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 notjesus
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 17
Gut Instincts in DatingPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
"That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. Now, I know some of you are going to say, "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works."

slight credit to Sir Stephen Colbert.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 18
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History
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:33:56 PM
Yeh people that take it too fast. Although Im the opposite and probably the one being accused by women of taking it too slow! lol.

Bottom line you cant be perfect, so no matter how people are just be yourself.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 19
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:44:06 PM


Msg: 1 -- when you feel that hit on the pitt of your stomach and know something isn't right


I actually experience a genuine physical pain in my stomach. I learned the hard way that this is not the run of the mill gastric discomfort, rather, it is a bona fide "gut warning" that the woman I'm with should be avoided at all costs. I have paid DEARLY each time I ignored my "gut warning". These days I pay close attention to it.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 21
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:57:04 PM


Msg: 6 -- Gut instincts or red flags?


Two quite distinct alerts, of course. I have a list of red flags a mile long that will trigger the end of a first date or meetNgreet without the assistance of a "gut instinct".

A "gut instinct", or should I say, a "gut warning", happens rarely, and it is always a negative experience. The negative experience is a painful warning, which is why I call it a "gut warning".

In her OP, it appears that she mentions both, first the "pit of the stomach" warning and then the other red flags which may or may not accompany it.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 22
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:05:29 PM


Msg: 10 -- Although I'm grateful that there are meds out there to keep someone balanced, I have to admit deep concern over what happens when the meds don't work or that they may up & decide to stop taking them some day....then what?


Here you mention another deal-breaker for me. I won't risk dealing with someone who has psychiatric problems requiring medication. This requires too much risk, far more risk than I am willing to take. Meds for the mind? Hey, if it works, fine, but I won't chance it.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 24
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:11:52 PM


Msg: 13 -- I've seen 3 girls who decided to tell me about "that one time they were raped" the first time we met. What the sh1t?
Also, picky eaters. If they can't enjoy food they're probably dead on the inside.


I have dealt with both types and want nothing to do with either. If she has a problem with sex or with dining, I have a hot little "NEXT" button within easy reach.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 27
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:25:27 PM


Msg: 18 -- They can't balance liking someone to where they want to spend so much time with you within those weeks of dating and they naturally lose interest because things are going too fast.


This is not strictly a case of one person going too fast. It is quite clearly a MISMATCH because one perceives progress as going too fast while the other percieves it as going too slow. A mismatch is obviously a sign of incompatibility and should be regarded as such. The speed itself shouldn't be a factor. How that speed is perceived IS.



I've learned to slow things down, and when you get that gut feeling, to just honor it!


I don't see the point of slowing things down for the sake of doing so. I stop or go flat out. If someone goes too fast or too slow, I stop, end, terminate. If the speed is satisfactory for me, I go flat out.

I totally agree with your sentiments concerning gut feeling.
 southernredhead
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 30
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:05:03 PM
Telling you that you have to be discreet on the first date, tells me you are either married and or in a relationship. I listen to my gut instinct, and see red flags first time around. Doesnt take me 3 or four dates to pick up on that. You ask point blank if they are married and their face locks up. A pause and they say no. They refuse to give you a phone number but they want yours.

You pop 60 valiums a month on the very first phone call and he has been doing that for 10 years and he says all the women he has dated is crasier then a sh*t house rat. Duh! Says he has dated women for 20 years and very manic on the phone, I don't think we are crazy.

Being octupus on the first date, is a creepazoid. When told they can only come out late at night to deliver as a courier, meet him and its asking for kisses and octupus hands first time out the gate, and they tell you that all the women on POF want sex.

Clueless twit. Or you go out with someone and they drop off the planet, and don't give you closure. A no thanks or no chemistry might be nice. So yes lots of red flags. As I say ya gotta go through a lot of bottom feeders to find that prince charming.

 dougiereddawn
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 31
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Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:51:47 PM
Excuse me but would you feel the same way if a person took out a prescription container, said Oh," These is asthma medication, I've been taking it for year'? People with depression are not crazy nor degenerate. Maybe the guy is on a schedule to take this medication. At least they're being upfront about it as opposed to hiding this disorder. Depression is ususally a biochemical problem. Taking medication to control it os commendable far better than drinking or taking "the bad drugs" to treat it. I say if you can't deal with someone elses illness you are the one with the problem.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 33
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:44:07 PM


Msg: 36 -- Believe it or not, caller ids where you have to give your number to call them.


I get dozens of harrassment calls daily. If I see no caller ID or if I don't recognize the caller ID I won't answer. What I normally do is Google the mysterious number and it usually has numerous complaints associated with it. I then add it to my "Harrassment List", to which I have assigned a unique ring that warns me that the caller is a worthless snake.
 plebayo
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 35
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:01:35 PM
Most of these are particular incidents... but definitley keep me on the wary side of anyone.

- Guys who trash talk their platoons when they were in Iraq. You can trash the government, I don't care. But you shouldn't trash talk the guys you were fighting beside, they did their job just like you did so shaddup!.

- Moving super fast. I met a guy who wanted to be back in a relationship like right then. Way out of my comfort zone.

- Guys who say there "are no rules" in life. That basically no one can make you do anything. That the law isn't to be respected. Don't get me wrong, I speed, I underage drink, whatever. But when they arrest you and send you to PRISON or JAIL I don't care what you say about them "not being able to make you do anything". You're in locked up, what the eff.

- When they get mad that I am not into smoking pot/doing drugs and tell me I should "expirience life" and try things. Yeah, well just 'cause you jump off the bridge doesn't mean I need to, to "expirience" it LOL.

- Telling me I should drive to see him because he doesn't want to drive to see me. Seriously?

There's a lot of other things. It really throws me off when they go on about how they want to get in my pants. I have no desire to wind up in a ditch because I said no LOL.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 38
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 9/2/2008 12:48:59 PM
Everyone has offered reasons to back away, escape, run, shout NEXT, and everyone, save a few, on this site is single, more or less, and looking. The title of this thread does not prohibit offering up clues or signs for finding something in the first, second date worthy of exploration, to fit a friends or more role, but no one has. Sad, but if we look around at the crowd we're in, entirely, albeit sadly, predictable. Hey, lol, shouldn't we be devoting our best efforts to sharing ways/reasons to add, not delete, new acquaintances? Just sayin'


1. Not making eye contact


Actualizing: I gotta agree with you there. I've had this happen more than once, and pretty much knew it just wasn't happenin'. I actually brought this up to a woman, after the second date (we were seated across from each other at a nice restaurant, having dinner, and she couldn't seem to keep her eyes on mine for more than ten seconds, to the point where I started to look down or away, because I didn't want her to feel as if I was staring). She told me she had been totally unaware, and rebounded by inviting me to her house for a sexual episode. I went, because I am a gamer (lol), and always curious, tho I thought it premature, but she found reasons to cancel the "event" after my arrival.
 notjesus
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 39
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 9/2/2008 2:19:09 PM
That's a heck of a point whytwater.

I think since internet dating is more of a 'process of elimination', it's easy (and sometimes necessary) to focus on the negatives rather than the positives most of the time.

Seconding eye contact. Not the short little glances then a coy turn-away. The kind that linger and turn into a smile, like you're sharing a secret. (even if you're not)
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 40
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 9/2/2008 2:25:42 PM
~OT~ I'm pretty open to many things, but when they drink breakfast, lunch, brunch, happy hour and dinner ~ I have a little problem. (I go with my gut instinct, it's not terribly difficult to determine that drinking is the priority and it's really easy to just walk away ~ they probably won't remember the departure anyway!)
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 41
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Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 9/2/2008 2:49:22 PM
Your gut will tell you if you have that attraction needed to want to know them better or not. If it is mutual, you have some good dates until the next thing comes along to maybe tell your gut to evaluate the one you are with.

Most relationships become a matter of growth and evaluation, reflection, and decision making. No one is perfect, and very few will have a perfect relationship barometer to count on when enjoying another.

Communications will be the key for proving your gut right or wrong, and if that attraction does not develop into chemistry enough to compromise with one another, nothing happens but a down hill slide.....with the final comment being......"Next".....

Just my opinion.......
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 43
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 9/3/2008 7:25:33 AM
I had a man tell me that he was going to call me back later that night. Never did. I was on POF. Periodically checking my favorites. He logged on was on for 1 1/2 hours. Is not a forum person. logged off. never sent a message. I told him that i know that he didn't call. he lied and said that his boss called with an emergency. i said "that is why you were on pof for 1 1/2 hrs!" okay i was talking to this really nice woman and i helped her save her house. he is a financial broker. i said "that is why you never sent a message". Anyway that was one of his lies as i was beginning to feel that he is a player and was not being sincere about wanting a wife and family. the gut of my stomach was wrenching really tightly with sickness knowing that he was chasing other women and was not working on a relationship with me.
 ~BrownEyedGirl65~
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 44
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History
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 9/3/2008 7:41:39 AM
I say always go with your gut instinct. I only wish I could take my own advice! lol Unfortunately, I do have a big heart and like to help people in trouble, but I have learned to pay attention to my 'gut instinct' and those voices in my head (not the ones that tell me to kill people or anything like that)

Seriously, there are a lot of people on this site looking for someone to take them in like a stray animal... and they all seem to gravitate towards me... oh lucky me. But, like I said, I have learned to listen to my instincts and run the other direction before getting involved
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 45
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 9/3/2008 10:10:55 AM
Sometimes gut instincts have nothing to do with obvious red flags. Sometimes their our intuition saying something isn't right.

The problem is after dealing with past betrayals and hurts we often don't always know if our gut instinct is right or if it's on hyperalert do to the past.

How many people who've been hurt get so bitter and angry and take every little instance as a sign of a red flag? That stupid 3 day rule (who the heck made that up?) saying if he/she doesn't call in 3 days it's a red flag.

I guess it's a matter of being balanced, not overreacting but still listening to the instincts and proceed with caution!
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 52
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 9/3/2008 8:48:44 PM

Things that I'm not too keen on the first time I meet someone :

1. Not laughing at my sense of humour = an absolute deal breaker.
2. A deep and/or gravely voice that makes me pay too much attention to her neck looking for an adam's apple
3. Too much foul language. The odd frick is ok, but frick this and frick that is not sexy.
4. Talking about her ex when I didn't ask
5. Doesn't make eye contact
6. Preoccupied/disinterested
7. An inability to shut the frick up for even one second
8. Acts like a mute and just stares at me with a bored look on her face
9. Shows up looking like she put little to no effort in her personal appearance
10. Answers her cell phone



Comeon now, I brushed my hair! And I only said frick 10... 19 times! (?)
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 61
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 9/4/2008 2:24:43 PM


Msg: 42 -- I gotta disagree with this point. "Gut instincts" are not always negative. "Gut warnings" are nothing more than the opposite of that funny feeling you get in your gut when something or someone "just feels right" (which would be a positive gut intsinct.)


I have had only ONE "positive" gut instinct about a relationship in my entire life. That was the BEST relationship I ever had, bar none. So, yeah, I agree, they are not ALWAYS negative, although in my case they have MOSTLY been negative.



My favorite red flag
-The girl who, on our 1st date, decided to tell me in detail how she slashed her ex's tires and set him up for an open intox...


How about a red flag that threatens bodily injury? An ex-gf was raped. She found the perpetrator about a week later and cut off his ballz with a rusty fish knife. Now, I have no intention of raping anyone, but realizing that she had the capacity for that sort of action caused me to end the relationship very quickly. I want nothing to do with a woman who can even THINK of doing such a thing, justified or not.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 65
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 10/28/2008 4:06:04 PM

Msg: 5 -- The thing that makes me most wary of someone, is when I mention my pet bunnies and they then make a comment about rabbit pie/stew....


Uhh, STEW? Woof! In THAT situation I can think of myself as being ONE **OF** the rabbits, ENJOYING **ALL** of that SEX!!!!

In many ways, animals have it SO MUCH better than us so-called "humans".



Msg: 7 -- 6/ She brags about how many men she has slept with !
Need I go on ?


I think not. That sufficiently describes an undesirable woman.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 66
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 10/28/2008 4:28:32 PM


Msg: 10 --1. The ususal pushing for physical intimacy too soon.


Hmm, "too soon". I disagree with the concept of "too soon", but I WILL agree with your implied premise of INCOMPATIBILITY. If the expressed desire of intimacy from one party is not ENTHUSIASTICALLY embraced by the OTHER, then they ARE incompatible and SHOULD seek other mates.

There is NO SUCH thing as "pushing for physical intimacy too soon". There is only compatiblity and incompatibility.

There is ONLY **ONE** solution for incompatibility; DUMP, RELOAD, meaning drop the incompatible one and search for someone more to your liking.

If both of you are compatible, there is NO "too soon".
 CHAOTICBEAUTINESS
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 67
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 10/28/2008 5:23:52 PM
I often get gut instincts about people that post on here. Some are happy alone. Some aren't happy alone or with anyone. Some don't want others to be happy. Some are happy making others unhappy. Some I wonder why they post. Some I am thankful that they post and know why they are in a happy relationship.

Right now my gut is telling me that my current relationship seems to be going well. But if it goes down hill, I am not sure how my gut will feel.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 68
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 10/28/2008 5:25:20 PM

Msg: 43 -- Everyone has offered reasons to back away, escape, run, shout NEXT


Yes, and I may have been one of the most prolific of the posters you have mentioned. But, my point of stress has ALWAYS been compatibility. Signs of incompatibility have ALWAYS been warnings to hit the "NEXT" button for me. I am not ashamed of that. I post no lies.

I WANT a submissive slave girl who is in tune with my desires, and I state so in my profile. I have NOTHING to hide, so if a woman who is interested in me is repulsed by this, then let her be repulsed. She doesn't want me and I most assuredly have NO desire for her. She hasn't the capacity OR desire to satisfy me.





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