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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why do some men act interested, then pull back?      Home login  
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 126
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Its cause the guy wants you to chase after him, some guys need that, they need to know that you tink they're worth it. Everyone always say that communication is they key to a relationship, but how is it that most people never communicate. If you did that, you'd know why he walked away.
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 127
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/5/2008 2:42:56 AM
I do not pretend to know or speak for all men,,,yet I will admit I have pulled back,,,these are some of the reasons maybe other REAL men do as well:
One of the biggest reasons is her lack of deep ,open,honest communication,you know how it feels to have to ask repeatedly for someone to share thier thoughts,,,feelings,,but the other aspects are:

1, A man does not like the thought of having to act like some low life predator,,having to make most of the moves,,,

2. When a lady has to be stimulated just to be herself,or hung up with what appear to be defences/walls,,,no man wants to deal with her misplaced trust,,,,

3. Some ladies treat a decent man by comparing him to someone in her past,,,,

4.Lack of experience,,some ladies feel insecure,worried if the man will respect them for just being themselves,,,a real man believes in mutal respect,and seeks to share all aspects of romance,

5.Ladies who are uncomfortable in there sensuality and sexuality,,,,basicly they are boring,,its not that they did not try ,,,its just that they refuse to explore,creativity,grow,they seem to feel all it takes is great looks,,wrong,thats a biggy,,,

6. There are women players out there just as there are men,,,just like women,if they think so,,they back off ,,,and most of the time they were wrong,,,again comparing to thier past,,,

7.Some are so worried about taking the next step,they say they are "scared of being hurt",,,they never thought that a man has the same worries,,,yet is mature enough not to let it get to him,,,

8. Some ladies are "frigid" with thier personality,feelings,,thoughts,,yet they get upset when the man does not do so,,,

9.Ladies use the so called "weapon" of themselves to get thier way,,,deny affection,,,

10.Some ladies feel they have to "swear like a sailor who has been at sea for years",crude,lack of manners,lack of class,,,,just a big turn off,,

11.Some ladies will discuss themselves with another friend,,but not with the important man in thier life,,,

12.They think ALLmen are out for one thing,based upon teenage aspects,,,not the mature adult,some even give the impression they are virgins,and never been kissed,,,,just too many hang ups that are self distructive,,,

I think if one has to ask the qiestion here,,they very well have fallen into one oe more of the above,or variations of such,,,yes,,there are men who feel the same way as you do,,,yet they also would have the same issues,,,yet lack of deep honest open communication can and does PREVENT the "wondering why",,if one lets such build till its too late,,it IS,,

Yes,I will admit,life is a learning experience,and every human being is different,,,yet experiences ( yes we learn by seeing friends fall intio those aspects ,even if it did not take place in our lives)teach us all alot and one MUST NEVER STOP GROWING,,,

Eyes open,mind open,heart open,,Comumication open will help anyone avoid such pitfalls,,,never be ashamed to communicate your needs,wants,desires,goals,dreams,,,for when you do,,,life is just wonderful,,,,:)
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 128
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:52:41 AM
OK, so I've heard that natural human instinct is to RUN when being CHASED.

So, if you really like a guy (and I do), how do you get them to initiate the chase? Especially if they are very shy?

Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 129
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/27/2008 11:48:24 AM
Some men will say anything to get a date.

Some men just don't know what they want.

Some men fear getting too close and falling in love.

Men can have a problem saying what they really feel.

In your case, I think he was very attracted to you and
got cold feet over the having kids thing.

Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 130
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/27/2008 11:50:51 AM
You ask them out for a reason unrelated to sex
and be nice to them and see what happens.

Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 131
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/27/2008 11:53:44 AM
I like your answer.

Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 132
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/27/2008 2:20:43 PM
*You respond too strongly. The challenge of pursuit is a necessary vice in attraction for men. If a woman immediately shows overwhelming interest, it makes her seem either easy, like a dunce, insecure or manipulative. All are bad.

*You respond too late. If a woman responds too late, then obviously it's... too late. It can make you appear either insincere or indecisive, and neither of those will impress a man as to how you view him. It takes discernment to know how to "counter-pursue." That's just part of establishing a connection.

*Life changes. Sometimes the man simply has things going on that alter whether or not he can pursue you or not. Finances, previously established romantic interests, emotional changes, etc.

*Communication. As you talk, he realized you are not what he's looking for. This doesn't necessarily indicate anything bad. He may simply realize that the two of you are not meant for one another and move on. Men deal with this type of rejection constantly, so don't even think about complaining about this. Whether or not he'd realize the "real you" if he gave things more time is irrelevant, as he's made his choice. Women do the same thing within a span of a few minutes - even seconds - every day, and it doesn't stop some men from complaining about their interests not "knowing the real me."

*Observation. Sometimes men notice how you treat friends, other men, co-workers or whomever else. Sometimes they don't like what they see. They say you can tell who a person really is by how they act around their friends. Women have the tendency to act completely different when they're trying to flirt, so it stands to reason that a man might be taken aback by what he overhears from you.

*Gossip. He might have asked around and learned something about your past - true or otherwise - that he doesn't like. Happens to men, too. Deal with it.

There are lots of reasons. While most men don't think too in depth about their reasons, they certainly have them.
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 133
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/27/2008 5:03:31 PM
Sometimes, like us women, they are truly go out once or twice, and then some little, teensy thing, like the socks you wear, your perfume, or the way you hold your head when you talk, sends a signal to his brain that somehow sparks him to think of every other "unperfect" thing you have ever done...and he decides that the nays have it.

I have had these dates and met these guys, too....and it is odd, but it is either accept my theory, or be all cynical and think they all are only after an easy hook-up...which frankly, in my 30s, I doubt is the case. Sometimes, yes, but mostly, no.
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 134
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/27/2008 5:54:48 PM
Read the book, He's Scared, She's Scared. Very enlightening. Some guys aren't very evolved and don't know why they do the things they do. (e.g.: Feels bad>stop doing.) You can't explain something you don't understand yourself. Our problem, as women, is all about the men are from Mars issue--we don't think about/perceive/process things in the same way.
Joined: 7/9/2005
Msg: 135
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:10:41 PM
From reading the O.P., what I hear is a woman who thinks that she doesn't have to show any interest in the guy. He has to make all "ALL" the moves to get the relationship moving forward? Maybe he senses from you that, "You're just not that into him"? Message 141^^^^^ Thanks for mentioning the book, but why not tell us about the author? At least give us his name.
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 136
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/27/2008 10:49:38 PM
Well sometimes as one gets to know another person on a deeper level things that they don't like and aren't willing to accept can come to the surface. Thus, they pull back despite their initial interest.

In your particular case the guy may have been opposed to dating a women with kids, but liked you so he decided to just give it a shot and see if maybe he could deal with it. After giving it a shot he may have just decided it wasn't something he could deal with and thus pulled back.

All in all this is just part of the normal dating process. It surely does suck I can say, but it's going to happen. Sometimes you'll be the one doing the pulling back and other times you'll be the one being pulled away from. I suppose it'd make things more helpful if we knew why the person had a change of heart, but that is seldom the case and if we do get a reason it's usually something generic like we're not compatible all the while we know there was something(s) specific they didn't like.
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 137
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/18/2008 7:53:16 PM
Aurora, this describes my last (failed) relashionship very well. And I am still wondering what I did wrong but something kept telling me that I didn't cause him to pull back. Or at least not entirely.

When this guy and I met, he was always free, text-messaged or phoned me every minute he had, tried to make plans for dates, he even cooked me breakfast once. I understand we try a little harder early on in a relashionship. But very quickly, the kind words only came when he was drunk. Very drunk. Don't get me wrong, he ws a happy drunk, but really, I like a sober man to be fun as well. Within 2 months, it had gotten to the point where I felt pushed away because a headache would be reason enough to cancel our plans. So I broke it off, not without much pain. I was very much into this guy.

Now what I have concluded from this is that since I never thought he was a player type, I either turned him off somehow - which after a couple of physical relapses I tend to doubt - or he was hiding his drinking from me, thinking I would like him less if I found out how much he partied. I believe it's the second option from him having tried to slow down and quick smoking while we were together. But after failing at it, he became distant. Even though I do like my fare share of party, and even though it was never a problem for me, I think that's what caused him to pull up his walls.

I am still very sad by this. It is hard to break up with someone at the peak of physical attraction. But I knew it wasn't going anywher and prefered to cut my losses. I'm still hopeful though :-)
Joined: 12/14/2007
Msg: 138
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/20/2008 8:32:49 AM
i can completely relate..i always show multiple pictures and i am upfront of what im looking for ...initially he will be really interested and then i wont hear from him for months if at all...when i ask what i did wrong i look like the lunatic when i really just want to know what was going theory is this..if youre just looking for a piece say so..if youre not interested say so...honesty is always the best policy...if you dont have the time to get to know someone on here then dont bother in the first place and if youre looking for sex, say so on your profile...ive stopped taking it personally, its not worth my time or energy will happen when its supposed to
Joined: 2/21/2008
Msg: 139
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Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/21/2008 8:25:34 PM

Sometimes some men when they get to close to someone just become chicken and sabatoge their own chances
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 140
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/22/2008 12:25:46 AM
Ok ladies I'm gona lose my guy card for telling you this but here it is in a nut shell,
most you you guys tend to choose the pretty boys and badboys, you know that great looking guy with that smile so white it would put Barbra Bush's hair to shame, with the six pack abs you can do laundry on, yeah that guy.
And what do you expect, he can have pretty much any woman he wants and does till something else comes along that looks a little better.
His head is about the size of the Goodyear blimp from all the women he uses and dumps
and he could not care less about your feelings because its all about him.
I would reason to bet there are thousands of guys on this site that would worship the ground you women walked on, put they dont get the chance because the dont look as good or they are not as tall as you where looking for, or they drive a bus instead of being CEO.
Do you like fighting your guy for the mirror cause he thinks he's better looking then you? does he have more hair and skin products then you?
Come on ladies , give the nice guys a chance in stead of the badboys all the time.
 sweet lady Lori
Joined: 3/19/2008
Msg: 141
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/22/2008 3:29:23 AM
Well falcon...not all us women are like that. I for one prefer an "average" guy over an adonis or "bad boy", so your theory doesn't apply to all, and it certainly doesn't apply to me.
I am not sure why so many men find it hard to believe that some women look at a mans heart and soul more than his face and body.
I am going to go with the poster before you and accept some men pull back simply out of fear. However, there really isn't anything to fear is there? We are just women!
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 142
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/22/2008 9:28:22 AM
OP: Seems to me after spending time with one another, they realized no future with you or someone better suited came into the picture.

Of course, if he's a player - he "hit it" and now conquest is over.
 Plastic Sturgeon
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 143
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/22/2008 9:39:52 AM
Loukiss. Sure I would care to comment! It's not necessarily true!
A mature confident man, doesn't act like a school girl! Until one has
had a DOZEN or so dates, nothing means anything! Patience and SELF
CONTROL are key ingredients to the formation of a good and secure
relationship! How can anyone be gone over someone they don't even
know? I've had women give me this love at first sight crap! Well where
are they now? lol This flash-in-the-pan BS does no one any good!
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 144
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/22/2008 9:41:52 AM
"A mature confident man, doesn't act like a school girl!" - maybe a "school boy"?
 Plastic Sturgeon
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 145
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/22/2008 10:00:12 AM
It REALLY boils down to self control! We may feel like a little school boy
or girl, but we must put on our best poker face and pretend otherwise! lol

And I rather suspect that many women just LOVE to dig around below
the surface and see how we really feel about them! Too many guys just
don't get this and ruin all the fun and sexual tension that goes along with it
by blurting out all their feelings!
Joined: 9/28/2008
Msg: 146
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/22/2008 10:46:03 AM

You need to realize when you meet people, they will NOT mesh with you on every level you demand. Yes, I said demand. You have a wonderful son who is a challenge. A lot of people DON'T understand what it is like to give so much more of yourself for him. I have been in your shoes. As much as you give him, you demand someone be as nice or nicer to you.

If you haven't made any kind of commitment to be together (all the foo-foo talk aside), you can't tell him what to do. That is the FASTEST way to have anyone high-tail it and leave for good. Having just chemistry does not a relationship make. If you don't have the other pieces of the puzzle, you will never be complete.

I am not trying to tell you do anything, but maybe you should see a couples counselor before you get in a relationship. You need to get a perspective from a third-party and not a family or friend. You need someone impartial to tell you who is wrong for demanding or not delivering.

The energy you spend being PISSED off could be spent finding the one. Your son needs you when he is not in school. If anyone can't accept that, you should take that as a first and last sign to leave. Why stay pissed when you can be hopeful or even happy you are not in a bad relationship?

Someone is out there waiting for you. You are NOT going to find "the one" pissing and moaning about the guy who obviously is going to treat you like crap.

I hope you do find the one that will treat you and yours the way you deserve.

Joined: 10/12/2008
Msg: 147
view profile
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/22/2008 11:52:43 AM
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 148
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/22/2008 7:52:11 PM
Yep its that wall! thing...but having had it done to me I have to wonder if his excuses as to why it happened were excuses or if the fact i had kids really bothered him...oh and that i dont have a perfect body lol!..when you have been casual with someone, friends and all of a sudden he starts hanging out with you and your kids in your home and well its just wonderful your starting to let your wall down and feel comfy and stuff ...for them to just stop dead because you said something that he reckons made you seem demanding and needy when in actual fact (asking someone to dinner) must be demanding who would of thought lol! I think alot of guys start to fall or get comfy and then think fuk is this what i really want...i think im ready to settle down but in reality maybe im not RUN!! for the hills ...guys seem to think that if they commit, what happens if something better comes along i will break her heart but really if he opens up and knocks that wall down he could of found the most wonderful relationship he could imagine....take the risk I say...because sometimes you throw away something really special because your scared...But I wouldn't mind knowing why men pull back too.....??
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 149
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/23/2008 2:49:13 PM
this just happened to me. i never had it happen before.
we did the emailing, talking and texting for a few weeks.
we met.
i text him a few days later "hope you have a great day."
i don't hear back from him, so what.
i come on here to answer another email.
i see he is gone from my profile.
he poofed.
i get a text 6 hours later "thanks. i hope you have one too."
i ask "did i do something wrong?"
he responds "no. why?"
i say "ok."
i asked, he said i didn't do anything, so i'm cool.
five minutes later, he texts me this paragraph on how we "just met" and "we are all here to make friends, he doesn't know if he met "the one" or not and asks if i know "what he means?" "we can still chat" and then he told me he was getting on the road so he couldn't text or talk. (not that i wanted to)
i am stunned.

i have no idea where he got "i want to move in with you and marry you" from "hope you have a great day."
i didn't respond to his text.
i haven't heard any further from him about it.

i feel like i've been played.
he was the one calling and texting me.
its easy to get used to someone doing that.

if you don't feel that you want to continue talking to someone after meeting them or at whatever point you discover that the person isn't for you, then just tell them.
when you go silent and poof, its the most unkind and selfish thing.

if you want honesty, then you have to be honest yourself.
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 150
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/23/2008 8:14:59 PM
Why do woman chase men that do this? Because it works.

If they end up getting hurt; they stop trusting guys; even the decent guys. And decent guys get hurt because they've all been in the friend zone; desperately in love, with a woman that's been played by these types of guys.

Every see the Movie "Hitch"? Great scene; the speed dating scene, where Will Smith Explains that guys hire him, because women do not respond well to being told; "I like you".

There is a book; "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It covers all of this in detail.

The principal is this; women don't respect needy men. Men pull away to show they aren't needy. It builds anticipation, it builds sexual tension, and it works.

The bottom line is this; if you're attracted to bad boys, pursue bad boys, and don't mess with decent guys by giving them false signals. If you're attracted to good guys, and want a good relationship, don't chase bad boys.

If you've got a guy who seems great, but is pulling back; call him out on his behaviour. If he talks his way out of it; he's a bad boy. If respects you; he'll work on meeting you half way, and on working out a compromise that does demean you, and he'll probably open up about something that's bugging him too. That's a relationship; and a good one.

Good luck fishing :)
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