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 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 93
she has been diagnosed with bipolarismPage 4 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Oh my! There certainly is a lot of fear and misinformation about this condition, which has unfortunately also become a very POPULAR(mis) diagnosis in Workmens Comp/personal injury/disability insurance cases, and often just an updated way for a dr to tell a patient "IAIYH"( It's All In Your HEAD). There are several forms of it. Some, I'm sure, are more difficult to live with than others. But as far as it being an automatic guarantee of unstable , abusive,violent behavior, that's just pure uneducated fear and prejudice speaking. I've known people who've suffered strokes, or dementia disorders who've become combative/abusive. People with chronic physical illnesses can become depressed,cranky,unreasonable. People with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue immune disorder, rheumatoid arthritis, MS can suffer a "good days/bad days" pattern,that could be called easily called "mood swings".
You cannot take one experience with a person suffering from bipolar disorder and apply that to every person who has that diagnosis. There are some people posting to this thread who seem to be way more effed up in the head than your average bipolar patient who is on a treatment/management program.
Cindy O
 SarahTM
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 94
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 10/20/2008 12:24:47 PM
I think the post by happy lil vegemite (8/10/2008) was VERY WELL WRITTEN with all the correct information and anybody having any doubts about anything in the future, just go back and re-read this particular post - over and over.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 95
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 10/22/2008 11:32:34 PM
OP there is good help for all of you...but she needs to want to get it...your father seems to be co-dependant and unfortunately you are just a victim of life.

My ex husband was bipolar and it is a term that is throw out by lots of people as a cover-all for any mental issues. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain, unfortunately that imbalance causes the person to have such a high state of mania that what mere normal people live with to them is like slow motion and in black and white. They crave the mania for they feel superior to everyone in that state and most will not stay on medication cause it makes them so uncreative. My ex is in jail for his actions cause he basically thought being bi-polar would be a get out of jail free card. Contact your local churches, mental health services about a group of classes called "THE JOURNEY TO HOPE"..I went, it took about 7 weeks and it shows you things you can do to help a person with mental illness...you can ask your father to go with you.

Dont be to hard on her or your father, she didnt ask for it and he didnt find out she had it until after she was diagnosed...says alot for him that he is willing to stay with her, he needs your support more than your anger. However you have to also encourage him to set firm boundaries and make her be accountable for her actions, otherwise she will use up every bit of good in him.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 96
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 10/23/2008 8:45:14 AM

They crave the mania for they feel superior to everyone in that state and most will not stay on medication cause it makes them so uncreative.


I am Bi-polar II and also BPD.

While I was incredibly creative while manic..I would by art supplies or re-paint my apartment before I paid the rent, I got very aggressive while manic. Tiny things would send me off the deep end. Some of this would have been attributable to BPD for sure.

I've been on Lithium for about 5 years, I guess, and I'm still creative....not as creative, and the rent gets paid.

I do not miss the hypersexuality....very uncomfortable.
 pearlj
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 97
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 10/27/2008 9:43:51 PM
Idk guys, I dated someone a long time ago for quite awhile with bipolar disorder, he was medicated, but was so run of the mill normal I wouldn't even have been able to tell had he not told me lol. Great guy, we just didn't "click". Dont prejudge, just let your intuition be your guide,
 pearlj
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 98
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 10/27/2008 9:47:09 PM

Unfortunately, mental disorders MUST be treated with GREAT care. This is NOT cancer. Your illness can cause ME severe damage.


WOW!~Thats like saying that all black ppl suck cause ONE did you wrong. This person (the one you are responding to) didnt do anything to you, so why dont you back the fvck up!!?! If you care to educate yourself, feel free, but until you do so, dont advertise your ignorance.
 jrett
Joined: 7/21/2008
Msg: 100
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 10/28/2008 8:03:53 AM
If you force the issue, you may drive him right out of your life. He obviously loves this woman. Right or wrong, it is his life.
 jackster121
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 101
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 10/28/2008 9:18:44 AM
First off you said,"but i know from experience of dating someone that was bipolar that the medication does not make change them it reduces their mood swings and their outbursts but they are still the same person " that is not true.
Bi-polar by itself is a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is easily treatable and can be managed well through medications.
I am bi-polar and very stable.
The fact is most bi-polar people feel "well" when they are on their meds and then get the notion they no longer needed them. This happened to me after 3 years of faithfully taking my meds. My wife ( at the time), outed me to my psychiatrist.
Schizophrenia is almost a complete disconnect with reality. Hearing voices, thinking everyone is out to get you, etc. These people spend their lives in and out of hospitals.
Your dad's fiancee may be unchecked bi-polar but i suspect there issomething more severe going on. A personality disorder of some sort.
The bad news is she doesn't see her behavior as outrageous, mean, controlling. To her it is normal and therefore she will probably never get treatment.
I have a bachelor's degree in psychology.
Bi-polar people are not crazy.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 102
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 10/28/2008 5:56:49 PM
If it were me, I would tell her straight to her face, or on the phone before hand, that I don't want a repeat of the last time I was with her, in my child's presence....UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

You would know how she would react to this statement, but if she cannot play nice during a visit, with a child around, I would tell Dad to come alone, or don't come at all.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 103
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 11/2/2008 5:28:24 AM
I don't know OP, how you can adamantly tell your Dad that he must spend his day off with you. That begins to sound like an attempt to control. If you have an invitation to extend to your Dad only, it is then his prerogative to accept or decline. It sounds instead like you are trying to make him choose, and that will only backfire for you. If your Dad intends to marry this woman, you owe him the courtesy to try to get along. Tip toe around her if you must. If you can't....then stay away. JMO
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 105
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 11/5/2008 8:17:32 AM
I agree that is shouldn't be a big deal, but there is a nice way to suggest that one on one visit without being adamant and demanding. Thats' all I meant. Sorry.

Switch positions for a second. If you have a SO, will you expect him to join you and your Dad? Would you be offended if Dad adamantly requested his exclusion? Wouldn't you feel more joy to be with them both? Just asking. No offense intended.
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 108
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 12/18/2008 3:19:54 PM
I have been seeing a man who is bi-polar he has been all his life. He is lots of fun to be around when he is not depressed. His mood swings though seem to last only a few hours.. and then he is on the other end of the spectrum. I try not to judge him.. and I also realize that I can not change him or make him happy.. so I try to listen and be his friend.

He has told me that he is unsuitable for marriage so we just keep things on a friend level.

But my advice would be to understand the disease and also learn some coping skills.. and learn how not to allow her to upset you.

She might be bi-polar but that does not mean that you have to let it ruin your life or your relationship with your dad.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 110
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 1/25/2009 9:24:29 AM

The other took courses, read books, talked to counsellors and psychiatrists, was offered tons of help but always started most days complaining about her lot in life, being hyper-negative, and using her being bi-polar as an excuse of every destructive and damaging thing she would do (including dishonesty, infidelity, stealing, manipulating, anger, drug abuse, and a host of other unhealthy actions). The first is probably in a better place today. The second is probably not.


I have stated this in many places on these forums....sometimes disorders are mixed up, because the physician doing the diagnosing doesn't spend enough time with the patient to see what the real diagnosis should be.

What I have quoted above, is, to me anyway, a classic case of borderline personality disorder.

I'm both bi-polar and borderline....which is quite common.

With BPD, the person can get therapy, and read books until they come out their ears....but unless the person takes responsibility for their behaviour....and stops blaming everyone else for everything (sound familiar?) nothing will ever get solved. The main problem, is that we honestly believe what we're saying, and that we are right. A conscious effort has to be made to accept that behaviour has been inappropriate, and accept consequences for that inappropriate behaviour.

Taking responsibility is key with any disorder....but it's particularly troublesome with BPD.
 TheFallenJester
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 111
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 1/26/2009 9:43:19 PM
I have bipolar disorder. I also have PTSD courtesy of Uncle Sam, but I hey, can't complain.
BPD is not an excuse to act out of control. It makes you implusive (When manic; which is also a blast by the way), but just as a normal person, you have to exercise restraint, if not more so as a result.

There are plenty of books out there, which are better for the other party in the relationhip to read. The person with BPD as Quazi said, can read books until they're blue in the face. Doesn't matter. It'll give you a clue of yourself, make you more aware, but it doesn't change your discipline.
The problem with pysch's though.... They don't want to treat you, help you. They want to throw pills at you to numb you up so you don't have to deal with it. As much as I like zombies, that's not a way to live, hell, it's not a life.
I was a stone's throw away of being put on Lithium, which I thought hey, I could then write some horrid grunge songs, but really... It isn't worth it.

The key to having the disorder is self-control, restraint, and discipline.
Living or being with someone with BPD just requires patience and understanding.
 hurricane hanna
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 112
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 1/28/2009 4:52:30 AM
I know a lot about bipolar from experience. And schizophrenia. I've spent most of my life doing volunteer work with people with those illnesses. I've spent about 40 years doing that.

Bipolar people do NOT all act a certain way. Don't believe people who tell you that. That is complete bull. Some are quite normal most of the time. Not all are irritable or 'mean'. Some are quite depressed and quiet, and suddenly go to staying up all night, being the life of the party, and spending money like mad and sleeping around...then they wind up in the hospital, exhausted and needing medical attention.

You can't really easily tell what is 'personality' and what is 'mental illness'. Not even a professional can always do that. So don't try.

A lot of people CLAIM they have 'bipolar' as an excuse for their behavior. Some people think it sounds dramatic and sympathy-provoking. A friend saying, 'Jesus, you act bipolar' (which to most people means 'annoying' or 'weird') isn't the same as a 'diagnosis'.

Some of these folks actually are diagnosed with 'BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER'. A borderline typically has many problems in many areas of their life. Some researchers say their basic problem is an inability to link up cause and effect. They can't control their behavior and don't understand the results of it. They do stuff and are baffled when it pissed people off. People can't IMAGINE that can really be true, it must be deliberate.

But even not all borderlines are the 'same'. Each one of them is a little different too.

ALL of these illnesses hit each person in a little bit different way. You just can't really say 'they are like this' or 'they are like that'.

One of the nicest people I ever met in my life is bipolar. He was very popular in our college boarding house and people absolutely loved him. He never said a bad word to anyone.

One of the sweetest guys I ever met was borderline. He was getting help and he constantly asked 'are we ok?' he had to learn step by step to read how people felt and to consider how they were reacting to him.

And one of my best friends is schizophrenic! I kid you not. He's like a younger brother to me and I adore him. He's a real sweetheart. On the wrong kind of medicine, he tried to blow up a building. On the right kind of medicine he is the sweetest guy around.

Schizophrenics are usually rather quiet and like to be left alone, except during short periods when they get very sick and act very, very weird, though each schizophrenic acts a little different from the other. They can get very wild if they aren't taking medication, or if they drink alcohol or do street drugs. And often they do, some studies say 50% of them have substance abuse problems. But that can be helped and they can get better.

The key with both these illnesses is that they tend to cause a lot of behavior the person can't actually control, even if only once in a while.

Often they don't even remember what they did, sometimes even 2 minutes later. People THINK that if they just tried harder they'd be fine, but fact is, their brain just isn't working right, and they often CAN'T understand they are ill. It's not that they are 'in denial', they CAN'T evaluate their own behavior. They just don't understand what they're doing. They may realize it's WRONG, even but STILL can't control themselves. If you had a look at their brain you'd be surprised to see 8-10 % of their brain was GONE in some of the really severely ill folks. yep.

You should see an MRI of some of these people. You wouldn't even believe they could put one foot in front of the other. That's what people don't get. THis is really almost like an alzheimers or a stroke. it really damages their brain. Without medication these people are usually in a very bad way.

MOST people are mildly affected (though it sure as hell doesn't seem mild to them!). An MRI couldn't even measure any brain tissue loss, but still, things are very tough for them and they work very hard at getting well.

And most of them are either terrified of medication or can't understand they need it. They can't UNDERSTAND they're ill. They really can't get it. It's like trying to make you do advanced calculus, and you just don't get it. They CAN manage, though, and stick with medication. It does require a lot of love and encouragement.

You actually can learn how to talk to them and help keep them calm. I know you can't believe it right now, but it really is possible. Get Kim Mueser's book COPING WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA. There are other books with similar titles - be sure to get Kim's book. The guy's a genius. I've talked to him personally. He's awesome.

The thing to remember is your dad's partner may actually settle down. It may take her a long time to get used to the new situation and to trust you. If I had to say one thing about her based on your description, I'd say she's scared to death of you and just not used to you. I'd ignore all her bad behavior, get her trust, and THEN, gently, gradually, put some very gentle limits on her behavior.

After she's gotten used to you and you've gotten a routine going (routine is everything!) then very gently start saying, 'Mom, that's a hurtful thing to say'. No comment, no yelling, no judgement, just 'Mom, that's a hurtful thing to say'. Work very gradually on her. You sound pretty damn smart. I bet you can do it.

My advice to you is to just be as kind as you can to the person, and try to keep your dad in your life. Assume that if she does something assinine, that she may not even remember 2 min later having done it. You be the bigger person. Assume that if she's acting like a nut case, she can't do much about it. 'She can't help it' can be some of the most powerful words you'll ever say. It leads to forgiveness, and peace for yourself.

No matter what mistakes your dad makes, no matter what happens, the best thing you can do is try to be understanding of his choices. Our parents aren't always the perfect, awe inspiring people we imagined them to be when we were young. Sometimes they are just human and make mistakes. But we can't prevent them from doing that any more than they can live our lives for us.

Lots of love to you, and best wishes dealing with a difficult situation.
 hurricane hanna
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 113
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 1/31/2009 2:28:44 AM
I did not mix schizophrenia and bipolar disorders.

I realize the two are different. In all the posts, I mention each one by name. I have no confusion about which one is which.

"A mood disorder, nothing more, nothing less"

For some people with bipolar, yes. If that's how it affects you, mood only, you're very lucky. But people with bipolar can also have hallucinations and delusions, and it's really not always 'nothing more, nothing less' for everyone that has it.

Too, some research today is suggesting they may have something in common. I do not think they are caused by the same thing, though, and I don't think they are 'the same'. I do think that some genes are common to both. I think both are caused by a large number of genes, they may have some genes in common. There are hundreds of genes involved in each, and gene mutations, but one might say schizophrenia and bipolar have genes A-B-C in common, but schizophrenia also involves genes D-E-F-G, and bipolar, genes X-Y-Z, though that would be simplifying things a lot.

The original poster mentioned both, and thought her relative might have one or the other, so I discussed both.

And in fact, some people do have symptoms of both.

There is also another disorder, schizoaffective disorder, where symptoms of both appear in one of several patterns, which can pose some challenges for the doctor. It can be tough to develop a program to control two different types of symptoms simultaneously.

Both disorders can be quite mild or quite severe. That's something many people don't understand. Looking at MRI's and PET scans of the most severely ill people doesn't mean all people are severely ill - the idea is that those PET and MRI's may provide clues as to how the illness develops. It's a very old tactic with learning about illnesses, to look at the test results of the most severely affected people. It really can help to understand the illness. But it does NOT mean all people are affected equally.

People still blame bad parenting, vitamin deficiency, etc...it's sad really. It's like people have to have something or someone to blame. People can't control their genes or what their genes do. It's not anyone's fault...though it's very definite that bad parenting doesn't help at all, and neither do street drugs or alcohol. From what I've seen, bad parenting and substance abuse can affect people with these disorders even more severely than people not affected with these illnesses.

But the previous poster is so right - people use the term 'schizophrenic', or quite often today, 'bipolar' when they see behavior they dislike. These terms are tossed about very casually these days. Rock bands like to take the name 'Schizophrenia' and 'you're so bipolar' is becoming a common phrase anytime someone doesn't like how someone behaves.

Neither of these disorders are well understood by most people, unfortunately.
 hurricane hanna
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 114
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 1/31/2009 5:55:00 AM
And....you're thinking such talk makes you an attractive prospect on a dating web site?

Maybe you can find a mysoginist website, where you all can be very happy together, and tell each other you're SO right all the time, and that through no fault of your own, you've discovered this incredible truth that all women stink and are lazy.



You may be one of the nastiest people I've ever met, you certainly rank in the top of 'most hateful', and you may also have the least understanding of mental illness of anyone I've ever met, which I must say, is quite an achievement considering the people I've met over the years.

If you find 'all' women so evil and useless, you may find the problem exist more with yourself than with anyone else.

Mental illness, when severe, when not properly treated with medication, CAN result in violence. In most cases, the person does not wish to harm anyone, and when they come out of it, ,and get back on medication, they are horrified, ashamed and shocked at what has happened when they are at their sickest.

Mental illness distorts thinking. It can result in uncontrollable behavior. It can result in people doing terrible things.

But fact is, most of the time, mental illness causes none of those things. The person just suffers internally, finds getting through each day a huge burden, and many times no one around them has any idea how much pain they are going through.

You may disagree with your friend's opinions, but it sounds to me like he knows a hell of a lot more about the situation than you do.

Many severely ill people DO have behavior problems, and they CAN at some times, threaten or harm others around them.

Having been in that situation, I think of it as the equal of a person off their epilepsy medication, smacking me in the jaw as their arm flies up as they hit the floor and go into a convulsion.

Mentally ill people CAN be frightening, and they can be violent and they can behave in ways that upset us. And yes, in fact, there are a few mentally ill people who are jerks and they behave no better when ill than when they were not ill.

But in most cases, the behavior we see when a person is mentally ill, the behavior that upsets us the most, is not something they have as a personal choice. And yes, off medication, the behavior can get very severe in the very ill person. But that's why there are treatments.

People don't generally refuse treatment to be an ***hole. They refuse treatment, basically, because the illness screws up their brain, and they don't think straight.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 115
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 1/31/2009 11:15:50 AM

Bipolar woman are nasty. The only experience Ive encountered (not me) was of a woman who isolated her man, was violent and scheming, paranoid and protected herself under every cost. In fact, she was so bad that his parents had to involve themselves because the kids where in danger of being killed.


Another possible misdiagnosis......

"violent and scheming" are more Borderline Personality Disorder words, than Bi-Polar words. Vindictive and punishing are more Borderline words.

"irritable and angry" are more Bi-Polar words than Borderline words. Unrealistic and fearless are more Bi-Polar words.

If the mood switches from extreme high (climbing Mt. Everest) to extreme low (lethargic, sad) more than once in a day...you aren't dealing with Bi-Polar.

I'm not a Doctor, but I do have both disorders, and stand by my statements.
 Puppydog54
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 116
she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 1/31/2009 12:20:59 PM
Having worked in the mental health field for over 34 years, I have seen dozens of cases of bipolar. These people are seriously mentally ill and, while it is tragic and I sympathize with them, they can be extremely difficult to manage. Many do become violent and require hospitalization. While it is true that their illness is not their fault, it is also true that this is not simply an illness like pneumonia or high blood pressure.

To the OP... all I can say is good luck, and try to be as supportive of your dad as you can. As someone else said, he is going to need you. Good luck.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 117
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 1/31/2009 5:39:13 PM

The most common problem with mental illness is many refuse to stay on medication and as a result the whole family suffers. I think as a whole people have to sit down and have a straight honest talk about what needs to be done to keep peace in the home and if the one with the problem will not agree then a split in the home for the sake of well being has to happen.


This is a very legitimate concern....

When I was prescribed Lithium, my Doctor prescribed a "normal" adult dose. After a couple of days, I couldn't function....I was right out of it. I have a really sensitive nervous system, and the Lithium was wreaking havoc with my other meds.

I phoned my Doctor, and told him I was cutting the dosage in half, and would go from there....he agreed. I've been on the half dose for 5 years now and it works well for me.

Introducing medication slowly, very often works better than full initial doses. I've done this with 3 or 4 Doctors who told me "you can't do that". They find out quickly, that if they want me on the medication, it HAS to be done that way, or my system won't tolerate it.

If someone refuses to take their meds, see if they will take half...they may be having side effects...and lowering the dose and increasing gradually might help. This needs to be done with the help of a Doctor, of course.

If they refuse because they like being manic....don't like "taking pills", etc. then I agree totally with WONDERMAN37.....
 hurricane hanna
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 118
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 1/31/2009 6:45:18 PM
There are a lot fewer problems with most medications if that's done. The trouble is though, that most health care coverage is so minimal (esp for mental health issues) that often hospital visits are very brief and health care providers aren't given enough time.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 119
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 1/31/2009 7:52:08 PM

There are a lot fewer problems with most medications if that's done. The trouble is though, that most health care coverage is so minimal (esp for mental health issues) that often hospital visits are very brief and health care providers aren't given enough time.


I AM NOT ADVOCATING THIS.....

I have nearly died a couple of times from being given a regular adult dose. If I have to, I will cut pills that shouldn't be cut, open capsules, and dump half down the sink, do whatever I have to, to make sure I get close to the right amount.

There's nothing worse than taking too much of a psychotropic drug....talk about a "bad trip".
 oldbuddy7
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 120
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 2/1/2009 1:59:22 AM
I was so frustrated by some of what I have read, Thank you for setting things straight. I know from personal experiance that having a child with Bi-polor is not the easiest thing, but neither is having a child with hyperactivity. And I agree 100% finding the proper medication mix, making sure they take meds properly, keep all appointments, managing behavior helps, likewise EDUCATION for the rest of the world help.
I remember a line from a childs tale-When she was good she was very, very good and when she was bad she was horid. but having 5 children I can cheerfuly say they all are.
People with JUST Bi-polor are very, very happy or very, very sad-oversimplified- and yes they can change very quickly but can also stay at one extreem for long periods. And like most illnesses there are mild and severe forms.
To people who say "I would NEVER date a person that has Bi-polor" guess what you may have already dated someone with it and never known.
 hurricane hanna
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 121
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Posted: 2/1/2009 3:29:11 AM
Widowed mom

oldbuddy
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 122
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she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 2/1/2009 10:23:38 AM

It is the ones who are controlled by it; who in turn use it to control other people, that make being in a functional relationship an absolute emotional cauldren; because you never know which side of them will rule; and the other person will have no rights, no voice and no control; they are literally helpless to the one person's "state".

It is those extreme people that I think most are talking about. Many do not let their own diagnosis rule their life; they put people, relationships and giving ahead of their own "moods". The ones who do though, literally are helpless to their own moods, their own emotional temperature, and the other person is literally along for the ride. Those are the ones that are being talked about.

Peace.


I come in peace as well.

I have been with a few men who are bi-polar, or BPD, or both...with some PTSD thrown in for good measure, even.....

Even though I am an " I hate you-don't leave me" borderline, there comes a time when I realize that I am never going to get anywhere with this person, love doesn't conquer all, and I will go down with the ship, if I don't get out.

Do I have resentment against these men, because they wouldn't help themselves in order to help us......damn tootin' I do. Some people are so frightened by change, even good change, that they can't handle fixing anything. Sometimes they will die, rather than try.

I left my husband after 13 years, because I knew that he needed help, and he refused to acknowledge that he had a problem, and said that "I" was the problem. (This is a typical defense strategy-turn the focus to the other person, away from yourself). I was well enough, that I had stopped buying that.....he is unemployed, will be homeless shortly, and still in denial.
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