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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 253
Who likes coffee for a frist date?? Page 4 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
That is your opinion. Not all women share that same sentiment.

Amen to that....who wants to sit across from some guy you're dissapointed by thru a whole meal - some including many courses - and then go with him to a movie where you don't talk anyway (ok the movie part is a relief if you don't like the guy, I admit, you can totally pretend he's not there, if only for an hour and a half)?

I don't care who's paying, that's torture.

And I always say this, but there are some men who are so uninteresting/unattractive that no amount of him paying the check justifies being there...at all.

a "coffee date" is not boring when you like the person you are sitting across from...And who ever said we had to drink coffee?

Absolutely. I can imagine that I'd like the right guy even if we were both sitting in a pile of dirt (and had no coffee). JUST coffee can be delightful if you're into who you're with. I've killed whole pots of coffee with men I found interesting and attractive.

I sort of think that people who like to do more stimulating things on a first meet might be looking for outside stimulation, when all it SHOULD take if you are with the right one is each other's company.

I don't knock it tho - I can think of plenty of times I wish there was a band playing, or a crowd, or even a gun so I could end it....lol
 chrylann
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 262
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/3/2008 8:21:27 PM
I agree with you Seeker424luv. I think some women are merely looking for a free meal. I would prefer to have coffee. I would not want to spend an entire evening with someone I am uncomfortable with, so make the first date short and sweet, but not too sweet. And I prefer to go dutch if we go to dinner because I think if they buy dinner, they expect a reward from me for dinner. I don't like being made feel obligated.
 VaFishnetstockings4u
Joined: 9/3/2006
Msg: 269
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/4/2008 12:13:00 AM
~OP First off great topic thanks !



Second who says a date has to be coffee in the first place ? I think coffee is
an over rated and it's up to the two indivuals where they choose to meet.
Sometimes it's great to play it by ear and go with the flow of things!

Third , why can't just meeting and dating be simple and fun and minus all
this pressure. Weather it be going for a walk or a grabing a hot dog and coke
sitting on a park bench that is quality time well spent and you can at least hear
yourself think and take in all the beauty of the seasons.

I think a first of all dating should be fun , does not matter what you do as long as
you both enjoy getting to know each other.

Smiles Good Luck
~Brenny
Happy Dating Everyone !

People need to relax and just let things happen naturally!
 YeahHonestly
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 277
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/4/2008 12:02:00 PM
But coffee gives you bad breath, so bring gum or get an ice cream instead!
 HARTSIGN
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 278
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/4/2008 12:26:00 PM
I have to jump in here...what you are all missing is this:
Don't be a cheapskate!

I figure I have to eat anyway, why not have someones company?
why all the pressure, If there was enough chemistry to meet a first time, you simply thank that person for a little time spent, write back to say the "spark" wasn't there and no one should get hurt in the process....

This is a lot of work, dating, meeting online, why not just take it for what it is, be safe when meeting someone for the first time and stop acting like it is the last date ever.

Life is too short,.....enjoy!!!
FWIW
 Winsome Wanda
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 282
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:21:17 PM
Now that's the spirit Hartsign! ENJOY! (And mints can't hurt!)
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 286
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:57:42 PM
I love coffee - hate the Starbucks crap though. Not many places have my favorite coffee soo if my date figured that out and knew of a good place to go for it I'd be a very happy camper!!!

Oh except for one place, I wouldn't take my date there, too much competition - lovely girls who offer great service and coffee and quite the view!!!
 seekerof
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 287
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/5/2008 12:20:17 AM
I actually like the coffee house for the first meeting
I have my coffee in hand already
I can run after about 20 minutes if I feel there is no chemistry
And I can see if they lied about their age/weight/marital status
Also, they don’t really press you for your digits, since it’s only coffee

Wishful thinking on being able to run after 20 minutes
They usually trap me in there a good hour or two
I should wear a tshirt…”Any longer, I would have to charge you therapist fees”…

I need to plan my getaway better…
 MENOFFPAUSE
Joined: 8/28/2008
Msg: 289
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/5/2008 1:28:49 AM
Well excuse me as I have had a glass of wine and everything looks a bit rosier and isn't that what a glass of wine does. A light meal distracts you fron the nitty gritty of trying to meet the woman of your dreams that will be there for the rest of your life as men seem to want to do. Isn't it about enjoying the moment with somebody no matter what they look like? Did you do enough talking on the phone to find out if they were nice people or were you verbally mean as well. How many people do you meet at a coffee shop normally ? If so why dont you go meet people that way anyway if your that attractive. Stop worrying about money and be aware half of a light meal you ate anyway. Just invite someone out for a candle lit pie and a glass of rich red . At least you will get a laugh out of it.
 Winsome Wanda
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 300
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/6/2008 10:45:28 AM
Now THAT's the kind of date we'd like with someone we've known long enough to get in a car with, OR after that lingering coffee!
 stdncr1
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 302
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/7/2008 5:49:06 AM
I think we have lost sight of what the meeting is for. If you feel that lunch/bkfst/dinner would be better then say so and also offer to share the tab. The meeting is mutual. This person doesn't owe you anything for your time. It is their time also. Coffee/tea/water is an excuse for a meeting that can last as long as you want it to last. Meet at an interesting area so if things go well you can go for a walk. To many people only think of themselves and do not consider the other person. A sign of the "me" generation.
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 305
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/7/2008 3:19:33 PM
Coffee dates can be nice, assuming you choose a quaint coffee shop with pastries and nice sofas. I also like meeting for drinks, but that doesn't work for everyone. I would certainly pay. Sheesh. It's the least one can do, especially if you asked.
 Mikey7619
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 307
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/7/2008 4:26:00 PM
think the main reason why some guys are hesistant to buy the woman's coffee is because sometimes a woman might feel like she owes the guy something
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 309
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/14/2008 11:42:20 AM
I have mixed feelings regarding the coffee date/drink date scenario. I rarely meet anyone online of interest who lives less than an hour away from me, so meting him halway for coffee seems a bit odd since the price of gas is more than the price of the coffee, I prefer dinner. I agree with some of the previous posters, who pays should be established when the invitation is extended. I always try to clarify this, a few men have gotten insulted when I inquired about who pays for dinner and they did not want to meet me at that point ( way too sensitive for me), they all accused me of being a feminist and said they knew why I hadn't been married (NEXT).....I have no problem with paying for dinner, however I have the same opinion as some of the other women regarding a cup of coffee...if he does not offer to buy mine and he asked me to meet, that tells me something about him. Dating is sometimes just a nightmare....
 lil_ladybug
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 311
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/23/2008 3:32:03 PM
I love meeting for coffee/tea/etc for a first date! It's casual, I don't feel as much pressure, and if we really enjoy each other's company, it could end up at dinner, a walk in the park, etc.
 Darxman
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 312
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:12:07 PM
If I'm meeting somone from online...it's meeting for coffee, or at a bookstore or something simple. As the man aka the person who plans and pays for most first dates, I've been burned by women who dont look like their pictures or their personality didnt match the what they presented in the profile.

If I meet someone at a club or somewhere offline then it's dinner or somthing more elaborate.In that case I know the attraction is there and I have gotten a taste of what their personality is like.

For the women hav a problem with coffee dates...start asking men that you are attracted to out and take them out on fancy dates.
 jackster121
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 313
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:16:14 PM
I see a lot of that in women's profiles as well. I think it is a short encounter so there is a built in "out" clause, or like you say an interview.
Your profile is your resume' and the coffee clatch is the interview to see if you should get the "job" so to speak.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 318
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 4:06:40 AM
Excellent p0st OP! This is a really great example showing that not everyone has what some of us call "good manners".

A "quick coffee meet" is often about considering the OTHER person's comfort level, and NOT just an excuse to be a cheapskate. Some people are so arrogant that they actually realize that while they themselves may have figured out there's enough chemistry for a free dinner, the OTHER person may not be quite that astute. Some people are emotionally mature enough that they are willing and able to allow another person a "graceful" way out if said chemistry turns out to be a case of temporary insanity.


If I want to interupt my day to JUST have a cup of coffee I'm gonna call one of my girl friends and catch up on the local gossip or talk about shoes!!
Many man, darling things that they are; are not always quick enough to interpret comments like this one. It states: I have 0 interest in YOU, no amount of "chemistry" will ever be more important than my shoes, I am high maintenance + some, it's ALWAYS all about "me", "your" feelings matter not in the least.

The "non princess" types recognize that first meetings should be low key, low pressure and are in fact nothing at all like a "job interview". They are casual and comfortable for BOTH parties and allow either or both to tactfully decline any more elaborate "meeting".
 Amma63
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 319
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 9:11:08 AM
I used to be totally against the 'coffee' date - they always seemed more like 'interviews' than anything else.

However, after a couple of 'dinner dates' - where I was expected to supply dessert - ahhhhh, no thanx - coffee dates suddenly looked mightly appealing.

One of the nicest dates I had was grabbing a couple of coffees and spent hours walking around one my city's largest parks. It was relaxed..........so NO pressure...........and I felt we truly learned a lot about each other.

Things didn't work out 'that way' - but to this day, if we bump into each other on MSN we seem to be able to pick up where we last left off..........as two new friends.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 323
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 12:54:11 PM

Maybe I see something wrong here, some people may be burnt out on dating?
It has absolutely NOTHING to do with being burned out on DATING. It has to do with perhaps being burned out on getting burned though.

A first "face to face" meeting is hardly the same as a "date". As I believe DJ has already pointed out, "online dating" has things just a tad backwards. IRL....you MEET the person BEFORE you "date" them.

A first "meeting" should be casual in most cases, although there's also nothing wrong if 2 people have been chatting for a while and determine MUTUALLY that they'd like to plan a more formal or longer "first contact" situation. Not everyone however is THAT comfortable before they meet face to face, and a "no expectations" meeting can be EVERY BIT as exciting (if not moreso) than a "date" which lasts for 9 hours..and one of the people is wishing that it had ended after 9 minutes!

I find it more "exciting" to meet someone for coffee thinking hey...it's just coffee....only to find that 2 hrs later, I don't want the conversation to end...and discover that....neither do they!

I think the difference is perspective is NOT due to any sort of "burn out", but rather to the differences between people who ARE able to be relaxed and casual and go with the flow...and those who have to have everything planned out to the last tiny detail or they're dissappointed.

What's the big rush??? Are they suddenly going to close every restaurant in town if you don't have dinner with this person....IMMEDIATELY? If indeed all those "butterflies" are present....then will they not still be there a day or 2 later??? I would certainly HOPE that if anything, a first brief meeting would INTENSIFY the excitement for a first "real date", not lessen it.
 just me67
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 325
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 1:37:41 PM
Coffee works for me but it has to be during the day, there's no way I'm drinking coffee at night then I'll be wired!!.....it's a meet and greet, lunch works well too..It's an hour of your life if there's no connection you move on.
 Darxman
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 326
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 2:17:03 PM
It's not about meeting for actual coffee. It's about developing a repoire with someone that you've never met before..i.e online. I've met someone online before ata bookstore for a quick first meeting. Nice person...but no romantic chemistry.

Now if I met someone at a store or a nightclub..that is much different. The repoire has been establishing. The mutual attraction is there. In that case I would take that person out to dinner for a first date.
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 329
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 2:53:25 PM

I read a lot of profiles where men suggest a quick meeting for a cup of coffee as a "first date". What's up with that?

First off, it's not a "date".... it's a "meet"....... You meet, you like, you date. You meet, you don't, you move on. Only thing down, a cup of joe/jane.

Some elaborate their reasoning is to "just see if there is chemistry". I don't get it??

What don't you get hon.... chemistry? Lemme help ya here darlin'.... CHEMISTRY is what makes you feel all wiggly and giggly.... it's the thing that takes you from emails into the bedroom..... it's the lusty part of the relationship and without it, there's nothing but friendship or less.

I can figure out if there is enough chemistry to want to have a REAL l date by the photographs and a few telephone conversations.

No you can't. What your deducing is common interests or a sense of compatibility, not chemistry. Chemistry is figured out only by getting close enough to trade pheromones.... oooooo baby yesssssss..........................

I don't get these quickie Dunkin Donut meetings..They sound like your being invited to a "job interview". Forget that noice.

Jeez hon.... trade it up..... head to a nice, local coffee shop and give them some biz. Dunkin D's? oh lordie lordie.......

If I want to interupt my day to JUST have a cup of coffee I'm gonna call one of my girl friends and catch up on the local gossip or talk about shoes!! Coffee is not a date. .. not even if you throw a donut at me too.. Forget about it.

"interrupt"? Okaaaaay........ OP, it's not about the cup of coffee..... you DO understand that, right? It's about finding out in a low key atmosphere whether or not there's an attraction in person beyond the emails and phone calls, which to me are worth nothing more than the time you spent on 'em.

Reality is close up. Why expect a guy to shell out for a dinner if he's thinking about how to dump you off at home before dessert???

Good luck hon.
 Ms Brat
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 330
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 2:59:49 PM
Ditto...What she said!
 Portuguesemomma
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 331
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 9/24/2008 3:02:18 PM
I for one am not offended by the mention of coffee for a first meeting.Besides coffee being my drink of choice, I feel it is a nice casual meeting place where i feel safe. If all goes well who knows the date could be extended to a movie or lunch.
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