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 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 70
Taking a break from DatingPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I just started mine, Outmind- can I have a bit more time?


There's a reason I am Out of my Mind. And that is because every possibility starts and ends with your mind.

If you think you can't. You are right.

If you think you CAN. You are right.

Start a break and find yourself. Start dating just for the fvck of it. Stop dating and train. Start dating and training at the same time. Feel right. Feel good. The only thing you HAVE to do, is what feels good and at peace with you.

I enjoy dating because, well, I get results. Not instantly, but I end up going out with incredibly superb women. The idea of the unknown, of discovery, or what can go wrong, and WILL go wrong, what will go right, what will give me an "ah ha" moment is all welcomed. I will have some horrible dates, I know. And I welcome them. I will have awesome dates, that will end in nothing. I will have dates that evolve into one or two, or three and then fade into nothing. It is part of what goes on. And then bless, a connection, chemistry. Kisses. Desires. And a new book or chapter begins.

So bring it on. Well, I am the guy, so I will bring it on.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 71
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2013 4:26:24 PM
I like that...

Nicely put outmind.

I think when people think of dating with specific expectations or with an agenda, it can be frustrating or confusing.

When it is enjoying the heck out of time spent with a person for the sake of intersecting with another human being and getting another viewpoint, finding good surprises in another human being and having the possibility of a friend (or more), or even a one time friend or opposite, a multi-connection with amazing mental and physical chemistry, it's all good.

It is when it is a mission to be won that it can be a little frustrating for people. But if it's an adventure to be appreciated, then it's good. :)
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 72
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2013 4:37:28 PM
yeah.....I'm taking a break from dating.....a permanent one.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 73
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/16/2013 3:29:35 PM
^^^congrats! Sounds like you guys had fun.

Hope the issues are getting resolved for you by the way. You are smart not trying to juggle the two.
 jpwrnglrwmn
Joined: 10/21/2013
Msg: 74
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/7/2014 5:01:05 PM
Am still on break from dating. . .redirecting my efforts toward volunteering, helping others. I'd rather be doing something constructive with my time, rather than destructive (dating can be that way sometimes). :D
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 75
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/7/2014 8:28:23 PM
Not so much taking a break but I know longer see it as a 'numbers game'.

I'm not desperate for sex or a wife.

I've been a provider my whole life and I don't know any different. I provide for me now:)

My focus now is not bringing husband material to dates, especially when I don't want to get married again. Quite a challenge.

It's hard to figure out who you are alone when you've been in a marriage since you were 20.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 76
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/10/2014 1:12:54 PM

I provide for me now:)


Me too.
Which is pretty simple, since the only people who are lower maintenance than me are homeless or live in Outer Mongolia.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 77
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/10/2014 2:59:31 PM

I'm not desperate for sex or a wife.


That is good. Desperation for some reason comes across.

I took a break the last time for about 8 months. Wrote a novel. Then went out in 5 dates. Number 5 was the magic number. The interesting thing is that now that the sex is out of this world, that I get along awesome, when I speak with other women, THEY seem slightly interested.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 78
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 6:31:31 AM
I have taken breaks from dating. In particular online dating. Sometimes it was due to being burnt out and frustrated. Other times, I wanted to focus on other things in life.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 79
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 7:52:17 AM
Back when I was using online dating to meet people...I would take a break if I found myself dreading the notion of getting ready to go out on a date. It is supposed to be fun, so if it began to appear as a "chore" then I knew a rest was needed. The side benefit is taking a few weeks off from dating would also let the AMEX card cool down a little bit, too. ;-)
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 80
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 8:00:12 AM


I provide for me now:)

Me too.
Which is pretty simple, since the only people who are lower maintenance than me are homeless or live in Outer Mongolia.


Same here. I am getting by much better on less than half of what I previously earned. I wonder why that is.

I've been on "break" since early 2006. It didn't start off by choice, but it has turned into one.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 81
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 8:01:00 AM
Im taking a break from MEN. Every single one I've ever been with has lied, cheated and hurt me. I'm just fed up with them and I don't trust them anymore at all. They all tell you what you want to hear and act like they care, but it's all lies. So yes, that would mean taking a break from dating as well.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 82
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 8:03:52 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^
I've seen you post elsewhere that you thought a bunch of short term passion filled 'mini relationships' was much more fulfilling then a long drawn out passionless relationship?

Are you feeling otherwise now? I'm sensing Mr Right became Mr So Wrong?`
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 83
view profile
History
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 8:28:06 AM
Im taking a break from MEN. Every single one I've ever been with has lied, cheated and hurt me. I'm just fed up with them and I don't trust them anymore at all. They all tell you what you want to hear and act like they care, but it's all lies. So yes, that would mean taking a break from dating as well.


So I take it the guy you started seeing again recently didn't work out? What happened this time?

As for me, I've been on a break for the last 15 months. When will I be ready to date again? Who knows? Just taking it one day at a time.




vvvvv Caught him in a lie? I'm really curious now!
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 84
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 8:39:29 AM
Not what I tried to say. What I meant is that I'm not looking to settle down with just anybody for the sake of just having a man around. A lot of women in their early 30s that I know just settle with the first best guy that would commit to them because their biological clocks were ticking. That was their main purpose, not so much that they are truly into the guy or that they were super compatible. I'm not looking for that at all, I'm looking for the whole package. And yes, I'd rather have a short term relationship with someone who I totally dig, than go "tag, you're it" with any dude that gives me some attention and who does not excite me. Ideally, of course, I'd like to meet someone who fulfills both - total compatibility AND long term. But regardless whether it's just short term, honesty and trust are part of my must-haves, and no, the current guy did not have them and when I caught him in a lie I told him to lose my number and never contact me again. I know that in a few weeks, I'll probably try dating again, but for now, I"m just a bitter man hater, lol.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 85
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 4:50:04 PM

....when I caught him in a lie I told him to lose my number and never contact me again. I know that in a few weeks, I'll probably try dating again, but for now, I'm just a bitter man hater, lol.


Just curious, you have noted previously you date younger guys, are they all younger? and all of them lied? Were the lies similar? I just wonder if there was a connection to age? maybe not? But, your "bitter man hater" comment made me laugh out loud! :)

I think it's a good thing when men/women take breaks from dating here/there.....time to reflect, renew and start again! or not.... :P
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 86
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 5:37:37 PM

Posted by TerCampbell:
"Can you wise forum folk think of some advice that you can give someone like me that may not get many messages and not have it affect my self-esteem?"

My suggestion would be to post in the Profile Reviews forum so people can share insights and ideas *exclusive* to you, your experience, and how your POF profile is presented to the world. Good luck with your romantic search. :-)
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 87
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 7:33:26 PM
drivingharmony, that particular guy is in his mid-30s, widowed, has a 9-year old son, dogs, and seemed to have his life together. Not a partier, not flashy, not smooth, not the best looking guy I have dated, but I liked him a lot. He met my son just a few weeks ago and was talking about me meeting his. He asked me if I was allowed to move my kids out of state as he was looking for jobs in various areas of the country. He offered to help me paint my living room. He never pushed for sex, always waited for me to give him the green light for that. I asked him several times point blank if he was talking to other women because we had both agreed that we weren't. He swore up and down that he didn't and denied to the very end when I found out for sure he was indeed contacting other women. Dropped his ass immediately.

I don't think age has anything to do with it, because I have dated guys older than me who were just the same as far as hitting on other women while pretending to be focused only on me. They all had great careers, homes, presented themselves as "honorable" guys in their communities, but were lying and cheating behind closed doors. This one guy was 47, met him on Match, he pursued me heavily, made it sound like it was going to be serious, and then he married someone else - like within months after he broke up with me. Turns out he had been seeing and sleeping with both of us, and I doubt she had any idea because they had been together for a while before I came into the picture. The thing is, this poor lady and all her friends probably think she hit the jackpot to land such a "catch". They had the big wedding and all, and a few months later he hit on me on the same dating website AGAIN! LIke I said, age doesn't matter, some guys are just never going to be faithful.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 88
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 7:53:24 PM
If they are all doing it, the lying and cheating, TrustInKarma then it's not them that is the problem..................it's you.
Your picker is off. Way off!
You need to step back and figure out why you are picking these guys. Why these things are happening the way it is. What's YOUR part in all this?
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. You can't always be pointing your finger outward.



Took a 10 yr (this month) break from looking for the big L because the idea of it scares the beegees out of me (trust issues) and a 1 yr break from scratching the itch shall we say? simply because I don't need it scratched all the time and I quite enjoy my solitude.
I am still pretty focused on my school aged kids (yes, yes, I know this is an excuse ................. pffht)
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 89
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 9:27:05 PM
CharminC, no, I doubt my picker is off. My "problem" is that I'm way too good about finding stuff out about guys. SOmetimes by sheer conincidence, sometimes by digging, or both. The only common denominator these guys all had is that they are military. I'm drawn to military men, always have. So basically, that means all military guys are cheaters and liars?
 PDAapproved
Joined: 5/19/2014
Msg: 90
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 10:14:48 PM

The only common denominator these guys all had is that they are military. I'm drawn to military men, always have. So basically, that means all military guys are cheaters and liars?


No, not all of them are. I was married to one for 15 years and he was neither. He knew a lot of guys that also didn't cheat or lie to their wives or girlfriends. However, he also knew (or knew of) a lot of guys who did cheat and lie. They have more of an opportunity due to their extended travel/away time to cheat and maybe not get caught.


CharminC, no, I doubt my picker is off. My "problem" is that I'm way too good about finding stuff out about guys. SOmetimes by sheer conincidence, sometimes by digging, or both.


I say it's probably your picker ... you say you are 'drawn' to military men, but you are also picking guys that cheat. If they all do it to you, the common denominator is you.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 91
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 10:15:21 PM
So basically, that means all military guys are cheaters and liars?

-No, just the ones you've dated... apparently.


I'm way too good about finding stuff out about guys. SOmetimes by sheer conincidence, sometimes by digging, or both

- Back up, if you are so good at it then why are you dating liars and cheaters?
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 92
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 10:27:42 PM
Yes, of course, it's all my fault. I want to be cheated on and I pick the ones that have "cheater" written on their forehead. Alrighty then......
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 93
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/11/2014 10:33:48 PM
My dear, I never said you want to be cheated on and you pick the pick the ones that have "cheater" written on their forehead but I did say its your fault.

Rule number one; learn to accept your role in everything that happens in your life.
From there, figure out what you can learn from that.
You WILL need to make changes...or things will just remain the same.
Your choice
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 94
Taking a break from Dating
Posted: 6/12/2014 6:52:09 AM
Karma, whatever you do, please exit the man hater club before trying to date again and don't implement a 90 day probationary period for your future suitors:)

You sound upset and rightly so.

Nobody wants to feel like they have to prove they're better then your ex's.

As far as digging up stuff on guys, I hope you didn't resort to having a friend send the dude messages on PoF to test his integrity? I've seen that crap before I've even met the woman and I have no problem blocking her and her friend for 'testing' me.
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