Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 786
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)Page 34 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
mickuandme....

I just read your profile, mate.....not good. You've bought into everything she said to you. I don't think you're boring, and I'm certainly not going to criticize you for what you say.

You have been kind of brainwashed for the last 20 years, I can see that, easily.

Please do something for me....only if you want to, of course. Re-write that profile to tell us the good stuff about you.

Even though I'm borderline, I get really pissed off when I see stuff like that. You have no reason to think about yourself that way.....yes I'm sure....I don't care if I haven't met you....it's a crock of sh*t....designed to make you feel like a piece of sh*t. And it worked.

I don't want to get into this too deep right now....I'm more concerned with YOU feeling better, than explaining your wife.....

I was diagnosed at 45...but I had other things that were covering up the borderline....once they were taken care of, more or less, the borderline came out full force.

Borderline can level off by age 45, but it depends on the environment...if the environment has been rocky for 13 years, there's no reason for it to stop at 45.

The secret is the behaviour....the way you act.....if you don't change that, it will go on until you're 100....just like always. Unless you do something "different", nothing will change.

You and your wife have a "predictible" pattern, you say so yourself....you can tell when she's going to leave....and when she will come back.

It's working for her, why should she change it?

I can tell you , that things won't get better.....it's working for her.

I'd like to suggest that you get some help for yourself....to help deal with the situation. Unless you're Jack the Ripper, you don't need to talk sh*t about yourself.

Please let me know what you think.....you deserve more....

Quazi
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 787
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/10/2008 7:01:20 PM

But I build my confidence and self esteem on the children that they need me


mick...

Build your confidence and self esteem on the person that you are, and what you have achieved.

Your psychologist HELPED you, but YOU did the work. Go back and read what you did...in two years.

What you're doing is tough....damn tough. Take a minute and be proud of yourself.

I'll be happy when your profile is changed. Like I said before, you deserve better.

Quaz
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 789
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/10/2008 9:55:42 PM
Sans ...

To be honest, I don't believe you have BPD. Just a lot of repressed anger from your childhood that now requires an outlet.

Here's something I found:

A person with BPD will often exhibit impulsive behaviors and have a majority of the following symptoms:

1) Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

2) A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

3) Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

4) Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

5) Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

6) Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

8) Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

9) Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

Now we know you are neither impulsive nor do you have a majority of the above symptoms. From my perspective, you exhibit number 2 and 6. However, I know that you do not have suicidal tendencies or self-mutilating behavior ... nor do you have substance abuse problems.

If you feel the need to consult with a mental health professional to calm your realizations, please do. I'm betting he'll say about the same thing that I am saying.

IF by some remote chance that you have BPD, I don't think your family will love you any less. You may find that they love you more than you can imagine.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 791
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:13:43 AM

Hi Zee
I was about to direct you to a particular forum but it seems to be defunct. However, google "forums" "BPD" and "NON". NON is the term used for the partner or family member of a BPD. There are several resources on the internet.

If you were in such a realtionship, it is important that you connect with others in the same boat, just so that you discover your bewilderment is not an island. Shared experiences are healing.

A starter book for reading is "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Randi Kreger. It is directed at the "others" in a BPD relationship.
Brooker


Brooker is right....it is BPD that you're dealing with, not narcissism.....

Your boyfriend was too emotional to be a narcissist.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 792
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:41:45 AM

Quazi: I thank you very much for your concern about me.and after reading what you have said to me,it brought tears in my eyes. thinking back on all those years 13 years in total I have felt this way.Life was very hard for me living through the relationship with her.I did feel that I am not wanted any more by her but I kept biting my lip for the sake of the children to grow up with two parents.Her actions and her words seriously had a lot of effects on me,about 19 months ago to be told that two religion don't mix and two cultures don't mix.therefore thats why she chose to have a relationship with a male from her culture from indigenous back ground.That really upset me a lot to tell me this after 18 years of relationship.It was very hard for me to except.and those words made me feel the way I feel now hopeless.


Hi mick.....

Now for this part.....after an 18 year relationship, she didn't "suddenly" realize that two cultures, and two religions don't mix.

My guess is....that someone convinced her that two cultures, and two religions don't mix....and I can guess who would do that, as well....a person from her culture, and indigenous background.....and how is that relationship working....not well from what you've said.

It's not about you at all, Mick......I'm not saying that you're a saint, and she's the devil, but a large majority of the problems probably stem directly from her.

You say it's hard for you to accept those words.....don't accept them...they aren't true.

I understand the harsh words...I'd still be hearing them now, but the people that say them know that I won't listen anymore....they've given up on saying them....finally.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 795
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/22/2008 12:14:58 PM

I had dated someone with bdp off and on for a year. When she was in to me her eyes sparkled and she would brighten up the entire room. It was as if she turned into this beautiful elegant swan that intoxicated me with my every desire. I truely felt as if I had found my seoul mate. (mirroring)


ummmm...I don't know if what I'm going to say is going to help, or hurt...

When she was into you, it was very real...BPD is an emotion dysregulation, you may have seen me call it "overreactionx100". Sometimes that overreaction is a great thing...we actually feel love to our very core. I laughed when I saw (mirroring) at the end of what you wrote. She wasn't mirroring you, she probably felt the love more deeply than you did. The love was not an illusion.

The "depressive" state, would have occurred after "something" triggered her sense of self confidence...."overreactionx100" says that could be ANYTHING......and she would have to "hide" until she got over it.

After years of work, my mood is stable. I have to work at it sometimes, but if things are going ok, it's mostly automatic, now.

But....if I want to have "overreactionx100" in certain situations, I just let go of the controls, and let it out. A nice consolation prize for all my work.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 798
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/22/2008 2:27:06 PM

It is this very intoxication that NONs miss and crave after having experienced it. It doesn't seem to exist in other relationships. Also upsetting is that regular people are more constant in their emotions. It is very troubling to one's psyche to be adored then villified for no apparent reason to us...until we understand the disorder. Quazi, the love and hate cycle of a BPD damages those who love them.


I know from firsthand experience what you're saying, Lil Brooker...my last three SO's were BPD....only one was diagnosed....let's see if we can get into this a little deeper. The one that was diagnosed, was especially "punitive". He didn't "rage" very often...he kept his vilifying to himself. But he would set me up...if something I did annoyed him, he would let it go on for a long time....never say a word....and then one day he would tell me to get out of his house....when I asked "why" he would say "you know why"....from my own experience, I know that he had no idea why. He would be having big stress, and needed to get rid of some, and I was the easiest thing to get rid of.

Sounds nice and neat now, but at the time, I had no idea what was happening or why.... sound familiar at all?
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 800
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/24/2008 1:21:31 PM
Someone needs to snatch up "skybluejeep", quickly.....

Lots of insight here, folks....and probably not just about BPD.

You better have your sh*t together, tho....he'll know it if you don't.....
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 802
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/29/2008 8:15:01 PM
But what if that love is based on an illusion, much like the one that is common with BPD
molding herself into the perfect girlfriend or mirroring you you get a euphoric feeling just hearing her name and cant imagine why she chose you, but thank your lucky stars you found each other


Like I've stated before, the love is not an illusion...the love is very real. But because of past abuse, or neglect, after a time, the closer you become, the fear of abandonment sets in. It's very confusing for a child to hear "I love you" one minute, and then be told to "f*ck off" the next....as it is for an adult....the difference is that the adult can take care of themself.

I don't even know what "mirroring" is....I've read that it is "molding into a perfect other".The only thing I can say about that, is that I was raised by a BPD, alcoholic Mother. UNPREDICTIBLE is putting it mildly. I would go along with whatever she wanted me to do, and agree with everything she said, even though sometimes I resented it....but God help me, if I said anything. I would think that this is what the idea of "mirroring" actually is. When in an unpredictible situation, (like a new relationship) I would sometimes follow the other person's lead. It can actually feel like a safety issue.




But time goes on and she begins to show her true colors, The lying, the manipulating, the possessiveness yet people outside of the relationship rarely see what the non BP partner sees, because to the outside world she appears the victim and YOU are the bad guy.


Once the fear of abandonment sets in, the devaluation starts (or, if the BPD has actually been doing all kinds of stuff for the partner that they hate....this could be something like...doing laundry....the resentment thing is huge....but we don't speak up...one day, we will just blow!). Usually the lying, manipulating and possessiveness start after a "devaluating session" has happened, and the BPD realizes that they might just get rejected. If rejection does indeed happen, then yes, the partner will be devalued to anyone that will listen.

Once the fear of rejection or abandonment is in the mind, all stops may be pulled to keep that from happening.....even if the fear is unrealistic.



Well i used to be of that mindset til one wekend my water heater let go flooding my apt and was forced to stay with them for 4 days while it got cleaned up.
I saw first hand what he went through with his g/f almost daily and let me tell you I would run like hell if saw her coming. I always wondered why he stayed with her and i now think he is just hanging onto hope that he can "love her better".
Her friends and family want nothing to do with her, she is unemployed, and he believes she has cheated multiple time on him.
I am not a doctor and have no business diagnosing anyone but from what i read on here, the symptoms describe her to a tee.


There are three sides to any story.....BPD or not. Every event we experience is viewed by mental filters, and past experiences. There's his side, her side......and the truth. You have obviously been hearing his side.

He may have been "playing nice" to some degree because you were there.

One thing I do know, is that a "happy" BPD (meaning she is ruling the roost) doesn't usually cheat. Her reason for cheating could be something as simple as him working too much....but there will be a reason for her doing it.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 809
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 11/30/2008 8:57:05 PM

Having spend 5+ years dealing with a BPD person, I can pretty much say the one I dealt with had no conscience, and to this day, still tries to actively ruin my life/career/whatever, while just barely staying on the "not bad enough so a judge will give me a restraining order against her" side of harassment.


Oh, we have a conscience all right....we just want to hurt you, as badly as we PERCEIVE you have hurt us. The emotion (overreactionx100) that is connected to a break up (unless we initiate it, of course) is indescribable.
My Dad committed suicide when I was 18....my parents split up when I was 7. After 11 years of being apart, AND re-marrying, the thing my Mom was most upset about when my Dad offed himself, was that she didn't get to watch.......scary.


Locking your door even during the day may be advisable depending on how "vindictive" they are in the BPD spectrum.


Vindictive is a good word. Punitive is sometimes appropriate as well. Some BPD's want to punish, rather than "pay back" whoever has hurt them......
Some BPD's have traded in the vindictive/pay back approach for more "appropriate" ways of dealing with anger and hurt.....the table has actually been turned on my ex-SO a few times.....he was expecting me to do something "rash". I didn't...it drove him crazy, because I wasn't acting like I "did before".

A large part of BPD recovery is trading in vindictive/pay back behaviour.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 822
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/4/2008 12:23:03 PM
Hmmm... I have thought of another point here:

Seems to me like there has been a white elephant in the room all along.

Seems to me that both non bpd affected, and bpd affected alike, view sociopaths as rotten creatures. The bpd individuals seem to be hurt, to no end, by being confused with sociopaths, by the non's. And the non's don't really care because the bpd individuals' actions often seem to be the same, whether they are bpd or sociopath, anyways.

Sooo... I am curious.. how do bpd individuals view sociopaths? Perhaps the same way that many nons view them... basically rotten creatures that do not deserve love because they feel no empathy, and therefore do not deserve to be seen as separate from their sins? Hmmm....


I have nothing against sociopaths......

And I'm not hurt being confused with a sociopath...

The problem is wrong pathology....or "mistaken identity" if you will.

Borderlines react from "extreme overemotion" and "extreme fear"

Sociopaths react from "lack of emotion, and (most times) self promotion"...whether it be money, prestige etc.

Borderline is a disorder, sociopathy (psychopathy) is a syndrome.

Because I am both bi-polar, and BPD, and have been trying to recover, it's important to know which disorder is at work to know how to solve problems. They look very similar, but the thinking is very different.

My agenda in being on this thread, is to try to educate NON's about borderline past the information given in self help books. Borderlines are usually very confused about the way they feel. They very often have been told that how they feel is wrong...by someone in authority. So, they go along with the authority, even though it goes against what they believe. In time, they often end up not having a clue what they feel. That is the lack of identity of BPD....it accounts for "mirroring"....we search for a lead to follow, because that's what we're used to doing. It accounts for a whole lot of things.

Understandably, NON's take what's happened to them very personally...and they can actually take on some of the personality of a BPD if the relationship has been long and gruelling. I really hate seeing people who have been pounded into the ground, and they have no idea why.

I try to explain in an unbiased way....and yes I try to keep it unbiased, because believe me, I 've been on the receiving end too....what MIGHT have actually been happening....like a BPD who cheats on an SO.....more than likely has NOTHING to do with the SO....likely the unstable identity has taken a hit from somewhere, and by being ADORED (read: sex) the identity is restored. I know if it was me, knowing that I hadn't done something wrong would help.

The self help books are great....but if a NON is getting info from a confused BPD, the info is only going to be partially accurate.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 824
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/4/2008 1:02:19 PM

I guess my question is... in dating... or whatever.. how do you know when its just a personality clash, or when BPD, is what is causing the problems in a relationship...


Hi Julie....

Unfortunately, BPD and personality clash are kind of synonymous......

MISUNDERSTANDINGS, are a big problem for BPD. We often take something someone has said "personally", when it wasn't meant that way. Or, we may be "confused" (see above post) and not know what to make of what's being said....or, we may try to understand, and question the person, making them think that we are trying to interrogate, or analyze them.

The solution......time....the better you know the person, the more you will understand what they're saying.

In the meantime, try not to overreact, if you don't understand, ask....and if you ask try to keep the questions to a minimum
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 825
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/4/2008 1:21:04 PM

It's weird. She always seemed to be a wanderer with no goal. With me she sucked me dry after all the effort I put forward, with her reciprocating being nil in comparison.

She was a really smart girl and very intense. I just never knew what was really going on with her deep inside, despite how close we were (sounds weird eh).


She probably was a wanderer with no goal. That's part of the identity disturbance.

Depending on how badly the individual is abused, and what they had been "taught" they may have big trouble even distinguishing right from wrong....which can result in bigger trouble.

A simple example....one could take a beautiful child....and tell them that they're "ugly" depending on the temperament of the child...easygoing, to uptight.....after an amount of time, that child will believe that they are ugly.

Your last sentence doesn't sound weird to me at all.......................................
 heartseekertrue
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 826
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/4/2008 7:09:03 PM
It is definitely not for the faint of heart. Even the VERY small percentage of bpd's who do admit and seek help...the success rate is dismal. many providers do not even admite them as patients.

Vexsome diagnosis, and a very damaging relational environment for the one involved with them (in romantic relationship esp)

Most bpd's also samouflage the true nature well..until it is way too late. The statement "you only hurt the one you love" was written about them...
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 828
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/4/2008 8:28:13 PM
Hi Ceij....

Speaking as a BPD, who has more experience with BPD's than I care to think about, if anything seemed even remotely "unusual" when I arrived, I would ask about it in a very inoffensive way....I would look at the glass, and say something like...."ah, your team must be winning....". If there's a rage coming, I'd rather get it out of the way sooner, than later.....I found that an invited rage, was preferable to a simmered rage. It was a bit of self preservation.....for me, anyway.

I also accept responsibility for myself, and my actions.....now. I will not, though take responsibility for my partner's actions. I have no control over my partner's actions, or choices. A partnership involves two people. It takes two to tango. You took the situation on, in good faith.....how could you possibly know what would happen?

The reason you tolerated what you did?.......three words........love is blind.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 831
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:52:09 AM
Hi skybluejeep....

I'm going to start by saying that NON's cannot fathom the depth of emotion that BPD's feel....with that said...


[quoteMy ex, having BPD, (and thus also having an unstable identity), would, seemingly in pursuit of drama and/or excitement in her life, clearly and regularly, take on a perfect sociopathic personality while planning and committing acts of infidelity. She would have clear remorselessness, and no empathy or conscience anywhere to be found whatsoever. I have seen it many times, and also talked to her in this state, and found absolutely none. And, she would sometimes spend weeks convincing that person that I was a completely different and evil person. I have talked to them also.

Ok....the pursuit of drama and/or excitement is not conscious, if the BPD has not recognized their disorder....it's NORMAL...chaos was probably normal for her during her childhood. We don't CRAVE it, as we appear to....when STABILITY reigns, we get nervous, we don't know how to act.

She somehow perceived that you weren't paying enough attention to her....could have been that you went out after work with the boys for a beer....you may have fought, and you left her alone.....regardless of what precipitated the infidelity, she was PUNISHING you for something. This is what people don't get...BPD is esentially emotions gone wild. The remorselessness goes to the fact that she BELIEVED AT THAT MOMENT that you deserved what she had done. Then when she saw how the sh*t was hitting the fan, she backtracked 'I DIDN'T MEAN IT, IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING....I'M SORRY"....am I close? Next....would a sociopath try to convince people that you were a completely different and evil person....nope they don't give a rat's as* about other people....that was a case of plain old BPD devaluation.



[quoteShe mentioned once, what an exciting way for her to live, full of fire and passion and tragedy and intense drama.... truly a person is then at last fully alive, and only so, during this time, no... ??

Since we're getting to the nitty gritty here, I'm going to ask if she was diagnosed BPD? She almost sounds more "histrionic " PD to me. Or she was talking expansively? I personally didn't enjoy life until I worked on giving BPD up. The constant emotional ups and downs are exhausting.



But, isn't the constant need/craving for attention, and drama, and the acting out to extremes to achieve it, and the 'personality adoption', including possibly 'sociopathic personality adoption', clearly part of the BPD definition? And, by the BPD individual so adopting a sociopathic persona, it then becomes so easy and effortless for a BPD individual to do whatever is needed to achieve self gratification


I'm going to make a very broad statement here so that you'll understand.....I don't mean this for anyone specific or even BPD as a group.

AGAIN what people don't understand is that the craving attention, and drama and acting out to extremes to get it, is NORMAL for us. Acting "normal" for me was much harder than the attention and drama seeking behaviour.......I didn't know what "normal" was.

There is no question that BPD can be incredibly manipulative..but again that goes back to the abandonment issue in personal relationships, anyway.....sometimes we have to go to extreme lengths as children to get our needs met....and we get very good at it.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 837
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:05:39 PM

Not dated but my ex best friend is a psychotic BPD! Her ex-husband, her family, guys she dates, EVERYONE wants to get the hell away from her! People only put up with her shit for a few months, then she makes you move to Russia just to get the hell away from her.


wow...just wow.

how long did you tolerate the behavior and why?
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 838
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:09:36 PM

Isn’t it more that a non cannot fathom how a BP could feel the depth of an emotion that is not warranted for a given situation?


Yes, non's experience intense joy, sadness, grief, or rage.....and, obviously not all crimes are committed by mentally ill individuals. Non's can be driven to "snap" just like mentally ill individuals, under the proper circumstances....it's called a "psychotic break". But, if you are driven to that "breaking point", you are no longer "normal".

So, in your rage at the person who is physically attacking your niece, how far would your "rage" go? Do you know how angry you could get? Could you have a "psychotic break", and "snap"?

I will not disclose details, but I have experienced "blind rage", literally. There have been a couple of times, that I had to be told what I did. This is the main reason, why my recovery is crucial. These were not blackouts from alcohol....I don't drink.

I sincerely hope that you never experience this phenomenon....it's extremely frightening.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 839
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:24:10 PM

"""Borderline"""" Personality Disorder, is this like being a little bit pregnant?
Sorry but either someone has or hasn't a disorder.


The term "Borderline" refers to behaviour being on the "borderline" between neurosis, and psychosis.

Steps are being taken to re-name the disorder to "Emotional Dysregulation" disorder, or something similar to that.

Emotional Dysregulation encompasses more than Borderline, but doesn't cover the full spectrum of the illness.
 Riverkilt
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 843
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/5/2008 10:33:04 PM
Somehow, 36 pages seems fitting for this topic.

My first clinical job, in my first clinical staffing, the topic was a patient diagnosed with BPD. The clinical director paused, looked at me, and asked if I understood BPD. I smiled and said, "Yes, I've dated them for years." Cracked everyone up, but it was no lie. Even lived with one for a while...thank God for pocket doors. I used to back into the laundry room and slide the pocket door between us and lock it then wait in there with the cat liter box until she got tired of pounding on the door and shouting names at me. First one I ever dated had a thing with knives...liked to see my blood...

I think ladies diagnosed with BPD do so well attracting unsuspecting men because in the positive mood they'll tell you all the wonderful things about yourself that no one else ever did. And they often like to make love on the first date if they're in "that mood." Such a rude suprise later when they turn and wanna kill you for something like not having a stamp handy.

I used to facilitate addiction treatment groups in state prison. Kinda for fun I'd read the criteria for borderline personality disorder to the guys. Usually about half of them would shout out that I was describing their wife or girlfriend.

Today, lots of books on the subject. Lots of great coping techniques to use for both those so diagnosed and the ones that love them. BPD is still, an Axis II diagnosis meaning its a condition that isn't gonna change, can only be dealt with by learning various coping skills.

Would I ever knowingly date a lady so diagnosed again? No way in hell.

And ladies beware. There are a few men so diagnosed. I would rather deal with a room full of ladies diagnosed with BPD than deal with one man with that diagnosis.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 844
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/6/2008 8:09:58 AM

The reasons or triggers and the simplicity and intensity of the emotions due to what a non considers to be an imagined or exaggerated perception of a situation is what differentiates the two.


I guess my Doctor called it a "psychotic break" because no other term fit the situation properly. It was not a "fugue" or an alcoholic "blackout".

This subject is rather distressing for me, as the consequences of my actions when these blackouts occurred were life threatening.

If you can find an appropriate "yard stick" to measure your emotions against mine, and whose will go furthest before we end up dead or in a rubber room, carry on.....

There is currently only one way to measure the brain with complete accuracy....on autopsy.

This topic is moot, and I will not discuss it further.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 845
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/6/2008 8:31:10 AM

PS: Quazi...I'm very proud of you. You've recognized your disorder and have poured out your heart on this thread in order to help others that suffer from from BPD. Again, I'm proud of you. You've made a difference in many people's lives and will continue to do so, I'm sure.


Thanks Sans, I do appreciate the support.

I remember when I first realized that my thinking was different than "normal" and that what Mom had "insisted" was right, wasn't always right......uh oh....no wonder everyone tells me I'm wrong alot of the time.......
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 848
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/6/2008 5:29:19 PM

She did not react well to any form of questioning on her behavior/actions.
BPDs apply “splitting” to themselves as well as others. To suggest that she was less than “perfect” in any aspect in her life was to suggest that she was completely and wholly the opposite.


hmmmm.....I think I detect the same "attitude" coming from you.


There is currently only one way to measure the brain with complete accuracy....on autopsy.


The quote above, and the quote below...


If you can find an appropriate "yard stick" to measure your emotions against mine, and whose will go furthest before we end up dead or in a rubber room, carry on


Are of course conjecture....as I have heard from numerous Doctors from numerous different fields of specialty that "Medicine is not an exact science, and results are not guaranteed to turn out as expected."

So, that means that your theory of the depth of emotion regarding BPD vs Non's, is also conjecture.

If you feel the need to pick one sentence out of 25 pages of posts, and pick on it because you're upset that I'm "whore posting", feel free....
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 849
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/6/2008 5:37:53 PM

An emotional vampire that is skilled at mirroring has an unlimited supply of hosts available on a dating site. What better “prey” to mirror than a person that has a detailed profile?

They can then simply mirror the values the “host” lists on their profile, seduce their prey, then begin the “push/pull dance” of “keep your distance a little bit closer”.


I never even thought of doing that....you're sounding quite hostile, Ceij......you weren't before....am I the real problem?
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 852
view profile
History
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 12/7/2008 5:29:26 AM

Quazz. you have been great for me allowing me to understand more about this illness.


my feelings exactly.

as a non, the words written on this thread have given me a greater depth of comprehension. and any bpd can certainly find inspiration, insight and ecouragement by learning about someone who admits to having the problem, seeks treatment and manages the condition successfully.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >