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 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 43
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

The odd part is that you said that you didn't feel any connection, but that his expecting you to pay made up your mind for you. That definitely reeks of "gold-digging"!

Yes you're right, this is not only odd but disconcerting. Is this why women feel it's the guy's chivalrous duty even though the woman has already decided that there's not a connection? Isn't that dishonest or at least deceitful?
 supernovastunnah
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 44
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:21:16 AM
i think its kind of rude for a man to insist u buy him a drink i would be put off too...mostly because i hate when people think they are entitled to things .
 ***piano4te***
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 53
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:57:24 AM
Well.....being that you mentioned you were already getting bored within the first 45 minutes of the date, it might bare to suggest that he might have been just as bored with you as well..... I would guess that any man who ISN'T bored with his date, would actually pay for the rest of the nights drinks, etc.... A man who is INTERESTED in his date will be trying to 'impress'. It doesn't matter if he's old fashioned or not. He probably felt like he had nothing else to loose by this point from being so bored as well that he figured he would add insult to injury. No sense in leaving somebody with only a marginally disgusted first impression to remeber themselves by. If it ain't gonna work out, then go FULL TILT DISGUST. Hell, women do that all the time to get out of having a guy actually ask her out for a second one.

Just throwin' out possibilities..... cheers...this one's on me....
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 61
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 11:54:44 AM
It does not matter if it is the first or fifth date. It is called reciprocation. So, my answer is yes.

Reciprocation is such a powerful and sexy word when a woman uses it. That's the type of thing that makes her stand out in a good way.
 ChicagoStyle
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 64
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Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 1:04:32 PM
Question:

Would you have bought or offered to buy him a drink at any point of the date/meeting?

Also, seems like you had a problem with him letting you go to the bar to get the drink. Maybe you should have let him know that? And, if you were the one buying the drinks, wouldn't you want to be the one to go pay for them? Or were you ook with giving him the cash/credit card to pay for it?

And think about it, whenever a guy goes to get the drinks, he has to "stand up at the bar too!!"

Just saying.

 ChicagoStyle
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 66
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Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 1:30:19 PM

I don't like his style... nor would I tell a man to go buy me a drink. I wouldn't have bought him anything... or bothered to see him again.


I agree, it does seem kind of out of line the way he asked for the drink. Almost like he was demanding it or something.

You really shouldn't have to tell anyone to do things for you on a date. They should "want" to do it, if they are interested in you.
 supernovastunnah
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 69
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 2:35:38 PM
i dont think she demanded that he buy her a drink which is the difference....if someone offers and u accept its different from making a demand.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 70
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Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 2:36:11 PM
I don't believe what I'm reading. You obviously expect not to buy a drink for someone who bought one for you. How selfish. It doesn't matter what gender they are!

Stop living in the dark ages. It's people like you that are holding up the progress of equality.
 opnmydm
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 73
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 3:20:14 PM
it is fine to buy a man a drink, but the way he went about it was totally wrong..how rude.
 KRN1994
Joined: 7/26/2008
Msg: 76
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Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 3:52:56 PM
Okay, I agreed earlier that the way he said it was rude, and I wouldn't have liked it either although under normal circumstances have no problem buying.. but ...... Here is what I would have done..... Here is $$$, put it on the table, and walked out..
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 80
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 4:32:20 PM
I don't think this man should have demanded for the OP to buy him a drink. But I think she shouldn't have agreed to have another drink and expect him to pay for especially since she wasn't interested in him and he had already bought the first round. The fact that she was drinking OJ instead of alcohol is irrevelant. As stated by Tiger Woods, sometimes a non-alcohlic drink can be just as expensive as some beers.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 84
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Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:28:45 PM
Maybe he was trying to figure out if you were a good sport rather than being cheap. Did he pay for your OJ? He asked you what you were buying him, you had the opportunity to tell him nothing, agua, a Shirley Temple, any number of things that would have either gotten you off the hook for the drink or put him on the spot. If he was the most handsome guy on the planet and everything was clicking, would it have mattered?

If you are going to get turned off a guy over asking you to buy a drink you really ought to be prepared to be single for a long time, there are worse issues in the dating world. The truth is that you were ticked that someone for whom you hed no attraction to begin with would have the audacity to ask that you reciprocate and lay out the same amount of cash that he already had for your evening. I'm with the post above, get to know the dude better before you go on a date but always be prepared to pony up the money even if you think he is going to pay your way.
 Bewildered100
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 96
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Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/31/2008 2:26:11 AM
I would be shocked if a date offered to pay for ANYTHING! Must be dating the wrong women.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 101
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:45:29 AM
1. I didnt leave, even though I knew it wasnt going anywhere, because I thought it was rude to say after 45 minutes...."thanks for the drink but i must go". I thought, if anything, I may be able to have a nice friend here, but as you know, you still have to have somethings in common with that person even to be a friend.

3. HE suggested going back into the pub for a drink, not me. Yes, I could have said no but I thought i was being rude. I mean to say, how long do you stay on a date that isnt going anywhere and you know it?


If a woman wasn't interested me after 45 minutes, I would rather have her end the date instead of wasting my time and money on a date that was going nowhere. That's why I think there shouldn't be any time limits on first dates.

He is the one who asked you out on a date, right? Then he's the one who PAYS!! I can't believe anyone expects the invitee to pay for anything on a date!!


I completely disgaree. Regardless of who asks whom, gender, or any other reason, no one should expect the other person to pay the enitre bill.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 106
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/31/2008 1:27:09 PM
Hey celts. If you had read it properly, he didnt waste any money on me as i bought the second drink lol


I was making a general comment about dating when I stated the quote below. I wasn't strictly referring to your situation.

I would rather have her end the date instead of wasting my time and money on a date that was going nowhere.


Also, what would you do if a woman said as soon as she clocked eyes on you and decided she didnt like you, turns to you and says, no thanks byeee and got into her car. How bloody rude would that be and really insensitive?
They say that you know whether that person is right for you in the first 3 seconds and that is true but you cant just turn round and say see you later.


Well, there is a big difference between 3 seconds or even 3 minutes and 45 minutes.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 112
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/31/2008 3:19:06 PM

exxxceptt.......women generally don't receive equal pay. So now what??

You have to realize that the "$0.77 " number which is used doesn't compare apples to apples. But all the wage-gap ratio reflects is a comparison of the median earnings of all working women and men who log at least 35 hours a week on the job, any job. That's it.
It doesn't compare those with equal work, equal training, equal education or equal tenure. Nor does it take into account the hours of overtime worked.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 113
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/31/2008 4:12:48 PM
That's just ridiculous. And it's not proper etiquette in the first place.


Not proper etiquette according to whom. Some self proclaimed dating expert. Just because someone has a different viewpoint than you, it doesn't mean that they are being ridiculous. There are plenty of people who prefer to go Dutch at least on the first few dates regardless of any other factors.



Or you call someone for a date and say, "Would you like to go to the movies with me?" And they say, "Sure, thanks for inviting me!" Then, when you get there, don't tell me you go, "Well, there's my ticket; you have to pay for your own!!!
PLEASE don't tell me you would do that.


A few women have asked me to go out on a date with them. Whether it was having a few drinks, going to a movie, or anything else. I never expected them to pay for me unless they specifically mentioned that they would. If I didn't have the money, I would decline the offer or suggest doing something cheaper. IMO expecting someone to pay for you ( especially on the first date when you don't know the other person besides from a few phone / email conversations ) shows a sense of entitlement.
 Rose_harper
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 117
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Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/31/2008 6:30:32 PM
I think as a guy, that on the first date everybody has to pay for their own food and drinks.
Second date the guy can be the one that buys the drinks, but on the third date it's definately the woman's turn.
If i see that i keep on paying for things then i can see that it's going to be like this all the time.
Also buying women drinks left right and center is a "display of lower value".
Sub consciously the woman will think that the guy has got nothing to offer her and sees the guy as a chump....then at best he can be the "nice guy" that finishes last or at best in the "friend zone".

I believe that when your date told you with laughter to get him a drink, he was just being**** and funny and maybe you shouldve seen it as a funny friendly moment.

Women that expect guys to always pay for things are not "old-fashioned" or "old school"...its called being an opportunist.
Clubs and bars are filled with girls (i know one) that go to out without spending a penny...they flirt with guys and give them fake indications of interest to get guys to buy drinks for them....then the move on to the next guy etc etc.
If you expect the guy to always pay then it shows that you don't even like him for who he is but what he can do for you...

You have money just as the guy has money,...so when he buys then you should return the favor.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 138
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Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 9/1/2008 9:19:08 AM
Yah, I wish there was a way to tell whether a guy will be like this from the profile. I do offer to buy the next round, and I will accept an offer from a man to keep paying for the first date (and appreciate it), and generally expect that the guy will insist and refuse my offer to pay, because it tends to be the norm. But I think it's exceptionally tacky for the guy to actually ASK you to buy him a drink. I don't assume the guy is going to pay, and at least offer to pay, so I would never ASK someone to pay for me. That would be tacky! And that's even with me being the woman, who is generally used to the convention of men paying for the first date. So for a MAN to ask a woman to pay is even tackier, when he knows that there are other men out there insisting on paying for drinks and dinner and flowers, etc. on a first date (and that really he's competing with that for women's attention).
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 148
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 9/1/2008 1:27:34 PM

If this stuff bothers you ( about preferences on who pays etc ), then please use the code words on your profile :

Dutch.
old fashioned.
gentleman.
treated like a princess.


That last one scares the begeezus outta me!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 162
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 1/14/2009 2:54:45 PM
I don't see anything wrong for a woman to buy a man a drink. However, it usually it's a reciprocal thing. Meaning, you're both drinking. If only one is drinking it's not cool. First of all, you both will end up in different wavelengths and never connect. Also, it is usually a mutual thing, not imposed on the other. Many dates that I went out, we bought each other drinks and it was no big deal. But again, it has to be reciprocal.
 Wombat59
Joined: 9/3/2008
Msg: 167
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Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 1/15/2009 7:12:31 AM
yes - i think so - i would even expect to pay my share of dinner too - but I would be a bit put off by him suggesting it before i had the chance to offer

Wombat
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 173
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Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 1/15/2009 2:38:32 PM
If it was a problem and you thought he was being cheap then why didnt you just leave.....
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 175
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Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 1/15/2009 3:35:07 PM
Can't wait for the day a girl buys me a drink and takes me home with her! And she has money in the bank and asks me what I think about that and that she will be in the Pink Cadillac. Let's get gone walk it out.....
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