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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > For those that have been married before - would you do it again?      Home login  
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 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 101
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?Page 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I think marriage works best for people who crave long-term closeness and companionship. I like having companions and friends, but I don't want to be tied at the hip and always having to worry about what someone else wants.


I don't disagree that "marriage works best for people who crave long-term closeness and companionship" but there are other reasons that marriage works well for some people other than just "craving long-term closeness and companionship".

Simply loving someone can be one of the reasons one might never want to have to say "goodbye" to them. I know it's so simple that it often gets lost in the shuffle so let me shine a light on that for a moment. If you find someone who invokes warmth, tenderness, passion and excitement... who adds a new richness to every one of your days just because they are who they are... who inspires, encourages and even reassures... why would a person want to limit the growth and commitment by installing some kind of warning beacon into the relationship that says, "when you screw up or if my feelings change, we'll be saying goodbye"??? For many, getting married is the declaration of an intention to never have to say goodbye if there are any other ways around it.

Marriage also works best for people who understand that character development is an important aspect of our own growth. There is no other relationship that will call on us to develop strong qualities quite as much as marriage does... To make a marriage work, it's necessary for each of us to develop tolerance, patience, compassion, insight, fortitude, compromise and a host of other qualities that make each of us stronger and healthier people. Without the development or exercise of these invisible muscles, I believe that a valuable part of our spirit atrophies and dies.

Marriage also works when people have a strong spiritual connection with a higher power and through the marriage, through loving someone else and truly caring about someone else, we are able to feel more connected with our higher power. Such a connection surpasses the swirling circumstances of physical, financial or sexual changes and elevates that loving relationship into a sacred place that would not be destroyed if one person was to gain weight, become ill or lose their job. It also places their sexuality in the sacred place that allows them the freedom to be wildly passionate and uninhibited with one another.

Marriage then, isn't just for those who "crave long-term closeness and companionship". It's also for those who are spiritual, loving and brave enough to walk through Hell for those we love, IF we have to...
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 102
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/24/2008 3:19:47 PM
I agree with everything you say, Silken. I stated things somewhat simplistically for typing convenience. I sure felt the way you describe during my marriage. However, now that I'm single, retrospectively, all those wonderful things just aren't enough for me to give up my new found freedom. I love my life the way it is and I truly don't think I could ever go back to being married (ditto for living together). In addition, I'm also far too responsible to make a marital commitment knowing how my paradigm has shifted (now that I'm single) and how I presently truly feel about marriage. Lastly, I presently have all those wonderful things in my life without a marriage...plus, I have my freedom too. I honestly feel I have my cake, the icing, and I'm even able to eat it!!!
 Katir
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 103
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/24/2008 3:27:56 PM
I don't know. I'm wary of saying "never again". Tends to happen when you say that, lol.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 104
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/24/2008 3:38:18 PM

my paradigm has shifted


Wow.... that musta hurt!

When mine shifted, I could no longer leap tall buildings, sing the high notes OR travel on the short, yellow bus... I sure miss my buddies...

Just kidding Spiderette... Thanks for your response... Just for the record, I think there are many ways to be happy...
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 105
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/24/2008 3:50:54 PM
All the other things, about focusing on marriage, or getting married to "work on personal development", for me processes as so much codswallop, but response to faith, or spiritual leadings, yeah, I get that.


Why... oh why.. am I not surprised that you would find personal growth, "codswallop"?

Nope.. not the least bit surprised.. Not even a little bit...


Try as I might, though, a reading of the Christian Bible doesn't allow for remarriage, following divorce. It is considered "adultery", with the difference being, that a marriage "locks you in" to an adulterous relationship for the "long haul", and I anticipate that a time will come that the "flesh won't be as weak", and I will embrace celibacy as I get to the point in life that it would be "doable". It's not, for me, at this point.


And I suppose you can find scripture that condones promiscuity Ren? I'd venture to guess that if you're looking for a way to get into heaven, it actually needs to start with some of that godawful codswallop...

 luvtoshop2
Joined: 10/17/2007
Msg: 106
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:54:51 PM
[What was the saddest thing for me was watching a man I had thought I'd known and loved become this person I didn't recognise who just distanced himself from me.]

EXACTLY!

As other's have said...I LOVE the idea of one other person to be my partner in life....maybe I can find that, but I don't think I'll ever marry again......

~T
 Serendipity_76
Joined: 4/9/2008
Msg: 107
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/24/2008 7:04:16 PM
I think the first time is always experimental. You don't know quite what you want in a husband. Now that you've experienced marriage you have better knowledge in finding a longterm mate. I'm looking forward to getting re-married. I truly believe 2nd time will be the charm! Like all things, don't let one mishap ruin all future happiness. Life is a gamble, you don't win big unless you play big!
 dao626
Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 108
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For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/24/2008 7:37:49 PM
I would do it again if I found the right person.
 64 Classic
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 109
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For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:24:19 PM

A former co-worker one time said the only thing she missed about her ex was being married. As I was married at the time I didn't get what she meant. Now I get it and I too miss being married. However, I will NOT rush into anything just to be married.
 MelloDLyn
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 110
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For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/25/2008 9:59:29 AM
Yes if I believed I found the right person. I would have to date them a year first so I get to know them. One more time for me!
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 111
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For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:42:21 PM
Oh my. Knowing everything that I do about the realities of failed relationships... including financial loss on top of the emotional loss. With my eyes wide, wide open to the harsh realities of life I can say that my future has not been defeated by my past.

YES, I would risk again. If I found that grand passion... you bet I would. The rewards are most certainly worth the risks. I do not believe Life is about trying to eliminate risk; it is all about how you meet the risk that life is.

I do not need a marriage certificate to make a commitment. But making and keeping this sort of a commitment to the one you love does alter both of you in the loving.
 cuddles1961
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 112
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:52:50 PM
Yes I would marry again, in a heartbeat!
 BOT TAK
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 113
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/25/2008 4:06:25 PM

Probably not. Nothing against marriage, but it just doesn't fit into my lifestyle. I think marriage works best for people who crave long-term closeness and companionship. I like having companions and friends, but I don't want to be tied at the hip and always having to worry about what someone else wants. I find there's a lot of freedom in being single. I'd like to date until the endorphins wear thin. I love the excitement of that phase, but after that, it becomes too much of a day-to-day grind. I just don't want to give up certain aspects of my life. For me, the ideal relationship would be one where we maintained separate houses, finances, and the like...but we could have the fun parts of a relationship.
This is exactly why I will marry some day. Because I like long-term closeness and companionship, I like being best friends, when I can tell everything and I'd knew I would be understood right.

When endorphins wear thin, I like to hold hands, talk about life, children, grandchildren or just keep silence. It's why the main important thing in the life is to find that right person for you so the life would never get boring with him, endorphins or not...I love that everyday, day-to-day feeling of happiness, security, shared life when you don't have to give up anything in your life because everything is complimentary to someone else's life.

If some day I want&can share everything: home, finances, bathroom with someone and I want that to be always like that - I'll marry him.
 djdj23
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 114
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/25/2008 4:11:26 PM
My marriage was bitter as any I've seen when we split. I believe there is someone out there for me and she just wasn't it. Absolutely, I'd get married again...but I'd have to know the person for a while before I was comfortable with it....I would need to see how they handled the joys, miseries, and abnormalities that life throws at us.
 laileanah
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 115
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/25/2008 4:43:38 PM
I would DEFINITELY marry again. I have ben divorced 12 years and I would not say it was bitter, but it was ugly.
Still, I would not hesitate to make that committment to a man again.
 gearhead59
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 116
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:38:23 PM
Marriage is litterally just a piece of paper done by man in our legal system, which is inherently human! Don't need a piece of paper to be married to someone,if you both love each other and profess your love to God mutually, you are married in Gods eyes if that is what you believe in.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 117
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:52:17 PM
Yes I would but I would need a long enough engagement to know that the boat is seaworthy.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 118
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History
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:55:31 PM
Sure I would. Marriage wasn't that bad for me.
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 119
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:06:06 PM
Absolutely. My marriage was wonderful and I was with my husband till the end, may he rest in peace.
 ~Music
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 120
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:06:40 PM
I would never say never but...
recently got a tat on my finger to help me remember to do it right if I ever do.
 countrygrl12345
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 121
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:21:18 PM
No.
Having a life partner, someone to hold, share, love, best friends would be great. Full commitment would be a must, but not marriage.
 bgrumling
Joined: 2/28/2008
Msg: 122
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:25:01 PM
nope. i would not do it again. two failed marriages i have become very much aware that coldness and bitterness and anger can be healthy in protecting yourself. I would not do it again because i enjoy my freedom. go where i want when i want with who i want or not go. I find reading a good book and having a dog are much more wonderful then a marriage. I dont miss the stress of the bills and having someone always on your back about them. its nice becasue you depend on you and you alone and there is no one to let you down. you have responsibility and you cannot get away from it.
I also havent found what people to be love. I dont think love between a man and a woman exists. I think its actually a transaction. i need something you need somthing and so therefore marriage boils down to a business transaction. Love is somthing hollywood and also the older generations have told us we are supposed to feel, they themselfs not knowing what the idea of love is.
marriage is a failed expiriment. marriage is a loosing game. marriage has no value. Its far better to be single and date, or not then be married. marriage only leads to broken hearts and dispair, but also leads to the wonderful freedom to realize you are never free in a marriage.
I dont feel catering to someones every whims needs and wants is freedom. its a lving hell that kills most people. and why get married to end up single for 50 percent of us thus you in a few years are ending up right where you are now but distroying lifes.
its better to avoid all that and stay single.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 123
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History
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:32:17 PM
I've never been married...legally. However, I spent 15 years in a common-law relationship that gave us two beautiful daughters.

I must admit that I own a fantasy of someone loving me so much that they want to spend the rest of their life with me and declare it by marriage.
 HVACtech
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 124
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For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:52:25 PM
Marriage is grossly over-rated. There is no reason on Earth -- none -- that two people can't remain faithfully committed to each other without a legal document.

We've said our vows before ... in a church, a courthouse, or wherever. And for the divorced among us, a helluva lot of good they did.

Would I do marriage again? It's possible ... but so too is the moon crashing into Earth. In other words, very highly improbable.

I think a better question would be, "Would being previously married deter you from being faithfully committed to someone?" To that my answer would be, "No."

The happiest & "richest" couple I know never got married. They had and raised great kids together, basically did and enjoyed the same things married couples did, and are now happily retired. Key to their relationship is that there was never a piece of paper binding them. The door was always open -- either could walk away at any time (barring, of course, support & legal obligations). They stayed in their relationship because they both wanted to stay in it for their love of each other. That is a commitment no marriage certificate can make happen.
 citizen_joe
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 125
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:53:54 PM
Yes, but only if we lived together for at least 4 seasons. My longest live in relationship still outlasted my marriages and 4 seasons of living in sin isn't too much to ask.
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