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 OCbutterfly
Joined: 6/29/2008
Msg: 91
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
no, not different at all...I fell in love at 10 for the first time...got my first kiss ever from him at my 13th birthday party...such a cavalier gentleman he was...my ideal of a guy... Just recently I gave up trying to explain why i put up with a guy,who is phobic about long term relationships, but, what can I say, except that I fell in love with him, and even at his most cruel and hurtful, I remain hung up on him, even tho I see that it is destructive to me...have met so many nicer guys, but didn't fall in love..
 OCbutterfly
Joined: 6/29/2008
Msg: 92
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 9/24/2008 8:01:03 PM
God, how really well you expressed that...I actually learn things from the foru m....
 wdb2064
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 93
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 9/25/2008 5:25:38 AM
I don't find it as being any different as far as feelings are concerned. The excitement, anticipation, and the "butterflies" are still all there. However, I believe the answer lies in how you "define" love.
 oceanfront220
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 94
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 9/25/2008 5:55:21 AM
The one glaring point that sticks out from reading the responses to your question is that we are much more cautious than we were when we were younger..most say they haven't been in love in yrs. In between 20-40 I was in love, or thought I was, more than I'll ever be again from 45 on...Experience has made me very cautious, almost too cautious and its because (we all said it, heard this a million times) I'm afraid of getting hurt again..I also do not disect every thought, word and deed of my partner as fervrently as I did when I was 25. The last time I was in love I was probably 38, in love with a younger man by 5 yrs who was not established in his mind and I was. He was very macho about the whole thing. I decided after that relationship,that it would be a very long time before I got that involved again..I think if and when it does happen again, I am so very relaxed now and comfortable in my own skin that I could probably enjoy a relationship on a much different level than I did 20 yrs ago. I just realized how long its been since I've been in love, too long--but I believe if something is meant to be it will happen...Since I'm 60, it better happen fast............Good luck
 veryordinary
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 95
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 9/25/2008 6:06:10 AM
In my teens and twenties I did not fall in "love", I fell in "lust" and mistook it for "love". In my thirties and forties I was married and raising a family, so was not falling into anything. In my fifties I realize that being best friends and having similar likes and dislikes is the most important thing. So falling in love now is much slower and much deeper.
 oceanfront220
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 96
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 9/25/2008 9:05:07 AM
Great response!!
 samuraicindy
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 97
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 9/25/2008 8:27:45 PM
I don't remember...........
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 98
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 9/25/2008 8:35:24 PM
No.
But making it work is!
 BrenJL
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 99
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 9/25/2008 8:54:41 PM
Falling in love is more difficult..for me anyway, theres the mistrust over the years and where do u meet except on this thing. I find the majority of men who contact me are under 40. I surely dont have "easy prey" written on my forehead, because Im probably the hardest person to meet on here..hahahaha.

I ws told once that you can only love again if u let go of fear.......easily said and yet in the back of your mind u know u cant wait around too long..whats the answer? I dont know!
I have been "fond" of some people but never felt the "love tingles" so let me know...do we settle? Or do we keep looking and being not willing to take the plunge because most feel its not going to last and just a waste of time..u tell me.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 100
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/7/2009 6:08:24 PM
I fell harder at this age and the breakup was easier at that age. At least at 17, there was another cute guy in 6th period. At this stage of the game, the next cute guy is usually 6 states away!
 horselady48
Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 101
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/7/2010 10:30:59 AM
Of course it's different - isn't everything


I fell harder at this age and the breakup was easier at that age. At least at 17, there was another cute guy in 6th period. At this stage of the game,the next cute guy is usually 6 states away!


... or in another country
 looking54Md
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 102
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/7/2010 10:37:50 AM
Please stop looking it's not there.(LOL) The older we get the better it is. Like going to the doctor,sometimes they don't have a clue. And then you walk in and he or she knows right now. Is today your lucky day? Thanks Dave
 looking54Md
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 103
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/7/2010 10:42:45 AM
Itink women look in the wrong plaves for men. And I don't think they really know what they want,when they get there. Alot of women at some point want a boy toy. When they get him after a month or two of spending money on them it's not so good. I like to call it paid services,I mean really.
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 104
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/7/2010 11:31:48 AM
I would *think* falling in love at this age would be it's own entity.

It would stand on it's own.. not a what 'was' but a what 'is'.

I can't see where it would be the same as before.

Actually, I wouldn't even want to try to see it as anything but what it is.. and appreciate it for what it is.
 123carrie
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 105
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/7/2010 11:35:06 AM
I'm not sure if the falling in love is different, but the breaking up surely is. When one is older and they truly are blessed to meet someone and mutually fall in love. It's like taking a breath of fresh spring air; everything is clean and new again.

But I think that the breakup is much more difficult than when we were young, perhaps because the things that made us fall in love when we were young were more superficial while as we get older we focus more on the other person's substance. That and their loving us is what makes us fall in love.

The breakups though leave deeper and far more lasting scars when we have such trust in what our lover says. If and when that trust is broken it can make your heart stop, hoping that it never starts again. We reflect more on the cause and we try to work through the "what just happened"?

The irony of all this is that we lose our trust (what I refer to as emotional innocense); the loss of trust in others who may come forth in the future to proclaim their love for us. We turn potential love of another away, depriving us of the opportunity to feel that wondrous feeling again.

I hope my eyes and heart are still open enough to recognize the potential of meeting someone who through their actions and their words allow us to open the door one more time.
 I sure am looking!
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 106
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/7/2010 1:49:46 PM
Yes, I think falling in love is different at 45+ than when younger. At 25 we were optimistic and didn't have any measurement for success or failure. At 45+ we tend to not be as optimisitc as we have experience for success and failure. Age equates experience which I think changes falling in love somewhat. That doesn't mean run from falling in love again but I think the approach it more mature than when younger.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 107
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/7/2010 1:59:44 PM

The breakups though leave deeper and far more lasting scars when we have such trust in what our lover says. If and when that trust is broken it can make your heart stop, hoping that it never starts again. We reflect more on the cause and we try to work through the "what just happened"?


this!

exactly what carrie said!
 deb1961A
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 108
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/7/2010 2:04:16 PM
I think its totally different.. falling in love in my 20's was all about romantic love and happily ever after.. Falling in love at 40.. more practical (not the right word ) love and less cupid and hearts and flowers.. Lets face it, life is more complicated as we age and when we fall, it gets harder to get up. Secret to moving forward is fall 10 times, but get up 11.
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 109
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/7/2010 2:40:07 PM
The last time I fell in love I was 47. It was the best and deepest love I have ever felt. It lasted for 2 years...

BUT...


The breakups though leave deeper and far more lasting scars when we have such trust in what our lover says. If and when that trust is broken it can make your heart stop, hoping that it never starts again. We reflect more on the cause and we try to work through the "what just happened"?


I could not have said it better...

It takes a long time to get over it, and leaves you not quite sure if you want to go there again...
 Dancing_4_You
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 110
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/8/2010 1:53:05 AM
yes, i fell just as hard as when i was younger--AND we danced to the "i love you, go away" theme song. it lasted three years with one intermission. now, he's on pof looking for a woman with a kind heart! or is he?

i continue to have feelings in my heart for people now, but i'm a lot more wary. it took me a good year to heal and i can actually be friends with the man. but, clearly it has affected my behaviour. i'm no longer as spontaneous and a lot more wary/saavy. i seem to be meeting a lot of "walking wounded" men. i wonder if the nurturing part of me attracts that. i also wonder if the deeper part of me scares away the average person. but, i still "Believe". to0 many things have happened in the course of my life to make me ever stop believing. i call them my 'AHA" moments and i feel one brewing lately. but, i do take hormone replacement therapy. w/o it, i am not sure i would have the energy!

the trick is to find someone who is not afraid to feel love and not afraid to act with love. as to falling, that is more the pheremonal/ chemistry part and it is very strong. but, it is not enough.

i guess i am not really clear as to those who are no longer feeling sexual/loving. shit happens. but, we don't stop eating, do we? yes, i do a lot to keep feeling, but i do it because it's important to me and because--although not reciprocal the last time around--i want to feel the love in me again.
 eastendwoman
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 111
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/8/2010 5:39:55 AM
Falling in love? I can't even drum up short-term infatuation! Men at this stage of the game don't even hide the fact that they want to do as little as possible, but still want to get l**d, as soon as possible. It's a real turn-off.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 112
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/8/2010 8:18:05 AM
If and when that trust is broken it can make your heart stop, hoping that it never starts again. We reflect more on the cause and we try to work through the "what just happened"?

That actually describes, for me, more what happened when I was 17 than what happens now. At 17 I didn't appreciate that people lie, or in fact *don't know* who they are.

With one exception in my life (my second marriage) it has never been natural upfront pheromones/chemistry; it has *always* been a gradual process of getting to know someone's soul: their real authentic self, and *then* letting one's own natural chemical factory go into high gear. Even then, things may go wrong -- there may be more baggage than is easily found out. There may be more diverse interests/desires/needs/drives than can be melded into the relationship you wish for. There have never been any guarantees that both will grow the same direction, or at all.

I've never recovered easily from love's end; I still don't. And as I've gotten older, I'm less inclined to believe without verifying. BUT. Even given that, falling/becoming in love is pretty much the same thing. The joy, the elation, the over-the-moon sensation: the same. The living out of the day to day has been even better because I've *chosen* better. More harmony, less conflict: I've learned and they've learned to communicate better. Things don't fester: they're addressed and solved. The pleasure quotient has risen considerably.

Grow old along with me; the best is yet to be. . . . And dat's da troot!!

 Chasing~Cars
Joined: 1/4/2010
Msg: 113
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/8/2010 8:38:39 AM
Actually, no it’s not different, what’s different is how I react to the falling now. Sure I have infatuation fallings, but the real ones have a different sort of feeling and they go beyond the physical niceties and when I notice that, I pay attention to it because it has only happened a couple of times in my life.

I fell pretty hard for someone a while ago, said to myself, this is nuts boy! Better pay attention to what’s going on here! I did, I didn’t let it rule me but I was aware of it and I just went with my gut. We talked a lot, spent time together in many ways and I discovering what it was that I fell for. Corny as this may sound, I didn’t fall for her, I consciously let myself fall into her willingly as I am. That made all the difference and we’re still doing fine and we still talk a lot, some may say too much, but we like it and it's "we" who define it all.
 monalee1
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 114
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/8/2010 8:45:11 AM
hi... I think that experience is a good teacher so maybe the difference is that as we get older we can determine true love from lust or infatuation... essentially though when I am in love I get butterflies, I smile a lot, I want to do nice things for my partner, I want to be monogamous>>all the same things that happened when I was young and in love... blessings
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 115
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/8/2010 9:01:34 AM
As I get deeper, more spiritual and more sophisticated, falling in love is also deeper, more spiritual and more sophisticated-! The raptures of youth are a bit more measured, I don't just hop into bed right away, but the new depth is appealing too!
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