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Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 355
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Who likes coffee for a frist date?? Page 18 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Elaborate?????.........For a first date? I must be in a different world then, but I am sure many think so anyway.......

Meeting for coffee or a drink is just the "meet and greet" process, which allows two that find each other interesting, the chance to see if there is enough attraction and connection to warrant developing that potential chemistry so necessary for having a real relationship............

Once established, my dates can vary as much as the situations and women involved. It can be as simple as meeting in a park for a walk and stopping by for a drink and listening to some music, to as complex as planning a trip together to just get away.

I have invited some to join me climbing 14,000 foot peaks, spending the day at a "pow wow" enjoying all the native activities, riding with me on some adventure in the mountains on the back of my Harley, while we stop and listen to some bands play on the patio, to going out and enjoying a nice dinner together.

There are many times that a date can consist of taking turns cooking for each other and putting on a fire, sliding a movie into the DVD and enjoying wine while we watch.

Other times there are NO plans, just a get together to spend that time so necessary to develop your relationship.......nothing mandates "elaborate" at all, and sometimes the most mundane things will be fun when doing it with another that you enjoy......

Just my opinion.......
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 357
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 10:32:52 AM

I am sorry, but that is incorrect. The definition of date excludes any kind of age groups involved (35+). And not relevant to whether you know the person or not.

In my book, it's the way I and most people I know in my age group see it. To ALL OF US the point of a date is to get to know someone we already like. Period. It may be incorrect in your personal definition, but in our case it's right on the money.

A date is by definition: a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person. Example: to go out on a date on Saturday night.Notice the definition doesn't say whether or not you know the person, or what age group that it entails. It does not imply anything.

I don't date anyone on a Saturday night I don't know like and want to spend more than 10 minutes with regardless of what Webster-Mirriam says. Thanks for saving me the trouble of looking it up tho, not that I planned to.

If I don't know you and it's 30 minutes or less, it's a meet as far as I am concerned.

Example: "Let's MEET for a quick coffee." Or: "Let's meet for a quick drink/appetizer." "Date" doesn't work in that situation...not for me anyway.

Now, perhaps you redefined the definition to suit your personal situation. But the fact remains that it is still a date.

I explained several times that it's the way I see it...if it were just me, I'd let it go, but I'm not the only one who sees it that way. It's not to suit me alone at all.

Meh - you originally asked why people don't like to call it a date, I told you (again). For those who don't - that's usually the reason. You dont have to agree with it or like it, but it is what it is.
 DJ Gravey
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 360
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 12:27:56 PM
And... Yes, I am one of those guys who says lets meet at a coffee shop. I think your thinking about the "First Date" thing from a ignorant perspective. You sound new to this "online dating" world. Yes, we should and will chat a lot before meeting. No, the "First Date" isnt really a first date... It is a Meet-n-Greet and go from there. Thats the beauty of online dating! It is like putting in an application/resume and then going for an interview. And, after reading these replies to your comments, I can tell a lot of people disagree with your comment.

If you cant beat'em... Join'em!

So... Starbucks or a Coffee house...? You choose...

Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 361
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 12:33:50 PM
a "date" by definition is an appointment set for courtship. whether its about a quick meet over some coffee or three hours dining on lobsters -if its a meeting for courtship -its a date.
-never know what your going to find on the other side of the computer or telephone, until you meet them face to face. isn't it easier just to get off the keyboard, get in your car and go meet them right away -in one of those cute little diners, restaurants or sports bars for cokes etc. and decide then if you really want to see them again (without too much emotional investment?)
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 362
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 12:35:01 PM
Shoe Princess, I totally agree with you. I won't do the coffee date, seems like a job interview to me. Doesnt sound like fun, sounds like a hit and run. I won't interuppt my day and put on something nice, just to go to a dunkin donuts or starbucks. Im not saying that I need a fancy meeting place or dinner, but something more interesting than a starbucks. I don't want chemistry assessed, I'd rather do something fun or at least have a martini, its so much more relaxed than a boisterous starbucks. If Im going to meet someone, I already know that I like them as a person, since Im not just going to run out and meet someone blindly. I don't care if its not a romantic thing, I like meeting people and having fun, not doing interviews. Yuck. If a guy suggests a coffee meeting, I usually lose interest pretty quickly.
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 364
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 12:42:29 PM
And why not? Just as '...luck' said, first time face to face & without too much emotions attached to it, IMO, it's just the best scenario. Then we either still feel there is going to be a part II and both parties look forward to meeting again or we could say nothing ventured ~ nothing gained
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 365
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 12:55:47 PM
I couldn't agree more with Laughinglibra... It's a low pressure environment and if one of you doesn't feel the connection then it's easy to keep it brief without being rude. If there is chemistry and you're both feeling it, you can parlay the coffee into another activity afterwards. I've had some amazing email/phone conversations with people that just didn't translate in person. People have busy lives! A brief coffee date is just another step in getting to know someone. Why should a guy invest $100 on a dinner date when he doesn't even know if he's attracted to you or if there's chemistry in person? Like Laughinglibra said; if it's that important for you to get the dinner date, then you ask, you pay. It's 2008 after all...
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 366
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/26/2008 1:37:24 PM

I really like to give the person time to get to know me and me to get to know them. I had a first date that went for 10 hours because we had such a great time we just kept doing other things.

I had a coffee date like that once. We met for coffee, turned into lunch, a movie, some video games, shopping, dinner, cabaret show, and then just lots of talking afterwards.
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 368
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:13:50 AM

f a guy is a true gentleman and has any class, he will treat her with respect and buy her dinner. Otherwise, don't bother.

It has nothing at all to do with class for the first meeting to be dinner. It has everything to do with compatibility for both parties. Dinner dates first-up can be pressure situations with real or imagined expectations, hardly the best atmosphere in which to get to know each other.

A man should never tell a woman "I'll buy you a coffee first and then see if you're worth more that that". It's rude and disrespectful. I think it speaks volumes about how he feels about women in general.

That's not what coffee means at all. Coffee is an ice-breaker for both people and quite often leads to dinner.

When I buy a woman dinner I do so without any expectations except good company, but a woman who EXPECTS a dinner from me as a first date, merely because she is a woman, will be sadly disappointed. In my view such an attitude is rude and disrespectful on the woman's part.

A first date may well be dinner, but I date equals, not princesses.
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 369
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:42:59 AM
I dont get it either, I only drink coffee first thing in the morning to wake up so a drink or a smoothie works for me but not coffee
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 372
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/27/2008 8:17:54 AM
NEXT! Coffee or drinks is a fine first date, I have had amazing emails and phone conversations only to find there is zero chemistry when we meet, It happens..if you demand more that's great perhaps you deserve it but in my book coffee is all you gettin woman!
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 373
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/27/2008 8:28:48 AM
Riddle me this....Why is it that people think blathering over cheap coffee or expensive dinners are the ONLY options for a first meet?


Jungle man kill animal. Make fire. Feed woman.

How about a cookout or picnic in a park with a lake or stream, or is that too cheap for some of these women with an obvious sense of entitlement?

There is absolutely nothing romantic about a coffee house or bar, or for that matter a restaurant unless it is in Paris or Rome.

I suppose effort doesn't count for anything.
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 380
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/27/2008 7:41:29 PM

i demanded another pic, cos it was getting stranger by the minute and he put another one up. He was about 20 stones heavier and nothing like his ten year old picture. so yeah, i have to agree, meet em for a cup of tea first. . its easier to bail out of if you find all is not what it seemed to be.

Dare I ask, did you 'send him to Coventry' when you found out? lol
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 381
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/27/2008 8:09:11 PM
Wieghts and Measures 101. The British Stone (Imperial measure is 14 pounds avoirdupois). So this Kiwi was 280 (give or take fifty) pounds overweight? Wouldn't an airline charge him for two seats for a flight from New Zealand to England? Seems to me that's a trifle pricey just for a cup of tea...unless the cream scones are really, really good! Did New Zealand run out of women? Just are very cute, and if I was as rich as Croesus and thirty years younger, I'd consider making the flight. But then I'm only one stone overweight, so they might not charge me the tonnage penalty.
Good luck in your search! (just a hunch, but it seems likely that there must be at least one reasonably good fish for you in the British pond!)
 thelast gentleman
Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 384
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 10/16/2008 10:51:29 PM
LOL Romance? Heck, if I've never met the woman before (and until we meet face to face, we haven't met, in my book), there is no romance involved. We meet somewhere initially to SEE if there could be. That's a tall order. When you meet in the traditional way, ie not on the web, you KNOW if the two of you are attracted on multiple fronts and then get to know each other. On-line dating is BACKWARDS, you only know if you are attracted to the way they write, or what they say on the phone. Not to mention, most of the people now days have some form of body dysmorphic disorder and unless they have a few pictures posted they're probably bigger than they THINK they really are. 5'5" and 160 pounds is NOT "Average".

So a first meeting is just that, a first meeting and I see no reason either party should be required to pay a lot of money for this first meeting.

IF you meet and find that there is mutual attraction beyond the written word or phone call, then it's very very easy to extend the meeting to dinner, a walk, whatever or make plans to go on a more romantic date.

Let's face it, the first meeting is a screening for both the man and the woman. If we are both attracted we can progress at the speed and manner we both see fit.
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 385
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 10/17/2008 3:49:48 AM
I didn't take the time to read every post, so someone else may have brought this up. I don't want to limit my searches to women who live no more than 5-10 miles from me. But Greater L.A. is a very big place, and that presents a couple problems.

Let's say that after a brief phone chat with a lady, I suggest we get together, and she agrees. Even if you have traffic in mind when you're suggesting a time to meet, you may not both be able to do it when traffic is light. And as the one doing the inviting, I've felt I should also offer to do the driving.

But in L.A. these days, it's almost impossible to estimate how long it will take to get across town--if there's an accident, breakdown, or whatever, sometimes it can take twice as long as you thought. It's not that easy to show up on time--or to be relaxed when you do. So just to get to our first meeting and back can be quite an investment in time and gas.

The other problem is finding an appropriate place to meet when (as often happens) she lives in some suburb I've never even set foot in. The Zagat guide, etc. can help, but not always. I've sometimes had to ask for suggestions, but then I can't be sure what some place she suggests we meet is really like. And that makes it too easy to get ensnared in drinks, appetizers, etc., so that before long you're looking at a $40 or $50 tab.

I've also tried meeting someplace halfway--but then, neither one of us has much idea what's there. So you end up looking up the address of a Starbuck's near the halfway point. Not very original, but in hindsight, at times that probably would have been the best plan.

I used to do all the driving and all the paying, for no reason except to be a gentleman. But too often, my good intentions have been rewarded with apathy at best, and at worst, outright rudeness. So from now on I'll drive, or pick up the tab if she drives--but not both. Fair is fair.
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