|need break up advice|
Posted: 7/31/2009 11:43:38 AM
|Lar and others are correct. |
Control is her goal. This sounds like borderline personality disorder.
1. Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving
2. There are no victims only volunteers
(since you break up and go back you know)
Are you a little co-dependent? Most of us are, no shame in that...:) You cannot fix her!
Stop responding to her calls -- Delete, Delete, Delete .
You are a great human being as you are and when a borderline doesn't get what she wants she tries to tear you down with guilt. Spend your time with family, friends and others who make you feel good. Learn self-esteem builders. Someone with high self-esteem would not tolerate such behavior for long. They would figure they deserved better and let the borderline go. Immerse yourself in things that make you feel good. Read The Art of Letting Go; Walking on Eggshells; I Hate You Don't Leave Me. They will offer you some good insight.
If you decide to date, do so after you're sure it's safe. If you date or even see a girl casually make sure the borderline is not stalking the two of you. Do not offer the borderline any names of femals you have met. Borderlines have been known to stalk the new girl, endangering her as well. It gives her another angle to play the guilt card. She will be relentless in her pursuit of this new girl(s).
Most times (not always in most severe cases) a borderline thinks so highly of herself that she will not cut herslelf deeply enough or take enough pills to die, but she will make an effort to get admitted to a hospital and get attention from a man to control him by superficial cuts to her wrists or taking something. Borderline love affairs are ususally based in sexual gratification only and are torrid, hectic, stormy -- like a tornado ripped through your life and you don't know how to make it stop -- they "hook" you -- like a substance abuser hooks enabling mates. They know what vulnerable buttons to push on a man to get the reaction they want. They know how to make a man feel so good, but after a while a man grows weary because the relationship is about sex only -- and what you can do for her? After all, she's given you her body, love, appreciation, support, a place to stay, loved you in all of your imperfections, had wonderful moments -- and most of all -- she needs you in her life! You are her reason for living! If she is admitted to a hospital, leave her alone and make her get help. Chances are she knows she has a mental health diagnosis but hasn't told you. Why should she? Borderlines are manipulative. She may call because she needs help with a lightbulb, starting her car, etc. Do not help her! She will use this to say that if you weren't interested in her why did you help? You can also find yorself blackmailed and he/said, she/said legal situations. She will find someone else just as naive as you are. Have you helped her financially? If so, her hooks will deepen when you break up. Does she have a drug or alcohol problem? Many substance abusers have borderline behavior characteristics even though they may not be diagnosed as such.
Ask a criminal psychologist h0w many men are blackmailed and harmed -- even murdered by a borderline scorned. Hospitals have mental wards for borderlines; LaRue Carter State Hospital has a unit for borderlines. Go seek mental health counseling for yourself to understand how her guilt trips are affecting you. Your religious, family, moral and ethical background are also playing into this -- thoughts, feelings, behaviors. There are mental health centers and counselors who have groups for men who have been with borderlines to help them begin to understand and process of what is happening. The other group members will have sympathy and empathy for you; they will understand perfectly and will not judge you; they will share their experiences with you.
You are fine as you are and do not need her compliments to be seen as special by someone. Chances are she is isolating you and taking up so much time and energy that you can't form new relationships or spend time with people who are important to you.
Be good to yourself -- you deserve better!
|need break up advice|
Posted: 7/31/2009 11:54:13 AM
|I mostly agree with all the advice already posted. There was only one thing I didn't see, Document, Document, Document. I she does turn out to be psycho and accuse you of something to get back at you, you will need proof of her actions. Otherwise, it will just be your word against hers, and guess whose word usually has more weight?|
So to sum up:
1. Tell her in no uncertain terms its over and you will have no further contact.
2. Urge her to seek counseling if necessary.
3. Document all actions.
4. Stick to your word and do not associate with her.
5. Contact police if further action is required.
|need break up advice|
Posted: 7/31/2009 1:09:14 PM
|i saw your profile...you are a man in your forties...now hopefully...the woman is in her forties...i am hoping she is not mentally ill...maybe she is a stalker...why does she want die? you do not want to be in her life...stay away from her...you need to show her you are serious....and in the future be more careful...it is nice to be somebody beautiful...there has to be substance...personality...good luck|