Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 8
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guyPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
As others have said, it depends on how they got along. If they hit it off well, I would back off, if I were you. If there wasn't any chemistry between them, then go ahead and meet him. You need to speak with the two of them and see how things went on the date. If she liked him, but he was not interested in her, then you have every right to see him. If she wasn't interested, there isn't even a question to be asked. If they both think they might want to see each other again, I would cancel my date with him and give them a chance to see how things work out between them. Communication is the key here, as in every other relationship on this planet.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 11
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/2/2008 3:26:37 PM

And Baldy, I'm sure she already thought about inviting you along, but u just live too far away for that threesome

Dang ... foiled again!

OP: I say go out on the date with him, but be sure to keep you cell phone on and your friend listening in on the other end ... I'm thinking bluetooth under your hair, then she can tell you everything he is gonna say before he says it ... cause guys invariably use the same lines on most dates as it gets too confusing/tiring to come up with new crap all the time!

And if that goes well, you can make him feel REALLY uncomfortable by telling her if there is another place you are going to go to maybe do some dancing ... and she can be there waiting! Like an ambush!
 Karrpilot
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 13
view profile
History
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/2/2008 3:32:46 PM
Years ago i went out with a lady, and we did not hit it off. She was one of those CAT ladies, had 4 of them. That was enough for me. But she really liked my best friend instead. I said go ahead. Be my guest. So she did. They lasted 3-4 years. Then broke up. At first it was a little awkward. But then i also found out the CAT lady liked to get drunk. And when she did, she was a bitter vindicive drunk. Adios............
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 15
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/2/2008 3:38:22 PM
~OP~ Dating is dating and these things do happen I'm afraid. If he isn't considering breaking the date with you, that would indicate to me that he wasn't all that impressed with your friend or maybe he is simply wanting to date more than one person. There's nothing wrong with that if all parties understand nothing is exclusive. If it bothers you or your friend, I'd say you'd better cancel. Most likely he won't see either of you if that happens, but there won't be any weirdness between you and your friend. Do what makes you most comfortable.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 16
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/2/2008 3:48:41 PM

Hmmm Baldy sounds a little experienced with this scenario!

You're kidding right? Baldy would be lucky to get a date with ONE of them, let alone with both!

.... and for some reason he thinks third person is fun to write in!
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 17
view profile
History
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/2/2008 4:29:02 PM
Last week I got a call from my best friend saying to call me back right away. I did and she told me that she just got back from a date with a guy that was supposed to go out with me later that week


Since you used the past tense "supposed" and it was last week, can we assume OP, that you cancelled with him?



What if she liked him and then he went out with me and decided he liked me better.


If she liked him and you went out with him anyways, I would question your loyalty to your 'best friend'.




~ds~
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 21
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/2/2008 5:06:19 PM

flip a coin, whoever wins gets to just watch the trainwreck

Dadburn it, superbadzzz, I was gonna say that.
I would expect that the man will either ask for another date with whichever of you HE liked best( he DOES have a say in this!) or maybe he will decide neither one of you is quite what he had in mind and just move on.
Cindy O
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 24
view profile
History
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/2/2008 5:49:27 PM
I don't see why you cannot go out with him because you both obviously know he is dating other people at this point. To be honest, this reminds me a bit of my middle school days. If a friend and I liked the same guy, until he expressed interest in either party, we both got to know the guy/flirted. Once it was clear he liked either one, the other backed off.

At this point neither of you have a huge amount of time invested in this guy so I don't see where it is any huge conflict for you to go out with him, you might not even like him or he you. They went on one date, it is not like he is her "boyfriend" and you are stepping on her toes. If you are actually good friends whoever he likes, which may wind up being neither of you, you should be happy for the couple and go about your business.

The scenario might be different if you had both already gone on a half dozen dates with this guy but it seems a bit ridiculous for her to lay a claim or for you to feel like she has just because they wound up scheduling the first meet before your first meet. One date is one date and quite often, doesn't even lead to date two. You are surprised by the turn of events but not even meeting the guy seems a bit like putting the car before the horse. He isn't going to Tiffany's anytime soon.
 princej3822
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 29
view profile
History
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/2/2008 6:51:04 PM
We tend to read too much into things too soon. I believe it was only a date. The guy did not propose or ask her to be his girlfriend, right. Just hang out, don't start quarrling before any of you know the guy to even be committed to him. Better still, don't give him a chance to play you both. I think you should have your friend decide. If she didn't like him then go for it. Just make sure again that the guy does not become opportunistic and try to play both sides. On the flip side, Toronto is a big city, i can't imagine a shortage of good men to where you are both going to try and fight for this one. Oh correction, you are not fighting over him yet....we hope.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 30
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/2/2008 7:04:37 PM
Welcome to the world of internet dating! LOL

My two bestest friends are also on POF, and while we are not typically attracted to the same type/sort of guys...it does happen where you find yourselves being contacted by the same people.

We definitely do not have pow-wows to discuss who is talking to who...but when it reaches a point where a definite interest is there, then it is mentioned....not cause of the chance of duplicity happening...but because we are friends! ;)

I would most definitely BACK OFF DUDE, in your case. Unless he and she did not hit it off at all...and have no plans for a 2nd date. In any case, I would laugh about it!

Whenever a prospective suitor mentions anyone else from POF, one of the first things I ask is, "Is it someone I know?" I don't play high school games...and while dating is not exclusive...I am NOT going to "compete" with a friend. Yuck. Besides that...MY friends are too awesome to compete with! ;)
 Xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 36
view profile
History
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/2/2008 10:10:07 PM
Good reasoning Nordic:
I was amused at OP, and msg 10 , msg 20, and 31,,,,,,,,,,all metro chicks behaving just like junior high girls in a small town. As soon as the date is over "network", compare notes. Some things and people never change. After all this was a first date, this is a dating site and it is to be expected that any woman or any man on this site will be talking to and possibly seeing someone else until they have gone out enough to cross that exclusive threshhold. To blackball someone for dating others seems ridiculous. In the OP's case all three parties involved are free to make their choices and there shouldnt be any hard feelings if he has dates with both of the women.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 45
view profile
History
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/3/2008 6:25:40 AM

I guess the bottom line is that there are plenty of fish in the sea and one guy isn't worth my friendship with my best frined

OP, I think you made the mature, decision. Good luck.





~ds~
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 46
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/3/2008 7:22:23 AM
Xcen...

was amused at OP, and msg 10 , msg 20, and 31,,,,,,,,,,all metro chicks behaving just like junior high girls in a small town. As soon as the date is over "network", compare notes. Some things and people never change.


I resent being included in your examples of "metro chicks behaving like junior high girls." Re-read my post, darlin'. I don't "network" or "compare notes" with my girlfriends....we TALK ABOUT LIFE, like girlfriends do. Or sometimes we end up on a group like date, so we are aware of who is dating/interested in, who. My friends do not know every single guy I am conversing with, however.

Yes...there are plenty of fish in the sea. And true friends are few and far between. My loyalties lie with my family, myself, and my friends...not some fellow who MIGHT be someone I could be compatible with. If that is the case, then after my friend discovers she is not, maybe she will determine that she thinks WE would hit it off...after all, they know me better than anyone else! But until then, I would never risk a friendship for a man, and I would never allow my friends and I to feel we were competing for someone. What if both gals like the guy? Then it becomes HIS choice to choose one, eventually....thinking ahead...and he could either play the situation to his advantage, or one of the friends could end up with hurt feelings. No thanks. That is being an adult...if I were high school, I would not give a fried fvck. Hell...I did not even do that in high school! Most girlfriends have the general "girlfriends rule" that we do not date one another's exes.

In Nordics message....she compares this to the guy dating a non friend. That makes it a completely different story then. This is not about expecting exclusivity...this is about caring about your friend. (In the OPs post, her friend dated him 1st) I think it is obvious who has strong female relationships in this thread, and who does not. Call it high school...I call it quality of life...cause without the girlfriends, life would be dull. :)
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 49
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/3/2008 7:51:40 AM
I think our initial reaction is to go "ew!", but realistically this is a first meeting for both females involved as friends.

Not surprising to find they found the same guy interesting. My best gal pal and I don't have the same taste in men but form time to time we admit to finding one fella attractive to us both.

I can't say that we can blame the dude. He had no clue and was simply talking with two nice gals. So no harm no foul on him.

Although he has to be feeling like a total jerk. Asking himself "what did I tell her>!?!?!" and you know he imagines you girls comparing notes on him behind his back because duh - men would think we women would do that...and honestly? I"m thinking he's right we would.

I think most adults should be cool with this and be able to laugh it all off.

Go out and meet him.

I doubt your gal pal called "dibs" on him, and I'm assuming nobody pee'd on anyone's doorstep or chairs to be marking any territories.

Act like adults.
Adults who are friends, meeting new friends.

(Threesome isn't a bad idea either, for the guy!)
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 51
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/3/2008 10:56:21 AM
Do you gals HONESTLY really think that a guy on here sends you a message and wants to meet ya and he has abandoned contact with everyone else and hid his profile before even meeting? No wonder guys and gals on here have so much trouble!

LMAO ~ how true. I do things differently than some, as I don't do meet/greets. If I meet someone, it's after a long while of correspondence and it is a "date." BUT, it is problematic and probably the reason I have dated very little in the past 4 years. I agree though, for the most part, people engaging in online meeting have vastly different ideas on what they are getting into.

And its funny as you gals literaly spit out the word "player". My bestest buddy on here is "cougar" and she dates like 6 to 10 new guys a week! SERIOUSLY! She is my buddy and she is really just now ready emotionaly to date after her last relationship... So how many GUYS profiles state NO PLAYERS!

LOL ~ kudos to her!!! I think whatever works is appropriate as long as ALL parties know in advance. I once multi-dated ~ it was great fun. Not my style anymore (and there was no sex back then) but it was pretty simple: social time with a member of the opposite sex. Nothing more, nothing less. I think it's called DATING by today's standards.

Can we even get a logical agreement on what a "player" is??? All the gals I talked to said it was someone playing with your heart and deceiving a woman about their intent. They were lieing about not seeing anyone else basicaly. Everyone I date always knows about who I am seeing if I am seeing anyone. LOL! Crap half them end up friends and email each other! LOL. I think this whole calling the guy a "Player" for setting up a pair of POF first meets in a week is just silly

I hate that term. Players aren't online unless they are married women/men looking for a little sidelining or diversion from their realities or they are too frickin' lame to try their skills in the real world. How on earth does one have "game" online? That makes NO sense to me personally. A wannabee/pretend player? I doubt many "online player" types enough "game" to actually be successful in the real world of a player. My definition of a player is pretty simple: he/she says whatever it takes to get the boxers/thongs off with one goal in mind: nakie-ville and moving on to the next willing participant. Cougars, players, etc., etc., are grossly overused terms and rather silly ~ you're only played if you allow it, you're a cougar with a willing youngster. I don't understand today's obsession with such terms and that includes the whole "stalker" issue. But that's just me ~ maybe I view it differently because I'm no one's victim??? Who knows really ~ I just think it's silly to place blame on someone who we perceive wrongs us in some way when we should be on our "game" enough to figure out who the nice guys/gals are or are not. JMO
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 53
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:45:11 AM
IF you and your friend date different types of men, then this guy may not be for you, if your friend hits it off well with him.

Hence, nothing lost if you let him go.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 62
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:26:34 AM
Totally agreed! ^^ I know women who go out almost every night of the week...it is called "dating" for a reason....and not "relationship" at this point! ;)
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 63
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:29:27 AM

I know women who go out almost every night of the week

Sorry HK, but I couldn't resist a stab at who is paying for these date that they go on every night of the week? I'm guessing not them ...

Sorry for the interruption, you may now go back to your regularly scheduled bickering!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 64
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/4/2008 9:33:54 AM

Sorry HK, but I couldn't resist a stab at who is paying for these date that they go on every night of the week? I'm guessing not them ...

I have to agree that dating a different guy every night of the week is sort of overdoing the "social butterfly" thing...but then again maybe these ladies are getting lots of "lookers "and not many "serious inquiries".
However, the topic here is not "women multi dating to get free meals" but the OP's concern about she and her friend having been in contact with the same man. While I respect those who immediately hide their profile and start planning the wedding after the 2nd email, because they think multidating is somehow wrong, I can see nothing wrong with it when one is simply getting to know someone. If there's a probable "connection" between the multi dater and one of their dates, then usually the other contacts fall away. If someone seems to want to keep several irons in the fire, they could be a gameplayer or they could be a person who has had one too many potential relationships fizzle out,especially after they dropped everyone else to "focus" on just the one.
Of course it could be argued that a person who keeps a "back burner" person is more interested in having a relationship for the sake of being "with "SOMEONE(anyone!) than they are in being with somebody who is really right for them.
The OP is going to have to do what she feels is right for HER, but I don't particulary see having accidentally had a casual date with someone who had also accidentally had a casual date with the first person's good( or best) friend as something in "creeps me out" territory.
Cindy O
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 65
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/4/2008 9:36:33 AM
Argh...not my intention to turn this into a "who pays" thread...cause if you look at my history, you will know I am all for dutch! ;O)

I do not know who pays on their dates...I don't ask...and it is not the relevant point to their dating...which is, meeting the one person they find special. :O)

My point simply was, a fellow who makes 2 dates or 4 dates a week, is not neccessarily a "player."
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 66
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/4/2008 9:45:14 AM


Argh...not my intention to turn this into a "who pays" thread...cause if you look at my history, you will know I am all for dutch! ;O)

I know that wasn't your intention ... and I admit that I couldn't help but be an instigator. And I completely agree with you, just because a person goes on a few dates doesn't mean he/she is a player!
 betterlate
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 71
view profile
History
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:30:57 PM
Why not go out with him and find out how you feel about him. If it is a problem, remember all is fair, it is not like she is married to him, engaged, or even dating, they went out once. Big deal.

If you dont like him, it is no problem, heck he may be dating every woman in your city, it is not against the rules to date everyone
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 81
view profile
History
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/12/2008 11:30:20 AM
^^^
Gee this is a no brainer he wants to have his cake and eat it to........he is a player....forget him darlin


How in the hell is he a player??!! Or are you a psychic, tarot card reader that you forgot to share first?




~ds~
 jackster121
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 82
view profile
History
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/12/2008 11:37:13 AM
I think you should both dump him.
 4SUSAN
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 85
My Best Friend and I had a Date with the SAME guy
Posted: 9/25/2008 10:13:05 AM
Something like this happened to me. I was young and engaged to a nice young man. My family moved out of town and I had to move with them. BF and I agreed to travel and meet as often as possible. My best friend asked me if she could date him while I was away. I said yes, and she did. He didn't know she had asked me. After one date, he wrote me and confessed all, and never went back or dated another.
The reason I said yes, is because I wanted to know if he would find another that he liked better. I wanted to know BEFORE I married him, not AFTER!
Hope this helps you,
Susan
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >