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 choppy1931
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 154
Who likes coffee for a frist date?? Page 3 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Wel shoe princess, how about wandering the mall, you can look at the pretty shoes, and I'll look at the pretty electrontics, we're both happy?
 Sweetscreater
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 155
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History
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:18:15 AM
I don't drink coffee so that probably wouldn't be something for me.

But then why not just suggest ice cream. It doesn't have to be dinner or drinks. You just want someplace where you can talk easily.

Maybe the simple method would be a good thought to remember. KISS! (keep it simple stupid) Simple is nice. You don't have to show off for me. The whole idea it to meet and see if you are interested in meeting again or not.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 157
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:13:02 AM
Coffee's a great first date for internet dating. It gives you a chance to have an inexpensive and potentially quick first meeting with someone to determine if you actually are interested in him/her. Going for a drink also works well for me.

Why would you want to be stuck with a full meal or a movie or an event with someone you don't even know if you really like? If you determine that their is some appeal, you can always move from cofffee to another activity--playing pool, gokarting, movie, a later meal, etc.

Nutt
 damsell in a dress
Joined: 7/17/2007
Msg: 160
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:45:27 AM
There are some really nice coffee shops and Bookstores....
Also-if you don't hit it off, and there is no chemistry--- you may make a nice friend,,,or you can get out quickly,,
I have found this happening.. They get their look and want to go do something else, possible decides he likes me,,, BUT, he said Coffee and I probably made plans for my days off , so more than likely- I only schedule that time for coffee,, or tea in my case.
I can pay for my own dinners,,, It's NOT about DINNER... and I am sure most of us women can,
Why do some guys JUMP to the CONCLUSION-- we are ONLY LOOKING for DINNER.. There are PLENTY of gentleman that DO invite us out to dinner.
and, bring posies to boot..
So I guess,, It's what you like to do.
Coffee shops are fine with me- I can grab a Chai Tea, BUT Please don't BRING your LAPTOP....
That doesn't fair to well....

Damsell...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 163
Who likes coffee for a first date??
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:59:16 AM
It really has less to do with it being "coffee" but more so that it gives you a quick opporunity to see if whatever chemistry existed over the phone carries over to real life. If it does, then great, you can go somewhere else if you both have the time.

If not, then it is a blip out of your life and you can move on. Try to schedule it around your life and when you both do not have to go out of your way to meet. That way there is no resentment or expecations and if you don't click, no harm is done.

This has nothing to do with "worth". Perhaps that is where some of the problem lies.

Well said...

For those who don't like coffee - most coffee shops serve 14 other beverages, so that's not the issue. You can do many other things for a half hour in a different atmosphere...but the main point is to get in and see where you're at quickly...you can decide from there what to do next, but the thing is to get face to face and feel each other out.

For those of you who hate the "interview" feel...what else would it be? Essentially (no matter how long you talk in e-mail and on the phone) you're meeting a stranger. Sure, it's cool to be friends and all, but most here are looking to date, not make more friends. If the attraction's not there in person, wouldn't you rather just find out so you can move on with as little time and expense as possible?
 EagleEric
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 164
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:11:12 AM
OK Shoe Girl the world is filled with people like you whose real purpose is to make life difficult for themselves and anyone they happen to run across. You probably groove on the Eagles or some other neurotic brainless musical group.

Let me make it crystal clear for you. There is a proper, correct, and efficient way to meet the opposite sex. For most people, after a few emails and phone calls, the coffee date is the way to make an initial contact. A brief encounter with him or her can give loads of information that can't be gained any other way.

For men who usually pay, this is an excellent way to meet a woman because the monetary investment is minimal. Who wants to entertain a woman for dinner they don't really like? And believe me like or dislike is almost determined instantly.

In the past, I've met women whom I've disliked intensely and endured a prolonged meeting with them. Today I'm very different. If I meet them for a coffee date and don't like what I see, I simply say, "This isn't going to work - adios!"

The Eagle
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 168
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:47:00 AM
I'll tell you who likes coffee for a first date.........the cheap ones. I never have and never will have a first date take place in Starbucks! Why? Because it takes a woman time, effort and energy to look her best. Hey......maybe lots of my sistas are natural beauties, and can just hop in and out of the shower, and be ready for a date. I am not in that category.

I don't know about most women here, but in my case I am already looking my best (well, best I can for me anyway) for most of the day - a quick coffee meet between work and the next thing doesn't have me getting ready for hours - I already did that before work - do women do this for everything on the calendar? If so I can see why it's so exhausting. I find that getting ready once a day and throwing in a refresh once or twice if needed works better for me.

Then again, I don't schedule my whole night around meeting someone for the first time, so maybe that's the difference. If I have evening plans, I get ready for that - a coffee before (or after) that doesn't change much. I also like the casual laid back type of thing, so most times I don't dress to the nines even for a date....unless it's something more formal (and in that case it's rare and scheduled days in advance).

I've thrown a baseball hat on with jeans and a t-shirt and met someone for a beer or game of pool. It's not that big a deal for me.
 LeeAnne51
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 171
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:51:33 AM
Ive been seeing a very nice man lately, hes the old fashioned kind which trust me is hard to find now days, ive tried to pay for my share of the dinner and he refuses every time saying that its not right by no means, I even asked him out the last time and he still got mad when I tried to pay for the check, its funny Mark that you mentioned the starsbuck thing, thats the first thing he asked me if I was a starbucks kind of woman and I had no idea what he was talking about and I did find out 2 other women he had met did the same thing you spoke of so I suppose im a maxwell kind of woman, we prefer to make our own coffee and drink it at home, good to see good guys like you have alot of sense and morals now days.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 178
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:39:56 AM

I'm not (oops had to edit forgot the NOT :)going to criticize or insult anyone here, but have read most of the responses. I only have one question....ok, well 2. First, just because a person has a "coffee" date, doesn't mean it's only 10 or 15 minutes. One of my first meetings from this site was for coffee. Thank goodness it was a 24 hr place because after over 7 hrs of talking, and about 4 pots of coffee :) I met one of the best friends I'll ever have. The last person was almost the same, quick bite, coffee and 5 hrs of conversation. Again, made a life long friend.

If given the time, this would be great....most meetings for me under 30 mins are due to time constraints...that is if they want to meet fairly quickly.

Second, most people, I would hope, wouldn't show up looking like they just rolled out of bed. It's easy enough to spent 10 minutes tossing on a skirt, tank top, and a little eye make-up. Simple, yet nice.

Nahhh, I have to work like I didn't just roll out of bed, so by default I can't.

But again, just one opinion here out of several. Could be because my meetings were not with the intent finding a husband or lover but making friends. But in my opinion, isn't that what most people claim they want, a friendship first?

Again, if given the time I'd gladly sit and chat for hours with someone I get along with but wouldn't date, I love to do that - but for me friends first indicates that there's going to be more to follow. So unless I know and have attraction to the person I've met, friends first doesn't apply. IME also; most people I meet wouldn't want to waste their time once they know there's no interest...I don't mind, but I find that if I sit and talk to someone for hours with no romantic intention they either take it as being lead on or assume there's interest.
 ________
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 181
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/30/2008 11:25:16 AM
Coffee as a first 'date' -- this is oh so true -- tap water would likely be much more appropriate -- before there's any heavy commitments on the table.....
 Renfrew
Joined: 9/1/2005
Msg: 182
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/30/2008 11:35:26 AM
It has happened to me on three occasions that I went to Dinner with (POF) women as a First Meeting, and it turned out badly with one or both of us wishing to just choke on a bone or something to end it all. The progression which seems to work best for me now is, online chatting, telephone chat, coffee meet, lunch, dinner, an interval of interaction, then either begin fishin again or Cut Bait.

I know that some women believe that it is beneath them to have a guy only pay the price of a few cups of coffee on the first meeting, but for women like that, I would rather meet for the coffee, and just hand them the price of a dinner for themselves instead of spending all that much time with them. Just give em the cash!
 Huggles
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 184
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:10:05 PM
LOL OP, your post was pretty funny. I agree, sick and tired of seeing the 'meet for coffee' introduction. Thank God I don't eat sweets, donuts, etc!

Aren't you guys a little bit more imaginative? (And yes, I can be as well - but that's what's in YOUR profile, not mine.)

Keysguy: You don't have to pull your boat out of its slip for it to cost you 500 bucks (in gas, etc), how about just sitting on the boat in the slip watching the sunset w/a BEVERAGE of choice if you so choose to do so?

IMHO.......:)
 Outdoor2
Joined: 4/1/2006
Msg: 189
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/30/2008 11:38:13 PM
I'd rather walk or some other activity that enables us to interact with our surroundings and each other.

I like my coffee early in the morning...with any luck we'll brew a pot together someday.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 192
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:27:31 AM
the first meet is not a date, it's to see if you want to date


As I stated before, I think calling the first meeting a date or a meet is largely semantics and an artifical way to reduce pressure or expectations. Technically the first meeting is a date since 1 defintion of a date is an appointment with the possibility of romantic interest. That doesn't necessary mean that there will be romantic interest.



I love coffee or a milkshake for the first meeting ...
To explain that ...
so you meet in a public shop and have a cup of coffee , normaly it takes a fwe minutes to desided . ok that guy/girl is cool , I like to know more about him/her or hmmmm , i dont think so ,...
why waste anybodys time going for dinner if you cant get along. chemistry is not there or you just dont click ????
I could not see myself spending 1-2 hours with somebody that I dont wonna know nothing about ....
Im sure the guy would feel the same way about me ...


In response to this, I will mention something similiar to what I had stated earlier.

I don't think many people had stated that the first date should be a fancy or expensive 2 hour formal dinner. The point is that there are other inexpensive and more interesting things to do on a first date besides having coffee. These things don't have to last a certain amount of time either. You could end the date early if it is really bad or you could extent the date if it is going okay or better.
 leebossa
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 194
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:06:29 AM
i don't really drink coffee after a certain hour, so i prefer drinks. Meals are not a good idea. If you don't like the person or they turn out to be boring, you're stuck for a whole meal. At least a drink, you can gulp it down and say thanks for a lovely evening and flee. That's if it turns out to be bad...if not, you make another date!
 Race25
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 196
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:14:43 AM
I like the idea of coffee for the first date, it gives both parties an opportunity to meet each other without having to spend a large amount of time with someone they just don't like. Ive met people for coffee that had posted pictures that were at least 15 yrs old. The coffee date is really just to make sure everyone is who they present themselves as..
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 202
Who likes coffee for a first date??
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:50:00 PM
In your "OPINION" the first meet is a date. Just because it is your opinion does not make it fact. Internet dating is unlike any other kind of dating. The best way to think of the first meet/date /whatever the heck you want to call it is completely and totally platonic. To meet someone with no expectations and completely platonically is not (in my opinion) a date.


It's not just my opinion. What I mentioned is 1 of several definitons of a date that is listed in the dictionary. Another poster stated something similiar to that( see msg 81 ). If you want to disagree with what is stated in the dictionary, then that is your prerogative. I also disagree with seeing the first meet / date as strictly platonic. That would mean that I'm only looking for friends, not a possible romantic relationship. Just because there is a possibilty of romantic interest on the first meet / date, it doesn't mean that I'm automatically expecting the other person and myself to be interested in each other.


 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 208
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/31/2008 8:57:54 PM
I personally like coffee dates like say saturday afternoon or sometime when you have more time if you wanted but can still leave after a cup if you want.
I think when your nervous for the first time people tend to drink more .
Plus I want to meet someone that is sober for the first time. but I LOVE coffee
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 211
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/1/2008 8:42:03 AM

Oh wow, I love the drive-by date analogy.

Let's see, you both agree to pull up next to each other at a stoplight somewhere. At the precise time the light turns green, look in each others direction.

If all goes well, you bopth pull over at the nearest coffee shop.

If either one is not interested, they peel off like a bat outta hell.

I love it too...and quite honestly, it sounds like a good idea. Heck, I can tell in that short amount of time whether I am attracted/interested, so it wouldn't change much, and I'd have even more free time.
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 226
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/2/2008 10:01:54 AM
A coffee date is a boring date. Lame and unromantic. And it's gonna be short, because most people only drink one cup of coffee. Coffee makes your breath smell bad so that makes any kiss less pleasant.

I guess I will do it if she insists. But she better be WOWing me. If so, then who cares where we meet and we can always bounce some where else.

Having said that I find coffee shops to be a great place to meet women.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 229
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/2/2008 10:10:44 AM
Aries and ml456; I think you're both right - and you're essentially saying the same thing in different ways. You cannot tell what chemistry you have with someone unless you've hung out with them a few times, however chemistry is an extension of initial attraction.

Therefore, if you're not attracted at all or both of you aren't and/or there's a dealbreaker you can't get past, the chemistry doesn't matter (at least romantically), so there's a high probability that there will be no second meeting.

If you are initially attracted, or you aren't 100% sure you aren't and there are no major clear dealbreakers, then another meeting or two will give you the information you need to decide.

Have to agree with the OP - it is like an interview, and a lot of the time it makes me feel like its an interview of the not nice kind, being looked up and down weighed an measured to see if you fit. Urgh nah no more coffee meets for me.

See, this doesn't bother me - we're both sizing each other up, and that's fine - it can't be this big warm romantic thing when you are basically strangers (regardless of prior communication). If one doesn't feel it, or both don't then you move on. No big deal. I guess I just don't take all this extremely personal...it isn't. When you meet someone in person, you size them up the same way, the only thing different is you've never talked.

A coffee date is a boring date. Lame and unromantic. And it's gonna be short, because most people only drink one cup of coffee. Coffee makes your breath smell bad so that makes any kiss less pleasant.

It should be short, it can't be romantic until you know you like them anyway, and I never kiss anyone I've met for the first time...to me, that's for after you've established you're on the same page.

I guess I will do it if she insists. But she better be WOWing me. If so, then who cares where we meet and we can always bounce some where else.

Exactly - personally I like to plan something for a later time so I can assess the meeting, but to each his own.

Having said that I find coffee shops to be a great place to meet women.

I agree, it's a great place to meet men also...I prefer bookstores with a coffee shop included...but if I bring something to read to a coffee shop, it's just as good.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 230
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/2/2008 6:29:07 PM
Gosh ~~ all this Sturm und Drang about a *First Meet* -- no wonder there are so many peeps on this site, lol! Just DO something! Then it's done and you can get on with your lives, together or alone.

For me, it's very simple: I'm not interested in *activities* at a *FIRST MEET* -- I'm interested in actually meeting another human being and getting to know him a bit. Seems like an impossible task after cruising this thread. . . .


 Lacey909hearts
Joined: 8/20/2008
Msg: 232
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/2/2008 7:53:35 PM
I'm a fan of the coffee meet up. I actually love Starbucks and think it's a nice atmosphere to just sit and talk to get a feel for what someone is all about. No, I can't tell from a photo or by phone. Many times I have gotten a false impression from both. Sometimes a person will come across differently in a phone conversation than what they truly are in person. If they arrive and turn out to be an ogre you can also politely have a chat and excuse yourself nicely rather than being committed to a whole evening with them. If you are pleasantly surprised you can let them know that you are impressed and want to have a nice long date next time around.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 248
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/3/2008 2:48:51 PM
Not me. I like a nice dinner but then I don't say "yes" that easily.
 foreversnowwhite
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 249
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/3/2008 3:45:06 PM
I agree with OP. Coffee is not a date, it's a meeting. Going to the local fast food restaurant again, not a date, even my 18 year old son knows better than that. Those are more like job interviews, which are uncomfortable. Gee, do I measure up, did I answer all questions correctly. Give me a break guys, what planet did you come from you say.

You should have, especially if you met on here, already been conversing enough to know something about the person. Why put so much pressure on yourself and the other person.

Dates are supposed to be fun. Go do something fun you both can enjoy or try something new together. Be creative. Imagination says a lot about a person and their depth. Coffee says boring. That's what you do with friends to catch up with. I would think most people would want someone interesting with interests, not a boring dud. If I want boring I can sit at home with the TV and mindlessly stare at it.

Even the old standard Dinner and a Movie is more of a date and enjoyable. For those out there that are dating impaired, it has always been my experience dating someone new or special "dinner" means something a little more on the fancy side, not somewhere they call out your number when your order is ready, COME ON!
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