denial and will eventually realize that they are accountable and responsible for their behavior.


Shirley

I'm sure this was a very painful conclusion to come to. It is, though, the healthy conclusion to come to.

I hope that your sister realizes that the road she's taking will cause nothing but grief, for everyone involved.

I wish you the best...
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 92
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 9/30/2008 4:25:34 AM
Thanks so much and likewise.
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