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 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 75
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Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...Page 4 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
'''''Hey mudpacker .... I did it!! And what about''''

Yeah, we should get married this weekend. You got any money? I need a place to stay. But it seems so many woman are jaded and bitter and won't get married or have sex on a first date. Though it has been explained to women that a few forums, a couple emails, a phone call and an IM is all it should take to know if you want to get married, or have chemistry, or have sex, or our criminal background and level of sincerity.

Which one do you want to do, get married or have sex? You will understand I am doing you a favor by skipping the emails, instant message and phone calls. The best way to get a man is to know him by just a spontaneous spurt of the moment, ie, "HANGOUT" late after you've had a few drinks, I see you online. That way, you can relax so he can be himself. Me? I'm trustworthy cause I don't drink, but I love that slutty bar breath fragrance. Golly Wally, I wish I was one of these rare guys who isn't just thinking about sex anymore, or how angry and bitter most women in this (and every) thread are....Are they one and the same?

Hey Wally, do you think if I had a good attitude and some dating skills, I could meet a woman with a good attitude and good dating skills? Do likes attract? Does the Pope wear waterproof fur? Do Zen masturbators clap their hands?

Hey now before you make a logical or emotion based decision, like some women do....lets hang out and talk about our sexual styles before we waste time becoming friends. I have lots of friends, but hardly any, well none, sex partners. I should have lots, seeins how there are so many lonely women here begging for a date. But most of them can't handle my superior male sexual fantasies and some ability to maintain a hardon. Thats why I jibber gabber a lot in bed and specialize in funny stuff. Has any guy ever made your belly button hard? or given you multiple BB orgasms? That's my specialty, Ladies, call me "the buttoneer".
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 76
Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/19/2008 1:02:21 AM
'''''Hey mudpacker .... I did it!! And what about''''

Ok, we should get married this weekend. You got any money? I need a place to stay. But it seems so many woman are jaded and bitter and won't get married or have sex on a first date. Though its been explained to women that a few forums, a couple emails, a phone call and an IM is all it should take to know if you want to get married or have sex.

Which one do you want to do, get married or have sex?


Well I certainly am not going to marry someone on the firstdate!! Wait, can I wear a bright orange and green polka dotted dress with big huge fluffy sleeves and a purple and yellow striped veil?? Please can I, can I?? Where do you want to meet?? Hey my friends uncle just got out of prison and he could do the ceremony for only $5 and gas!!! Hehehee just teasin ya!!

So obviously I am now really unsure of what the issue is here on this thread.

Oh yeah - so is that my only choices?? To either get married or to have sex?? Is this a new rule?? Sorry, I get lost sometimes in what the issue is with all the turns and twists the threads often take.

OK, I will add that I can see both sides. I do relate to women who want to wait. The references I have heard men say like "I need to test drive before I buy the car" comes up, and that mentality is pathetic. I am not a car, and most used cars that get test driven alot are never bought. I too want to a man that will commit to being with just me. Does that mean immediate marriage - heck NO. Does it mean sleep with him on first date - NO, not that it hasn't happened but you learn from your mistakes. My experience has taught me (I am sure many women can relate) that usually this situation never ends in a relationship, and as someone said, for women to be intimate our hearts are in it, our emotions and it is not just physical for us. I don't want to be a "hit it and forget it" girl to ANYONE.

NOT ALL woman are angry and bitter. I sure am not. I am not about carrying a load of hate for anyone, it only weighs me down and keeps me from enjoying life. Besides, men are awesome!!! Just like not ALL men are angry and bitter!!! Unfortunately there are some, but that's their issue.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 77
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Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/19/2008 1:27:09 AM
Mr snap happy, I think you are stretching this out a bit..as are some other folks:

""""I guess the take home message is conduct yourself in a way which leaves out the "can't get me, I'm way too smart for you - look at all my rules" attitude which is a red rag to a bull player. I suspect most women who communicate this challenge to players are unaware that they are doing so. They end up with more player types hitting on them, and it validates their fears, """ and guys pass you up.....

What's all that about? Most gals here have it figured out simply: "IF A STRANGE GUY CALLS TO HANGOUT, SAY "NO THANKS".

I'm one of the number one top gold players here, and I don't do that. I just play.

It's a good idea to go back to OP's original question. How ever it is true many men from the internet (like me) will ask to come over at the weirdest times...Is it just as true that men women meet at social functions call at odd hours for random spur of the moment unplanned "hangouts".

And FYI, it did sound like Dave1234 was saying that the nicer a guy acts, the more he is probably a player. Maybe Zangie shouldn't have even replied to that. What do you think?
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 78
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Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/19/2008 3:17:24 AM
You started out this thread asking for advice or opinions; NOW you appear to be the one doing the teaching. Are you asking for advice; or confused that people disagree with you?

What a lot of people have been trying to point out to you is that your "rules" DO NOT weed out "players." They may weed out some, but they also weed out people who like being spontaneous. Following rules DOES NOT, in any way, indicate respect; it indicates an ability to follow rules. Period.

You have obviously felt used, and been deeply hurt, on more than one occasion; and are apparently trying to set up some type of defensive shield to protect yourself in the future. You have also apparently run into problems with your “policies.” The magic trick is that there is no magic trick. The only way to weed out a player, is to get to know them. The best way, is to get to know their history. The problem with “policies” is that they also weed out people who don’t deal well with inflexibility; whether they are a player, or not. Personally, I’m one of those. Absolutely nothing personal on you; it’s just who I am.


Players by definition do not respect women, and the "policy" that I posted requires a man to do just that.
NO! All your “policy” does is require someone to follow rules. Personally, I absolutely adore, and respect, women; I HATE “policies.”


Thus it becomes evident - very early on usually, who the Players are. They do not appreciate being required to treat a woman like she is anything but a piece of meat, and any woman wh o asks for more then that is deemed "too demanding", or requiring of the man to "jump through hoops", or she will be of accused of "having too many restrictions". Furthermore, men who treat women with respect are seen as "desperados" and "wimps".
If it were only the “players” you were weeding out; you would be able to write that paragraph with happiness and joy; because you would have successfully weeded them out. However, judging from the judgmental defensive posture you’ve taken; my guess is that you aren’t entirely happy with your results. As far as name calling goes, you’re right; anybody who refers to anybody as a “desperado”, or “wimp” is someone you should rejoice at no longer associating with.


Women are played because they are naieve and/or push-overs. When we sleep with a man too soon, we fall under something of a spell, and the man can do no wrong. We are blind to the warning signs, and we relax our boundaries.
This part is obviously biographical; and explains why you are doing what you are doing. I understand, and respect, your motives; however, you also need to realize that a lot of women CAN be spontaneous, and go over to guys houses, WITHOUT an issue. Although, that's also EXACTLY what a player would tell you in order to "lure" you to his house. It goes both ways.


If women had policies in place that are aimed at weeding out Players, they would save themselves a lot of grief.
Pity it isn’t that simple.

Respectable men would honor those policies, because they are not burdensome.
To a point. Obviously, they are burdensome; or you would never have felt the need to post this thread. There is a HUGE difference between “preferences” and “personal requirements.” Nobody would argue with a preference; whereas very few would accept personal requirements. If an event, or your lifestyle, dictates scheduling; no problem, I’ll schedule months out. If, however, you demand scheduling; that’s making him subservient; and it won’t be happening.


I mean, is it too much to ask to give a girl 24 hours notice for a date...at least in the beginning?
Absolutely not; certainly not for the first date or two. However, if “something comes up” are you flexible to change? i.e. “Hey, I just got concert tickets for tonight! Would you like to go?” If your ONLY excuse is “Sorry, no 24hr notice”; that's just a rule for the sake of having a rule.
Is it too much to ask to keep that date?
Absolutely not. Any broken date needs to have a really good excuse. I honestly can’t recall the last time I broke a date.


What about about honoring her wishes to refrain from spending time alone at one's home until she feels comfortable with it? Is she worth that much? Honestly, if a guy thinks that is too much to ask...WHO NEEDS HIM?
I completely agree with you here. In my previous post I was pointing out that you CAN hang out at someone’s home; while making it explicitly clear that sex isn’t happening. However, if your reasoning is that “you don’t trust yourself”; I totally understand, and respect, that; and anybody who pushes the issue is exactly someone you don’t want to hang with anyway.

TO WEED OUT PLAYERS: You have to get to know them. There isn’t a short cut.

Take home message: The single greatest predictor of future behavior, is past behavior. Talk to them about previous relationships; ask their opinions; see what the have actually done; and how they have actually handled things. See how they think. Anyone can lie; listen to their “off the cuff” remarks; and their spontaneous opinions. Then you’ll know if you’ve got a player or not.

Also, to clarify, when I was talking about “hanging out” at someone’s home, I was NOT[i/] talking about a FIRST date! I STRONGLY advise everyone to NEVER go to someone’s home, or invite them to yours on a first date. I’ve had a few women offer to allow me to pick them up at their home for our first date. While I KNOW they are “safe” with me, LOL; and while I’m all about being the gentleman, and picking them up, etc; I wouldn’t do it. This is a dating site; and these are strangers; LADIES, you MUST think safety first. (No, for the two goobs out there, I was NOT worried about them hurting me, LOL.) Although, there is a story on here about some girls ex coming by, and caving in the rear window of a guy’s vehicle, while he was inside the house on a first date.

Good luck.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 81
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Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/19/2008 6:47:20 AM

(Msg 144) A man should be trying to impress a woman he finds a connection with." That shows wisdom and maturity.

Followed by,
So a woman who expects to be treated with common respect is asking too much of poor "average Joe". Your average Joe sounds like a Player!


Common respect or trying to impress? They are not the same thing. The average person will respect another but they will not try to impress unless they have ulterior motives.

Most guys are aware that if they have to impress (chase, woo, jump through hoops) they will have to do that when in a relationship. A person who demands being impressed (chased, wooed, etc) is not going to change once in the relationship. If they think they’re so important now they will think the same way once in a relationship.

So, what type of guy is going to stick around; a serious guy who knows that should a relationship result he will spend the rest of his life trying to gain favour with the woman or a player who knows he’s just there to score and then the game is over?


Any guy who has healthy testosterone levels and finds me attractive will likely want to get romantic with me if we were alone together in the privacy of our home. As a woman, I have to decide whether I am ready for that kind of activity with you.


A simple solution is to tell the guy nothing sexual is going to happen until you both are tested for STDs. There’s nothing to debate. You both make an appointment and get tested together. It’s highly doubtful a player is going to get tested every time he tries to score.

The tests are inexpensive and the results available within days. It shows both people are serious about each other. Problem solved.


(Msg 146) There are perfectly "good" guys who also treat you well. Your implication is that any man who is nice to us is playing us?


No, not every man. Not even most but you can be sure the guy who isn’t “perfect” or isn’t willing to “jump through the hoops” isn’t likely to be a player because he’d just as soon leave and say to hell with it.

The serious guy isn’t going to play the game. The game player will play right along. That’s the game! That’s the whole idea. Trick you. Deceive you. The serious guy is up front. If the woman is not interested he leaves. By not playing the game he shows he’s not a game player. It’s rather straight forward I would think.


(Msg 153) Players by definition do not respect women, and the "policy" that I posted requires a man to do just that. Thus it becomes evident - very early on usually, who the Players are. They do not appreciate being required to treat a woman like she is anything but a piece of meat, and any woman who asks for more then that is deemed "too demanding", or requiring of the man to "jump through hoops", or she will be of accused of "having too many restrictions".


Not according to what I’ve read on here and private emails with a couple of posters. The player did come across as respecting the woman.

"Of course a woman has to be careful. Of course guys are all after sex.”

The player knows what the woman wants to hear. That’s the game! The player comes across as a guy who understands woman’s concerns. He puts the woman at ease by agreeing with her. He wins her confidence. He doesn’t care if he has to “crawl” because it’s about winning the game. He has no intention of staying with her after he gets what he wants. He doesn’t care about being manipulated and being subservient to the woman because the reality is he is the one doing the manipulation.

Ask yourself, “Why is the guy putting up with my crap?” Why? There has to be a reason. Unless he can’t possibly get another gal then I suppose he’ll put up with whatever is necessary but thinking about the average guy why would he tolerate that?

As I mentioned before women who have been seriously used were used by guys who went along with all the nonsense. Guys whom women thought were “perfect”. Guys whom women were sure they passed all the tests.


What about honoring her wishes to refrain from spending time alone at one's home until she feels comfortable with it?


Is it too much to ask the woman to come over in the afternoon? Is it too much to ask her to sit in the back yard so she and the guy won’t be alone in the house at the same time? What is wrong with the direct approach such as, “I don’t feel comfortable coming over at night because I’m not ready for anything romantic. Can I visit this Saturday afternoon?”

Straight. To the point. I can’t see a decent guy refusing unless he has something scheduled for Saturday.


(Msg 158) I have. To my face. After we had sex, he told me I was a slut for giving in so easily. That was in my twenties. The memory is vaguely parked in my lower brain.


Exactly! When you were in your 20s. That’s why I wrote in msg 142,
I asked how many women have actually experienced a ONS after, say, 40 years of age. I think one person acknowledged it. The rest assumed an encounter would be a ONS so they didn't participate.

My point is I believe many women have experienced guys just wanting a ONS but that was in the past. The vast majority of guys over 40 can not simply walk out of their house and get laid, simply put.


One can not compare the intentions of a 25 year old to a 45 year old but that seems to be what happens. Whether it’s to do with a guy’s intentions or women expecting dating to be the same as it was when they were in their 20s things are not the same.

There were plenty of places where people in their 20s hung out and 20’s guys had more energy and time to go out. The 40s guy is not in the bars and clubs every night and there aren’t that many 40s gals there anyway. The situations can not be compared meaning the intentions of guys can be compared to 25 years ago.


(Msg 162)………since when is having boundaries disrespectful to a man (refering to your statement that most self-respecting guys will pass me over if I possess this *attitude*)???


It’s not the boundaries that are disrespectful. Disrespect has nothing to do with it, in any case. The problems arise when one sets conditions that are illogical. For example, when one states they do not know a person well enough to have sex and then follow it up with wanting to go slow getting to know the person. If knowing the person is preventing one from having sex then logic dictates getting to know the person as soon as possible IF they are interested.

Human nature being what it is there comes a point where if someone is deliberately making things difficult the other person "switches gears" and it becomes a contest. At 40+ years of age surely one can state directly their preferences and be done with it.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 82
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Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/19/2008 11:05:45 AM
""The problems arise when one sets conditions that are illogical.""

That is why the logical thing to do is meet at a neutral place for the first couple of dates (especially for online dating, but OP was talking about people she had met through friends, etc. It is still LOGICAL practice not to meet strangers at one's home). You had a good idea Dave, meet in the afternoon, IF BOTH PEOPLE WANT TO. That's the logical way to start a relationship, is to agree on things.

But lets say a nice lady says, "Oh Dave, you flatter me, you really are a sexy devil. I'm kinda busy right now, but would love to go out with you Friday nite, on a date. How's about we meet at TJ Shenanigans for the twilite dinner special, and that will give us all nite to chit chat".

I like dates, I like social events, I like museums and bike rides. Meeting a possible lover is a great excuse to do those things with her. But, If I'm horney, I'll start sending messages late at nite offering my "hangout services". I really can't believe an intelligent mature romantic fellow thinks any woman in her right mind wants to "meet and hangout" with a stranger she only met once.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 88
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Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/20/2008 7:29:17 PM

(Msg 184)
(Dave)Ask yourself, “Why is the guy putting up with my crap?” Why? There has to be a reason. Unless he can’t possibly get another gal then I suppose he’ll put up with whatever is necessary but thinking about the average guy why would he tolerate that?

This statement is a perfect example of why and how my policy weeds out the undesireables. Any "average Joe" that would deem what is important to me, for my safety and comfort level, to be nothing but "crap" or "nonsense" (as you wrote right after this sentence), clearly does not respect women. I wouldn't want to be with a guy like that, and if that's what this so-called "average Joe" thinks, then it's obvious why he can't get a date.


My statement was immediately followed by, "As I mentioned before women who have been seriously used were used by guys who went along with all the nonsense. Guys whom women thought were “perfect”. Guys whom women were sure they passed all the tests." (Msg 178)

The point is a person can have all the boundaries and submit all the tests they want. If they are "generally" unreasonable, "generally" being defined as what the "average" person would do, then the guy who accepts that is just as likely to be a player as opposed to one who respects women. The reason being a guy will respect himself and if he's acquiescing to demands the average person would find inappropriate one has to ask, "Why?"

From the different threads I've read and the occasional email exchange it wasn't the "naive" gal who got used and that's what "annoyed" the authors of the posts. They were intelligent, educated ladies who put guys through the tests. Of course, the guys were players.

As I asked before why would a decent, honest guy go to unusual lengths to accomodate a lady he barely knows? It's possible he's just a really nice guy but it's more likely he's a player.

I've always been straight forward with women and seldom had a problem finding one and it quickly weeded out the career daters.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 91
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Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/22/2008 12:49:22 AM
""" I shouldn't have said anything .... It's frustrating when you feel as though people twist your words..... Please accept my apology. I know you have posed some questions to me .....I hope you don't mind if I pass on that.

Just this afternoon I found this interesting talk which might explain where I am coming from. http://loporto.com/garret/2008/08/15/your-true-will/
(about 4 minutes into the talk) ......
..... the only way to improve the scene/community as a collective is to not let traumatic experiences victimise us over and over. Most of us have experienced trauma ....the good news is that there are choices in the way we respond to it."""

Mr Snap Happy, I deleted a few words, but in no way have I twisted your words. you do understand the difference right (sorry if I am "intellectualizing). Dare I ask, WHAT DOES TRAUMA have to do with good manners, planning a date, and not wanting a booty call? Even if 1/3 women have been seriously traumatized (raped or beaten) by a male , and 2/3 or more have frequent cum ons, that's a separate issue. The point of this thread has almost no reference to "trauma", what the concern is WHAT KIND OF ASHHOLE asks a strange woman to come over? Hopefully, when his "suggestion" is rightly rejected by all but the most desperate women (or men) he says a polite "thank you", like I do.

No need for truama therapy to answer this question, but maybe a few guys who answered need it.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 99
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Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/22/2008 11:41:27 PM
""""I will say it again.... IF the tables were turned and it was the women that were expected to pay each and every time they go out on a date, maybe then they would see how one sided that is.
A man can be a total gentleman and still not pay for your meal... and the women that scream, "CHEAP"... what do YOU give in return for said man paying your way?""

That is a whole different thread Dr.Phil. You don't need to say it again. You shouldnt have said it in the first place. I guess, on the brite side, I must seem like a genius compared to some guys. You rock dude! Keep on keepin on.

I don't think anywoman on here mentioned wanting to hang out with immature twits.

""" Guys at any age range can get with just about any hot or not so hot girl they want with various degrees of effort of course. You can't return to your 20s, so if you want to hang out with dudes, you need to change your expectations or fall back from the game""""
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 103
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Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/23/2008 6:59:42 AM

If you demand that a man spend money on you, cause I ASS U ME that you WORK, right, then why can they not demand to have sex with you... isn't that being a prostitute?




if a man demands sex, he is a sexual predator.
is that how you want to be viewed?

if a woman demands that a man spend money on her before sex...
then she's a prostitute.
i KNOW that's not how I want to be viewed.

I prefer to spend time with someone, getting to know them. He picks up the check if he asked me out, I pick up the check if I asked him out... I think I should have been demanding more sex according to your theory, cause we know all of those guys tried to get down my pants, right?

~eyeroll~

I'm all for safety, but can we start from a position of mutual respect? otherwise, why BOTHER with the date?

And if i'm hanging out, its with my buddies, "hanging out" immediately puts a guy in the friend zone, where he will languish, watching me date.

sydneyleigh
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 106
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Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/23/2008 9:42:06 AM
Mr snaphappy, if you don't like the COMMON ANSWER to this question (trauma aside, but important too) here is an answer your intelligence and sexual motives might comprehend quote: """And if i'm hanging out, its with my buddies, "hanging out" immediately puts a guy in the friend zone, where he will languish, watching me date.""" Whaddya think of that?

edit: see above ladylinzi: """"I am having a really hard time with the above also.""

I presume she means "I agree with above" ie she wants a man to value her at least enough to make a real date. Sheeesh , broke middle age guys will pay a hooker $70 for a BJ in my car, think if they spent that money on dinner and a movie? I could get a BJ and intercourse, maybe some butterfly stimulation too. And, I bet most hookers want at least 15 minutes notice out of respect and to wipe off first.

""people use different terms of expression and ways of communicating that may become confusing. While I don't disagree that these guys may want to be intimate it would only be objective to consider that some may also want only to be friends without anything more that you suggest""

People do use "different terms of expression and ways of communicating"......BUT, if they are sooo different or off of the norm (this is the college educated, middle class, white, horney male speaking of course) then that too IS A GOOD REASON for a lady of any age to politely decline. As one lady above recently mentioned, tell the guy "this is unexpected, is there another time and place we could meet" that is convenient for both of us? THIS DOES NOT MEAN SHE IS ANGRY, BITTER, A PRUDE OR CLOSED MINDED....geeesh guys (not you btj rv), get a clue and you might get a good girlfriend (there is a guy on another thread who can get sex partners, but he can't get a "girlfriend").

The key here is btjrv said guys ".....may want to be intimate....". That's enough forewarning, enough of a clue, enough good reason, enough red flag, for most women who don't want a spur of the moment hangout or sex hookup, or the HASSLE or SURPISE or DISAPPOINTMENT to rightly so decline. I would if I was a woman, and doubly so since I know a little about men....PS: its another topic, I'd hate to thread hijack but folks M and W, do women know more about men than men do?
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 107
Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/23/2008 7:52:35 PM
Geez what happens to people as they get older?
when I was single in my late teens an early 20's I used to "HANG OUT " with girls all the time, when i got my first apartment we would meet girls at the mall and they would be hanging out at our apartment that night.
Sex was not always involved it was just something to do.
Also spontaneous dates tend to be more fun, planning things days or weeks in advance tend to suck the fun out of things. But that just my opinion you should live by Your rules.
 openlove
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 108
Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/23/2008 8:04:45 PM
Hey, at least he's honest- to a point...and not making excuses as to why he's really really there OR why youre really there.
Used to be for me but not anymore. Thats a thing of my past that I choose NOT to go back to. I KNOW what I want and if someone misses out- so be it. Thats part of my definition of being open minded.
~shrugs~
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 113
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Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 8/24/2008 7:42:23 AM
Hashasnot said: """To the first post:
Well, bottom line is you don't trust people. I like spontaneous women that trust me and I don't have to explain to them that I am not a serial killer, I don't just want to have sex with them, they are not afraid to take a ride with me or come to my place, blah, blah, blah. To answer your points""""

This is why POF needs a +, 0, - post rating vote clicker. I'd "red" that kind of idiocy so fast. Can you just see it now? A big RED negative bar next to all that guys posts. And a big GREEN bar next to me
And while I'm at it, instead of sending roses to guys emails, how about the women send us handjobs or something? That sounds more romantic, to me.

As everyone knows, never trust anyone who says "you can trust me".
 midnight2000
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 116
Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 11/30/2014 3:04:07 PM
Hello,

I am glad that I am not the only women. And for those who think that this is male bashing, I say where is your head? There are women that do this too. I'm not one of them.

I grew up with the notion of men being chivalrous. I don't know what happened in the 80s when women went to work. There are certain things like opening the door that has been gone. But men taking the first step and calling a woman and choosing a public place to meet has not gone the way of the dinosaur. Us single women still expect that.

With guys wanting to hang out at the spur of the moment that the start of the relationship, do not care about the fact that some of us women have a schedule that we want to keep. I would rather be staying at home at the end of a work day, and not get a call to come over right away. The men that do this just want one thing, and they do not care about women they are doing too. These men do not see that a relationship is a give and take. These spur-of-the-moment men do not care about what women want in the relationship, and only thinking that these women just want sex. That's a girlfriend, that's more friends with benefits.

Sex at the beginning of a relationship won't last. It will get boring and the women would want a relationship just like what we see on TV. Women want to go out and have fun, not sit around a guy's home or apartment and have sex.

Also, now that I mention it, there are men out there that confuse sex with love. They're two different things. Love is an emotion and sex is action with emotion. The issue with sex will become emotional on the women's side, but the men will still think that's what she wants, when sex is not what she wants.

Also, men do not know how to read a dating profile. They look at a woman's picture and think that she's on dating sites to have sex. There are adult sites for people who just want to sex, try that. Dating sites are called dating sites for a reason. There's no sex in the word dating.

The reason why I mention that men don't read dating profiles is because I have lived in this small town for 2 years and I haven't been around because I don't have a car (Which is my other issue with men doing things spur of the moment). I haven't meet anyone who is willing to show me around.

Your questions should be asked on a men's site like AskMen.com. Ask them why they want to do things at the spur of the moment on the first date.

But thank you very much for asking this question. I don't know if men are willing to read this. Some will think that it's a feminazi rant or, they would rather look at the pretty pictures and not the profiles.
 midnight2000
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 117
Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 11/30/2014 3:06:49 PM
Hello nursemari,

I've had men like that as well. You say you're not doing anything and they say that they are bored. Why not come over to my place. I myself, have already taken a bath and want to stay home. Plus I don't have a car. I've done that with an ex-boyfriend too. So that was a learning experience.

These men do not care that we have a schedule to keep and a REAL relationship. Not sex.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 118
Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 11/30/2014 3:27:21 PM

Hello,

I am glad that I am not the only women. And for those who think that this is male bashing, I say where is your head? There are women that do this too. I'm not one of them.

I grew up with the notion of men being chivalrous. I don't know what happened in the 80s when women went to work. There are certain things like opening the door that has been gone. But men taking the first step and calling a woman and choosing a public place to meet has not gone the way of the dinosaur. Us single women still expect that.

With guys wanting to hang out at the spur of the moment that the start of the relationship, do not care about the fact that some of us women have a schedule that we want to keep. I would rather be staying at home at the end of a work day, and not get a call to come over right away. The men that do this just want one thing, and they do not care about women they are doing too. These men do not see that a relationship is a give and take. These spur-of-the-moment men do not care about what women want in the relationship, and only thinking that these women just want sex. That's a girlfriend, that's more friends with benefits.

Sex at the beginning of a relationship won't last. It will get boring and the women would want a relationship just like what we see on TV. Women want to go out and have fun, not sit around a guy's home or apartment and have sex.

Also, now that I mention it, there are men out there that confuse sex with love. They're two different things. Love is an emotion and sex is action with emotion. The issue with sex will become emotional on the women's side, but the men will still think that's what she wants, when sex is not what she wants.

Also, men do not know how to read a dating profile. They look at a woman's picture and think that she's on dating sites to have sex. There are adult sites for people who just want to sex, try that. Dating sites are called dating sites for a reason. There's no sex in the word dating.

The reason why I mention that men don't read dating profiles is because I have lived in this small town for 2 years and I haven't been around because I don't have a car (Which is my other issue with men doing things spur of the moment). I haven't meet anyone who is willing to show me around.

Your questions should be asked on a men's site like AskMen.com. Ask them why they want to do things at the spur of the moment on the first date.

But thank you very much for asking this question. I don't know if men are willing to read this. Some will think that it's a feminazi rant or, they would rather look at the pretty pictures and not the profiles.



These men do not care that we have a schedule to keep and a REAL relationship. Not sex.

SMART LADY!
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 119
Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 11/30/2014 4:06:57 PM
I like to plan things ahead of time.

I also will occasionally ask a lady for a spontaneous same day date. No agenda either. I'm just looking to do something, but I will DEFINITELY not offer my place.

Apparently some gals are turned off by same day dates period, but that's a whole other subject.

FWIW, I don't get upset if they turn down the date and offer an alternative. Totally fine.

There's nothing wrong with an occasional 'hanging out' at his/her place. Especially on a work night.

Not to bash all women either, but there are few, that equate quiet time at home as a booty call and want an experience first.

I can understand in the beginning stages of getting to know someone, but c'mon, if you've already been intimate, it's time to be mature and respect each others schedules.

I mean really, why must dinner, a concert or some other outdoor activity be a requirement before 'hanging out' ?

Catch my drift?

This is getting deep into Mars/Venus territory and not for the faint of heart...

I know, I know. You ladies don't want to be treated like wives yet, lmao

I guess that's what the courtship phase is about. Not being treated like a wife, and me like a 'husband'. Hahahahahaha.

Just noticed OP was talking about first few dates. Yeah, I'd watch guys that turn you into the 8-10pm activity dates:(
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 120
Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 11/30/2014 4:28:09 PM
You are coming off as a rather pompous intellectual Mr Snap Happy and I don't know who will bother to read this long diatribe but I would suggest you use Spell Check. Call me a pedant lol!!
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 121
Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 11/30/2014 4:54:59 PM

Just noticed OP was talking about first few dates.

Yes, Dear, now please take out the trash...
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 122
view profile
History
Guys who want to hang out spur of the moment at the start of a relationship...
Posted: 12/1/2014 5:52:01 AM
Who bumped a thread from 6 years ago? How does that even happen? If you're going to have rules keep in mind there's always exception to the rule, not all guys are monoliths. I've been spontaneous and invited a girl out 20-30 minutes beforehand because I felt like it, I wasn't doing anything and was going to go somewhere and thought it would be nice to invite someone instead of going out by myself.

I've had girls come by my house on a first or second date because they wanted to, I slept with some of them and didn't sleep with some it just depends on the mood, it's not something I have planned because sex is something I never have planned. It's most spontaneous unless I'm in a committed relationship then I can plan on having a romantic evening that leads to sex.

It's reasonable but also pessimistic to assume so much out of men you don't know and when it kinda goes both ways, those guys don't know you either, you're a total stranger as well and there's a chance they could be cat fished or dealing with a sociopathic killer etc.....
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