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 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 36
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?Page 2 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I am not nervoius about my naked body. It is what it is, and I am comfortable with it. However, if at a certain point I get a feeling that a man is with me for sex only, and he may not call me the next day, or he dates other women too.... then I get nervous and stop enjoing the process.
 Henry L. Moon
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 38
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/22/2008 6:19:45 PM
Ladies.....you need to learn to appreciate a man's eyes...they are seldom ever focused upon the vessel....rather upon the soul of the loving, female mate whose heart and tender mercies still ....after all this time....graciously and lovingly offers up your sweet self to your man.....those smiles are for the woman's spirit that exists in each of you.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 39
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/22/2008 7:26:28 PM
GPS, I couldn't agree with you more about making love being about much more than the body. Put it in my profile.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 40
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/22/2008 7:46:24 PM

Ladies.....you need to learn to appreciate a man's eyes...they are seldom ever focused upon the vessel....rather upon the soul of the loving, female mate whose heart and tender mercies still ....after all this time....graciously and lovingly offers up your sweet self to your man.....those smiles are for the woman's spirit that exists in each of you.


....Yes I agree ,very poetic..... I am impressed.

...maeflowers

 obflorida
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 42
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/23/2008 6:06:25 AM
If you know the person, it is a safe and secure situation, then nature will take its course. Have a few drinks, that eases the inhibitions. If the situation is right you won't feel all that anxiety. Its not like you have not done it before. Nobody expects anyone else's body to be perfect, if that were the case the guy wouldn't be dating you to begin with if you are not the type he wants. Remember your flaws may be something he finds desirable, you never know, and remember you have assets too!!
 boisegoodbadboy
Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 43
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/23/2008 11:38:09 AM
any of you nervous women on this thread wanna blindfold me?

pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssseeeeeeeeeee??????????????
 catman40
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 44
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/23/2008 1:14:00 PM
we ALL have butterflies but , they seem to go away . us men don't care what you ladies look like . as long as you can FEEL GOOD about yourself that all that matters . so , you don't look like a young 20 year old . that is NOT what matters it's all you carry yourself .
 wazza022
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 45
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/23/2008 10:32:42 PM
Your so right in what you say .
 nosboh2
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 47
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Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/24/2008 9:34:03 AM
no i am a 69 year old male and i meet and 80 year old and we had the best sex you could dream of
 nikinikaia
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 48
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Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/24/2008 11:36:20 AM
OP, completely understand where you are coming from. For me, it would take a very special man indeed to make that decision to be intimate sexually with him.

So, it wouldn't be quit the nerve wracking experience because my trust would already be established about his willingness and his abilities to be responsible about my feelings, the same way I would be responsible about his.

I don't give myself flippantly any more where sexual intimacy is concerned - so when the relationship has gotten to this point it's because we've both made the decision to advance the relationship to a more committed intimacy stage.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 51
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/25/2008 9:54:26 AM
Spicy, I think you will do fine, the one thing I have read in other posting that men find attractive is a woman with confidence. If you are trying to hide yourself he will feel you dont like yourself which isnt the case...If a man is with you, it is cause you are who he wants to be with so let go and enjoy it..your body isnt the same as it was when you were in your teens or twenties but it is still your body and he has still there by your side wanting to share a very special connection with you.

The first guy I was with after my ex would deliberately set up things where I would have to have the courage to be highly visual. Stopping in the middle of things and asking me to go get something...at first my heart sank but i grew to understand by the look in his eyes that he liked the way i looked even if i didnt, and the trips where just excuses for me to walk in front of him, we never used what he would ask me to go get.

Who knows maybe he just had to fart and wanted me to leave the room for a minute!!!
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 52
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/25/2008 10:23:23 AM
LMAO. Dammit, Sapph, you crack me up!
 justme1201
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 54
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:33:50 PM
I haven't read through all the replies.. but my answer is a simple "no." So, let's not lump all women over 45 together.. I may have some extra weight and a few things lower to the ground than in years past, but I still feel great about my body. Besides, if we get that far, it's a given he's attracted to me, and I'm certainly confident of my ... abilities... so its all good ;-)
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 55
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/25/2008 6:47:05 PM
I am not really uncomfortable with my body but you need to understand that when the only man that has seen me naked was my ex husband for the last 13 years, it's a little weird and nerve-wracking thinking about the first sexual encounter.



...I feel the same way, and nothing is going to change that. I'm sure if and when I finally arrive at " the moment" he will sooth away any fears I may have had. Besides, the way things have been going, it may be a while longer


...maeflowers
 nosboh2
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 56
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Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/25/2008 7:06:43 PM
who posted this
 LakeCountry
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 57
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/25/2008 7:17:26 PM
There are alot of us that are not comfortable with our bodies, we've given birth, we've had surgeries, heck just 3 weeks ago I had a breast biopsy and was shocked after they took off the bandages but heck, we are who we are. When the time comes express that your nervous even joke about. Maybe he will be worried about what you are going to wonder about his performance. Don't fret about it. Everything will work out or in depending how your looking at this, jk
 Zeanah59
Joined: 9/25/2007
Msg: 60
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/26/2008 4:47:57 PM
Not really....I get a feel for his attitude and thoughts about women having to be perfect or without the flaws of life on ones body. However, some men would say anything to get you to sleep with them.

At my age and with all the jerks I have met....they either like me or they do not. I know what I have to offer a man sexually and emotionally. I agree with the one gentleman...he should be making you feel special and accepted by the time that point of the relationship comes into play. I think by then, he will have said or done something to let you know where he stands on the issue.

It's a risk and you just have to go with your gut and hope he doesn't insult you or use you as an end result.

"Z"
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 61
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Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/27/2008 12:59:34 AM
Spicegirl, tried to send you a private note, but you have location restrictions.
Comes down to it isn't worth the heartburn unfortunately .
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 64
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Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/29/2008 1:32:13 AM
no, it's the rest of it that worries me. being able to communicate, trust, laugh, share, be joyous, et al. just being able to find someone who is "right" for me and vice versa, worries me. but, it does not stop me from hoping and believing! and if he's a good kisser and a good dancer...that is way more important than an absence of a six pack. him and me both!!!

i have never been pregnant and never been so busty i had to worry about drooping. if i had all those pregnancy rolls and loose skin like some of my friends have, i'd probably have some corrective surgery. i have a friend who had three cesareans and she just had her scars fixed up. she feels way better about herself, so why not?

i figure, both men and women have issues getting older. if that is an issue in and of itself (not looking like a kid) , the man is not for me or i am not for him. still, i am going to join a gym and feel better for myself!!!
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 65
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Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/29/2008 12:36:11 PM
different cultures have different conotations on the use of words. my solution is to offer like for like. if i am called lady, then i say gentlemen. if i am called girl, then i say boy. if chairmen is used for the "generic" at board meetings (for women as well), i used to address the men as chairwomen and w/o batting an eyelash. needless to say, my clients had a sense of humor and they got the message, as well as adjusted some of their lingo. but, that was nyc /nj for you. probably would not be funny here. if someone addressed me as hon (especially irritating in a business situation), my retort would be "sweetie pie". half of them did not mean it: the other half knew exactly what they were saying and i'd get a grin of respect back. on the other hand, if my "man" called me hon, that was ok. it was not a power dynamic, but a nurturing/protection dynamic.

so, more than being naked, this is the real problem with men and women today. how to deal with our changing roles, different cultures and working environments, and..... if you are looking into the "soul" of a person..... how to undertand that although we may be speaking english, not everyone shares the same "intention" with the same words. to me, this is getting down to "naked", way moreso than under the sheets.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 66
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Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/29/2008 3:19:39 PM
No, I feel more at ease with it than ever before. I'm more relaxed and confident. Of course, I *do* like low light - candlelight is best. I'm not 30 any more, but usually they aren't, either. Everyone looks better in candlelight.
 ShowSkiDiva
Joined: 8/26/2008
Msg: 67
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/29/2008 3:24:44 PM
Congratulations Marianne! It's great that you have found someone so special.

I hope I can find someone who can look past my imperfections. I don't think plastic surgery is in my near future though. Not whan I have a kid to put though college!
 Optimistic for 2008
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 69
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/29/2008 6:59:49 PM
I think Ms. qpsweeheart is dead on both fronts....a) couldn't agree more you look better than pretty good and b) if you're (anyone) in bed and your body is a 'deal breaker' then I think you got into bed a bit to soon...and by to soon I mean you just didn't know him well enough...

And for the record....I don't want a 25 y/o OR A 35 y/o but I'm lucky, Ms. qpsweeheart, 45 is my minimum age requirement, lol
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 71
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Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/29/2008 9:10:29 PM
spicygirl, in answering your question:

when you hit 59, your body is not like when you were 40 (let alone before that), even if your mind does not agree and is it's old playful self. my joke is that if you had a great butt "once", eventually it travels through your innards and comes out a stomach!!! for me, not being able to excercize as much as i used to with lymes, i feel way more flabby. i suppose the only good news is that once flat chested, i now don't sag and look like i wish i did when i was younger. at least "fat" deposits itself in some needed areas!!!

i am starting a personal trainer, but let's face it, you can only do so much. that being said, i find that with natural hormone replacement (for me), i can keep my skin tone and overall better feeling of being "alive". i do not date men at all over ten years younger than me (despite a few offers), and as i get older, i prefer someone my own age (+/- two years). there are too many non sexual issues to address as i age, that i just don't feel the need or even feel comfortable becoming "intimate" with someone at a different "developmental stage".

my recently ended significant relationship was my first (and last) after my marriage ended and only two years younger than me. i have to say it was one of the more passionate relationships of my life. at that time, his body was in great shape, being in construction, but he had his hangups about a whole lot of other things. the last thing he cared about was my stomach. i assume, like other men, his mind was on other parts!! i have said in another post a ways back, just smile sweetly when leaving the room and "back" out the door, if one is feeling self conscious!!!

since i was not sexual with someone i did not know for a while, by then we had most of this talked about and i felt safe. i suppose if someone were being sexual with someone off the cuff, that might leave to a more insecure feeling.

i think woman are all different. some of my women friends who were pregnant, have worked out and are in great shape. as i've said before, one who was seriously scarred all over her abdomen with three cesareans and some other stuff that happened to her, has gotten corrective surgery. yes, i know not everyone can afford that. she is not rich, but that was a priority she saved up for because it made her happy. another woman i know was seriously attacked by a loony and had to move with the protection of victim witness! in additon to her pregnancy wrinkles she had horrible knife scars all over her. she too could not afford the "corrective" surgery, but she had a great body and if anything, men wanted to "protect" her.

so, we all have different issues at different stages. not everyone has to cope with lymes aftermath. i don't have to cope with pregnancy aftermath.

still, for me, it has been one of my lesser worries. when you find the right partner, neither of you should be so critical about each other's aging issues. if someone is, dump him immediately. he can't be all that intelligent. you deserve the best!!! and same for the men.

ps if someone lets their body go to hell by "choice" , that is another story. my feeling is that i have chosen to get lazy for awhile, despite my lymes "excuse". i look ok in clothes, but i want to lose 20 pounds for health reasons, as well as looking better cosmetically. so i am getting a trainer to start me off, so that i don't injure myself, recognizing that a "middle way" is necessary for my particular situation with having had lymes disease.
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 73
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Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:07:49 AM
Spicynicegirl... i too understand what you're saying!!! I had a 'first time' this year, after nearly 20 years, but it turned out he was more nervous than i was! As we were about to... errrrrrm... do the deed... he said.. " i'm scared"... even now after 8 months I can't quite believe he actually likes my body and loves the whole package that is me. You can be sure that men love us warts and all, just as we love them. Nothing any of us can say will really ease the nerves when its get nekkid time, but all I can say is, I now turn the lamp 0n and not off at bed time....
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