Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Seas_the_Day
Joined: 7/20/2008
Msg: 7
What to do?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
For some people it's not the "house" but the "location" You need to consider a few things starting with the relationship first if you want to take that huge step of living together and with a child that is not yours. Raising a child is a huge responsibility and some people wouldn't consider living together without being married especially with a child involved but that's totally up to you and your values. Ask her to find her own house "downtown" then you can date her and still live in your house for a while and see how that goes.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 10
view profile
History
What to do?
Posted: 8/5/2008 2:48:45 AM
When did she get so much power to dictate the terms of where you will live ?
True love is not the ability to surrender all self respect and good judgement.
 saggy ass and saggy tits
Joined: 5/22/2008
Msg: 18
What to do?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:46:28 AM
was just wondering, why does it say single in your profile?
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 20
What to do?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:22:45 AM
I would explain to her that now is a bad time to sell the house with the way the housing market is, and that you can get MUCH more in a couple of years for your house then you are going to get now. Other then that, a house is just a piece of property/investment/a thing. For some people they are going to put an emotional attachment to a house, but in all reality emotions shouldn't have anything to do with it.

I would be more worried about what kind of relationship you have with the 7 year old daughter then the semantics about the house. A child that age can very well break a relationship apart if you aren't on good terms with each other. Also, you may want to discuss how parenting is going to happen with your partner. If the 7 year old is living in your house, there are going to be times when you are left to watch her, does your S/O have a problem with you disciplining the child? And what forms of discipline does the mother use and are you alright with that. There is a much bigger issue here then just 2 people moving in together.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 21
What to do?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:27:34 AM
^^Baldy is right on the money. Do not sell your house (keep it!) and there are a lot of issues cohabiting with someone with children. There need to be boundaries. It sounds like she wants to get out from living with her parents. And....by having your status as "single" in your profile, I think you probably know your answer.
 marknbaltimore
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 22
What to do?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:37:36 AM
make sure she loves you and isnt using you to get out of her parents home, if you all are committed to each other and love each other and you see a future with this girl possibly as husband and wife, then you all should live together, but instead of seeling your home, let her move in with you for 6 months to a year and see how it works, dating a girl and living with a girl is not the same, dont sell your house and move in with her and 6 months later you realize you dont want her, because than your screwed, if all goes well in that 6 months to a year, than what the hell sell the house and move.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 25
What to do?
Posted: 8/6/2008 7:19:59 AM
What ta he!! is this thing with an ex boyfriend? Let me give you an example. I have a couple of female friends and my gf doesn't have a problem with them. But if any of them were someone I had slept in the past, then forget about it. Out of respect for her I don't keep close tabs with those. So same thing. She should respect your boundaries and complete terminate connections with the ex boyfriend.

Now she wants to live with you? What is the relationship between the girls father and her? Ex husband? Another boyfriend? In this case you have to realize that regardless, you may see this person because they share a child. Also you need to see what is your role in this relationship and realize that it's a package deal.

Now, you own a house. She lives at home with her parents. I think you need to tell her that you are not ready to sell your house just yet. Just because she wants to live downtown is not enough. You need to see if this thing will work first. And stop acting like you have been pus$y wipped.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 26
view profile
History
What to do?
Posted: 8/6/2008 7:22:47 AM
You don't have to sell your house and I wouldn't do it if that was a part of the deal. She is currently living off her parents and will presumably be living off you if you move in, why should you sell your house in a horrible market (and yes it is bad in Toronto too) because she wants to pick and choose where she lives. Does she live downtown now?

Sounds like you need to get a book on permarital counseling to see some of the things you should be discussing before even thinking about making things more permanent. In addition to attitudes about children, whether you want any, does she want more, you need to think about money, spender/saver, pooling/keeping money separate, good credit?, problem resolution, religion, lots of stuff you just don't think about when you are in luvvvv.

And here are a couple of questions to ask yourself. Do you LIKE this woman. If you were not sexually attracted to her and were not in love with her would she be a person you would choose for a friend? Do you enjoy spending time with her child and are you comfortable being a step-parent to that child because that is what you will be if they move in with you. Do you know why you love her?

And why would any mom want to get rid of a house with a yard and places where children can ride bicycles to live downtown? A lot of food for thought in the responses you have gotten already.
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 29
view profile
History
What to do?
Posted: 8/7/2008 3:14:10 PM

If you are in love with someone why do you need to have other girls to play with in the mix?


some people have an open relationship/sex life, and enjoy having 3somes with other people.


If you are in love with someone why are they still talking to the ex unless that is the child's father?


ex's can be friends and not have any romantic inclinations.


Dating over a year and there is just so much that dosn't seem right to me here. You need to step back and think about what you're doing before you really wind up in a mess! Best of luck to you!


There are obviously some pieces of info the OP left out, but please don't knitpick about things that obviously have no baring on the actual topic.
 tam879
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 32
view profile
History
What to do?
Posted: 8/7/2008 6:35:04 PM
Do not sell your home. If you do and things don`t work out then you`ll be looking for another home. Think hard about it. I had the same chance to move in with my ex g/f and I owned my home. I had to think about it for sometime, but she broke up with me, maybe because I couldn`t commit. But I still have my home and I can`t seem to part with it.
 deviousduckie
Joined: 7/28/2006
Msg: 33
What to do?
Posted: 8/7/2008 6:35:08 PM
ya, i would definatly not sell the house. If you are kickin the relationship up a notch, then there has to be some mutual understanding and respect. What is she giving up to move in with you? Her parents house? What would you be giving up to move in with her? Selling your house. That doesn't seem fair. And you really have to be careful these days you don't want to re buy a house with the money you made selling your old one, to have her realize 6 months down the road that she doesn't want to live with you anymore. Then not only will you more than likely not have a place to live, but she will get half of the resale value on the house you put your money into. I would suggest her moving in with you in your place and after a while, if it is still golden and working for you then consider moving or selling.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 36
view profile
History
What to do?
Posted: 8/17/2008 2:41:52 PM
Really depends on how attached you two are. Her kid is her priority; much as you would like to be, you're not. I'm guessing here, that the necessity of living 'downtown' is because of the kid? Close to a school or something? Only you can decide if what she wants overriding what you want will be too much for you to deal with.
I've been there; dated a single mom, who had been through several relationships, gotten burned a few times, and decided she wouldn't compromise her life again. Everything revolved around what was best for her child, not necessarily what was best for me, because she felt that I could always leave, but she would always have to be responsible for her child. We wound up splitting up because I couldn't stand to constantly be second best, every single friggin' decision (where and when to vacation, dine, live, eat, decorate, pretty much everything was decided only on how it would effect her child, and I had to 'live with it') was completely based on the kid. All told, I hung around, hoping it would change for almost two years. When it became clear to me I would never be a priority in her life, I ended it.
 openlove
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 37
What to do?
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:28:43 PM
Nuh uh! SHE wants to live downtown? Tell her to go buy her own house then!
"Beggers cant be choosers." Ever hear of that? Hmm...live downtown with a 7 year old? I can see if you need to sell your house because there may not be enough room (maybe) but....... come on now.

Ask her this: "How does it feel to WANT?"
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 38
What to do?
Posted: 8/17/2008 4:39:35 PM
NO; absolutely not; this spells danger danger danger as Steve Irwin once said;

Newsweek did a 5 year study and 85% of those that just lived together broke up within 3 years. It was 89% after 5 years. Living together is insane as far as I'm concerned and I would NEVER do it.

Ex boyfriend calls twice a month;

She wants to live downtown so you have to give up your financial stability?

You are mesmerized because physically you want her; you may love her but i'm telling you now this is danger. She has a 7 year old kid, lives at home with parents, talks to her ex 2-3 times per month? See with your head.

She has little or nothing going for her. You give her stability and you seem to pretty much give her whatever she wants and she knows it.

I think in 3 years you will be posting in the broken hearts section. You give a house stability, a financial support for her and her son, and you get....sex. Not happening in my book.

If she loves you so much, then date her for a longer time and then eventually get married. People live together because they want an easy out of a relationship without any messy divorce. You are heading for a heartache in my opinion. If she will leave you because you won't live together, then leave her. The convenience of privacy and sex isn't enough to give up your financial freedom.
 JimtheToolman
Joined: 9/27/2007
Msg: 39
What to do?
Posted: 8/17/2008 4:55:26 PM

msg: 1: tai wrote:I own a house she lives at home with her parents / in order for us to live together i would have to sell my house because she wants to live downtown
I don't think I'd let someone that lives at home with their parents make a major decision of selling my house I live in.
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 45
view profile
History
What to do?
Posted: 8/17/2008 8:16:54 PM
This sounds like something you would do to get married not live together...

You have to think about the ramifications of changing things in your life permanently for something that may or may not be permanent.. that goes with marriage of course.. but it really goes with living together..

To me that isn't a strong enough committment for you to do something as drastic as sell your house because she wants to live down town.

You might want to ask yourself if you will regret this if it doesn't work out..
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >