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 femspirit
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 333
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)Page 4 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
i promise you this will pass. its still soon to feel completly better. yes, the wound is deep, and very deep at that.getting them out of our life is the easy part. now, to get them out of our heads, thats another story.she is still fresh in my mind every day. i think i saw her in my neighborhood last week. i hope it wasnt her. they are known for there relationships to crash soon. they really only last about a yr one doc told me. but it sems the majic number is four months. it seems they either get bored or they split. its usually with no notice. be happy your relationship was only 4 months. the more into the fog you get, the harder it is to get out. man, please watch out for that xanax. i was throwing them down my throat like candy. i had to switch over to weed for a while and it helped. i have never smoked weed on a daily basis, but i remember some friends telling me it helps with the anxiety. seroquel is the best med ever. the sleep i get is awesome, and man, what a relaxer. you will fall in love again. i promise. just go through this. there is no other choice. i just read a really cool book. zen path through depression. read this book if you can find it. it talks about the positive aspects of depression and how it can make us better people. our exes are on a road to distruction. lets not follow them. remember this my friend, they got there because something bad happened to them. something bad has happened to us. lets not go down the same path. please think of yourself as being lucky. you realtionship was fast. you will probably heal faster then i. keep being around friends. take the dating thing slow. your self esteem will come back. please man, keep up no contact. you remember the anxiety, well it can get worse then that. i understand the going places and the memories. i to am struggling with that. i am planning on leaving here soon as i feel a new change of scenery might help. well guy, take care. everything is gonna be ok!!!!!!!
 femspirit
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 335
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/13/2008 5:56:39 AM
the one thing i realized was i new something was wrong, but i couldnt put a name to it. my friends would ask what was WRONG, but i couldnt descibe it, so i thought it was me. in my situation she told me everything right from the start. she hated heself, thought she was ugly, didnt get along with her family, had no friends at all and no desire to either. i should have bolted when i found out after she had moved in with me she still had ads on other dating sites and was still responding to them. god, was i dumb or something? charismatic, thats what had me blind. she had already been through 2 or 3 other people before she met me. this was only in a years time mind you. looking back on it now, she dumped me cold. she new i had no family or friends. she new i was real sick when she left. i hate to sound like the victim here, but i was the victim. she kept saying she was tired of going from one person to another, duh!!!! well then stop already! wanna hear somehting funny? there is a girl at work who started hitting on me. she came to my house for a min. or 2 after work. man, she jumped right into that strange personality. i told her to stop. she said why? i said i just got out of a relationship with someone with this type of attitude. her reply? "did she have a personality disorder to? creepy creepy creepy. now it seems when these folks get into realtionships it triggers the weird behaviour. the girl at my work now has a live in b/f. she has started getting weird. i moved to the other side of the work area last week. the other day one of her freinds there said "what the heck is wrong with you?" you are acting so stupid these days. man, after you live through this its so easy to spot unhealthy behaviour. good luck.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 340
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:54:18 PM

Thankyou so much for your time guys, especially FEMSPIRIT.

Its very very sad, that we, good people have had to go through these nightmares. All we have ever done wrong,,, is fell in love with someone we shouldnt of. The only true mistake we have ever made, is trying to follow our hearts, trying to help the one we love, trying to fight against the devil.

Unfortunately, the fight was never ever going to end in our victory. We all get sucked into thinking we can win, but we cannot. Its one thing finishing with the borderline, but another trying to get over the damage.

She left me in the gutter, sick as a dog, so low i didnt know if i could go on. She left me for dead.... while she just erased me from her mind and moved on to someone else. She told me she loved me, that i was all she ever wanted, she cried on me she was so happy, i was her life. A week later, she dumped me saying she couldnt be in a relationship and needed to be on her own. 2 days after this, she started a new relationship with an asian man who has an arranged marriage coming up.

She almost did it to hurt me even more, when all i had ever done is love her. The pain just doesnt seem to go,,,, i lost faith in everything... how the only person i ever felt so close to..... could destroy me without a care in the world.

She's out getting sh*gged left right and centre now, she was a real slag, i always knew it. I could of made her so happy.... if only she didnt give up on love, life,,, and give in to her illness.

Everyone told me i deserve better than her. I think i do to, but im scared i will never ever find better. I guess i have to trust Gods path in life.

I so want to move on....... but every day its so fresh. I wake up and the first thing i think of is.............. "How could she do that? Where is she now? What have i got to live for? Why?"...


I have to intervene here.....

Do you realize that you are basing the WORTH of your LIFE on a four month relationship with a woman who is mentally ill?

Does that sound normal to you? It doesn't to me.

I have been on both ends of the Borderline coin....my Mother was Borderline, and I have "tendencies", so I consider myself knowledgeable on both sides of the story.....

I realize that you are from Britain, my family are from Britain too....your posts are full of hyperbole....(which is a very British thing), and I believe that you should seek counselling for your "distorted" thoughts. If you continue to think the way you do now, your life will not be very pleasant.

Notwithstanding your girlfriend being Borderline, nothing in life is guaranteed. Unfortunately for you, she had free will. Whether she used it wisely or not, is not the point....she is free to live her life as she chooses. If she chooses not to seek help, she is free to conduct herself as she sees fit. If her behaviour is as outrageous as you suggest, I suspect that her free will could be taken from her involuntarily. Again, that would be of her own doing.

I suggest, that you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and carry on....do not try to figure out her irrational thinking. I could not figure out my Mother's irrational thinking, and I have a good idea of how she thought......the human race's mind reading skills have not, and will not ever be honed to a fine art.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 341
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:33:22 AM
: Hey Quazi,

Thats a great message, you have hit it bang on.

I know its not normal the way i am thinking. Your right, it was just a small time in my life, i have to move on and accept what has happened.

To be honest, I already have. I am moving on with my life. The thing is.... i am just so haunted. I don't understand.... she is in my mind 24/7, i have no control over it. I have nightmares about her every night. This haunt is stopping me from living my life............ if i could just forget about her i would be fine.

It makes me feel so anxious and stops me from moving on. I am receiving counselling, which is theraputic, but doesnt make the thoughts and anxiety go away.

Will i find peace in my mind in time? Is it because my wounds are still fresh.


The worst part is,,, she was my first love and first time. I am young..... she is all i know, all i ever wanted. I still feel heartbroken.

How long............... before i find peace..............

Breaking up with your "first" is always devastating. That is a given.

If you are reliving your relationship, and trying to figure out what happened, don't bother.....you don't want to carry any "learning experiences" from this relationship into your next relationship.....try very hard to actually avoid that.

Try listening to music to stop you from thinking about her.....very loud music...drown your thoughts of her out. When your brain gets a break from the thoughts, it will turn to other thoughts. This won't happen overnight.....

The anxiety is a different story....why are you anxious? Did she say stuff that hit a nerve with you? Did she threaten you and scare you? That's what you need to figure out, and deal with in therapy.

The more, and faster, you work on this stuff, the sooner you will find peace.......
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 346
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:37:01 PM

I'm reading this thread out of curiousity. BPD's are similar to NPD's.


I believe that many men who are diagnosed NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) are actually BPD. That's a different topic altogether.....

For anyone who may be dealing with a Borderline...here is what I do when faced with a raging Borderline....

Stand in very close proximity no further than 5 feet away...there is no question that I can hear what they are saying.

Look them right in the eye as they rage...and listen to what they are saying.

I don't respond, I just let them wind down...first time might take a while.....

Then I respond to the "allegations" in a very clear, precise tone, which leaves nothing to the imagination. I do not exaggerate or swear.

I state that this is the only time that I will address these particular "allegations" and that I won't be discussing them further.

It usually only takes this happening....two or maybe three times, before the Borderline realizes that I won't be drawn into the "drama", and they start being more "selective" about what they rage about.

This is a Borderline "tendencies" way of dealing with Borderlines.

Because BPD is essentially an emotional dysregulation.....we react to things waaayyyy more than the average person.....when people don't react to things the way we think they should, we get waaayyyy more angry, waaayyyy quicker than we should. This is not faked or done purposely. The emotions are extreme, and we don't understand why they aren't extreme for you too.

By remaining calm, and telling the Borderline exactly what your motivation, expectation, perception of a given situation is, you are showing them that you are addressing their concern, and that in most cases, their concern is exaggerated...(but don't say that!) and here's why.......

We aren't impossible to live with....but having a head's up on what works best really does come in handy....remaining calm, and not taking things personally are your best friends, when it comes to dealing with a Borderline.

I hope this helps someone.......
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 347
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:04:21 PM
Because BPD is essentially an emotional dysregulation.....we react to things waaayyyy more than the average person.....when people don't react to things the way we think they should, we get waaayyyy more angry, waaayyyy quicker than we should. This is not faked or done purposely. The emotions are extreme, and we don't understand why they aren't extreme for you too.


i wish i had realized this. what a valuable statement! i will definitely keep it in mind if i ever encounter another bpd sufferer.

the entire post has so much worthwhile insight and i feel certain it can help anyone interact with a bpd sufferer more effectively.

sensing that the bpd's extreme reaction deviates from normal behavior, we (the non-bpds) tend to shut down instead of explaining ourselves in the manner you suggest. we sense that anything we say can lead to more abusive words.

i certainly see how your method would defuse the situation and allow for growth and healing.

thank you for such a valuable contribution.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:42:17 PM

i wish i had realized this. what a valuable statement! i will definitely keep it in mind if i ever encounter another bpd sufferer.

the entire post has so much worthwhile insight and i feel certain it can help anyone interact with a bpd sufferer more effectively.

sensing that the bpd's extreme reaction deviates from normal behavior, we (the non-bpds) tend to shut down instead of explaining ourselves in the manner you suggest. we sense that anything we say can lead to more abusive words.

i certainly see how your method would defuse the situation and allow for growth and healing.

thank you for such a valuable contribution.


You're very welcome.

It's only through years of self examination, and dealing with my Mom, who was Borderline, that I've realized the most effective way (for me anyway) of dealing with a rage.

It's also showing the Borderline that they are being heard and their needs being addressed...just not in a hysterical, non-productive fashion.
 Quazi 100
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PLEASE HELP
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:30:00 PM

I used to be so normal. Now, i actually feel like i have turned into the girl she was when i met her. Someone scared, depressed, lonely, confused and un-loved.
I have all the support in the world, but my mind is always against me, making me feel so bad, what do i do????????????????


uuummmmmm

This is starting to sound a tad familiar to me....

Can I ask how you know that your girlfriend is BPD....how did you find that out?

Why is your mind against you....why do you feel bad?

Have you always had trouble letting things go....and have you always been so empathetic to the trouble of others?

At the very least, you're obsessing about her....this can be addictive, like smoking. Start breaking the habit now, you're very young, and have a long way to go......

The longer you wallow, the more of a habit it will become....YOU DON'T WANT THIS! I know from experience that this is easier said than done, but change your habits...do different things than you do now....it doesn't matter what it is, just break your pattern....and keep on doing it.

The fact that you say she hates you doesn't help....nobody likes rejection. I'm going to take a shot in the dark here, and say that you vehemently opposed the breakup....even though she had done bad things to you.

This suggests that your self esteem and self worth are reeeaaallllyyyyy low. Why?

You can keep posting here about your heartbreak forever, if you like.....you're asking for help, but do you really want it ?
 Quazi 100
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PLEASE HELP
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:11:31 PM

Gut wrenching. I actually thought our relationship meant something... to her,, it meant nothing. She has just gone out and replaced me with other people,, when i felt so special to her. Soul destroying. Why do i care what she is doing? I dont know.....

Right now all i feel is hate, bitterness, regret and sorrow. Its hard carring these emotions round with you.

So depressed.


Your relationship did mean exactly what she said it meant....at the time she said it. Borderlines do cheat and lie, but usually that is to overcome feelings of inadequacy about themself, or, because they have "devalued" the person in the current relationship.

AT THE TIME, THE BORDERLINE MEANS EVERY WORD THAT COMES OUT OF THEIR MOUTH....GOOD OR BAD......One minute later, they may think totally differently about the entire situation that they are talking about.....

THE MOOD SWINGS CAN BE SECONDS APART.....AND THEY ARE VERY INTENSE.

I'm not a Doctor, but please go back and read the criteria for BPD....and see how you fit.....
 Quazi 100
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PLEASE HELP
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:47:32 PM

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder...a less severe form of BPD


Sorry....it seems anal, but I am one of the people trying to correct misinformation about mental health issues.....

Bipolar II is a less severe form of Bipolar Disorder.....Not BPD.....

While BPD and Bipolar can look very similar, they are different disorders...
 Quazi 100
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PLEASE HELP
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:18:43 PM

I am not discounting your feelings- you sound like the guy that probably replaced me in her life-
BPD's seem to be attracted to caring and thoughtful types..

The feelings you are experiencing are not unusual, nor unexpected- I could have written the exact post four years ago- and today I am not the same as I was before I met Liz..

I tried a couple of dates, but the feelings were not possible, the intensity of our five year relation was probably not to ever be repeated, nor would I want to - but the cost benefit of extending your own feelings and hopes just don't seem to be worth the effort-
I have pulled my profile a couple of years ago, and just engage in the forums, at first I hoped I might attract someone who was like minded through discussion, but the forums seem to be a one way street to vent.. too bad..
Hey all I can tell you is that many are going through the same thing you are experiencing right now, and some are going to in the future, these personalities are not stable, nor want to be- they have an inborn aversion to that which they seek.. and if you attempt to give it to them, they find reason to hate you for it..
The chief consideration is for you to not feel the guilt, and to put it into perspective, altho I haven't a clue to how that works, we share an experience not unlike those who serve in combat- you have to have been there to understand- I do, and I hope you are able to move past the storm...


I'm sorry that you feel the way you do....

As you have probably noticed, I am trying to gag and bind the "bad" borderline tendencies, and nurture the "helping" tendencies, without becoming emotionally involved....so far, it's working pretty well. I still have my moments, but am painfully aware that CONSEQUENCES will be doled out, if I let the behaviour run rampant.

I will keep saying this over, and over.....the borderline's emotions are so extreme, that they cannot understand, or accept how you don't feel the same....this is a universal symptom of BPD......until it is proven to the borderline that their thinking is distorted, they truly believe that their thought process is the correct one, and that YOURS is wrong....and they are prepared to go to Herculean lengths to prove it.

I agree that the personality isn't stable....not wanting to be....in some cases, yes, in my particular case, no.....I know many borderlines who feel the same as me....some, who's symptoms are much more pronounced than mine, who are working their butts off to be able to have a "workable" personal relationship.

Do we have an inborn aversion to that which we seek.....yes....why? It's called "self defeating behaviour"....in actuality, we don't believe we deserve anything, because we're "bad"....when we do "bad" we're reinforcing our belief about ourself.

My advice to anyone would be to read up on BPD, and if you start seeing red flags, back away......
 Quazi 100
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Msg: 358
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PLEASE HELP
Posted: 6/24/2008 11:31:16 AM
: well Quazi- my point was directed to the OP and his feelings, and to try to share with him that his experience wasn't all that uncommon- but he is still raw from the experience and has a clinging emotional attachment for the ideal of the relationship, and ignoring the actuals of the relationship...
That is a feeling that I don't think is all that uncommon in these cases-

Logically he should feel elated that he did not become even more involved with a situation with no hope..
He wasn't involved nearly as long with her as some, and I doubt if anyone who has gone through the ups and downs of these spin cycle lifestyles would ever want to approach one
again..
agree??

I made a point of researching as much as I could about BPD when I finally realized the problem, at first with a goal of trying to be able to find something to be able to overcome and re establish, but after a while, it became apparent that was not probable..
There are always multiple victims in these cases, her many ex's- her family, and the many acquaintances who end up scratching their heads and wondering without the benefit of actually realizing the problem.. they just chalk it up to flakiness..

He does need to be able to put it behind him, especially with the references to her evil face etc..
Inappropriate and unacceptable, and unfortunately justifiable...

I am just making the point that the OP and the rest of us who have been through one of these failed relationships are changed probably forever in the way we view life, not in toto, but smart people try not to step into the same snare twice.. while the untreated BPD is doomed to repeat ad nauseam..
Sometimes it appears that they are suffering less than the victim due to simply being able to ignore the disorder... of course that is not actually true, but with these personalities they out of necessity keep moving and it becomes their norm..


Your post was directed at the OP, and mine was directed at you.

There's no need for you to explain yourself, I am trying to explain BPD, and show that not all BPD refuse to accept their diagnosis and try to change their lives.

I agree that most people would not want to enter into a relationship with a borderline....but not everyone is borderline. You have to enter into the relationship to find out what the person's personality is like.....and if you don't like the person's personality, you are free to leave the relationship. Manipulation, control, all of these things happen, because we allow them to happen. If something crosses your "boundaries", it's up to you to decide if you want to continue or not. It is a choice.

I am taking exception to the fact that you believe that the borderline is suffering less than the "victim"....keep in mind the "victim" has a choice to stay in the relationship, or to leave...read my last paragraph...if you accept what comes with the relationship, that is your choice, regardless of what the borderline has said or done.

Getting to the borderline...for them to do these "crazy" things...do you honestly believe that this person is enjoying themself? These things are done out of an albeit misplaced but very real belief that they are "bad" and that they will be abandoned at any moment.

My Mother and I were at a cottage....I had to go to the store to shop. It was tourist season, and everything was very busy. It took me longer than expected to do the shopping. When I got back to the cottage, Mom was hysterical, because she believed that I was angry at her, and had gone back to the city, and just left her there......basis for the hysteria....I was gone too long. Live with that for 42 years, and then talk to me about being a "victim".
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 359
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/24/2008 11:48:25 AM

"It could have been so amazing, was it me? What if she was the one? Could i have done anything more to help her?........ u know the rest.



How can a 5ft 1, skinny, anorexic, starey, alcoholic, druggy, rare bag slag, fake haired freak make me fall in love head over heals with her and then bring my life crashing down. How can a succesful, intelligent, 6 ft 3, 'normal' nice guy.... become so obsessed and self pityful over a mental girl?


Have you noticed how in one sentence, you are focused on helping her....and in the next, you are calling her derogatory names, and blaming her for your downfall?

This is ruining your life, because you are allowing it to. You have admitted that you would have continued on with the relationship and that she was the one who ended the relationship .

What need is being fulfilled by continuing to hold on to this relationship?
 Quazi 100
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/24/2008 2:29:09 PM

How do i accept there is no explanation to a BPDs malicious behaviour?


How do I explain to you that there is no explanation?

Why did my Mother get hysterical, because I went shopping for three hours instead of two?

Sometimes things happen that you will never get an explanation for.

Borderlines as a rule don't apologize for anything....I have overcome that part of it....if you get an apology, let me know......

You are very young, and this is probably your first "serious" relationship....this doesn't help the situation any.

Stop trying to figure out HER behaviour, and figure out why you let her treat YOU the way she did, and vow to never let it happen again. Stop trying to figure out what SHE did, and figure out why you did what YOU did.

You are allowing this to affect you too much....I have been there, I know how hard it is to control....but it can be done.....it has to be done.

Women will probably come and go in your life...are you going to allow this to happen every time you have a relationship?

Where do you want your life to go from here?
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 363
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/24/2008 4:21:18 PM

There's no need for you to explain yourself, I am trying to explain BPD, and show that not all BPD refuse to accept their diagnosis and try to change their lives.


again, i do hope that this inspires others to seek the same path you did.


my 'former' BPD did apologize, when she was in her "rational" or "normal" mode, but when she turned or split all bets were off and i was always wrong....but like i said, she would apologize when in the right state of mind. Its as if she knew she was messed up, but just couldn't control it.


i experienced this as well. it seems as though, on some level, they know that something feels wrong. but, they refuse to acknowledge that the problem may stem from their own issues. the extreme fear of abandonment, combined with the self-loathing and confusion of identity, results in acting out the initial rejection (regardless of how long ago it occurred).

read some of the posts here and realize that you didn't cause their problems. you can't control them and you won't cure them.

allow yourself to heal. reach out to others and allow others to help you. become re-acquainted with all the joy your life has brought you thus far. practice gratitude. learn something new. and try to put the experience in perspective. you survived this one stumbling block. now, go forward.
 Quazi 100
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/25/2008 7:57:59 PM

Quazi......this is interesting to me.....my 'former' BPD did apologize, when she was in her "rational" or "normal" mode, but when she turned or split all bets were off and i was always wrong....but like i said, she would apologize when in the right state of mind. Its as if she knew she was messed up, but just couldn't control it. Of course, she may not have been BPD, but i've read a lot about the illness and she had virtually every characteristic.


I should have been more specific......
Even when I am in "devaluation" mode, I can recognize that I have made a mistake, and apologize for it....this is a fairly recent development....the old attitude was "me wrong?...never".....this is a big development, and a large step in personal relationships.

I have caught other borderlines in bald faced lies...no question about it....asked for an apology....nope....wouldn't admit the lie, even though I had proof two inches from their face.....this would send me into a rage, which of course turned the tables on me....and suddenly, I was the bad guy.....manipulation at it's best.......
 Quazi 100
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Msg: 367
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:55:19 AM

between your input (which has been invaluable) and what i've read on mental health websites I've been able to deal with this reasonably well. Its always the hardest thing to lose someone you love, but at least the information provided by you and also those other websites has allowed me to put this into perspective and reduce the emotional damage that I suffered. Thanks Again!


You're very welcome.

I'm really glad that I could help.

I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end, believe me....it very nearly killed me.

Most borderlines wouldn't admit to being borderline, (it's very painful...it's not a nice disorder)

And most people who have had experience with it, are kinda nasty....

My self esteem, and self confidence have gotten to a point, where I can talk about being BPD, and my experiences with other BPD's (and it's extensive) and not take the feedback personally. Even three years ago, what I've done here wouldn't have happened.

The most rewarding thing for me, is watching non-BPD's start to get a bit of understanding, and hopefully some perspective on their own situation.

Oh, and of course I pat myself on the back, ad nauseum, and tell tell my mirror what a wonderful person I am..... .....lol....
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:29:00 PM

Anyway, BPD people cannot be helped


go back and read the thread again. you will find that, with hard work, effort and determination, a bpd sufferer can make great progress.



you cannot help them enough, it's NEVER enough


this i agree with. the only person who can help is the bpd themself.

and no, no matter what you do, how supportive you are, how long you hang in there, how many hours you listen, how many demands you try to meet, if the person refuses to acknowledge the problem, your efforts really are never enough.

but i do believe help exists for these people. particularly after reading this thread.
 Quazi 100
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:37:35 PM

Quazi, don't take this personally, but i've realised u are an aries. Thats wierd..... ive noticed a lot of people with BPD are aries. My ex was.

Don't get angry by my comments now, im speaking hypothetically. But, its well known that ARIES people are some of the most nasty, selfish, narcisstic, sadistic people out there. Cross an Aries with BPD and u get someone who, u wouldnt really want to know, not that it applies to u Quazi.

But, i'm a true believer in Astrology. For me being Pisces, dating an ARIES could never ever ever have worked because they are just too insensitive. Fire and Water don't go. U lot shud read into star signs and, u will realise...... it really is un-cannily true.

Aries,, i'd never go near another one. Ive dated two. Even my male friends who are ARIES arent very nice people.

Go and do some research. You'll be surprised.


Funny....it's my Ariesness that has given me the strength to rise above the BPD, and get so far with my "remission".

Possibly the worst BPD that I know is Pisces....isn't really big on rages, but manipulation, and vindictiveness....wow.....if he's angry at you, check the brakes on your car to make sure they work before you drive away....

If I sat here long enough, I could probably think of someone from every astrological sign who is BPD.
 nycrickette
Joined: 9/9/2007
Msg: 373
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:47:54 PM
It's a sad day when you start looking up personality disorders to try to figure out your partner's issues. My experience with an udbpdx, (yep, I read through hundreds of pages of BPD central) was horrific. Some classic signs of BPD, some classic signs of NPD.

My understanding is almost everyone has varying degrees of different personality disorders, few people are a true single disorder, combinations of disorders in any extreme can be a dangerous concoction of emotion.

What I took away from this four year roller coaster was, the "normal" thought process is something happens to us that makes us feel a certain way, and we react to that. A person with this disorder feels a certain way, anger, hatred, love, and they have to create the reason they feel this way. The reason is often totally made up, but in their minds, they believe it, because there HAS to be a reason for their feelings.

The very nature of the disorder makes them difficult to diagnose let alone treat. They can be masters of deception, but the fact is, they not only decieve the people around them, they also decieve themselves, and often don't recognize their problems as their own; it's usually someone else's fault.

Confrontation will be thrown back in your face, it goes from being your fault, to "I know, I'm ALWAYS wrong, I admit it, I'm a prick, you should leave". For me, it was a no win sitch. There was no normal conversation ever, everything could start out fine and always turned into him reading something into whatever I said. I could say something really nice or complimentary to him, but he would read it as sarcastic, and there would start an hour long rage. Sometimes two hours or two days.

And you know what? He joined this site, after seeing it on my computer and calling it "smells like fish" while I was still living there, and I don't care if he sees what I write. I'm OUT.

Perhaps if you were to meet someone with a personality disorder, they recognize they have a problem and seek treatment, they have their disorder treated and they stick with whatever the treatment is, or at least try to understand why they are how they are, and you are an extremely strong person, are faster than a speeding bullet and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, you MAY be able to handle one of these disorders. I am not one of those people.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 376
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:46:58 PM

What I took away from this four year roller coaster was, the "normal" thought process is something happens to us that makes us feel a certain way, and we react to that. A person with this disorder feels a certain way, anger, hatred, love, and they have to create the reason they feel this way. The reason is often totally made up, but in their minds, they believe it, because there HAS to be a reason for their feelings.


I dunno about this...alot of the time, I wouldn't have a clue why I felt the way I did, unless something dramatic was afoot. I've spent many therapy sessions going through what has transpired that could have triggered the mood. Now, if I'm angry, let's say, I can usually pinpoint what caused the anger. Usually it has to do with past events that are recurring in a similar form.


There was no normal conversation ever, everything could start out fine andalways turned into him reading something into whatever I said. I could say something really nice or complimentary to him, but he would read it as sarcastic, and there would start an hour long rage. Sometimes two hours or two days.


OMG.....I have probably spent years trying to explain myself, because something has been misinterpreted. I really dig into the vocabulary to keep it clear, but if the person is in a real "devaluation" mode, and is irrational, (yes, it is possible to be rational, I've done it) don't bother....you could bow and kiss their ring, and it would be wrong.


Perhaps if you were to meet someone with a personality disorder, they recognize they have a problem and seek treatment, they have their disorder treated and they stick with whatever the treatment is, or at least try to understand why they are how they are, and you are an extremely strong person, are faster than a speeding bullet and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, you MAY be able to handle one of these disorders. I am not one of those people.


I like that ^^^^...it's good...
 nycrickette
Joined: 9/9/2007
Msg: 378
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:24:00 PM
quasi is a smart person, thank you for your insight.
 lookin4sumthing666
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 379
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:13:22 PM
Yes I have dated someone with this condition.

When I started seeing her (btw I found her on this site) she told me straight up that she started seeing a theorpist and they said that she had BPD. They gave her pills and started regular sessions to help with the disease. She also told me about how bad her past was that led to her developing BPD. At the time I didn't know anything about BPD so I looked it up and saw what it was all about. Maybe than I should of just lost her number but I thought come on I have to at least see it through and get to know her a little bit.

After only the second time I realised that she was funny with alcohol. Once she started she could not put it down till it consumed her and this whole new person would come out. I think due to the fact that we were out I only saw the good side of that. Later on when we'd just chill at her place and have a few cold ones she would start freaking out and talking about her past and how bad it was. Now that part was ok I don't have a problem listening to someone espiacelly when they are in need. But when she starts to wanting to hurt herself and talk about being unworthy, that is taking it way too far.

So after the first freakout I saw her have I told her she should either stop drinking or at least drink at a slow pace. She said she'd try to drink slower. But I knew she couldn't so I put it upon myself to make sure she drinks slowly. What a mistake that was! Like any drinker my reactions get slower so maybe I was lucky at one time but I wasn't always able to stop her. I'll get back to that a bit later. Other than alcohol consumption the serious issue I saw was her mood swings and how quick she'd change her mind over anything. She had very low self esteem even though she has a lot of things going for her (looks, smart enough, funny, fun, etc). Her past explains that but still, I'm the type that will eventually overpower any situation with a little self belief. She just could not do that, and probably still can't. Also she'd see a tiny comment by me as a very personal attack and something so innocent could develop into world war 3 in seconds. I thought at first ok some people can be like that but the way it was happening and how agro she'd get was just insane.

What I think really complicated matters was her roommate. She's this middle aged sad excuse of a person who had no life, and was either jealous of us or just hated me. I think it was the latter. She also had some kind of condition, I think bipolar or something I am not sure. Anyways she would go online and use my ex's account on msn to chat to me. And she sounded a lot like her too. Though pretending to be someone else online is not that hard. So I told this old hag god knows how many personal stuff, and it strained the whole relationship with my ex. She was definatelly a bad influence when one night she brought something like 2 dozen beers and than her and my ex started drinking. They got soooo drunk their moods went up and than deep deep down to the point where they started cutting themselves. My ex did the most damage. Something like a dozen cuts on her arm and another dozen on her thighs. They were across the arm so they were attention seeking cuts not a suicide attempt. I wasn't there to stop this insanity.

Anyways on to the 'incident'. This involved insane alcohol consumption. Something a normal drinker would have over 4-5 hours she had over 2 hours. Yeah I was drinking with her and got quite drunk myself and couldn't really control the situation (I still feel a little bad about that). Now I know you lot have been involved with someone with BPD for probably a lot longer time than I have, but seeing someone in an insane fit, screaming and chanting and hitting themselves was just plain insane. This lasted for hours till she herself called for an ambulence. So I had to go to the hospital with her. I haven't been to one in ages before I met her. It was one of the most horrible and saddest things I have ever seen in my life. I thought I had issues and tended to look negatively at life, but that is absolutelly nothing compared to that. I felt sorry for her but at the same time I should not be the one to get punished for all of those who have hurt her. I had tried to make her talk about her stuff, and work through it. I guess that was no good, and in fact when I tried to help her, for instance with her insane drinking, she accused me of being controlling. I am very sure it had something to do with my ethicity since her friends didn't really like it that much. But that is not the issue. The fact that as time went on she appreciated me a lot less. She took me and the situation for granted.

After the incident I wanted to think things over. To be honest I did think about breaking up with her right than and there because mood swings and dealing with insecurities is one thing but having to take care of someone who over drinks and has no regard for me is a completelly different thing. Before I decided on anything (this was just a day and a half after the incident) she called to talk online. There she said she was breaking up with me. I was sad and pissed, because it was my decision to make not hers. Than after 10 minutes of that she undoes the breakup. At that point I was just pissed off. How can someone just not care about the other person without any regards to their feelings? I told her well you wanted to break up so you have it. She pleaded and pleaded with no good. Eventually after that (about 10 days after that) she fought with her roommate and left. She called to see me. Only at the time I did not know that she had no place to go. So when I see her she had all her stuff. Basically she put me on the spot so I had to let her stay at my place. It only lasted for one night though. She never thanked me for that. She could of spent the night on the streets if it wasn't for me. After that I thought we were going to just be friends. So I kept on talking to her online. After 3 days of that I realise that it was her roommate again. That is when I had it. I realise that people like her go through so many highs and lows and at time they are can't be explained, but this clear lack of regard to me (espiacelly after all the sweet nice things she would say to me) was the last straw. I just told her I couldn't do this anymore and left it be. She showed how much she cared by leaving a nasty disgusting voice message. That was pretty much it.

Oh except for 2 calls by her roommate. I never answered because I did not want to be draged back into it. I don't mind a little drama but hers was insane. Two months after it ended I did call (I still don't know why) but she didn't really want anything to do with me. She sounded very hateful. So I thought fair enough. A month later (on my birthday of all days) she sends this email telling me oh I'm not such a bad guy and things just did not work out. She also added that she met someone and is engaged. I was just shocked! I guess I was right she didn't see much in me if she moved on THAT quickly. Still it wasn't exactly nice of her rubbing my nose in it. Oh well.

Its sad that in her mind that I am like all her other exs, people who used her and treated her like crap, because I didn't, I liked her a lot and tried my best to help, but in the end I think I made things worse.

I have a question though. Does alcohol make it a whole lot worse? I ask this because in my situation thats when the insanity really started. The pills were working for the most part (except for a few weird moments when she'd just act coco in public).

Look obviously my situation wasn't as bad as some other people's. I only knew her 4 2 months, and while I liked her I didn't fall in love with her so I was able to leave when stuff was just getting insane. Getting over her was a little harder than I thought because I still wish I could of helped her. I kept on thinking on what I could of said or done that would of helped instead of what I did in fact do or say. Oh well.

I still think of her, sometimes, not because I want her back, just curiosity I suppose. Is she better or worse? Is she really getting married or is it another sick joke by her roommate? And if it is true how did that happen and how full of crap was she while she was with me? I'm just the curious type, it has nothing to do with feelings because I know it didn't work for a lot of reasons and I'm ok with it. Time to move on.......
 heartseekertrue
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 381
301.83
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:25:01 AM
-BPD IS treatable...but many providers wont
-usually does not respond to many drugs, but they can help
-therapy is effective only when client highly motivated
-causative definitive etiology is unknown...but often children who have been abandoned at a critical juncture of their childhood, orphans, adoptees...and often the egregiously abused ...develop the traits...whether they express in a manner allowing diagnosis due to manifestation of at least 5 of the 9 markers...listed here:
1# antic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
2# A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3# Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4# Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
5# Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-mutilating behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars, or picking at oneself.
6# Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7# Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.
8# Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
9# Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms

but it is far more complex to diagnose than just reading the DSM4-r...

wiki quote: DSM-IV Personality Disorders 301.83[1] is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a long-term disturbance of personality function. It is one of four related diagnoses classified as cluster B ("dramatic-erratic") personality disorders typified by disturbance in impulse control and emotional dysregulation, the others being narcissistic, histrionic, and antisocial personality disorders.

Disturbances suffered by those with borderline personality disorder are wide-ranging. The general profile of the disorder typically includes a pervasive instability in mood; extreme "black and white" thinking, or "splitting"; chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual's sense of self. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation.[2] These disturbances have a pervasive negative impact on many or all of the psychosocial facets of life. This includes the ability to maintain relationships in work, home, and social settings. Common comorbid conditions are "Axis I" disorders such as substance abuse, depression and other mood disorders. Attempted suicide and completed suicide are possible outcomes without proper care and effective therapy.[3] Onset of symptoms typically occurs during adolescence or young adulthood, which persist for about a decade; while this period can be trying on the patient, their support system and their therapists, the majority of cases lessen in severity over time.[3]

As with other mental disorders, the causes of BPD are complex.[4] The most consistent finding in the search for causation in the disorder is a history of childhood trauma (possibly child sexual abuse and separation),[5] although some researchers have suggested other possible causes, such as a genetic predisposition, environmental factors or brain abnormalities.[4] Neurobiological research has highlighted some abnormalities in serotonin metabolism. The incidence has been calculated as 2% of the population,[6] with women three times more likely to suffer the disorder.

The mainstay of treatment are various forms of psychotherapy. In general, medication is an effective method in controlling the emotional dysregulation symptoms of those with BPD.[citation needed]

The term borderline derives from Adolph Stern who in 1938 described the condition as being on the borderline between neurosis and psychosis. Because the term lacks specificity, there is an ongoing debate concerning whether this disorder should be renamed.[4]

Borderline personality disorder is frequently comorbid with other psychological disorders, particularly the Cluster-B personality disorders.

One dating/married to a BPD suffering person (NEVER FORGET, there is a PERSON under the diagnosis)
learns to walk on egg shells. It can be an extremely difficult walk to stay with one....
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 382
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Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:53:35 AM

Borderline Personality Disorder is a quirky form of mental illness, however before "disorder" makes it's way into the picture, Borderline Personality exists on a continuum from having it a little to having it alot. It can be said that everyone has it. This is true because characteristicly Borderline Personality manifests in uncertainty about life; an existential wondering. Who can say they've not found them self in a state of indecision? Accentuate existential wondering and indecision amplified to a point where it obtains a chronic hindering and disruption of a persons life and those effected and you acquire "disorder". All have it to a degree. Did it take you a year to finally decide what to major in? Was what was affecting your decision plagued by how others may esteem you? It truly is a matter of degree.

This is merely an FYI post on BPD


This is a perfect description that nobody has really touched on.

There are as many combination of BPD, as there are people who suffer from it.

No two people have had the same experiences, so every BPD has their own unique "case" of BPD. And as xinxspired mentioned, everybody had the characteristics to some degree...and degree is the operative word.

Outside influences, such as alcohol, and drugs can complicate matters exponentially.

My Mother was an alcoholic, and I can vouch for the fact that she turned into a different person when drinking. Her constant nagging at me to NOT drink, may well have saved me (I realize that it was my choice) from becoming an alcoholic...I'm very grateful for that.

The two stories that were related are very dramatic....I've had similar experiences myself. I was brought up with experiences like these stories....I don't know any different. My question to the two gentlemen, is, after bad things happened a couple of times, cutting etc. is definitely not normal....didn't you realize that you were in a bad situation?

I was brought up in this kind of environment, but if it were to happen now, the person would be at the hospital as fast as the ambulance could get them there. And believe me, if they've been cutting, they would be staying.....

I have gotten to where I won't tolerate the behaviour.....and a hospital stay should be a wakeup call if nothing else.
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